“All right, are you ready?” Kaine asked.

“What are we doing again?” Troy asked, plaintively.

“Pay attention, dumbass,” Austin snapped. “All we have to do is go in there and blast the demons with our superpowers.”

“Uh-huh,” said Sam, skeptically. He had brought his shotgun to this particular training session and would hear nothing of gun safety.

“Come on, guys,” Crystal said. “It’ll be easy. It’s just a condemned house, it can’t be that dangerous.”

“Accept for the part about demons,” Daniel said, giving Kaine a dubious look. “Didn’t you say there would be demons?”

“There are four demons,” Kaine replied. “They are lurking in different parts of the house. You must find them and eliminate them.”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Troy said. “Lets just knock down the house and Austin can set it on fire. Its the same way my dad deals with termites.”

“And that is why your homeowner’s insurance is so high,” Amanda replied, curtly. “That’s not the point of the exercise.”

“Exercise? So now this is a work out?” Austin demanded.

“Well that makes us exorcists,” Daniel said, proudly. He stuck his hand out to Crystal, “My name is Damien, how do you do?”

“You must learn to use the skills that you have,” Kaine said, gazing at all of them with his best mystic authority look. “You must perfect them, and increase your power and there is only one way to do that. Hands on experience.”

“Hands on, eh?” Daniel said, sliding one arm around Crystal. Unthinking, she backhanded him.

“So just go in, torch four demons and we’re done for the day?” Amanda asked. “No lectures or meditating or anything like that?”

“In and out,” Kaine said. “It should not take more than an hour.”

“Good,” said Amanda and she made her way up the stone walk to the run down house. Crystal went with her and Daniel trailed in their wake.

“Austin, give me the keys to your car,” Kaine said. “I would like the comfort of air conditioning.”

“You’re not going in with us?” Troy asked.

“I can baby-sit you perfectly well from out here,” Kaine said, taking Austin’s keys.

“You drive my baby and your balls are coming off, man, rest assured,” Austin warned, shaking his fist at Kaine.

“I have absolutely no intention of driving a Toyota,” Kaine said the last word loathsomely.

“What’s wrong with a Toyota?” Austin asked.

“Hey, come on!” Amanda shouted from the porch of the house. “We need you to break the door open!”

“Why don’t you use your superpowers?” Sam called back, but he hopped out of Austin’s car and slung his shotgun over his shoulder as he began his trek across the lawn. Troy sighed and followed.

“And don’t be wasting my gas,” Austin said and he too went to the house.

Kaine sighed and got in the car, making himself comfortable.

“Creepy? Isn’t it?” Daniel asked, peering through the darkened windows of the house.

“Not really,” Amanda said. “My grandma’s house is creepier and people actually live in it.”

“Why is this house condemned?” Crystal asked. “Do you think there’s structural problems?”

“Chipped paint, broken windows, overgrown lawn…. Property value on this sucker is worth less than my gun,” Sam said.

“Why did you bring that?” Troy asked.

“I have no intention of dying twice,” Sam replied.

Austin gave the door a few halfhearted shoves, but the thick wood didn’t even budge. “Okay, I guess I could burn it down….”

“I could shoot off the lock,” Sam offered.

“If it ricochets and hit me, you’re going to have one hell of a law suit,” Daniel warned.

“Well maybe you commie liberals should be smart enough to move,” Sam said.

“I got some lock picking stuff in my car…” Troy began.

The door swung open. Crystal poked her head out.

“Are you guys coming?” she asked.

The boys entered the foyer, looking around them.

“We went around the back,” Amanda explained, closing it behind them.

“Hey, don’t do that!” Daniel said.

“What? We’re not going to get locked in,” Amanda said, shrugging. “Besides, demons like the dark.”

Troy flipped on the lights. A dusty chandelier hung over their heads, but everything else in the house had been removed.

“Okay, no demons in here,” Crystal concluded.

“Lets split up, gang,” Austin said. The all stared at him with withering looks. “What?”

“The house could be haunted,” Daniel said.

“Why are you worried about ghosts? We’re here to kill demons,” Amanda said. “And there’s no Old Man Whatever-the-hell wearing a mask trying to terrorize us.”

