Let’s play a little game called “How many times will Garvis the ‘master thief’ get caught?”
How was it that someone so small could consistently become such a big target?
This wasn’t the first time Garvis had found himself in such a position. Upon our first meeting, Curr had stopped the halfling from picking my pockets. Then, later in the elven ruins, the Sisterhood of Alyndis—Lilla’s people—had caught him sneaking around while we were hoping to infiltrate the place and steal back my lute.
Presently, Curr and I stood there, unsure what to do. The troll hadn’t stopped its destructive rampage, Lilla was God-knew-where—possibly even dead—and Garvis was being held at knifepoint by a guy whose motives were unclear.
And me? I felt like I was in a post-apocalyptic movie—albeit, it wasn’t the razing of New York City or anything. This place was small. Like maybe twenty-five-people-lived-here kind of small. But that didn’t mean it was any easier to watch everything they lived and worked for burned to the ground.
Fire roared, wood crackled, and the sound of goats and cows making their animal sounds had stopped. That meant only one thing.
It was sad, and I didn’t understand…
And there was a guy in front of me, golden skinned, scars covering nearly every inch of him, bite marks on his arms, and he had a missing ear.
“What do you want?” I asked through my teeth.
The man’s attention was torn between me, Curr, the troll that was rapidly escaping his grasp, and a squirming Garvis.
“That monster is valuable beyond words!” His words came out like fluttering bats, fast and hectic.
Screenie, who is this guy?
NAME: Baldree
OCCUPATION: Collector
RACE: Assiri
SPECIAL SKILLS: He has a way with normally violent creatures. Can soothe them into obeying him and becoming one of his possessions.
What we see here is him screwing up.
WEAPONS: knife, obvs.
Assiri, huh? That’s who the Kingdom of Pyruun is at war with, right?
Yes, for many years.
King Shirtaloon would have used one of your nuclear bombs on the sultan’s palace and the entire region long ago if they had such technology. Praise be to Ludos.
Assiri or not, I had nothing against those people. I did, however, have something against this particular guy. It wasn’t a race thing.
Sure. Lemme guess, your best friend is Assiri?
All I knew was if I didn’t do something, things could get out of hand quickly.
“That thing is destroying this town!” I shouted back.
Captain Obvious to the rescue!
“Its worth could rebuild this town ten times over. And a buyer is on his way!” The man looked deranged, a few screws short of a box. I honestly wouldn’t have put it past him to slice Garvis’ throat without a second thought if it meant somehow getting his way.
“Enough talk!” Curr growled. “Trolls were made to be slain!” He started after the troll again, and the Collector swiftly jerked Garvis.
Phrasing…
As predicted, the knife sliced into Garvis’s neck, causing him to yelp.
“I’m sorry,” Baldree the Collector said.
Odd, apologizing to your captive.
Garvis shouted, “Quit being a yigging braug for a minute, would you?”
This made Curr stop. His axe dropped ever so slightly. “A braug is not a thing I can sometimes be.”
“Then stop being a giant oaf! He’s gonna kill me.”
Baldree’s face went pale. I wasn’t sure what that look was, but it didn’t seem like an expression a murderer would make.
Maybe he’s bluffing.
Maybe he’s not. Feeling lucky?
What do I care? Garvis abandoned us…
Right.
The troll was now at the edge of town, having just destroyed what looked like a school. I had to try something.
“That troll needs to be stopped,” I shouted to the Collector. “You don’t look like a murderer. And our friend just took a huge fall. She might be hurt.”
“Put the halfling down.” The voice of an angel sounded from far off.
I squinted through the smoke and haze to see Lilla with her bow drawn and pointed at the Collector’s back. The yellow aura still pulsed all around her.
Thank God she was alive.
Her aura isn’t the only thing pulsing.
Another part of you thanks Actus, God of Small Things.
Baldree the Collector went to turn, presumably to get a better look at this new aggressor.
“Don’t move,” Lilla warned. “I have an arrow aimed at your spine. I promise you, if that halfling’s boots aren’t on the ground in three seconds, you will breathe no longer.”
Garvis moved his hand. It was barely noticeable, but I saw it. He gulped. “Perhaps more than just my boots?”
By now, the troll had finished its tear through the village, leaving very little standing. Giant foot-shaped potholes littered the area. A trail to the woods was carved into the dirt on the far side of town.
At the sight of this, the Collector sobbed. “You’ve ruined everything!” He sounded like a petulant child. The only thing missing was stomping feet.
I waved my arms around. “This wasn’t us.” I stabbed a finger his way. “This was you.”
“One… two…” Lilla started counting.
The Collector looked like he couldn’t make up his mind, but in a moment of confusion, Garvis took full advantage. The hand he had moved now rested on the grip of a dagger, which he pulled free and jammed into Baldree’s thigh. Stunned, the man dropped Garvis before Lilla reached three. Garvis turned, kicked the guy in the shin, then ran off toward Curr.
“Ow!” The Collector gripped his leg. “You filthy little bastard!”
Slowly, Lilla approached, bow still drawn. Her arm was shaking a little, but I was impressed how long she could pull on that thing.
