“God damn the guy who made cummerbunds,”

“Suck it in, Austin,” Troy said.

Austin looked like he was ready to strangle Troy as the taller boy yanked back on the straps one more time. “Gag! I can’t feel my legs!”

“It looks good this way,” Troy said.

“It’ll choke me, and they’ll have to bury me in it,” Austin growled.

“If you can breathe, it isn’t tight enough,” Troy said.

Daniel walked through the alcove to Troy’s living room. “Davis…Daniel Davis,” he said, tugging on the lapel of his tuxedo.

“Daniel, your name is crack whore. Now go get the bow ties so Sam can tie them on,” Troy said. Daniel huffed but went back downstairs.

“You don’t know how to tie them?” Austin asked Troy.

“No, Sam does; his dad’s taken him to black-tie functions before,” Troy said. Sam and Daniel were changing in the guestroom downstairs. Troy walked over to his door and shouted downstairs, “WHENEVER YOU’RE READY, COCKMASTERS!”

“What was that word, young man?”

“Nothing, Grandma,” Troy answered.

“The only plus side to this whole evening is that it’s free,” Austin moaned, hunting for the expensive button covers that his mother had bought him. Sam came up the stairs and into Troy’s room, smoothing his jacket down in the front. Daniel followed, holding the bowties in one hand.

“Remind me to thank Amanda for this glorious experience,” Sam grumbled. “Maybe she’ll offer to have this thing dry cleaned.”

“Thank Kaine for making us go,” Austin corrected him.

“Thank Amanda for getting us in free,” Troy said. “And it’s not like Kaine can make us go.”

Austin looked at Troy and raised an eyebrow. Sam said nothing.

“All right, maybe he can make us,” admitted Troy. “But the only reason I’m not putting up a fight is because I look good in a tux.”

“You keep telling yourself that,” Austin muttered. The button cover he was wrestling with popped off and fell in Troy’s toilet. “Damn it! Daniel! Help me get it out.”

“Forget it man,” Daniel said. “Just let it go.”

“But now my tux looks really stupid with only one button cover,” Austin argued.

“So don’t wear button covers,” Daniel suggested.

“Then it looks tacky!”

“Jesus,” Troy muttered. Sam jerked his head up so he could see Troy’s neck clearly as he tied the tie.

Austin’s tuxedo was two years out of style and two sizes too tight. Troy had rented one, but someone had obviously been snaking on something chocolate previous to this rental. Troy hoped it would be dark. Daniel had borrowed his dad’s and took a few accessories from the school prop room to spice it up. Austin didn’t think that a black, rhinestone cane did justice to the dark purple outfit. Sam was the only one who owned a tux that he actually used.

Austin had to admit that Sam did look the best and most comfortable of all of them. The black, James Bond-style tuxedo with dark gray stripes running down the hem tapered easily to his body without a crease or a tight spot. He was also the only one who knew how to tie a bow tie. His looked perfect and rested straight across his neck. By the time he was done with Troy’s bow tie, Troy looked like a Picasso doused in paint thinner.

“Don’t choke me,” Austin muttered as Sam looped the tie around his neck.

“If you have any prayers…” Sam muttered, shoving Austin’s chin out of the way.

Kaine waltzed through the mirror at that moment, dressed in the priestly robes but without the staff. “What are you guys wearing?” Kaine said.

“You are in no position to talk,” Troy answered. “And could you use the front door? Mom doesn’t like friends just appearing out of mirrors,” Troy said, fumbling with the cuff links.

Sam yanked the tie too tight and Austin gagged. “I knew I should have bought a clip on.”

“No, I forbid you children wear those abominations out in the open,” Kaine said, “A little bit of priesthood should fix that.”

“Stop with the converting already,” Daniel said.

“I don’t do robes and collars,” Troy protested.

“And who died and left you in charge of fashion?” Austin asked, yanking the tie off of his throat and shoving Sam away.

“Armani Versachi,” Kaine said.

“It’s Gianni Versachi,” Sam corrected, “Giorgio Armani is still alive.”

“Whatever,” Kaine said.

“No, not whatever. You’re a priest, man,” Sam said. “Can’t you at least get the name of one of the most famous designers of the twentieth century right?”

“I said priest, not omniscient,” Kaine said, defensively.

“What does omniscient mean?” Daniel asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” Kaine said, irritably, “You still can’t wear those disgraces to fashion out of this house.”

“You want to talk disgrace to fashion, Mr. Armani Versachi,” Sam countered.