“And we don’t have a talking dog,” Daniel said.

“You’re close enough,” Sam muttered.

“I really got to pee,” Troy said.

“When do you not have to pee?” Amanda asked.

“When I’m not about to face demons,” Troy answered.

“Get your urethra checked,” Amanda sighed and she wandered into the dinning room while Troy stalked off in search of a bathroom.

“I think they turned the plumbing off,” Austin said. “Hey, Troy, don’t use the bathroom!” And he jogged off after the taller boy.

“I wonder what’s upstairs,” Crystal said and she began to climb the steps carefully, lest there be holes in the wood.

Daniel and Sam were left in the foyer. Daniel gave Sam a tentative smile, but the other boy turned to investigate the living room, his gun held at the ready.

“Hey,” Daniel squeaked. “Don’t leave me!”

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Amanda wandered through the dinning room and into the kitchen. The tiles on the floor were dull with dust and a few were cracked. Patches of dirt on the wall outlined where the fridge had been and somebody had already removed the stove and dishwasher. Amanda tried the taps and found that yes, the water for the house had been switched off, but not the electricity. She opened one door and found the pantry, where a few spiders skittered away from her intrusion. Another door led down into the basement.

“Jeez, who needs a basement in this part of the country,” she said and wandered around to the back of the house.

A large widow surveyed the backward full of weeds. At the far end, Austin and Troy appeared to be relieving themselves on the fence while a dog barked furiously from the other side.

Turning around, Amanda found another flight of steps leading to the second floor. With a quick look into the laundry room beside the stairs, Amanda climbed up.

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Sam peered carefully into the corners of the living room. Daniel fretted behind him, but Sam didn’t allow his concentration to waver. He poked the barrel of his gun into the darkest part, but nothing seemed to be lurking there.

Daniel made a whining noise behind him.

“Shut up,” Sam said, without looking. Daniel tugged at his sleeve. “What?” Sam asked, turning around. Daniel pointed up at the ceiling.

Flattened against the white plaster was a shadow demon. It hung upside down like spider and grinned at them with many pointed teeth. Sam leveled his gun at the ruby red eyes, preparing to take a shot.

“Wait, “ Daniel hissed. “Crystal’s upstairs.”

“So?”

“What if you hit her?” Daniel asked.

Sam sighed, lowering the gun barrel and rolling his eyes. “Go up there and make sure she’s not in my shot.” He pointed the gun back up the grinning demon. “You’ve got two minutes and then I fire, got it?”

Daniel scampered upstairs.

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The backdoor slammed when Troy and Austin walked into the kitchen.

“I wonder if there’s any food in the pantry,” Austin said.

“If there is, I’m sure you don’t want to eat it,” Troy said. “They shut this place down like a year ago, I think.” He checked his watch. “All right, lets hurry this up, I want to see my girlfriend.”

“Since when do you have a girlfriend?” Austin asked as they poked around the kitchen.

“I picked this one up a week ago,” Troy explained, opening the door to the basement. “Her name’s Megan and…”

He didn’t finish as a something black and blurry shot out from the dark and seized his throat. He was yanked into the basement and the door slammed behind him. Austin raced the door and tried the handle, but the door wouldn’t open.

“Oh, you bastard,” he snarled, shouldering the door. It didn’t give. Austin could hear what sounded like sniggering from behind the wood. “Just you wait,” he said. “You’ll get yours!”

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Upstairs, Crystal stepped carefully through the narrow hall. Her foot had already gone through one bad patch of floor and she wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice. Nearing a door, she tried very hard to reach out with her senses to feel if there was a demon inside, but a noise startled her. Below, she could hear the boys banging doors and cursing, but something creaked down the hall, making her freeze. She ducked low and crept carefully down the hall, keeping her shoulder to the wall. Edging close, she heard the creaking coming from around the corner. She waited and then sprang around, her arm outstretched.

A black blur shot away from her, down the hall and around another corner. Crystal heard Amanda yelp and then the demon whisked back into view as it made a mad dash for the attic trapdoor. Crystal tried to get off at least one blast of energy but the demon proved too fast as it popped open the door and sprang up into the darkened attic.

