Class Endowment Gem (Rare): Artificer

The Artificer is capable of infusing ordinary objects with magical properties, turning mundane items into potent tools of power. Whether it's imbuing a sword with flame, a cloak with invisibility, or a ring with protection, they can empower themselves and others with enchanted gear.

I had to reread that a few times to let it really set in.

Hey, excuse me, System? Yeah, it’s me, James. Can we have a small chat please? Yeah, uh, how in the fuck is this in any way a balanced option? Just my gloves alone were an endless source of ideas for shenanigans, and now I was being informed that I could have the power to just make more things like that at my whimsy?

The choice was made for me before I had even finished reading the class description, I just had to make sure I wasn’t misunderstanding it. There was no way in fuck that I was going to pass this class up. Sure, theoretically there was a chance that later I could find a class that was even more blatantly overpowered, that was always a possibility. If that happened, I could slap myself over not waiting for that golden opportunity. I think I could deal with that if it meant I had unlimited magic item bullshittery.

Class Endowment Gem selected

Confirm?

I didn’t think it was possible to spam click an imaginary “yes” button, but I did.

If I were to describe to you what it felt like to earn a class, I’d be comfortable in saying that it was unpleasant. I need you to understand when I tell you that is severely downplaying the experience. It started off nice enough, with a pleasant warmth that started in my fingertips and toes and spread slowly throughout my body until it felt like I was wrapped in a soft heated blanket. Then it became a tingle, like I was wearing clothes fresh out of a dryer and loaded with static. Then it began to intensify.

I am sure that all of you are familiar with the sensation of a limb falling asleep on you. If you are not, then you’re a fucking liar. You know that feeling of pins and needles when the blood begins to flow freely again? Well, I want you to imagine that. Got it? Okay. Now amplify that by twenty. Now try to imagine that every solitary inch of your body is experiencing that at the same time. Yes, even that part.

It wasn’t only my body that felt like I had been thrown through a woodchipper and dumped in a pile of fire ants. My head was being forcibly flooded with information, such as the knowledge that nothing was biologically happening to my body, but even with that tidbit engraved in my memory, I still had to doubt it when my skin lit up with glowing purple cracks of energy.

I tried to scream, and I might have, I’m really not sure if I actually did. I couldn’t hear anything. My sight went out right after my hearing. All of my senses beyond pain were overloaded by the stream of info being shoved into my head. I knew that the exact process that I was experiencing was my body being forced to grow something called “Mana Conduits”, which was a form of magical nervous system that allowed one to harness and utilize Mana.

That feeling like a blowtorch being held to my chest was the creation of the “Manawell”, which is where Mana collected for later usage, and where my soul connected to-

The process stopped suddenly, and I was left as a quivering mess in the sand. It had taken thirty seconds.

Thirty seconds of the worst pain in my life (so far).

In all honesty, thinking back on it later, knowing what I know now? I’d do it four more times in a heartbeat.

It took several minutes of laying there for my senses to start to work again, and I could finally look around. The goblins were all gone. My skin had returned to normal.

Class: Artificer

Level: 5

Soul Energy: 191/60

Aura: 100%

Stamina: 100/100

Mana: 1/1

Strength: 2

Endurance: 3

Intellect: -

Wisdom: -

Dexterity: 3

Curses: None

Boons: None

Debuffs: None

Abilities: Minor Speed

Enchantments Known: None

I noted the three major changes to my Status; my class, presence of Mana, and the Enchantment tab. It took me awhile to will myself to stand up. The main thing motivating me was the three ability stones floating nearby, waiting for me. Just like last time, the three panels appeared for me.

Ability Stone (Common): Quick-Step

Per Use, At- Will

At the cost of 5 Stamina per use, the user may propel themself along the ground at blinding speed. Maximum distance (In feet) per Step is equal to Dexterity multiplied by 2.

This sounded like it would be phenomenal in combat. It would let me dodge or close a distance in an instant, and I really like the sound of it.

Ability Stone (Uncommon): Night-Stalker

Passive

The user gains the ability to see clearly in the dark, and has greatly amplified hearing.

I really had to struggle to not break out laughing. Something that the System was considering as an uncommon ability was something that I could replicate with an eighty dollar set of electronic hearing protection and my fancy ass monocular. It was an easy decision to pass.

Ability Stone (Rare)(Artificer Only): Quick Craft

Per Use, At-Will

At the cost of 1 Mana per pound, the user may quickly work raw material into a form of their choosing.

I was left wondering yet again just why the System was being like this. Why? In what possible reality would I not pick this over literally any other option short of immortality or omnipotence?

Ability Stone (Rare)(Artificer Only): Quick Craft has been selected.

