“You wanna explain yourself?” I kept my voice low as I grilled Garvis. He and I walked at the back of the search party, warily watching the new guy as he led us on a wild troll chase.

Reality was, it wasn’t too difficult to follow a frightened troll through the forest. Trees were felled on every side, creating an easy trail for us to travel—apart from the handful of times so many had toppled over they created a blockade. Even then, we just rerouted until we came back to the path clearly marked by the troll’s desperate escape.

“Explain what?” Garvis asked, wrinkles forming on his forehead and nose. “You saw what yigging happened. I stabbed that bastard in his rotten leg.”

“You got caught again. That’s the third time in the short period I’ve known you.”

“I didn’t get caught—I mean, I did. But it wasn’t my fault. No, really. Not that I gotta explain myself to you, boyo, but here’s how it went down: I saw an opportunity, and I took it. Had a perch right above the copper-skinned prick. It was a great perch. The best. When he ran down the road, chasing after the troll, I would have leapt off the church, and boom. His part of the threat would have been over. What—you think I’d have been much help head to head against a yigging troll?”

He’s got you there.

“No, I guess not. But you got caught.”

“Only because the shog-eater threw a godsdamned wagon at me!”

His outburst caused Slava to turn and shush him.

Garvis lowered his voice, but barely. “I was sitting there, preparing to save the day, like I do, when a big ass cart smashed the wall beside me. Of course, that drew the bastard’s attention. Not to mention, the wheel or something came loose and knocked me off the ledge. Still, I was aimed right at him, but he caught me. Kept my knife from, you know, sinking in.” He made a gesture of stabbing and twisting.

“You were gonna kill him?” I asked, incredulous.

“Kill him, maim him, chop off his pecker. Whatever it took.”

I decided to ignore that last part in lieu of a much more important subject matter. “But you didn’t even know why he was chasing the troll.”

“Listen, bard. You can playact as hero all you want, but that ain’t me. I’m a thief. I’m a scoundrel. I thrive in the shadows. I know my role in this life, and it would be best if you made up your shog-licking mind before it’s too late.”

I thought about that for a second. Was he right?

At one point, Screenie told me I had to find my purpose, and while I might have discovered part of it with Roxanne, I still wasn’t sure that was the whole story. Who was I in this world? Why had I been brought here in the first place? Was it just dumb luck, or was there some greater plan that God or Ludos or goddamn Buddha had for me?

Buddha doesn’t even think of you.

Curr laughing disrupted my consideration of Screenie’s insult. Then, looking over his shoulder, Curr insulted me instead. “See, Danny, your legs are short. You are walking at the same pace as a halfling.”

“Yeah, yeah. We’re talking,” I said.

“About what?” Lilla asked, slowing a bit.

Garvis gave me a look that implied he’d rather not bring the whole party in on the conversation. So, I did what is apparently my favorite thing in the whole world, I lied. “Our favorite song.”

“That is a stimulating conversation,” Curr said. “Mine is ‘Three Bloody Orcs.’ What is yours?”

Yeah, Danny, tell them. What was it again? “Shake It Off” by Taylor Swift?

What was I supposed to say? Other than the songs in my catalog, I didn’t know the name of any songs people would sing in Pyruun.

So, guess what I did? “Yeah, I like that one too.”

Curr stopped walking. He glared at me, an unreadable expression plastered across his face. Then, finally, after my palms started sweating, he said, “I am surprised you know it. Every braug mother sings it to their children, but few wellicks have heard of it. Perhaps you are more well-traveled than I had originally perceived.”

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Wow. I can’t believe he bought that.

I think that deserves a point!

You have gained +1 to Deception.

Your Deception is now 6.

Then Curr got excited. “We should sing it together!”

“I—uh.”

Uh-oh.

Think fast!

“Bah! You are right,” Curr said. “I would not want to spoil my favorite song with the memory of your terrible voice singing it. Forget I said anything.”

That was close.

Good thing you have decent Luck.

You know, this is like a terrible 90s sitcom.

All of these conversations would be easier if Curr knew the truth…

I did something I’d also become pretty good at; I ignored Screenie again.

Ahead, Lilla and Slava had stopped. And no, it didn’t bother me one bit that they had been walking side-by-side this whole time.

Self-Deception doesn’t count.

“That smell again,” Curr said.