Amanda ran around the corner. “Did you get him?” she asked, breathlessly.

“No,” Crystal said. “He went up there.”

“All right, I’m going to jump up and grab the ladder to pull it down, you cover me,” Amanda said, getting beneath the yawning blackness of the attic. She crouched low and then hopped up, gripping the folding ladder attached to the door. Amanda cried out in pain as something lashed out at her. Crystal didn’t have time to counter attack before the ladder came tumbling down with Amanda. She fell to the floor and hissed in pain. Her arm was slashed and bleeding.

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“The bastard got me!” she snarled in outrage.

Crystal examined the cut. “It’s not that bad.”

“I know,” Amanda said, “but he’s going pay extra good for that.” She made a fist as she got to her feet.

Daniel skidded around the corner.

“Good, we can use you,” Amanda said. Daniel paled.

“Come on Daniel,” Crystal urged. “Just go up the ladder and we’ll cover you.”

Amanda shot Crystal a skeptical look as she gripped her injured arm. To Daniel she said, “Blow wind up into to the attic so the demon can’t get near the door. We’ll go up after you.”

Daniel made a face, but Crystal yanked him over to the ladder.

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On the first floor, Sam had lost his patience and was ready to fire on the demon hanging from the ceiling. He took careful aim and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened at first but then a stick shot halfway out of the barrel and flag unfurled.

NICE TRY, it read.

“Oh, what the hell?” Sam asked. The demon sniggered. “Shut up,” he told it and then fired his gun again.

Another flag rolled out. This one said, YOU DON’T LEARN QUICKLY, DO YOU?

“Fuck you,” Sam said.

Another flag came out unbidden, FUCK YOU.

Sam tilted his gun towards him with the barrel aiming at the ceiling.

The hanging demon hissed, “Why don’t you point it at your head?”

“Fuck you,” Sam said to the demon. “I’ve seen enough cartoons to know better.”

The gun went off suddenly and shot through the floorboards into the basement below. A flag came up through the floor and unfurled, reading, HA, HA, HA.

“Ha, ha, ha,” said the demon.

“I CAN READ!” Sam shouted. The demon stuck a long, black rubbery thing that must have been his tongue out at Sam. Sam extended one hand and speared the demon through the center with long, spear-like stick.

“Just because I don’t use the super powers, doesn’t mean I don’t have the super powers. Ass,” he told the dead demon. And he made his way to the basement to get his gun back.

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Austin was having no luck with forcing the door and just as Sam entered the kitchen, Austin had given up on brute strength and set the door on fire.

“Don’t do that,” Sam shouted. “The house could go!”

“Oh, yeah,” said Austin. “Oops.”

Sam grabbed for the sink, but Austin shook his head. “They shut off all the water man, we’ll have to do it the hard way.”

“What way?” Sam asked.

Austin made a move to unzip his pants. “Gotta a full tank?”

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Upstairs, Amanda, Daniel, and Crystal had successfully made it into the attic. However, now they had a new problem; there were two demons in the attic.

The one that had sliced Amanda’s arm was small and spiny and it scurried across the floor, swiping at their ankles. The first one who had run up into the attic kept backing away from their attacks and remained untouched.

“This is worthless,” Amanda snapped, taking a pot shot at the ground beneath their feet. She burnt a hole through the floor, but didn’t manage to get the spiny demon.

“Just keep at it,” Crystal replied, panting from the effort of chasing after the blurry demon. She waded through the fiberglass, wincing at the pins and needles feeling she was getting around her ankles and exposed skin.

“Stop moving,” she said to the blurry demon that dodged another one of her attacks.

Suddenly, something gave beneath one of her feet and Crystal sank into the endless pink sea of fiberglass.

“Don’t worry, Lady Love,” Daniel said, close behind her. “I’ll save you!”

“Be still, my beating heart!” Amanda heard Crystal yell from beneath the fiberglass. There was solid crack of wood but when Amanda looked around, she saw nothing.

