Crile carries Laira back to my room. I let the four of them in and freeze. Something's not right with me. My head feels heavy. My chest aches. What is this? I feel like I'm underwater... I watch Star and Crile put Laira on the bed. Emerald lays in the middle of the room as usual. I try to reach out to them, but it feels like I'm miles away. My vision darkens. The chest clenches more. I gasp for air.

Help... No sound comes out.

“Child?”

I stare at my feet. They move. Back. I feel something drag me away from my friends. My face feels wet. I step again and again. Wrong. That something is me. I'm running away from them.

“CHILD!”

Why? I try to breathe in one last time and shift. Loud gasps and yells reach me too late. I dash out the Palace as fast as my paws can carry me. The funeral fire is going strong. People are saying their goodbyes... Is this it? Is this what it's like to stand at the top? At the top of what? A pile of corpses? Is this my future? Ordering people to die in my place so that I can live a little longer?

What a joke! Is this what it means to lead a country! Why! Aren't I supposed to protect them! Will I have to kill off my friends like that too! NO! I REFUSE! I WON'T! But... I'm the heir! I'm the damned heir! What happens if I die? Who will lead our people then? But... Why me? Why do I have to be THE heir? I lose sight of where I'm going, my paw slips and I crash, rolling down the path. My focus breaks and I shift back mid roll... I land on my back and lay there in the dirt...

“Hey. Tell me. Why did you have me, Father? So that I could suffer in your place? Did you want an heir so that you wouldn’t have to be the bad guy? Is that it?” I feel tears gush out of my eyes. I grip the grass around me.

“TELL ME!!!” I roar across the forest. “WHAT'S THE POINT OF IT ALL!!!” How can I know if I'm making the right decisions! How do I not lose the same people I'm supposed to be protecting!!

“HOW!!” I scream again.

“Tell me... Father... I'm begging...” I slowly curl up into a ball...

   “Wasn't Zarri right behind us?”

“Huh? She was, what gives?” Crile looks out the door. I notice Emerald's gaze. She seems frozen?

“Did she say anything?” Crile asks quietly from between the doors. I shake my head.

“Damn it. I'll go look for her.” He says and I nod. Laira flinches in her sleep. I pat her head lightly. That always helped me when Mother did it... Poor thing. I can't imagine what it must be like... I keep patting Laira's head... It must be hard for Zarri... These political problems will be hers one day... I thought I understood her position, but perhaps I was too naive...

“Crile is sure taking his sweet time...” I pout a little to myself.

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“Mo..y...” A tiny whisper. “Da..y..”

I sigh and just pat Laira again... “Poor thing...”

  Somehow I manage to find my way back to the Palace. The looks and the mouth coverings tell me I must look “unacceptable” for an heir... Who cares...

“Mistress! What in the world!”

“What is this!”

“Where have you been!”

None of your business.

“We've been looking everywhere!”

My condolences.

“What a childish act to make in a time of crisis! Have you no pride as our Heir!”

No. Since I never asked to be your heir to begin with.

“You should be handling yourself better!”

UGH! I ALREADY AM!! I’M NOT KILLING ALL OF YOU, AM I! I clench my fists tighter and continue to ignore the colossal audacity to complain to my face. Least have the decent amount of backstabbing audacity and complain about me to each other behind my back! Ain’t that supposed to be your job description? Damned robes...

I open the door to my room and shut them loud. I flinch at my own stupidity as I remember the passed-out Laira in my bed. Emerald only opens one eye at me. I lower my gaze and she ignores me.

“Where the heck have you been!” Star hisses at me, stroking Laira's head.

“How is she?”

“Out like a light. As where you! Like out out! Where!” She hisses again, as I crawl next to them, but Amana's face tells me to get off. I climb off and go change. I pat myself down with a damp towel only as I am not in the mood for more grooming and slip into my light gear. I come back to the bed. Star's face is asking for an explanation still. I take in air and–

“BREEZE!” Crile tumbles in through the door.

“Quiet!!!!” Star hisses louder. He ignores her and rustles on the bed next to us on his knees. He falls on me and hugs me. Too tight.

“Don’t scare me like that. It took me too long to realize you left...”

I change the words that I was about to say to Star and hear:

“Sorry.”

“Next time tell me or leave a note!” He chops me on the head.

“Sure...” I mumble pushing him off.

“How is she?” Crile asks.

“Asleep still. Luckily for you!” Star gazes back down at Laira. “She keeps mumbling things sometimes, but I can’t make it out...”

“Probably calling for her parents.”

“How do you figure?” Star asks.

“Wouldn’t you?” Crile coils up at our feet. “Your royal dumbassiness had me running all over the place and now I’m tired...” He says yawing. “Night...”

“Huh? Wha! What do you mean "night"?” Star pushes him with her foot. “Crile!” She hisses again. I smile. “Unbelievable...”

“It's no big deal.” I toss a corner of the blanket on the boy. “Here.” I toss the other corner on the two girls and shift.

“Oh. Cozy.” Ammi smiles to me as I cuddle up against her and Laira. Am I allowed to though? How can I look her in the eyes now? The tip of my tail touches Laira's face. A trick I learned from Emerald. A tiny smile and a tear appear on Laira's face.

Forgive me.