I made it home at about 3pm, and after I parked I let the dog out to sprint around the yard and do her business. After she was done, I grabbed my stuff from the car and went inside. Now that I had plenty of time, I figured I should do some experiments, and some more dungeon delving.

I put my cash in the safe, and got to work. First thing on the agenda was trying out a second enchantment.

I picked up the Dancing Blade v1, because it was the more disposable of the two if it went wrong, and held it. Then I focused on the Toggle Invisibility enchantment.

Enchanted bladed weapon “Dancing Blade” detected. Tier 2 material, small size. Required Soul Energy for enchantment doubled due to existing enchantment, requires 20. Requires 2 Mana.

Warning! Material poorly suited to hold multiple enchantments, 75% chance of failure and destruction of item.

Confirm?

I mentally crossed my fingers, and confirmed.

Soul Energy 32/115

Mana: 1/3

Right away it was different from the last two enchants I had done. The blade began to violently shake, and I let it go for fear that the razor sharp edge would cut me. It hovered in place as more sigils began carving themselves into the metal, which started to crack and light poured out. There was a flash of light.

Enchantment had failed! Bladed weapon “Dancing Blade” was unable to support additional enchantment and has been destroyed.

The blade was gone, and all that remained was a pile of sparkling dust on the floor. Curious, I touched it.

Volatile Residue

It looked kinda pretty, reminding me of that colorful rainbow sand that they put in glass containers as souvenirs. I swept it up into my dust tray and went to throw it in the garbage. Some of it spilled out and hit the ground, where it flashed and set the wooden floor on fire. By pure instinct I began patting out the flame with my foot, hoping to snuff it out before my smoke detector started going off. I succeeded, and ran to open a window to let the smokey air cycle out.

Instead of throwing this stuff away, I decided that I’d be keeping it. I sacrificed some tupperware from the kitchen for storage, and carefully poured the residue into it. I sealed it up and put it on my bench for later testing. I realized that my collection of things to be tested was growing quite large. I’d need a bigger space soon, my workshop was getting cramped.

While I was safely storing the Volatile Residue, I spotted something that I had honestly forgotten about. The Staff of Firebolt. I picked it up.

Lesser Staff of Firebolt (50%)

Charges 3/5

I noticed that the System had dropped the “Common” designation. I wasn’t sure why, but thinking back it hadn’t assigned any to the items I had found after defeating the Lord either. The last thing it had designated was the golem egg, which I had also forgotten about. I suspected it had something to do with being an Artificer. Either way…

Would you like to deconstruct Lesser Staff of Firebolt?

This has only a 50% chance of success, and cannot be reversed.

I didn’t mind much if it was gone for good, since I was fairly sure I could loot one from another goblin eventually. I’d only seen one shaman so far though.

Success! Enchantment learned: Lesser Firebolt (Consumable)

That bit at the end suggested that maybe there was a nonconsumable version out there, maybe rechargeable? I wanted to find it eventually.

There were countless other things I wanted to try out, but to do that I needed more Mana, more SE, and as many magic items as I could get my hands on. Higher max Mana was the largest priority, since it made doing everything else that much easier. It looked like what I needed was another full run of the dungeon.

I geared up quickly, bringing with me all sixteen magazines of normal 7.62x39 SP, and four magazines of the AP. Four normals in my plate carrier, ten in the backpack, and two in my left glove. Two of the AP mags went into my right glove, and the final two in my pack. I was also bringing more spare ammo this time, two hundred rounds of it. Only a day’s worth of food and water though. The rest of my kit was largely the same as last time, with the addition of four flashbangs. All of that weight was quickly adding up, but I could still manage it. It was all necessary essentials after all.

I refused to go against the angler fish or the Lord again with anything less than two full mags of armor piercing apiece.

I was also starting to think I needed to get a larger backpack, this one was getting a bit full.

As I walked in, I did some math in my head. I had set up the table earlier in the morning, and in the real world it had been only a few hours. In the dungeon, it had been twenty four days. The first thing I checked was that the table was still where I had left it, and it was. It had a decent layer of dust over it though. I went through the north hallway, toward where I had mounted the pipe. I let the Dancing Blade take care of the goblins sitting around the room.