Granting Ability.

It was such a no brainer that I didn’t have to stop to think about it. The only thing that stopped me from testing it out immediately was the sudden appearance of three treasure chests that materialized on the platform the throne sat on. I wasn’t sure why they waited this long to show up, but I didn’t feel like complaining. I just hoped that they wouldn’t force me to pick only one of them.

I tried out the left chest first, opening it to find a dagger sheathed in a dark black leather. I drew it to find the blade was made of a deep blue metal. The hilt was decorated with several gems.

Hidden Blade (25%)

The user may cause this dagger to become invisible whenever they wish.

It sounded like a great option for an assassin, but what exactly could I use it for? My ka-bar was perfectly fine, even if it was a bit beat up and dented after the events of the day. If I needed to hide it, I had my gloves. I guess the dagger could be used in some sort of surprise attack, but again my gloves could do that better in my opinion.

I would’ve just shoved it into my pack and forgot about it if I didn’t notice something at the last moment. The hell was that percentage by the name? I had never seen that before. Just to be sure, I examined my gloves as reference.

Sleight of Hands (5%)

So, that confirmed it. That was a new thing. Was it my Artificer class doing something? I tried focusing on it, to see what the System had to say.

In order to gain access to new enchantments, the Artificer must deconstruct existing magic items to learn their secrets. This destroys the item in the process, and carries with it a significant chance of failure. The percentage seen on each item signifies the chance to succeed.

There we finally had it, an actually reasonable downside to picking Artificer. I don’t think many people would be okay with risking their items for the chance to replicate them, though I could be wrong. I could make cool shit, but first I had to sacrifice pre-existing cool shit with a chance to fail completely, and just lose my stuff with no benefit. I held off on putting the knife away for a moment, at least until I could see what other loot I found.

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

In the next chest I found a metal plate. No, not armor, I mean it looked like a dinner plate covered in intricate runes.

Hovering Disk (30%)

This disk will float according to the user’s direction, up to a distance of twenty feet off the floor, moving at up to 50 feet per second. It will cease following directions if further than three hundred feet from the user, and simply hover in place.

I could think of a few uses for it, none of them particularly exciting. I could, gasp, yeet a plate at someone at an easily dodgeable speed. I could use it to deliver something to someone that was nearby. It could hold stuff for me (I assume), and follow me around. Given the description, I could see no real use for it.

The last chest held… A creepy stone eyeball?

Seeing Eye (50%)

This eye can be attached to a surface, so that the user may remotely view through it from a distance of up to two miles.

At least with this I could see a purpose for it, as it obviously made for a good observation device. Not being able to hear through it sucked, but visuals were useful enough. I could stick it to a wall in place of a motion sensor, I guess.

I ultimately decided there was no compelling reason to keep the three of them, the knife had a slight amount of utility but my gloves covered everything it could do and then some. The plate, hyper specific, not useful to me except to maybe distract someone. The eyeball, yeah I could use it, but it also gave me the creeps.

I decided to sacrifice the knife first.

Would you like to deconstruct Hidden Blade?

This has only a 25% chance of success, and cannot be reversed.

“Do it.”

I felt the knife lift out of my hands and begin to float right in front of me, before it began shaking and glowing purple. The light amplified until it was blinding to look at, then it receded. The knife was gone.

Success! Enchantment learned: Toggle Invisibility

Awesome, I was sure I could find a decent use for it later. Next up was the plate.

Would you like to deconstruct Hovering Disk?

This has only a 30% chance of success, and cannot be reversed.

The plate disappeared in the same spectacular fashion as the dagger, vanishing into the ether.

Success! Enchantment learned: Limited Animation (Flight)

It would appear that my luck was holding out for the moment, though I wished it had been better when I was getting the items in the first place. Last in line was the eyeball.

Would you like to deconstruct Seeing Eye?

This has only a 50% chance of success, and cannot be reversed.

I was already getting tired of confirming the destruction every time. The eye started to shake, and then it cracked and smoke billowed out, then it went up in a puff of flame. I swear to god I heard a soft “womp womp” on the wind.

Failure! Seeing Eye has been destroyed.

“Son of a fucking bitch fuck!”

I wasn’t actually that upset about it, despite what I yelled into the empty arena, but I still didn’t like it when my stuff was destroyed for no good reason. I had gone through some shit for that eyeball, alright?

With all the loot and selections taken care of, I decided it was about time for me to go the hell home. I was exhausted, mentally and physically. I looked around the room until I found a section of wall behind the throne that opened, revealing a narrow hallway. There was nowhere else to go, so I checked my rifle and then walked in. It went straight for a short distance, then turned sharply, went a few feet, turned again. After a short walk I found a staircase that led downward a couple dozen feet, which ended with another movable wall panel.