“Drop it. What do we have to do? Click our heels and say there’s no place like Al’s Formal Wear?” Austin said.

“No, just watch,” Kaine said. The four boys stood before him as he rubbed his hands together with glee.

Sam stepped away, “I like my tux,” he said defensively.

“As you wish,” Kaine said. “Bibbidy, bobbidy…BOO!”

“Isn’t that copy-righted?” Troy asked.

“Yeah, but we look damn good!” Austin said, admiring his deep red tux that didn’t cut off circulation to his lower appendages.

Troy looked at his shinny blue tux and nodded his head in agreement. Daniel preened in his new white outfit.

“Now, Daniel, that’s Virgin White, so you have to stay true to the name,” Kaine said adjusting the chains on his Zuit Suit.

“Aww….”

“Kaine,” said Troy. “The hair?”

Kaine ran his fingers through his snowy tresses. “Too gauche?”

“Too weird,” said Austin.

“Blonde, then,” Kaine replied and his hair followed suit.

“How do you do that?” Daniel asked.

“Trade secret of immortal priests,” said Kaine. “I could tell you but I’d have to kill you after disembowelment and sacrifices made to the genitals.”

“Eeep,” said Daniel.

“Kaine,” said Sam.

“What?”

“They eyes,” growled Sam, glaring at the priest.

“Ah,” said Kaine. “Blue then.”

“You usually stick with green,” Austin observed.

“Nit picker,” said Kaine, but his eyes shifted from blue to green in one blink.

“I want contacts that do that,” Daniel said.

“Yeah? And I want to walk through mirrors, but we can’t have everything we want, now can we,” said Austin.

“Let us away, my young fashion models,” Kaine said.

“Wait, I haven’t got my cuff links on!” Troy said.

“You can attend to that in the limousine,” Kaine said.

“Wait, limo? Did he say limo?” Austin asked.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

“What kind of priest is he?” Troy asked.

----------------------------------------

“Um, Kaine?”

“Yes, Highness-I mean Crystal,” Kaine said.

Crystal had given him strict instructions to call her Crystal. Kaine had to try very hard to comply. She looked so much like a princess in that dress. So much like her mother.

“If we have to worry about the enemy, then why are we riding in a black and white limousine that has the license plate PRINCESS on the back?”

“It’s a challenge,” Kaine said, “We’ll see if Bob- I mean, Lord Robert is up to a public fight.”

“I have no intention of putting a run in these panty hose,” Crystal said.

“Well, if you fight well, you don’t have to worry about that now will you,” Kaine said.

“Uh, Kaine?” Amanda asked from across the roomy interior. Kaine glanced at where she was squished between Sam and Austin. From the looks of it, she had been elected to ask an important question; the boys were all watching him intently save for Daniel who was trying to pry open one of the complementary bottles of scotch. Sam had yet to realize that his thigh had strayed from his tight control and now rested languidly along Amanda’s leg.

“Yes?” Kaine asked, just waiting for Sam to realize his posture.

“Who the hell is driving?” Amanda asked sweetly.

Kaine didn’t answer. Amanda stared at him in dawning comprehension. The boys seemed pleasantly clueless; Sam realized his lapse of bodily grace and quickly jerked his leg away, turning scarlet. Crystal shifted her body to stare at Kaine, also understanding his silence.

“Oh, what?” Kaine asked, irritated that they didn’t trust him. “Do you really think that if one of you guys were driving we would be any safer?”

“Kaine,” Amanda said, her patience already compromised by the fact that she was wearing a dress, make-up, and other female associated torture devices. “No one is driving the car?”

“Limousine,” Kaine reminded her, “It is a limousine.”

“No one is driving?” Amanda repeated.

“Not really,” Kaine offered. Amanda and the others stared at him. Austin started trying to lower the privacy glass to get into the driver’s seat. “What do you take me for? I am a priest! I can physically be here and mentally control the car.”

“I know priests,” Troy said, “And they can’t do that.”

“Are they Protestant?” Kaine asked.

“Yeah….”

“Well, there you go,” Kaine concluded.

“I’m Catholic…” Austin began.

“Oh, stop worrying,” Kaine snapped.

“Easier said than done if you’re Jewish,” Amanda replied, easing carefully back into her seat. Troy buckled his seat belt for the first time in his life.

