I was already moving along the side of the wall before the goblins had a chance to leap over the sides of the stands into the arena. My Blade shot across the room and caught one in the chest just as he hit the sand. My goal was to save as much ammunition as I could for the last fight, as useless as it might be. Another goblin was skewered before the remaining eight scattered and began running toward me in a widely dispersed group.
I had a game plan in mind for them. “Why,” I thought to myself, “do i need to run into the thick of it and slug it out? Why can’t I just stay out of reach?”
None of them were shamans, and from what I had previously seen of them the goblins were horrible shots when it came to throwing their weapons. I juked left through the pillars as four of them tried to cut me off, two of them found themselves with slit throats as the Blade trailed behind me. I had expected a third to die with them, but as the weapon sped toward his neck, he suddenly jumped and caught the blade in his pectoral. He grabbed onto the hilt, and refused to let go of it.
“Fucker!”
He had taken it right into a spot where it wouldn’t immediately kill him, but he was still going to die. It would take who knows how long for the tenacious bastard to fully bleed out, and in that time the remaining five goblins had a great opportunity to surround me.
I did a lap around the room as the goblins gave chase, circling back around to where he was struggling to keep the Blade from flying off. I sprinted through the sand toward him, and the other five realized where I was going. They sped up, trying to cut me off and prevent me from freeing my weapon. I unsheathed the Edge, and it flew into the air, arching high over their heads and plunging down into the goblin’s heart. A moment later his grip on the Blade loosened and it pulled itself free. Both of them rocketed toward me, striking two goblins in the back along the way.
The remaining three thought they had me outnumbered while I was unarmed, but they didn’t realize that my crowbar made for a fine club. With the long reach my arms afforded me. I swung it like a bat into the side of one’s head. As I speared the chisel end into another’s heart, my knives returned and both of them plunged into the final goblin’s chest.
I realized a moment later that the one I had clocked in the head was still moving, crawling to grab his weapon again. I walked up from behind him and put my foot between his shoulder blades. A moment later the Blade rammed into his ear, and he died.
The first wave was over, I had a moment to breathe.
In an almost exact recreation of last time, the ten XP gems floated into the air and flew toward the Lord, absorbing into his chest as he shook the room with his boisterous laughter. It almost reminded me of the unskippable cutscenes before boss fights. He once again slammed the hilt of his weapon into the ground twice and barked another order. The ten hobgoblins hopped down from the stands to play.
They tried a new tactic this time instead of grouping up into a phalanx. All ten of them sprinted to the sides of the room and simultaneously used their Obscurement gems, which blanketed the entire arena floor in shadow. That might’ve severely hampered me if it wasn’t for the multi-thousand dollar piece of night vision equipment that sat in front of my eye.
All ten of them readied their spears and shields, and step by step began to creep toward me in the dark. It looked downright intimidating.
Not.
I launched both knives at once toward the left-most spearman. He caught one in his shield, but the other ran right through his eye and he collapsed. The others watched him go down and abandoned their stalking tactic. They rushed toward each other and began forming a shield wall, covering their heads and sides from any more knife attacks. In a single unified formation, they began marching toward me.
“Spartans! Lay down your weapons!”
I don’t think they understood my reference. Regardless, with all of them grouped up, it was an excellent time to use one of my new toys.
Fuck You
Charges 2/5
I pulled out the piece of inscribed gold and unholstered my handgun. I took steady aim and then launched two firebolts right into their formation. The balls of fire splashed against their shields and three of them went up in flames in an instant. The group instinctively scatted to get away from the fire before it could spread. Two of them were enveloped when they refused to drop their shields, while the third flung his away and saved himself.
The piece of gold crumbled away in my hand and I dropped the useless fragments to the ground. With a clear view of their bodies, and with all of their focus on their compatriots-turned-torches, I lined up my shots and began to shoot.
Three of them died to perfect shots to the side of the head before the others realized that their attention was in the wrong place. It was a bit too late now though, as only four were left standing. I don’t believe it had occurred to the two smoldering corpses that a simple roll in the sand might’ve saved them, but I wasn’t about to sit here and teach them the “stop, drop, and roll” method.