I found myself staring into the entrance room, right next to the fridge portal. I had been in here for hours, and wanted nothing more than to go home, take a long and hot shower, and then play with my new powers.

I walked straight out of the kitchen and into my workshop where I offloaded all of my gold and magic gems, then stripped off my backpack and plate carrier. I sat them on the floor next to my workbench. My rifle got propped against the wall, and I placed my handgun on the bench so that I could work on it later. I had quite a list of things I needed to take care of.

Repack my mags, clean my rifle, sharpen my knife, sell the gold, play with enchanting, clear the squib, clean my handgun, eat. There were only so many hours in the day! If only I could take over a section of the dungeon and set up shop so that I—

Well holy shit. That was an idea right there. There were things I’d have to find out first, such as if my stuff would disappear if I left it there, if an area could really be secured. If the dungeon repaired damage then any renovations would be useless. If it all stayed as I made it, that’d make life so much easier. I had to set that train of thought on the backburner for now though. There were already way too many things that I had to hyper focus of first.

Before I could get started tackling the most important things on my priority list, my phone rang. When I looked down I saw that Charlie was calling me, which was unusual. Charlie hated talking on the phone, because you never know who could be listening. Conversations with him were always to be had in person.

“Hey, Charlie, what’s up?”

“James, I have a favor to ask of you, can’t discuss it over the phone. You mind dropping by?”

“Man, I got a lot of stuff going on right now, I—”

“I have beer.”

“Charlie, you know damn well I hate beer.”

When alcohol was freely given to me, I’d drink it. You don’t turn down free booze. Now when you’re trying to bribe me? You better break out the good stuff.

“Fine. I have gin.”

“Now you’re speaking my language. Give me a few minutes to wrap this up and shower, then I’ll head over.”

“See ya.”

He hung up, and I began clearing the AK mags out of my gloves. I sat them on the bench for later, and stored my Shield Plus and three spare fifteen round mags. It felt so comforting to have so much firepower in my mitts. My uncle used to say to me “the only time you have too much ammo is when you are on fire! Nobody ever got out of a gunfight and said ‘damn! I had too much ammo!’”. I took only a quick shower to wash the sand out of my hair and scrub the sweat and grime off. It was a little disappointing that I couldn’t just stand there and let the water run nice and hot until my water heater gave up again.

I got dressed, and half an hour later I was at Charlie’s place. I brought along my sack of gold to exchange while I was there.

“Alright Charlie, I’m here. Where’s my gin and what’d you call me over for?”

“Inside, we’ll talk in the basement.”

He led me downstairs and motioned for me to sit at his desk, where he poured me a quarter cup of gin. He opened the minifridge next to it.

“Mixer?”

“Sunkist?”

“I only got Fanta.”

“Eh, that works I guess.”

After pouring the can of soda into the cup, he slid it over to me and waited for me to take a sip.

“You gonna keep staring at me like you roofied my drink? Or are you going to tell me what’s up?”

“Right, that… So I have a deal going down tomorrow afternoon with a guy that I’ve never sold to before. He came with references from another frequent buyer, but something about it stinks.”

“Ok, so what’s the favor then?”

“Normally I arrange to meet new buyers alone, one on one, in a location that works for me.”

“Of course.”

“This guy wants to bring some guys for ‘security’s sake’, won’t take no for an answer.”

“Then tell him to fuck off and blacklist him.”

He sighed, and then poured himself a drink.

“I wish it was that easy. The problem with that is I’d piss off his brother.”

“Yeah? And who’s that?”

“Geoni.”

I nearly spit out my drink.

“Fucking Geoni? Christ, Charlie! What the fuck have you been doing?”

“He pays good money damnit! Besides, he keeps the other gangs in line, stops them from getting too rowdy.”

“Fine, I won’t judge… So you're dealing with his fuckwit brother, what do you need from me? Emotional support?”

“Pretty much. I need some backup. One on one, I’m certain I could outdraw and put a round in his eye if he starts some shit. More than him? Fuck if I know.”

He downed most of his drink, and poured himself a refill.

“Alright, I’m down, but I better get a discount for services rendered.”

“Deal. How’s ten percent off for a month sound?”

“Sounds mighty sweet.”

“And I’ll throw in six grand for operating expenses. More if things get dicey.”

“Fair enough. You picking me up? Or am I meeting you somewhere?”

“If you could meet me here at eleven, that’d be good.”

“Sure.”

“Thanks man, I appreciate it.”

“Eh, what are friends for?”