We knew we were close when the troll smell got so bad we couldn’t breathe. There was a sort of strange nostalgia about it. When I’d first entered Aethonia, back in Nahal, everything and everyone had a stench I had trouble adjusting to. I guess back in the real world—an odd phrase—things smelled… cleaner. People bathed, used anti-perspirant, washed their clothing… and had toilet paper! Oh my God, I forgot toilet paper at the top of my list of things I’d be happy to return to Willistown for!

A resounding roar echoed through the woods, sending the whole party into responses I found quite fitting for each.

Curr, of course, perked up a bit at the sound of something apparently more challenging than a snotfing, and let out a battle cry of his own. He raised his axe and pounded his chest. Lilla readied her bow, instinctively dropping to a crouch. Garvis, now subconscious after getting caught by Baldree the Collector I'm sure, peered around and did his best to mimic the others. However, it looked forced as he pulled his daggers and gave them a spin.

“This is no time for music, bard!” Slava whisper-shouted. He turned to see Roxanne still strapped to my back and furrowed his brow. “We will discuss that.”

I shrugged and slid my Orcish Bone Sword from its sheath.

“For Tarton!” Curr cried as he led the charge forward.

“Do not injure the troll!” Slava shouted, rushing after the big braug.

We pushed through branches thick with leaves and emerged to find an odd sight.

Curr’s whole demeanor changed in an instant.

“It is snotfings,” he said, disappointed. “I was hoping for an Owlbear or two.”

OWLBEARS: As you could imagine, bears and owls aren’t exactly compatible… partners. It’s more likely that, like korkens, were an experiment gone wrong or perhaps a joke played by some god. Either way, owlbears are ferocious predators, and one of the only known things capable of felling a troll.

Thanks, Steve Urwin.

The guy couldn’t even handle stingrays.

That’s a low blow, dude. And how do you know this stuff??

“If we cannot hurt the troll,” Curr continued, “this will be quite boring.” He took a seat, crosslegged by the bushes.

“Oh, yeah!” Garvis exclaimed. “Finally, an enemy my size. Stand back, boys and girls.”

NEW OBJECTIVE:

Kill the snotfings. Save the troll. Preferably in that order.

REWARD:

Satisfy Slava’s desire to keep a monster alive and be one step closer to 100gp. I admit, this objective is wildly close to the last one. Just roll with it.

The scene splayed out before us would have been sad under certain circumstances. Little green creatures about the size of small monkeys—you know, like the one Joey had on Friends.

Actually, that was Ross.

Really? Are you sure?

Of course, I'm sure. But aren't there more important concerns than a stupid TV show?

You take that back. Friends is a national treasure.

Could your priorities BE any more skewed?

Whatever. So, the monkey Ross had.

From the look of things, there were hundreds of them, and they climbed up and down the troll, scratching and biting. I was surprised to see that their nails and teeth did anything at all considering Lilla's arrows had bounced right off.

SNOTFINGS are the smallest members of the goblin family, sharing many of the same attributes and characteristics.

Didn’t you already do this?

You interrupted, like usual. :::Clears throat:::

Snotfings live, travel, and hunt in swarms. Were one to be found alone, even a child would have little difficulty defeating them, assuming they possessed even the fairest of Melee Weapon Combat Skills. But in numbers this high—as you can see—they pose a threat even to a Greenwood Troll. It helps that they can squeeze their way into places trolls find difficult to reach. Can you imagine being so big you can’t reach your own ass?

“Look at him go!” Curr shouted.

I bet Curr can’t reach his either.

Having no idea a weird sentient screen that only I could see was talking about him, Curr stood, reclaiming some of his earlier vigor. He pumped his axe three times, and barked out encouragement to Garvis, who weaved intricate patterns through the trees. The little halfling was something else, I had to admit, hopping from branch to branch and swiping and slashing his blades. One after another, the tiny green snotfings fell to his attacks.

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He's doing well now, but wait until they realize what’s happening.

“He’s doing well now,” I said. “But wait until they realize what’s happening.”

Hey, what are you, my shadow?

“The bard is right,” Slava said.

I’m right!

“There are too many of them, and they are quick,” Slava continued. “I cannot use my fire for fear of injuring the troll.”

Even as he spoke, Lilla began picking the creatures off with well-placed arrows.

“Please, be careful!” Slava shouted.

Lilla ignored him and unleashed another onslaught, killing at least four more of the yipping little buggers.

“Go, have some fun, Danny!” Curr called. “For someone of your stature, these creatures will be just dangerous enough to provide you with a challenge.”

You know what? He was right. I had a sword, and Lilla and I had worked hard over the past months. And no, she hadn’t been going easy on me. It would be nice to put my practice to use against an enemy that was relatively harmless.

They are not harmless. Remember, their teeth and claws are sharp enough to rend troll flesh.

I said “relatively”.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a flicker of movement—a flash of green skin and crooked teeth. I spun. The creature’s beady eyes glistened with mischief, and though it was small—no taller than my knee—it buzzed with a frenetic energy, and I felt that familiar surge of adrenaline coursing through my veins.

On my back, Roxanne continued her song.

Your Music has invigorated your Party!

+2 Bonus to Strength, Dexterity, and Constitution for your entire Party for Duration of Battle.

“Alright, you little prick,” I said as it inched its way toward me. Its face split in a crooked-toothed grin—a foul mix of enthusiasm and malice. “Think you can take me on? I’m starving for some fun!”

