Hi.

I'm back. Back to the story? Yeah, that's probably good.

As I was saying, I'm not good with uppity types, or, as my previous boss liked to call me:

“Utterly fucking incompetent towards my superiors and obvious betters.”

I mean, who says that?

What kind of narcissistic bastard is he?

This is why I was not proud of my work.

I have no problems, morally or otherwise, with manual labor, but I do with utter assholes like my boss.

He wasn't even a big-shot, he was just a secretary, not even to the biggest dude in the company.

And so, I SINCERELY hope, that God is not a narcissist.

'Cause, you know, that would be a big problem for a Christian, as you may imagine.

Fortunately, or maybe not, I don't have much of an imagination when it comes to things other than myself and my immediate situation.

Though, this was my current situation, and I hadn't had time to think about after being hit by a hobo's bicycle to death.

How did a hobo even get a bicycle?

Nevermind, he probably stole it.

I hope he gets raped and dies in jail for killing me.

Time to face reality now? Yep, a definite, resounding, yep.

“Hi God, can I call you that?” (Unnamed MC dude) [I totally didn't forget to name him. *averts eyes*]

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

“Yep that works.” (God)

“Kay, that's cool. Two questions though. One, where might we be? Two, what's gonna happen to me after this talk is done.” (You know who)

“Short answers, one, Heaven, two, reincarnation, I assume you know how that whole shtick works, considering the numerous amounts of Japanese light novels, manga, and anime you have watched. (Godly fellow)

“Yep” (This conversation shouldn't be THAT hard to follow, come on)

“Still, you're surprisingly calm, and may I assume, that you wouldn't be to deterred to the idea of other gods? 'Cause short answer, yep, they're there.” (God number ???)

“I didn't know what to expect so, honestly, I was expecting an old, crinkly, long bearded prick. Not the understanding, casual, young man you are, God. Also, may I add, that you are extremely fucking adorable?” [It's not like I have anything better to do than write these name tags, b-baka!]

“You may, and thank you for the compliment, people usually find more comfort knowing they saw the most adorable thing alive (?) before they get reincarnated. Albeit slightly unrelated to our conversation thus far, I expected at least your thoughts to be jumbled up when meeting a god, but your mind is quite serene.” [I think in one-on-one conversations imma just not do name tags]

“You said something like that previously, but honestly, I'm a bit mental.”

And not in a good way.

“So, since you know what's gonna happen either way, you wanna be reincarnated on Earth, or somewhere else?”

“Not Earth please! Earth is SHIT! No offense, but it sucks pretty hard.”

“None taken, I didn't even create this backwater, shit-hole of a planet.”

“Kay then.”

“Yep.”

“Look, God, could you just get on with it? I know this is wasting both of our time.”

“You know what, I'll do that. As an extra, just 'cause you're an interesting guy, I'll give you some sweet powers, but-”

“I KNEW there would be a 'but'.”

“*sigh* Look, I'm not omnipotent okay? All I was gonna say was that I can't guarantee that the gods of the new world I'm sending you to will like you as much as I do. Therefore, you might get some handicaps or something. No cancer, blindness, or such, I'll make sure of it, but I can't say for sure that you won't be a slime or something [* creepy obvious foreshadowing giggle*].”

“Oh, that's cool with me. Being a monster would probably be crazy fun. I mean, nobody can blame me for being nuts if I was a monster, am I right?

“True that. I'm just gonna send you off okay? You'll get a mini guide-book of sorts when you start. Also, fair-warning, One of the more important goddesses is an incorrigible ass, and a snob.”

I should have known. Isn't gods being asses practically a template in and of itself?

“*sigh* Bye God, see ya I guess.”

“Bye, though you won't see me, I'll try to stick up for you, okay?”

“Kay.”

As soon as I said that I blacked out, feeling a tugging sensation pulling me downwards. I soon feel my new body is connected with my soul. Except for one thing. A tiny hitch in my plan to live my life as a new person. Okay, there were a few. First off, WHY DO I STILL HAVE MY MEMORIES!?