“YOU SCURVY SHYSTER BASTARD! RAT FUCK OF A PIG’S MOTHER, BIRTHED IN THE UNHOLIEST CESSPOOLS OF ALL CHRISTENDOM! BURN IN HELL YOU VILE, SHIT SUCKING WHORE DOUCHE BARREL!” Crystal wished her body wouldn’t give out before her voice. Already she was soaked in sweat and had the asshole not have been holding her; Crystal would’ve fallen onto the concrete roof.
The man said nothing, but Crystal was still sucking in breath for another barrage of creative cussing.
“SODOMITE! LATENT HOMOSEXUAL OF THE WORST BREEDS OF RIGHT WING REPUBLICANS THIS SIDE OF THE MISSISSIPPI! FEEL THE WRATH OF THE LIBERAL! I HOPE YOU GET RAPED BY THE CAPITALIST PIGS OF RUSSIA YOU SISSY, COMMUNIST SON OF AN IRISH COW!”
The man released her and struck her across the mouth. That only pissed Crystal off more and she lunged for his throat. She passed right through him and went sliding on the other side of him. The rage in her mind blocked out the confusion at passing through what had been solid matter. She didn’t even notice that the touch of the man burned and tingled, as though she had grabbed a live wire.
“DAMN IT! THIS IS A NEW DRESS!” Crystal rounded on the apparition, “I HOPE YOU ARE SATISFIED!”
“As a matter of fact, I am. I will now have what it is that I have been waiting for,” he replied in that oily, unnatural voice.
“YOU FILTHY RAPIST! I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU WANT TO GET TO THIS,” she cupped her breasts, “YOU’VE GOT TO GET THROUGH THIS!” She whipped out her pepper spray and squirted a cloud at the thing.
The man materialized through the mace, unaffected. “Fool. I am not here in body, only a projection of charged air particles, but I can still kill you.” His image crackled and sparked at the edges as if to prove his point.
“Apparently your mind isn’t here either,” Crystal shouted from across the rooftop.
The man stared at her in obvious confusion and then realized it was an illusion that had been standing on the other side of the mace cloud.
Crystal smiled, “You’re not the only one who can do magic tricks, Bob.”
The apparition wavered. “Beware, little girl…my ‘magic tricks’ will end your life.”
“Well I’m more powerful than you could possibly imagine,” Crystal sneered right back.
“Great line, Obi-wan,” Kaine said, appearing beside her. It looked like he had jumped from ground level up on to the rooftop.
“YOU! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN! GUARDIAN PRIEST, MY ASS!” Crystal screamed at him. Boy, it was really that time of the month.
“Kaine,” the projection of Lord Robert said. “You once told me that the children of the Dynasty held the Ultimate source of power. Now, let us see if it is true.”
Kaine hesitated, and then looked at Crystal. Crystal looked about ready to kill both him and Lord Bo-Robert. Kaine was supposed to call him Robert. No, he would not intervene this time. If she really was the princess, she could win this fight without him. And if she was not…well… Kaine had all the time in the world to wait for her to be reborn again.
Crystal seemed to sense his resignation. She marched toward Robert and began the duel by saying, “I knew that you were a fake. Let me tell you buddy, your accent sucked. And another thing, two words: Tic-tac!”
And so began the battle for the survival of the Universe; Kaine sighed and pulled out an Anne Rice novel.
Amanda barely had time to react as the demon sent a blast of pure energy in her direction out on the balcony. People ran and tried to jump off the edge, but a few unlucky people were thrown. One such person flew right into Amanda’s midsection and sent her toppling over the edge of the balcony. Her reactions were fast and she managed to grab the edge of the balcony floor that protruded through the arches of the railing. But she couldn’t catch the poor sap that had knocked her over. He went tumbling into the fountain below.
Amanda gritted her teeth and vowed to make the one who had thrown the guy pay. She had only a flickering of sense before the blackout that something was wrong; but she had a feeling that whatever it was, Crystal could handle it. However, the thing in the ballroom was not fighting Kaine or Crystal. They were somewhere overhead, fighting…a more concentrated form of evil than Amanda had ever sensed before.
