We’re back, bitches!

Who are you talking to?

Uh, just myself.

You’re a weird one, Screenie.

Right. So, as I was saying. Three months? Huh? Wow. It’s been a long time…

Since what?

If you keep interrupting, this is going to take forever. Now, hush!

So, three months ago, Aethonia received its newest “hero.” Gods and monsters, I can barely say that with a straight face.

You don’t even have a face.

You don’t have a face.

After meeting a big bad braug named Curr, our “hero” set out on the journey of a lifetime!

Why do you keep putting hero in quotes?

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

Oh, must have been autocorrect.

Anyway, equipped with his fabulous and elegant cloak—the one he got from an elven tailor named Lalair Cauquinal, (I know, right?)—and a mysterious magical lute he found in a well—

You know what, this whole thing is nuts.

Well, when you say it like that. I didn’t just find it in a well. It was sent to me by Fa’Lem, the hag-not-hag oracle of the Sisterhood of Alyndis.

#hagnothag.

And you fell in love with Liiiiiilla.

I didn’t fall in love with her. I just think she’s… great.

You wanna kiiiisss her. You wanna fuuu—

That’s enough, Screenie.

Fine.

So three months later, it’s Danny the bard, Curr the braug, Garvis the thief, and Lilla the hottie—

Hey, she’s a ranger. An expert marksman, swordsman, and a lot of other things.

Sigh.

Lilla the ranger, expert marks-person, swords-person, and a lot of other things, and… yours truly! The lean, mean, screen machine!

Mean, maybe.

So where are we now? I am thrilled you asked.

On our way to the capital city of course! King’s Landing awaits!

You mean Cantripoli?

Oh, right. Wrong story.

SO YOU WANT TO BE A HERO?

PART V: The King’s Own Pride

CURRENT LOCATION: South of Cantripoli.