To my great surprise, the pipe was right where I had left it. This meant that any modifications I made in the dungeon would remain there, at least around three weeks. I decided that for now I'd leave the pipe there, since I didn’t bring the tools to unmount it. I directed the blade into the room where the orc lived, and heard it thrashing around as it tried to avoid the weapon. I had only the memory of the room’s shape, so I had to physically peek inside if I wanted to properly kill him with it.

I poked my head in, and found he was facing away from me, parrying the knife with his axe. Five rounds right in his back put him down without a further fight, and I collected my XP gems and singular nugget of gold.

Gained 10 Soul Energy, 42/115

I stopped for a moment to think. Last time I had counted twenty eight days for the dungeon contents to respawn. This time it had been about twenty four days. Was the respawn times getting faster? Or had I just not found the right amount of time yet? Just how fast was it?

Inside of that southern orc room I found a chest, and in my excitement at finding a new magic item I lost all sense of caution. I took hold of the lid with my left hand, started to lift it. Then the thing bit me.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

The fucking chest bit me.

The heavy wooden lid slammed shut on my hand and started gnawing at it, the metal trim of it morphing into teeth. I aimed my rifle at it and opened fire, shredding through the fake wooden sides of it as blood began to pour out. After ten rounds right through the body, it released my hand.

Aura: 20%

The thing had chewed through my Aura in an instant. I watched it as it dissolved, leaving behind a gem.

“Well this is fucking great! Thanks dungeon! Now I have to worry about fucking mimics? Great! Just wonderful!”

I picked up the gem and used it.

Gained 10 Soul Energy, 52/115

“Never mind! I take back what I said! Feel free to throw a few more at me!”

Frustratingly enough, the mimic didn’t drop any actual loot, which was a massive bummer. I move on to the north room, hitting each of the four goblins with a round to the chest. As they were still falling dead to the floor I was moving on to the orc room. He had a similar bad time of trying to fend off the harassment of the Dancing Blade, leaving him open to take six rounds in his chest. I took a moment to pack my mag, all half of it that I had used so far.

Inside the room was a chest this time, which I poked at with the Dancing Blade several times to provoke a reaction. When nothing happened, I finally popped it open with my crowbar, which it didn’t try to eat. Inside I found a small quiver of arrows, seven of them to be exact. The quiver itself didn’t seem to be magical, but when I touched one of the arrows…

Arrow of Thunderous Report (10%)

When this arrow strikes a target, it generates a level of noise depending on how hard it struck. This destroys the arrow.

There were seven of the arrows, meaning seven tries to get the enchantment. I wasn’t an archer, so I had no use for them in their current form.

Would you like to deconstruct Arrow of Thunderous Report?

This has only a 10% chance of success, and cannot be reversed.

I watched the arrow crack in two, then go up in a puff of flame and smoke.

Failure! Arrow of Thunderous Report has been destroyed.

Right, no problem, I had six more of them to try after all.

Failure! Arrow of Thunderous Report has been destroyed.

Failure! Arrow of Thunderous Report has been destroyed.

Failure! Arrow of Thunderous Report has been destroyed.

Failure! Arrow of Thunderous Report has been destroyed.

Failure! Arrow of Thunderous Report has been destroyed.

I was starting to think that it was rigged against me like a game of electronic blackjack at a shady casino. I crossed my fingers as I held the final arrow. It vanished in a purple flash of light.

Success! Enchantment learned: Thunderous Impact

Fucking thank god. I felt like I would’ve gone on a rampage through the dungeon if the System had fucked me over on that. I already had some ideas for how I wanted to use it, but there were things I’d need to make first. With the rooms fully cleared out, I gathered my XP gems, found no gold, and moved along.

Gained 9 Soul Energy, 61/115

Coming up next were the two rooms of goblins. I decided that I wanted to see if I could clear them without using any ammo, so I drew my ka-bar and sent the Dancing Blade in to do some work. The three goblins in the first room didn’t stand a chance, taking the blade across two throats as I rushed the third and plunged it into his heart. Even as he was dying the blade flew into the next room and started thinning them out.