Is your mind ever on anything else?
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What is wrong with you?
Fire still raged around us, snapping and hissing. Now that things were settling down, I was choking on the smoke.
“Get on your knees!” Lilla shouted.
Hot…
Now who can’t get their mind out of the gutter?
The Collector blubbered as he obeyed. “That was it… That was my big break. That thing took ages to collect! I could have retired.”
“Shut up. Don’t move,” Lilla ordered.
“You don’t understand,” Baldree said. “The wizard is going to kill me now. Kill us all.”
“I said shut up!” Lilla pressed a boot to the Collector’s back and shoved him over.
“Wizard? What wizard?” I asked.
Suddenly, the flames around us twirled upward in a firenado, roaring hotter then ever. Then, in an instant, disappeared into the sky. All that was left of the town was smoldering ash and the church, the only building made of stone.
“This wizard,” came yet another voice.
A man stepped out from the rubble. He was clothed unlike anyone I’d ever seen. Red robes billowed from points at his shoulders, with silver trim embellishing the hems of his sleeves and around his ankles. A golden amulet hung from his neck. Long black hair was slicked back, and a thin, wispy goatee dangled from his chin.
Damn. He’s cool.
NAME: Fleur Slava
OCCUPATION: Professional student at the Academy of Learning
RACE: Wellick
SPECIAL ABILITIES: I don’t know, Danny. Where did the fire go?
WEAPONS: He is a weapon.
“Where is my troll, Baldree?” the man barked.
“I had him! I swear, I had him.” Baldree pounded his fists against the dirt. “These idiots let him get away!”
The newcomer made a show of looking to the spot where a troll-sized portion of the forest had been leveled. He shook his head disappointedly. “Baldree, what am I going to do with you? Tsk. Tsk.”
Then the wizard turned, appraising each of us as if we were clothing he wished to buy.
“And what do we have here? A braug?” He gave Curr a wide berth. “A… halfling. Cute.” Garvis grumbled something but kept his place behind Curr’s protective leg. Once he’d had his fill of Garvis, he slowly marched toward me. “And… what are you supposed to be?” He grabbed hold of my bright pink cloak, lifted it, and let it fall. “A jester? Some sort of street performer?” Then he noticed my lute. “Ah! A bard. Quite quaint.”
“And who are you?” I asked.
The man Screenie identified as Slava shushed me. He spun away, robes fluttering on unseen wind. “And this…” He strode toward Lilla. It was then I realized the golden glow that had surrounded her during the troll fight was gone. Without that extra strength, her muscles must have grown weak, though she still had her bow half cocked.
You said cock.
Now’s not the time.
It’s always time for cock…
“Here’s the belle of the ball!” Slava said.
Lilla raised her bow fully. The string creaked as it went taut under her fingertips.
“That’s far enough.” Her tone carried a warning that was unmistakable.
But Slava just didn’t seem to care. He was brazen, that was certain. He reminded me of some action hero—or perhaps villain.
“Oh, no,” he said, shaking his head again. “I can hardly imagine being close enough to you.” He walked right up to her as if an arrow wasn’t pointed directly at his heart, and drew his hand up to her face, which had now turned red. “Easy.” He brushed his fingers through her blonde hair, which she hadn’t cut since I met her. It was long now, just past the shoulder blades. He pushed a lock of it behind her pointed ear. “An elf? Here so close to the capital? Perhaps that is more rare a thing than the troll you lost me!”
His finger slid down her cheek to rest on her chin. I wanted to rip his hand off and shove it up his ass.
“I said, who are you?” I yelled as I finally got up the nerve to follow after him.
I don’t know what it was about this man, but there was an… aura or something. He exuded power, and strength enough that even Curr hadn’t made a move yet.
“Hey!”
Spoke too soon, huh?
Curr and his long stride took him to the wizard in only a few ground-shaking steps. If Slava cared at all that a braug was approaching his six with a sharp axe, he didn’t show it. Only when Curr was within striking distance did Slava turn to face him.
“Relax, friend. I mean no one any harm,” the wizard said. With a smile, he locked eyes with Baldree the Collector, who was slowly crawling backward. “Don’t move, or I may be inclined to change my mind.”
“I do not like mystery,” Curr said. “Speak in words we all understand or face my Rage.”
“What is it you would wish to know? I am a book with pages unfurled.” Slava pushed past Curr toward Baldree, his robe billowing. He gripped the Collector by the jaw. “I made a deal with this rodent to procure me a Greenwood Troll, and he failed.”
“I told you, it was their fault,” Baldree argued.
Slava shoved the man’s face, then turned to me. “You seem… trustworthy—for a bard. Tell me, what transpired here?”
You don’t owe him nothin’.
Part of me agrees. But what’s it worth to stay quiet?
“Bard!” the wizard snapped—the first hint of a temper he’d shown yet. Just as quickly, he returned to his suave demeanor. “I asked you a question. Do you lack hearing in the same manner in which you lack fashion sense?”
“I can hear just fine,” I all but growled. “I just haven’t decided if I have anything to say.”