They pulled up in front of the Cubic Zirconium Plaza and for just a second, admired the beauty of the plaza, even though it was more of a building. It was four stories in height with a fountain crafted out of cubic zirconium at the ground level outside the entrance in an area that was surrounded by tall green trees, making a kind of courtyard. Surrounding the fountain was a pond of clear water with white-flowered lily pads floating lazily. The building itself was done in Victorian style architecture with a white marble finish.

“Leave it to the Vicks,” said Kaine. No one even wanted to ask what that was supposed to mean.

The ground level looked like a ritzy hotel lobby. Crystalline chandeliers could be found everywhere you looked. Classical music was piped in, the lighting was bright, and fountains bubbled. They took the elevator to the top floor where the Benefit Ball was being held. You could tell it was the Duriarb benefit ball because a group of New-Age musicians were arguing with the orchestra about who was scheduled to do a performance of The Minute Waltz.

“This is going to be one hell of a party. Hey, where’s the punch bowl?” Troy said, tucking a small silver flask in the sleeve of his blue tux.

“Hey! Look at that statue!” Austin said, pointing at a montage of a gigantic Mermaid and a bunch of cupids riding a swan all carved out of ice.

“That was donated by the famous ice sculptor, you know…the one with the name that sounds like ‘numb nuts’ in Dutch?” Amanda said, thumbing through a brochure that had been shoved in their hands the second they walked through the door.

“The man speaks my language,” Daniel said, raising his newly acquired champagne glass to the statue.

“Don’t drink that,” Kaine said, “The last thing I can tolerate is a drunk Daniel running around.”

“Does it matter if he’s drunk?” Crystal asked.

“Boobies!” Sam squealed. Troy, Austin, and Daniel broke into hysterical laughter.

“Oh, God,” Amanda muttered, “We’ll catch up with you guys later.”

“Ah, that got rid of them,” Sam sighed in relief when they were out of sight.

“They look good when they’re cleaned up, though,” Austin said.

“Yeah, and who would’ve thought that Amanda is a girl,” Troy said.

“Keep your eyes open and stay sober,” Kaine said, “I don’t want to be caught off guard.”

“Does that mean we can’t go to the bathroom?” Austin asked, sarcastically.

“Hey, what happened to Daniel?” Troy asked.

The boy was staring, awe-stuck at the statue of the topless mermaid. Troy walked over to admire the statue with him, then reached up, and plucked the nipple off to use as an ice cube in his drink.

“Have you no SHAME!” Daniel screamed. “It’s priceless, it’s fabulous, it’s a work of art, it’s…it’s….”

“It’s nipping,” Troy said.

“This is going to be a long night…” Kaine moaned.

----------------------------------------

Amanda would’ve loved to sample the buffet table, but the boys were over there, obviously ogling the statue. Amanda scowled in disgust. Why did they have to act like boys now? They were usually under control around her and the distinction between male and female was non-existent. Amanda had always been considered one of the boys. She never wore make-up because it meant that she’d have to wake up half an hour earlier, and she was lazy. Amanda hated skirts because in elementary school, she had been teased for playing on the monkey bars in a skirt (Perverts came in all ages). And she didn’t spend her time trying to attract the opposite sex, because Duriarb had a very poor selection, and it just wasn’t that important to her right now.

It would be nice one day, though…

At Duriarb there were barely any girls at all, and only one other one in her grade and on her side of the school, but nobody liked her. The boys felt at ease with Amanda because she joked with them and made them feel comfortable, whether they liked it or not. She was a tomboy, but…Amanda did have the qualities of the old style ladies with grand attitudes. She could pretend to be a modern, superficial girl, but only for a while. Afterward she had to take very long showers. Amanda preferred being a boy’s best friend, because it meant that they trusted her with their hearts and minds. She was also privy to the best gossip in school.

Right now, however…the boys preferred to revel in the one thing that Amanda could not: testosterone.

I hate being stuck in the middle, Amanda thought. I’m too mature for boys, too different for girls.

She could’ve enjoyed Crystal’s company, but the other girl had made a beeline to the bathroom. Now Amanda was stuck watching the dancers, but with no one to dance with. I should be happy…Sam is my date.

Oh, some fun that was. Troy and Austin had to practically beat the boy senseless to get him to say yes, because he had been too shy to ask her to the ball.

Screw this self-pity. Amanda turned and headed toward the balcony, out into the open air where she could see the moon and the fountain below. At least there she could see something other than Daniel trying to fondle the ice statue.