Already I could declare that the newer v2 design was significantly better at dropping goblins. With the more streamlined shape it could punch right through a goblin if it missed the bones, and with the double edged blade it didn’t have to spin about as much to get clean cuts. I took out the last goblin myself, using the blade to pin its foot to the floor before stabbing it through the throat. I was rewarded with two nuggets for my efforts.

Gained 7 Soul Energy, 68/115

From the bottom of the stairs I could look up and see the hobgoblins staring down at me over their shields. One of them chucked the spear down at me, and I dodged to the side to avoid it. I responded with a burst of fire for their audacity. I fired ten times, which might’ve been a bit excessive, but they went down. Ranged combat is mine, and mine alone.

Gained 4 Soul Energy, 72/115

I stopped for a moment, as coming up was the room that would seal me in until I cleared the boss. Before continuing I topped off my mag, then tossed my backpack into the room with the pocket open so I could retrieve my mags. I prepped a flashbang in my left hand, and took a few deep breaths before walking into the room. The door sealed shut behind me, and a moment later I heard the goblins begin to scream down the hallway. I tossed the flashbang through the door, heard it bounce off the stone wall, and then heard the bang. The goblins began yelping.

Without giving them any chance to recover, I walked into the hallway to confront them. They were packed in like sardines, shoulder to shoulder, most of them falling over and clutching their ears or eyes. My blade flew over their heads and began slicing away at the rear line.

Ability: Minor Speed activated

Unlike the last time, I had the perfect opportunity here to take aim at each head and fire once, then shift aim and fire again, one by one. They were bundled up and almost entirely defenseless. They were going down cleanly, smoothly, and most of all quickly. I dropped my empty mag just as the last goblin in the hallway took the blade through his jugular, and he dropped. It took a few more seconds after that for the stabbed goblins to finish dying off.

After I reloaded, I was about to begin collecting my loot when a new scream echoed down the hall toward me. I looked up, expecting maybe an orc. Instead, there stood a goblin. He didn’t quite stand as tall as a hobgoblin, but still dwarfed his fellows. He snarled at me as he flexed his legs, ready to rush me. I would’ve just shot him in the head right away, but something made me pause.

Covering his chest and arms was a dull red armor that looked a bit too much like Abyssal Iron. It made me wonder about something. You see, in a few games where there are hordes of nameless enemies, you might get a rare spawn where one is named and upgraded. An “Elite” if you will. They usually dropped greater rewards, and were a tougher fight. They’d have some kinda title like “Sir Ratberg the Slayer”.

I think this goblin was just like that.

It was already rushing toward me with murder in its eyes. I fired three rounds at its chest, and realized with horror that it was indeed Abyssal Iron. The rounds flattened against his armor. My blade flashed through the air toward his throat, and the goblin caught it in his hand.

“Son of a bitch!”

I took aim at his face, which he covered by crossing his arms in front of it. Four rounds hit his arms, and none of them made it through to his head. He tossed the blade to the side, and it failed to respond to my order to stab him in the back as he came at me.

I put five more in his chest to try and slow him down, and he slammed into me. I was knocked to the ground with him on top of me. His fists battered down on my chest, and the rifle which I used to protect my face.

Aura: 0%

My Aura had already been low as hell, and it was gone in an instant, leaving his hands free to pummel away at me. Luckily, the mags, plate carrier, and plates did wonders to cushion the impacts. My rifle was holding up. I was in no immediate danger, at least until he saw the knife on my thigh and grabbed it.

Seeing what he was doing, I drew my pistol from its holster and shoved it right under his jaw. I fired. Broken teeth and pieces of jaw peppered me, but he didn’t stop furiously working to free the knife from its sheath. One more round finally hit something important enough to put him down.

Ability: Minor Speed deactivated

Stamina: 50/100

“Fucking christ…”

I plucked up the gem that landed on my chest and used it.

Gained 10 Soul Energy, 82/115

“That was not worth it at all!”

If an elite goblin was that hard to kill, I shuddered at the thought of what an orc might turn into. I did a function check of my rifle, found it was fully operational, and stood up to collect the rest of my loot.

Gained 45 Soul Energy, 127/115

And of course it only gave me five gold nuggets.

The dungeon is a real asshole you know?