Amanda pulled herself back to a normal frame of mind and resolved to climb back onto the balcony, kill that thing that got her in this ridiculous position (Probably everyone in the courtyard could see straight up her dress), and go help Crystal. Amanda got halfway up the railing without the use of her feet (Pumps were not good climbing tools) but her muscles screamed with pain. Suddenly, a hand appeared in front of her face.
“Here,” Sam said, leaning over the balcony rail.
“No,” Amanda grunted. To hell if she was going to let herself be some damsel in distress!
“Are you sure?” he asked, eyeing her critically.
“Yes, God damn it,” Amanda began to struggle for a foothold because her arms were shaking. Sam withdrew his hand but didn’t step back from the rail. Amanda growled deep in her throat, but Sam didn’t hear it. Inside there were sounds of struggle and assorted shouts from the other boys as they worked their masculine magic. One demon down, one to go. Amanda kicked and struggled for a few more seconds and then paused for breath.
“You’re sure you don’t want any help?” Sam asked again.
“Yes, damn it, now piss off,” Amanda growled, hauling her upper torso over the rail.
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Amanda heard a distinctively warning shout from inside. The demon had picked Austin up with one hand and was holding him high overhead, poised to throw him like a stone. Sam jumped in front of Amanda to shield her. He briefly considered using his newfound abilities, but decided that there was very little he could do with them in this situation. The demon unleashed a challenging scream at Sam and hurled Austin in his direction. Austin crashed into Sam, Sam crashed into Amanda, and they all went tumbling over the balcony to the fountain below.
The wind whipped Crystal’s grit stained and torn dress around her ankles. The dress, with its white color and gold trim and empire waistline was not made for combat, but Crystal would have to make due. She had removed her strap-on heels and stood barefoot on the hard gravel. She faced the projection of Lord Robert’s power, tensing her hands to claws. She bent her knees and focused her concentration on the focal point of the projection: the center of the man’s chest.
Lord Robert obviously underestimated her, because his first attack was just a simple rush at Crystal. She easily sidestepped him, a skill she had acquired on the playground in Pre School. She turned to watch the ghost of the man as it passed. The being frazzled and faded out of view like a hologram shorting out.
Crystal tensed, reaching out with her mind to feel where he was, but he didn’t register. He reappeared behind her and delivered a flying kick to the head. Crystal fell sideways and almost sprawled on the ground, but at the last second she slapped her hand on the ground and performed a fast cartwheel so that her dress wouldn’t fall down, or up, or whatever direction held the least amount of decency. She had learned to do that in gymnastics. On her way up, she seized a hand of gravel and flung it at the projection’s head. A little trick she had learned while fighting with her brother.
The gravel passed right through Lord Robert without the slightest evidence of effect. Crystal was beginning to think of it as being a thing rather than a man. Crystal lunged herself at it, but again the apparition flickered out of existence. Crystal continued to move forward and away from the kick that she had anticipated, but she felt her neck hairs stand on end like she had just passed a balloon filled with static electricity. She landed on her stomach but rolled to avoid a searing bolt of light that was aimed at where she had been.
Without thinking, Crystal launched her own energy attack aimed straight for the man’s head. He batted it away as if it were an insect. The ball of energy crashed into a floodlight perched on the edge of the roof, setting if off in an explosion. The light toppled to the ground below.
Crystal slowly climbed to her feet. The almost-tangible hologram never wavered, but the edges of the illusion crackled with stored electricity. This was going to suck and suck bad.
This is going to suck so bad…
Amanda watched the clear pool of water swell in her vision as she fell farther toward it. She had managed to twist herself so that she was falling headfirst and her dress wouldn’t fly up in her face. She was so incredibly mad right now. This was really going to top off her night.
Amanda craned her neck to look up. The demon had perched itself on the railing and was watching them fall. Amanda brought her arm around and flicked the demon off, though she doubted it could see the blur of her hand. She spun back around and thought quickly. She had mastered almost every aspect of water, and she found that if she concentrated very hard, she could affect it drastically. For a short while.