I holstered my gun again and walked toward the survivors. The first of them raised his shield and spear and charged toward me, but the Edge swiped his ankle out from under him and the Blade plunged into his back as he hit the ground. The second took cover behind a pillar, so I sent the Blade around one side while I came around the other with Edge in hand. Between the two pincers closing in on him, he couldn’t protect himself, I personally stuck my knife between his ribs.
The final two hobgoblins began to run away, side by side, toward the far wall. It turned out that my knives could fly just a bit faster than their running speed. It took a moment to actually catch up to them, but they were finally run down and dispatched. I reloaded my gun while the Lord laughed again and banged his scepter.
Five orcs have joined the game. I tightly gripped my pistol, knowing that I would need it. I flung the Blade at the first orc. He easily batted it to the side with his axe and charge toward me while the other four watched. He closed the distance quickly, much faster than my Blade could catch up to him. Even as it sank into his back he was almost on top of me. The Edge flashed out and cut deep along his chest but he ignored the two wounds.
The foam that was building up around his mouth told me he was already in a rage. I staggered him with four rounds to the chest around his heart and was able to disengage. I had to dodge his axe as he heaved it at me, sending both knives to repeatedly stab him. The second orc came running toward me as the first finally collapsed in a pool of his own blood.
Three and four were already circling around to flank me. I couldn’t let them attack me all at once.
This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.
Ability: Minor Speed activated
Fuck You Vol 2
Charges 5/5
I had been hoping I could save the second and third Fuck You’s for the final boss fight, but I didn’t have any better options. I launched a firebolt at all three of them, and they were unable to dodge in time. They lit up like Christmas trees while I scurried away. Once I had gotten to safety, I turned to watch the light show. I was so distracted by it that I forgot that number five even existed.
He reminded me by tackling me from behind and shoving me face down into the sand.
Aura: 60%
Between his weight and strength both being much more than mine, I couldn’t push him off of me or flip over. I couldn’t even turn enough to get an aim on him. I had to estimate where his head should be and launch both knives at that position. I felt blood start to pour down onto my back, yet still felt him shifting around as he raised up his axe. As he was about to bring it down right onto the back of my head, I picked up a handful of sand and threw it over my shoulder.
Honestly, it was mostly just a last act of desperation. I thought I was finished.
It had an outstanding effect, as I felt his weight move around and heard him pawing at his face to remove the sand from his eyes. I commanded the knives to stab, slash, and mince away. A moment later I felt his body collapse on me. Then the weight disappeared.
Ability: Minor Speed deactivated
Stamina: 80/100
I slowly stood up from the stand and watched the five gems fly toward the Lord. His smile unnerved me.
“Well fucker? Are you gonna come face me yourself?”
He seemed to consider my challenge for a moment, then began to stand up. I aimed the Fuck You Vol 2 at him and let loose with the last two charges. The big guy dodged them without issue. The firebolts shot out like arrows, and he simply ducked underneath both and charged toward me while they harmless splashed against the back wall.
“Ah shit!”
I began to run as he barreled toward me, ducking behind a pillar and letting him slam into it. I realized that I needed a way to keep him still long enough to hit him with the artillery. Yeah, that’s easy enough to accomplish when he was probably several tons of muscle that moved like a runaway freight train.
Easy day right? I had to think.
An iconic scene from an old sci-fi movie popped into my head, and I silently thanked my uncle for making sure I was cultured by watching it.
“Fuck it! It’ll have to work!”
As I hauled ass at my best speed away from the rampaging bull of a boss, I pulled the roll of paracord from my vest and threaded the end of it through the lanyard loop of the Edge. I tied it securely, then sheathed it for the moment. Next I plucked out a flashbang from my vest and pulled the pin. I held the spoon tightly to the grenade body as I ran and dodged the Lord’s swings. Just as he was about to slam into my side with that massive scepter I dived behind a pillar. His weapon smashed into it, leaving a deep gouge as chunks of it flew off.
I let the spoon release, counted to two seconds, and tossed it into the air toward his face. The dumb bastard caught it out of the air and held it right up to his face to inspect the strange device. Then it detonated just feet from his open eyes.