“Perhaps I can persuade you.” Slava raised his hand and all the fire he’d made disappear returned in an instant. Flames licked out from one of the near-charred buildings to tickle Garvis on the back, making him yip again.
“I—I was bringing the troll to our agreed upon meeting place,” Baldree started.
“No!” Slava shouted. Then, lowering his voice, he added, “I asked the bard. Tell me bard. Tell me your tale. And please, spare me the song.”
“That is a very good idea,” Curr said, staying close beside the man. He never let his axe rest, ensuring that any sudden movements would allow him to quickly take Slava down.
I scowled at the wizard. Then with a glance toward Baldree, I said, “His story is half-true.”
“Which means it is half-lie!” Curr said as if solving world hunger.
“Do tell,” Slava said, extending a hand.
I pointed to the woods. “See all those people cowering in the brush?” The wizard turned his head slowly, following my finger. “This was their home. I don’t know what agreement you had with this sad sack of worms, but it caused them to be left with nothing.”
Slava nodded. “I see. And that’s a problem?”
“It’s a problem for you unless you give me a good reason not to release this arrow,” Lilla said, bow fully raised once more.
“I will give you one hundred,” Slava said, smiling.
“A hundred what?” Curr asked. “I do not like all this talking.”
Slava placed a hand on Curr’s shoulder, making the braug tense. “Join me as I hunt the troll. When the task is complete, you will be handsomely rewarded.”
“Hunt!” Curr shouted.
“Rewarded?” Garvis asked, but before anyone could answer, I raised a hand to shush everyone, and spoke up.
“And the people of this town?”
You really are becoming a hero! Or at least learning to sound like one.
You have gained +1 to Speechcraft.
Your Speechcraft is now 21 (+11).
“Don’t fear for them,” Slava said. “The Academy is well aware of my work, for it is they that supplied the funds to acquire the troll this worthless devil was unable to deliver. They will see to the restoration of this pitiful place. Indeed, it will be better off for their forced involvement.”
“That’s all fine, but when you say ‘handsomely rewarded’?” Garvis asked again, a gleam in his eye.
“You shut up,” I said to him. “What were you even doing? Running away from a fight…”
“I didn’t run away.”
“You got caught!” I shouted. “Again!”
Garvis shook his head. “No, I was working an angle. I saw that creepy yigging shogface…” He pointed to Baldree, “… and thought I could get the drop on him.”
It was now Slava’s turn to hold up a hand. “The longer you talk, the farther that troll ventures.” He turned back to me. “What do you say, bard? Looking for new material? I can assure you, the tale will be a grand one.”
“We do not need him having more reason to sing,” Curr said.
I sighed, and rolled my eyes. “We have business in the capital.”
It was true. Though, I had to admit, my hopes weren’t high. But it was all we had to go on. And the plan, as loose as it was, seemed impossible. Break into the castle treasure room and somehow find a small gem?
You’ve done harder things!
Like what?
I don’t know. I was just trying to be encouraging. Geez.
“As do I,” Slava said. “I’ve been so rude. I believe this encounter might have painted me as something I am not. Allow me to introduce myself. I am called Slava, and I study at the Academy of Learning. You’ll forgive my theatrics, surely. I will splay the truth out before you like a feast for eating. That troll very well might be the key to unlocking the cure for many ailments amongst wellicks and elves alike.” With that statement, he turned his attention to Lilla. “If you would accompany me, the Academy will offer recompense to this town as well as one hundred gold pieces to each of you for your efforts. I assure you, this is of the utmost importance.”
“Done!” Garvis shouted as he ran toward us.
“You don’t speak for all of us,” I growled.
“And you,” Slava said to Lilla as she lowered her bow and joined our growing circle. “My apologies for my behavior. I have an overwhelming fascination with things that differ so greatly from me.”
“I am not a thing,” she said, terse.
Slava bowed. “Again, my sincerest regrets for choosing my words so without care.”
Curr closed in on us now, leaving Baldree on the outside. I watched as he scurried away.
“Your friend is getting away,” I said.
Slava didn’t even look. “His value is diminished now in my eyes.” He pulled out a bag of what I conjectured from the sound to be gold. “And now, his failure to transact has given you and your friends a potential payday. Let him run. It won’t be long until one of his detainees ends his life. Now, what say you?”
Worry creased my forehead. This was a distraction from the goal of finding my lute’s missing piece, and we’d seen what that troll was capable of.
Curr pulled me aside. Lilla followed.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Danny, I have not been thrown bodily like that in many years. It was exhilarating. I say we accept this quest.”
“You—what?” I looked from Curr to Lilla who now walked toward us.
She took stock of the destruction surrounding us. “If our involvement means these people have their lives and homes restored, I have to agree.”
“Indeed, they will be restored beyond what they previously had,” Slava said, appearing as if out of nowhere behind Curr. “So we are in agreement?”
I gave one last glance around the circle. “You’re all sure?”
When everyone nodded, none more exuberantly than Garvis. I sighed and shook Slava’s hand. “Fine.”
NEW OBJECTIVE:
Find and capture the Greenwood Troll.
REWARD:
100gp, and the knowledge that your actions helped a bunch of strangers who probably wouldn’t have done the same for you.