“Yes, braug. We are getting close to our quarry,” Slava agreed.

I swore I could see the bloodlust creeping into Curr’s eyes. I’d never seen him look at a woman—or a man, for that matter—like this. It was an exhilaration he reserved only for battle. I absently wondered if that was something I could learn. Could I one day be that kind of warrior?

I feel like you know this answer already.

You have to admit, I’ve been getting pretty good with a sword.

Lilla has been going easy on you.

That’s a lie.

Maybe. Perhaps you’ll just have to ask her…

I found myself staring at the back of Lilla’s head, and thinking back to all our training sessions.

No. She hasn’t. I would have known.

I growled and pushed past Curr, making my way up to the front of the group. Squeezing myself between Lilla and the wizard, I cleared my throat.

“Oh, hi, Danny,” she said.

“Bard,” Slava acknowledged. “Are you prepared for what is to come?”

“Fighting a troll?”

“We will not be fighting a troll. We will be capturing a troll. Alive.”

Curr spoke up, a bit of panic in his tone. “But that will involve fighting, yes?”

“My research would commence sooner and proceed smoother if the creature returned to the Academy undamaged.”

Curr swore a braug word I’d never heard before, then turned to Lilla. “I am sorry for my crass outburst. It was not directed at you.”

Lilla inclined her head slightly.

I assumed whatever he’d said was something derogatory toward women in general. Or maybe elves?

No, it was women. And it was baaaaad. Sort of like the English version of Cun—

That’s enough. I get it.

“Why aren’t we moving?” I asked.

“Something is not right,” Slava responded.

Lilla and I shared a glance. She motioned to the bone sword sheathed at my hip. I raised my eyebrows, but she insisted as she pulled her own heun blade free. We stood there, the five of us, weapons drawn in an empty forest while a wizard we just met sniffed the bark of a tree.

It was dead silent for about thirty seconds before Garvis couldn’t take it anymore. “Someone yigging say—”

“This way,” Slava interrupted. “And stay vigilant.”

He rushed off, and we followed him through a shallow creek. I’d never been so grateful for my elven-made boots that kept my feet totally dry as we waded through gently rushing water. Since, for a halfling, it would have been the deep-end of a swimming pool, Curr carried Garvis on his shoulders like father and son at a sporting event.

“This is humiliating,” Garvis groaned.

“I could let you swim,” Curr offered, serious as could be.

“Just get us across.”

I wouldn’t want to paint the wrong picture; there was nothing treacherous about the task. However, without knowing where we were going, it all felt kind of… intimidating. We didn’t know this guy from Adam. He could have been leading us all out here just to set the forest on fire and kill us. I’ve seen crazier things on CNN.

Once on the other side, Slava stopped, this time kneeling to smell a clump of damp dirt. He brought it to his nose, wafted it around a bit, made a face, then let it plop to the ground again.

“How is smelling trees and mud going to help us?” I asked.

“This is not mud.” The wizard stood and wiped his hand on a tree. “It is snotfing excrement.”

***

SNOTFINGS: It’s entirely unknown how this species came about. The smallest of the goblin-kin, it’s more likely they were the result of a goblin getting its freak on with some sort of primate. Wild, huh? Whe—

I don’t think making babies works like that.

What do you know about making babies?

I know that I couldn’t bang a gorilla and make a yeti.

Have you tried?

“If snotfings are present, that means we are likely too late,” Slava said. “Come, there may still yet be time to save the troll.”

“Save the troll…” I laughed.

Slava turned on me in an instant. “Do not forget the importance of my mission. Now, let’s go.”

He twirled, his robes sending a gust of hot wind my way. I stood there like a kid who’d just been scolded by the school principal. Lilla followed immediately. Still didn’t bother me.

Curr, on the other hand, seemed more downtrodden than usual.

“What’s up, big guy?” I asked.

Curr sighed. “Snotfings are even punier and weaker than you.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Curr smiled, but there was no mirth in it. “I am sorry, Danny. I did not mean it like that. I just… hoped for something more.”

Wow. That might have been the first time Curr ever apologized to me for insulting me. It felt kind of ni—

“Perhaps they are not quite as weak as you.” He started off after Lilla and Slava.

I couldn’t help but laugh and shake my head.

Garvis fell into step behind Curr. Without anything else to do, I took up the rear.

Yeah you did.