He immediately clutched at his face as he roared and flailed. It felt like his rage was going to make the entire room collapse. I took it to mean his eyes were not immune to the effects, and shot out from cover. I sent the Edge sailing between his ankles where it began weaving back and forth in a figure eight, running the paracord around his shins.
One line of it was rated for five hundred pounds, so I hoped that ten tightly bound lines might hold his legs together for at least a moment. My supply of cord ran out just about the time his senses were coming back to him. While he might not have been immune to it, his recovery time was simply unfair. I took flight, backing up out of his melee range and fired twice at his forehead to provoke him into following.
He raised a foot to start giving chase, and then toppled over.
Fuck You Vol 3
Charges 5/5
I launched all five firebolts in a row at him, pelting both of his arms, his head, and his torso on each side with them. I knew that I wouldn’t get another chance to wail on him like this. As the five fires burned and I dropped the ruined gold I began nailing him in the face with my 10mm. I targeted his eyes in particular, hoping to gouge them out. My knives flew in to assist, and he tried to swat them away.
For thirty seconds he burned, and then the fire went out. In that time it crept down his legs and melted the paracord holding him down. His blackened skin cracked as he began to stand, and I turned to run away.
“Fucking die damn you!”
I sent the Edge at his face one more time, and it finally struck true. I watched the golden hilt protrude from his eye and blood poured out. The victory was short lived though, as he grabbed hold of it and ripped it out, then crumpled it in his bare hand and tossed it away. With one good eye left, he spotted me and gave chase.
“Shit!”
He was noticeably slower now, whether that was from pain or the sheer amount of damage he had just taken. Either way I was able to keep ahead of him. My Blade jabbed away at his back, just out of his reach when he tried to grab at it. I serpentined between the pillars as he chased me.
I had only one more trick up my sleeve. I ran back toward my discarded backpack while he lagged behind and dug through it. I found my roll of duct tape and one of my AP mags, I grabbed both and took off, watching as the giant narrowly missed stepping on my stuff.
As I ran, I pulled rounds from the mag and duct taped them around my last flashbang. All thirty got attached to it. Next I needed to get behind the fucker.
Ability: Minor Speed activated
I sprinted right at him, and as he tried to stomp on me I slid right under him, popping back up. I jammed my crowbar into his leg, barely breaking the skin, but it held enough for me to use it as a foothold. My Blade jutted out from the gaping wound it had been slowly forming.
My uncle made me watch another sci-fi movie that had a scene similar to this. I liked that one more.
I pulled the pin on the flashbang and let the spoon fly, and shoved it into the hole as deep as I could go before pushing away. I landed in the sand and narrowly dodged his foot, then began hauling ass.
I heard only the muffled bang, much like when the angler had eaten the flashbang, but this time I heard a follow up that sounded like muted popcorn as the rounds went off inside of him. They wouldn’t have nearly the same effect as being fired through a barrel, not enough time for the powder to burn behind them and get them going, but they served well enough as shrapnel.
He tensed up, and then fell down face first.
I watched as he was still breathing, but it was labored, as if he was on death’s doorstep. I decided I’d help him along. I leapt up onto his back, grabbed my crowbar, and began prying away at the exposed bones and muscle in the now two foot wide hole in his back. It took a few minutes to dig my way to his heart, which beat weakly yet was enveloped in a dull blue glow. I drew my handgun, took aim, and opened fire.
Even despite clear access to his heart, the heavy burns, and having an improvised explosive device detonated inside of him, it still took thirty two rounds of 10mm JHP to the heart to finally kill him. Each shot seemed to flatten against the glow, which slowly faded away. The final three rounds actually made it into the critical organ.
His breathing at long last stopped, his body shuddered a final time, and a few seconds later his corpse started disappearing beneath me.
The first thing I snagged was his XP gem.
Gained 105 Soul Energy, 132/150
Sweet, sweet SE, oh how I cherish thee.
The next thing was the three golden gems that were now floating beside me.
I reached out to inspect them
Ability Stone (Rare) (Artificer Only): Drain
Passive
When deconstructing magic items to learn their enchantments, the Artificer may salvage a portion of the Mana and Soul Energy that went into making it.
Oh, that sounds good.