The spiny demon made one more grab for her feet, but this time, Amanda reached down with her bare hand and grabbed the thing. Immediately, her whole hand got cold and she couldn’t feel her fingers. She wrenched her wrist back and heard a satisfying squeal as something on the demon’s body cracked off in her grip. Howling, the demon launched into the wall and burst through to the outside. Amanda dropped the piece of demon that had begun spouting foul black fluid, burning more holes through the floor.

Daniel took one step out into the fiberglass and immediately sunk out of view. Just as that happened, Crystal came clattering up the ladder.

“Where’s Daniel?” she asked, wiping pink balls of fiberglass off of her shirt.

Amanda pointed to the sea of fiberglass that was beginning to sink towards downwards.

“Oh,” Crystal said. “He’ll come out in the bathroom. They’ve got a really huge bathtub.” Something creaked on the other side of the fiberglass sinkhole. Both Amanda and Crystal shot of intense beams of light that knocked out the entire wall, exposing a view of the backyard.

“Oops,” said Amanda. “Got carried away…”

The spiny demon hung his head over the side of the house and leered at them.

“That son of a bitch,” snarled Amanda. The demon’s head disappeared as she vaulted over the fiberglass and peered out of the hole. “He’s up on the roof!”

Crystal edged along the side of the attic over to Amanda.

“We can climb up the drainpipe,” Amanda said. “I’ve done it before.”

“Onward,” said Crystal. “Do you smell something burning?”

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Below them on the second floor, Daniel darted out into the hallway from the bathroom and found himself face to face with the blurry demon. Without thinking, he swept his hand back and a sharp gust of wind slammed the demon against a wall and the shadow dissipated. Just then, he noticed the thick black smoke that began curling up the stairs.

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Austin managed to convince Sam right as the fires began to lick the ceiling of the kitchen and it was getting extremely hot.

“All right, all right,” said Sam. “But only because I want my gun back!”

Both boys faced the flaming door, unzipped themselves, and had just begun to urinate when the door burst open of its own accord. The flames were doused out by a torrent of water that flooded out of the basement and across the kitchen floor. Troy emerged from the watery depths, soaking wet, but otherwise unharmed. He stared at Sam and Austin who were still prepared to “hose down” the fire by natural means.

“Uh, do I want to know?” he asked.

“No,” said Sam, brusquely zipping himself back up. “You don’t.”

“I didn’t know you wore whitie-tighties,” Troy said to Austin, who colored.

“Its laundry day,” he said in his defense as he suited up again.

Sam pushed past Troy into the basement. He sloshed into the water and then looked back at Troy. “I have to swim through this?”

“Uh, yeah,” said Troy. “I figured out how to flood it by busting a water main underneath the house.” He ran a hand nervously through his hair. “I just can’t make it stop.”

“Did you get the demon?” Austin asked.

Something emerged from the water and spat in Sam’s face.

“Nope,” said Troy.

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Amanda struggled onto the shingled rooftop and then helped Crystal. She kept a wary eye out for the demon, but she didn’t see him. They had edged out to the sloping side of the roof. The other side was over a single ride with no other edges or towers to hide behind.

“I’ll go around the front, you go around the back,” she told Crystal.

“Look, I can see Kaine!” Crystal yelled as she waved furiously at the 4-runner parked below.

Kaine looked up from the newspaper and waved back through the window.

“Idiots,” he murmured, going back to the Horoscopes.

“There he is!” Amanda yelled as something darted over the ridge of the roof. It looked like the demon was making a dash from the hole in the attic. Amanda ran along the roof, leaning sideways for balance. She got close enough and sprung on it, pinning it to the shingles.

“I got him!” she wrestled him around so Crystal could see the little thing squirming about in her hands. “I’ll throw him up and you finish him off!”

Crystal braced herself on the roof. “All right,” she called. “PULL!”

Amanda flung the demon skyward and Crystal let off a blast that fried it neatly in mid air.

Suddenly, the house gave a violent jerk beneath their feet. Both girls went to their knees. Crystal crawled to the edge and looked out into the front lawn where the boys had burst through the front door.

“Hey!” she shouted. “What gives?”

“The basement!” Daniel shouted up to them. “They flooded the basement and Austin burned one of the central supports!”

Austin reached the safety of his car and turned around, “You’d better jump!”