It must have been a good night for Amanda because she was able grab control of the water and raise the water level in the pond sharply, cushioning their fall before they got within ten feet of the actual water level. The shock of cold water however made her lose her concentration and the water level dropped, sending waves of water all across the plaza. And she still managed to connect painfully with the bottom of the fountain, but not hard enough to break anything.
Amanda sat up; a lily pad attached to her forehead, and a scrape on her elbow. Sam was right beside her, a pair of them clinging to his chest and a bump on his forehead. Austin was upside down, in the water, kicking his feet. Sam helped him sit upright, while Amanda realized her dress was hiked way above the level of decency and quickly yanked it back down.
“Nice bra, Little Mermaid,” Austin said, pointing at Sam’s chest before wiping a little blood off of his nose. Sam ripped the lily pads off, turning red.
Suddenly the statuette spout of the fountain exploded and the demon in the dress stood in the center of where it had once been. Sam, Austin, and Amanda stood to face the demon, but the doors to the plaza building suddenly burst open. Austin and Sam looked behind them.
There, sliding through the doors with the speed of a freight train was the mermaid ice sculpture. Troy was riding on the swan’s neck screaming, “DRUNKS TO THE RESCUE!”
Daniel, who was trapped between the two breasts of the mermaid, and in a complete state of euphoria, said, “DEATH TO-” he paused to hiccup and then forgot what he was saying.
The ice sculpture came sailing towards the fountain. Amanda, Sam, and Austin leaped away from its path as the sculpture crashed into the stone border of the fountain. The demon screamed and more waves of water washed over Amanda’s head. This time, when Amanda stood, the straps that held her dress up slipped off her shoulders. Amanda yelped and slapped her arms over her chest.
“All right. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!” she screamed.
The demon looked up at the screaming girl in a wet pink dress with black trim and spaghetti straps.
“I WOULD LIKE TO KEEP MY DRESS ON!” Amanda continued the air around her crackling with the intensity of her anger. The water around her ankles boiled.
Sam, Austin, Troy, and Daniel all stared at Amanda as her sides heaved in rage.
“AND YOU ARE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL AND I MEAN NOW!”
Amanda ran forward and began delivering the un-godliest of beatings to the demon. About half way through the process of snapping all of the creature’s fingers, the boys decided they’d be better off watching the spectacle from the safety of the lobby. Troy collapsed into one of the easy chairs and swiped another abandoned, half-empty glass of champagne. He swallowed it in one gulp. Daniel curled up on the couch and passed out, still clutching one rapidly melting breast of the ice sculpture and sucking his thumb. Austin and Sam watched through the massive glass window as Amanda flung the creature back and forth, functioning purely on indignant rage.
When the twisted demon was thrown flat against the glass and peeled off by the heel of Amanda’s shoe, Austin muttered to Sam, “Maybe we should stop her.”
CRUNCH!
“Try that. Spoil her fun,” Sam said.
The demon went sailing overhead and crashed into the pavement outside the fountain.
“Not for all the Japanimation profits in America,” Austin said.
“I didn’t know that a head could twist that way,” Troy said, attempting to sip from his champagne glass only to realize that he’d already drained it. “They don’t put enough booze in these things.”
Amanda raced after it and began kicking it in the ribs with the sculpted toe of her pumps. After a particularly sickening crack, Sam turned away in disgust, searching for a computer he could play with to heal his damaged virgin eyes. Austin looked upward to avoid the gruesome sight. Up in the night sky, Austin could see a swell of dark clouds above the plaza building with a very unnatural glow of light radiating from the roof. He twisted his neck to try and peer up the vertical side of the building, but he had a very limited view from the glass. Still, better to be here than outside with Amanda….
A floodlight suddenly crashed to the ground. Amanda didn’t notice it; she went right on thrashing the mewling demon. But Austin saw the sparks and charred edges of the floodlight and knew that it hadn’t just fallen off.
What the hell was going on up there?