Well… that hurt like a motherfucker, if I do say so myself.

I see another shiny looking panel, so let's see… oh, my sight has a range setting?

The fuck's a MPRG? Is that my eyes? I probably shouldn't have turned thing on full blast right from the start though. Oh well.

Why is it set in meters? Why not feet? I'm not a metric asshole, why do I have to deal with this shit (Sucker.)! Uh… options? Set standard units to feet?

~ Options ~

Standard units set to feet. [Take that!] (Damn it!)

Glad that was taken care of.

Right, current problem, movement. Before I turned on the MPRG, I remember the race page for my species said that I wiggle to move. How the fuck am I supposed to do that? I guess, just try to vibrate that way? (BTW he doesn't have a clue where 'that way' is, since he hasn't turned on the MPRG.) [Shh, I know, you can shut up, okay?]

Oh right the MPRG, actually, that's kinda hard to say all the time. Imma just call it the MRRG. Gotta turn the sucker on either way, so, on the lowest setting… there!

* Suppresses urge to MRRG *

Better. Definitely better. 'Kay, vibrate to the future! (You think you're so damn clever don't you?) [Yes, yes I do.]

OOH! I'm moving! What's that? A corpse? Let's inspect.

Oops. I moved onto it. I guess I could just engulf it. Ooh, let's inspect it with my new slimy body…

It's… a goblin…

I ate it…

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DEAR LORD THAT TASTES DISGUSTING!!!

~ New skill acquired ~

Hmm, what is it?

: Absorbs a small amount of your target's attributes or some of their skills by eating their corpse. Acquires more if eaten whole and digested quickly. Increases amount of attributes or skills per level.

That's awesome. Except that there's one problem.

Do all monsters taste that terrible? I hope not. Oh well.

I moved about the cave and found something. It looks like a bat, but it glows. It's a glowing bat.

I used a bit of me like a limb and tried to bitch-slap it. I knocked it out of the air and it hit the ground hard.

~ New skill acquired ~

Ooh…

: Use a tool or part of your body to whip your target for some stamina. Increases damage per level and Strength attribute.

Okay, batty boy is still unconscious, so let's absorb him.

* Nom *

Not bad, if a bit tingly.

~ Absorb has leveled up once ~

~ Status updated ~

Then… Status.

~ Status ~

Name:

Level: 1

Race: Base slime

Titles: ,

Skills: , , , ,

Perks: , , ,

~ Attributes ~ ~ Statistics ~

~ Elemental Affinity ~

Why though? Why do I have a new title and sub-status? [Because I said so damn it.]

* sigh *

Titles first I guess…

~ Titles ~

: One who was idiotic enough to skip the tutorial to life.

Effects: Decreases Intelligence by 1. Gives skill.

I'm not even surprised… I wonder what does?

~ Skills ~

: Act like a fool to confuse your enemies. Does not work on non-sentient beings. Effect increases with skill level and amount of derogatory mental perks one has. (Ex: , , . What a sucker, am I right?) [I think the readers could go without the peanut gallery speaking up.] (You're just jealous that I'm wittier.) [Lol, no.]

Oh well. So about that new sub-status…

~ Elemental affinities ~

Main:

Fire: 0

Water: 0

Earth: 0

Wind: 0.5

Light: 0.5

Dark: 0

Combined:

Lava: 0

Holy: 0

Poison: 0

Lightning: 2.5

Ice: 0

Storm: 0

Nature: 0

Heretical:

Soul: 0

Death: 0

Okay, does that mean the bat was lightning-y? That must be why it tasted so tingly. I guess since lightning is a combined element, it gave me affinity in what it was combined from too? That's cool if it's true.

I want to find more bats, they're easy to kill and tasty.

* Smirks evilly *