Amanda had worked her way over to Crystal and peered down. The house convulsed beneath them and an ominous creaking noise sounded from deep beneath the house.

“Jump!” Sam shouted. “Quick!”

Crystal grabbed Amanda’s arm. “Come on!”

Amanda didn’t move.

“It’s okay,” Crystal said. “We’re superheroes, remember? We won’t get hurt.”

Amanda looked at Crystal and gave a shaky look, but she nodded.

“Come on,” Sam shouted from below. “I’ll catch you!”

“Oh, how sweet,” Crystal cooed.

“Not you,” Sam told her.

“I’ll catch you, Crystal!” Daniel volunteered, coming close to the house and holding out his arms.

“Uh, I think I’ll aim for that cactus patch,” Crystal said.

“Huh?”

Crystal jumped, landing hard on her legs. She remembered to bend her knees, but the shock sent waves of incredible pain up her legs.

“OUCH!” Something behind her cracked, threateningly and Crystal was on her feet in an instant, hobbling quickly away from the teetering house. She got to the safety of the 4-runner and then collapsed to the pavement, clutching her shins. Wood groaned and glass shattered. Crystal looked back to see the house pitch forward and collapse. She saw Sam, running with Amanda in his arms away from the collapsing house. He reached the car and set Amanda down on the pavement beside Crystal. The house gave one final thud and then was silent. A single spout of water shot out from the center of where the house had been.

Amanda let out a long breath. She had leaves in her hair and she was gripping her foot hard.

“Crystal?” she asked, carefully.

“Yeah?”

“THAT REALLY FUCKING HURT!” Amanda shouted, rocking back and forth, holding her foot. “And I think I broke my ankle….”

“GET OUT OF MY CAR!” Austin was shouting, rocking the 4-runner as Kaine grinned and made faces from inside the locked car. Crystal gained her feet and deemed that she wasn’t really hurt, but she gestured to Kaine that Amanda needed help.

Kaine stepped through the car door without actually opening it, leaving Austin’s keys locked inside.

“You son of a…” Austin began. But Troy cut him off.

“I got a bat in my car,” he said, with a meaningful look at Kaine.

“I’m there,” said Austin and they raced down the street to Troy’s Tahoe.

Kaine examined Amanda’s ankle and then rested his hand on the injured part. His forehead glowed dimly, but his hair remained blonde and his clothes normal as he healed Amanda’s broken bone.

“It hurt, it really hurt,” she told Crystal.

“Well I didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt,” Crystal said. “I just meant it couldn’t kill you.”

“OF COURSE IT COULDN’T KILL ME! IT WAS JUST A TWO-STROY JUMP!” Amanda obviously wasn’t hurt anymore as she was on her feet and bearing down on Crystal.

“Then why did you screw up?” Crystal asked, sweetly.

Amanda scowled and looked away. “I fell off; I didn’t jump off,” she muttered. Then she turned to Sam. “Thanks,” she said.

“Huh?” He had been examining his shotgun and wasn’t paying attention.

“Thanks,” Amanda repeated. “For…you know, carrying me…”

“Oh,” said Sam, he went back to picking at his gun. “No problem.”

Troy and Austin returned with an aluminum bat and Kaine jumped back into the car. Sam pointed his gun at Kaine through the windshield.

Kaine stuck his tongue out and Sam fired. Yet another flag popped out, this one saying, YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO HAVE TO PAY FOR THE GLASS, WOULD YOU?

“Did you do this to my gun?’ Sam demanded.

Another flag rolled out, QUICK ONE, AREN’T YOU?

“You asshole,” Sam shouted and joined in with Troy and Austin who began to rock the car violently. Amanda sat on the grass beside Crystal watching.

“I don’t know why he said it was no problem,” Amanda said. “I mean it must have hurt because I fell on his head.”

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Tuesdays aren’t so bad, at least not at Duriarb. Usually, Tuesdays hold nothing to look forward to. It’s not even half way through the week, yet. But at Duriarb, it was a different story. The catering staff actually had good food on Tuesdays. For instance, chocolate shakes were offered at the cheapest price known to man. And for the quality of the shake, a buck and a quarter wasn’t bad in the least if it would get you through sixth period.

