So… how are you?

Good?

That's great, but I'm not.

Why, you ask?

Well it's quite elementary, my dear Watson…

My tiny body is about to go splat under a tree, while a human head-sized dragonfly is gonna have me for dinner afterwards!

WHY MEEEEEEEE!

Sob sob.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

(The rest of the scene has been cut short for the reader's convenience.)

Sniffle sniff.

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

And there's also the mental abuse!

The very essence that keeps the world running insistently calls me an idiot!

Why why why why why, WHY MEEEEEEEEEE!

(This “tragic” scene has been cut short for the reader's convenience.)

I mean, I used to be a man.

I liked that.

But now… but now…

I'm just an amorphous blob of gooooooooo!

Alright, deep breaths, in, * inhales sharply *, out, * sighs gruffly *.

Okay, I think we're all good now, right? Right. Hows about I tell you how I got in this predicament in the first place? Well, here goes.

I was walking out of my apartment building, I had my work uniform on as usual, though I wasn't particularly proud of my line of work, paper-pushing or moving boxes, as expected of a secretary's secretary. Even I didn't know that position existed, until I was put in it. I seriously don't know how I got such a bad gig, but at least it was work, and got my parents off my back. Which they most definitely were, but I supposed that I reaped what I had sown in that department, considering how long I had leeched off them for.

Either way, I was headed for the subway entrance when I heard an incessant ringing from behind me, along with copius amounts of shouting, but I ignored it since it shouldn't have anything to do with me, which in hindsight was a bad decision, and got hit by the bicycle-riding man who was aiming at entering the subway on a bicycle at full speed. I mean who the hell- scratch that, WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT!? I mean I know I wasn't paying attention, but why was that something I even had to worry about in the first place, IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN!

After that, though, I started tumbling down the subway's stair case.

*SLAM*

OW

*THUNK*

SHIT

*DONG*

BITCH

*CRUNCH*

Oh, was that bad sound? I think it FUCKING WAS!! And to put the proverbial 'cherry-on-top', somehow, someway, someone's baby managed to SHIT right where my face landed, and pissed on the back of my most-likely broken skull. I MEAN, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!? AND NOW THERE'S GONNA BE SOME WHITE ROOM WITH-A-GOD BULLSHIT, AM I RIGHT!? Oh shit, I AM right aren't I? Well this suuuuuuuuuuuucks. I'm never to good with those uppity types, but I'll give it a shot. I guess.