What is this, a Die Hard movie? Just kill the damn thing.

But before I could make a move, the whole battlefield shifted. The snotfings turned their attention from the troll to us. They moved like a wave, a churning mass of limbs and lanky bodies. But it wasn’t like they charged as one unit. They gave no care for their compatriots whatsoever, crawling over one another, fighting for the first place in line to attack.

I clenched my fists, my heart pounding in my chest. Deep breath, I squared my shoulders.

“Curr?” I said, questioning whether or not he was going to join in.

Suddenly, a swath of flames licked out from Slava’s hands, engulfing the snotfings that had carelessly left the protection they hadn’t known they had on the troll’s back.

At the same time, the troll started flailing, sending the little monsters every which way. I had to leap aside to avoid being pelted by one.

When I rose, I was face to face on my hands and knees to one of the things.

“Come on then!” I shouted, trying to mask my fear with bravado. “Let’s see what you’ve got!”

The first snotfing leaped at me, its teeth and claws glinting in the firelight. I sidestepped just in time, feeling the rush of air as it hurtled past. My feet danced in tempo with Roxanne’s playing, and I bobbed and weaved until I found and opening and stabbed. When I felt my sword sink into the supple flesh of what looked like a baby, I twisted, cranked the blade to the side, and pulled it free, effectively gutting the little shit.

Level 4 Snotfing slain!

You have gained +1 to Melee Weapon Combat.

Your Melee Weapon Combat is now 20.

Could you turn off until I’m done figh—

I didn’t finish the sentence before feeling something stab into my side. I had a moment of what I might think was PTSD, being that the last time I’d been injured in that very spot, I’d woken up on Kiel Shorthand’s hospital table. Thankfully, this was nothing like the korken attack.

I whirled around, feeling a little tear in my flesh. I shot out a kick, sending my attacker sprawling backward into a thicket of brambles. I barely had time to feel vindicated before two more rushed me—one swinging a rock over its head like a grotesque bowling ball, the other darting through the confusion with a shriek.

In a moment of complete clarity, I raised an arm and whispered a soft word in elvish. A blue glow of energy erupted in front of me from the elven bracer one my wrist. It deftly deflected the rock, but the impact still stung, and sent me staggering back a step. Using that momentum, I pivoted and swung my leg out in a wide arc, catching the second snotfing off guard. It tumbled to the ground, bouncing into the dirt with a surprised grunt.

But Slava was right, there were too many. I could hear the thudding of tiny feet all around me, a swarm of green fury. The air was thick with their high-pitched cackles, which made my head spin.

Needing to put some distance between myself and their chaotic charge, I darted toward the treeline. There was a moment of confusion among them, a flicker of hesitation as if they were recalibrating their strategy. That’s when the troll moved again. The ground shook with barbaric savagery as it slammed a boulder-sized fist down hard, taking out twenty or more of the snotfings in a single blow.

More cascaded down from its back, allowing Slava to unleash another blast of fire.

“Fine!” Curr shouted. “I’ll join in!”

He took off like some kind of demon-possessed elephant, and swung his axe back and forth, severing heads, arms, torsos, and anything else in his blood-thirsty path.

“Danny, duck!” I heard behind me. Thankfully, I listened, and one of Lilla’s arrows whizzed by my head.

What if I hadn’t heard her!

She must really trust you. Or she doesn’t care. Could go either way.

I rolled to the side before rising, in case Lilla wasn’t done. A cluster of four snotfings stared at me from a few meters away. A flicker of doubt danced across their faces before it was swallowed by their instinct to swarm. They rushed me, and feeling really damn good about myself, I welcomed them. My blade sliced into the mass of green as I followed Roxanne’s song and twirled.

Nice moves, Ballerina Danny.

The snotfings were ready for me, dodging and weaving as they sought openings to strike. They were like a pack of wild dogs, relentless, and for every one I managed to fend off, more came. My muscles burned with fatigue, but I pressed on, dodging the slashing claws and gnashing teeth that snapped close enough for me to feel their rotten breath.

With each swing, my control strengthened, the chaos becoming a throbbing rhythm I could feel within me. I moved through them, redirecting their attacks, using their own impetus against them.

I was panting, the effort pushing me to my limits, but when I turned to check on the rest of the Party, I was surprised to see the battle was nearing an end.

Only a few snotfings remained, the rest either dead or in retreat.

Garvis slit the throat of one. Curr kicked another so high in the air, I literally couldn’t see where it landed. Lilla stabbed her’s through the eye with an arrow as it got too close for ranged combat. And Slava stood beside the troll, holding a fiery rope that attached to the creature’s neck but somehow, didn’t burn it. The troll stood stock-still, as if paralyzed.

“My friends,” Slava said, stretching his free hand out to send a fireball hurtling toward a fleeing snotfing. “We have done it. We have saved our quarry.”

OBJECTIVE COMPLE—

Just then, there was a loud screech, ear-piercing and debilitating. I fell to my knees, hands covering my ears, but I watched with blurry eyes as the trees bent backward, and a golden dragon the size of a small mansion swooped down and clamped its jaws around the troll. Its teeth severed Slava’s fire rope, and in an instant, the dragon took flight again, and was gone.

OBJECTIVE FAILED…

“Well, shit,” I said.