About halfway through his fifth one, Sam felt a tickling on the edge of his awareness. He was supposed to be feeling something right now, but since Sam had long since convinced himself that he had no emotions, he dismissed the feeling entirely.

Troy on the other hand had enough emotional sensitivity for both of them, and after his third shake he said, “It’s really weird, isn’t it?”

“Huh?” Sam said.

“Well, I mean the whole…magical, mystical…bitch-thing, or whatever. What do you think?”

“I don’t know,” Sam said, which was true.

“What do you think about Kaine?”

“He’s a dick; I don’t like him,” Sam said, with a trace of vehemence.

“What do you think about going to this ball thing?” Troy asked, slurping the last of his shake through a straw. “Man, I gotta lose weight. Coach is making me run extra laps every day now.”

“I hate dancing,” Sam said, also finishing off the last of the shake. To the second part of the comment, Sam replied. “You’re our best guard, you have to get faster. And maybe if you ditched the smoking, it wouldn’t be so bad.”

Troy took careful measure, and quickly slipped in his next question with all of the innocence and honesty he could fake; “What do you think about Amanda?”

Sam choked, avoiding the question.

“Come on…You’re not going to tell your very best friend in the whole wide world?”

“No, I’m not,” Sam confirmed.

Troy gave him Bambi eyes. “I think you like her.”

“No,” said Sam.

“I think you want to kiss her.”

“No….” said Sam, remembering the feel of her lips on his forehead that one time.

“I think you want to make mad, passionate love to her for hours and hours….”

“Shut up,” Sam didn’t get angry often, but he was pissed now. Still, he kept quiet out of habit.

“Now, boys, don’t fight,” Crystal said, striding up. She had her fourth milk shake halfway in her mouth and the fifth one in her hand, and the chocolate was beginning to go to her brain. Even if she had heard them, she would accredit it to the sugar-induced throes of teenage stupidity. “Testosterone running high?”

“No, panties riding up,” Troy got up to get another shake, tossing an exasperated glare at Sam.

Crystal sat across from Sam and smiled. “It’s weird, isn’t it?”

“What?” Sam asked.

“The super-hero thing,”

“I don’t know,” Sam said. It was his favorite thing to say when there was nothing to say.

“Do you like Amanda?”

“I don’t know,” Sam said again, stubbornly. To hell if he would talk about personal stuff with this short girl that he barely knew.

Crystal looked rebuffed, but she saw something very disturbing behind Sam and quickly took interest. “Oh, God…Daniel is going to get killed.”

From across the lunchroom, there was a thunderous smack.

“It was worth it!” Sam heard Daniel wail.

“Excuse me,” Crystal said, running off to save Daniel.

Sam figured that since she abandoned her shake, it was fair game. About a quarter of the way through finishing off Crystal’s shake, Austin came over to the table.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Not much,” Sam paused to say.

“Weird, huh?”

“What’s that?” Sam asked.

“Playing God with all that power stuff…Hey, are you into Amanda?”

“WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING ME THAT?” Sam shouted loud enough to shake the table. Austin blinked at him and slowly began to edge down the table, away from Sam.

“What was that about?” Sam nearly had a heart attack as Amanda sat down beside him.

“Nothing,” Sam said, regaining his composure.

Amanda drank deeply from her shake cup. “I think it’s weird,” she said.

“Oh, no…Not you, too,” Sam moaned.

Amanda blinked at him, “What?”

“Why does everybody keep asking me that? I don’t know! I don’t care! And as far as I’m concerned, computers are my life, so why is everybody trying to tell me that I care when I don’t?”

“Sam, I never asked you anything,” Amanda cut into his rant, “I was going to ask if you wanted my Jell-O, but I don’t think sugar is a good thing for you right now.”

“AND WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP ASKING IF I LIKE YOU? I… DON’T… KNOW!” Sam picked up his laptop case and ran off.

“And you want to date that guy?” Troy asked, coming up behind Amanda.

“I GUESS THAT MEANS I SHOULDN’T ASK YOU TO THE BALL?” Amanda shouted after Sam.

Crystal came back to the table, trailing a very slapped Daniel. “Hey,” she said. “Who drank my shake?”