----------------------------------------

Crystal came back from the restroom. Damn it, she thought, I wasn’t due for at least another week…

She was beginning to feel her good mood seep away. Crystal didn’t get pre menstrual syndrome; she got during menstrual syndrome, and if anything, that was about twenty million times more volatile. She felt tired and cranky and the threat of cramps coming on. She felt like taking Kaine aside and ripping his throat out for making her dress like a stuffed turkey and parade around like a damn Barbie doll.

Get a grip, girl…Learn to enjoy the pain. Make them pay later…

Somebody bumped into Crystal from behind, jostling her and setting off the strips of pain in her lower back. She turned around, a string of very not-nice comments on her tongue, having to do with the origin of his mother and father, but at the sight of the gentleman who tuned to apologize, Crystal was left with her mouth open and her tongue out.

“Excuse me,” he said, his voice deep and gentle.

“Uhmma,” Crystal snapped her mouth shut, biting her tongue.

The gentleman smiled and cocked his head to one side. “You are one of the transfer students from Eastnoot, yes?”

His accent and mispronunciation of her old school charmed Crystal, but she smiled and nodded, “Yes.”

“And are you an upper classmen?”

“Yes,” she said again.

“Would you care to dance?”

“Yes,” Crystal blurted out. This was every girl’s dream: to be swept off her feet by some handsome stranger. Screw the age difference; it was only for one night.

----------------------------------------

Kaine surveyed the prancing crowd with the eyes of a hunter. Where was he? It had been a long time, but Kaine was sure that he could recognize that bastard Robert anywhere. Not by looks, because he could change his appearance, but his dark, slippery presence that made the hairs on Kaine’s neck stand.

Behind him, Troy and Daniel were playing the fool with some ladies and Austin and Sam were having a serious philosophical discussion involving some idiotic video game. The babble of the crowd and music drifted away from Kaine as his concentration deepened. People became only feint smudges of light, all mixing and blurring together. Crystal’s light shone in the distant corner of the room. It was so bright and concentrated that it stung Kaine’s eyes. Very soon now, it would be time for Crystal to consolidate her power into her symbol. It would have to be a weapon, Kaine concluded. Crystal’s life was to be one of war.

A twin light shone outside. It probably belonged to Amanda, Kaine decided. It was difficult to tell if Amanda’s power was truly her own or if it was generated from the presence of the Crystal Sword, but the Sword was definitely inside of her. Kaine could feel the voices contained in the confines of the blade, whispering in anticipation. When the Sword was at full power, the voices screamed. Only Astrea had ever been able to control the lost souls inside the Crystal Sword. Some claimed that was because she had no soul to surrender to it in the first place. But Amanda had a soul and if the true Astrea or her offspring came to get the Sword it would kill Amanda to remove it, as the girl’s soul would be trapped inside the sword.

Astrea is dead; your magic has failed you again, Kaine. The voice rang clear through Kaine’s blurred perception of life around him. Kaine knew that no one could hear the man’s voice, but it was as real as the ice statue.

Kaine stretched out as far as he could, but because Lord Robert was so weak--or maybe because he wasn’t there-- he couldn’t get a fix on where the heathen was, but something about Lord Robert was there, at the ball, in the room, somewhere. And it didn’t have to be tangible, that was the dangerous part.

He continued the supernatural conversation with his sworn enemy from another lifetime: Astrea will come.

When the dead walk, Kaine. And if it comes to that, I will make sure she stays dead.

Robert’s laughter echoed in Kaine’s head, long after Troy tripped and spilled champagne down the back of Kaine’s suit.

“He’s here,” Kaine whispered to himself.

“What? Oh, sorry, man,” Troy said, obviously a little disoriented.

“Austin, Sam,” Kaine said in as loud a voice as he dared in a public place.

“What is it-” Austin was cut off as all the lights went out and the crowd panicked. People began running and screaming, trying to get out.

In the center of the dance floor, a harsh white point of light appeared.

A dark hared, middle aged man stood in the center of the light, his arm around Crystal’s neck in a choke-hold. Crystal was struggling, kicking, and biting, but the form that held her was not real. It was just a projection of power; something that could not be bitten.

“As I said Kaine, your magic has failed you. But I wonder…will you fail her …again?”

Lord Robert faded. He took Crystal with him and in his wake the maniacal laugh associated with all villains rang unnaturally loud in the room. Two salivating twisted creatures that had obviously been a woman and a man in ballroom attire stood where he had been. With four arms apiece, and an assortment of dangerous-looking spikes, Kaine knew that boys would have their hands full. But they had to learn eventually…. Besides, Kaine was needed elsewhere.

“I think we should go,” Troy slurred. “This party is getting rough.”