THUD

“So then he tries that bullshit headbutt sneeze things. Ha Ha Ha!”

THUD

“But it works! Caves my chest in like it was made of paper! Hahaha!”

THUD

“Hahahaha! It took the mage on staff forty-five minutes just to put me right. Ha! But it still fucking hurts!”

THUD

“Shags, could you please stop banging your head on the table? It’s getting annoying.” Vlad’s voice echoed in Shaggy’s ears.

Shaggy glared up at his pale friend as he felt the bruise on his forehead healing. Ralph was on his eighth beer and had retold the story of Shaggy head-butting him four times. He couldn’t believe it. These bastards really wanted to just talk about getting all of them signed on with the Union. They were all just sitting around, shooting the shit and drinking beers. Shaggy had to do something with all that useless adrenaline. So, he was banging his head on the table.

Dave was laughing it up at the bar, along with several other workers. Both from the warehouse and the office. Ren and Vlad were seated with him, Ralph, and a few others. Slink had… slunk off into a corner and was reading Dave’s stolen tablet. No one was bothering the kid, though. Moe was out and on the kid’s shoulders and no one seemed willing to approach a giant orange alien snake. Which Shaggy figured was for the best.

Ralph burped loudly. “So, what’s he all upset about? He came in here looking like he wanted to rip someone’s head off.”

THUD

Ren grinned at Shaggy as he slammed his head back into the wooden table. Vlad gave a chuckle as he answered.

“He was just expecting this to be a different kind of place.”

“Hey! Callahan’s is a great diner man. Booze, tunes, and good people. What more could you want?”

Shaggy raised his head and reached for his mug of beer. He wasn’t that far behind Ralph, but his werewolf metabolism still prevented him from feeling even a buzz. Long-ass boring workday, annoying coworkers, and now he had to sit with them and pretend to be social. Shaggy was pretty sure his fun VRMMO had become a waking nightmare. He huffed as Ralph seemed to remember what they were here for. The man had been starting and stopping his little union pitch since they had sat down.

“So Mr. Chao… Have I told you about Mr. Chao?”

“Several times.” Shaggy muttered. Ren and Vlad gave him angry looks at his tone.

“Ah, well, he’s a nice old man, and he set up this union for the workers of various construction companies. Of course, the fees are different for powered or unpowered, but that’s understandable.”

Shaggy almost slammed his head into the table again. The drunk bastard had been talking in circles since his fourth drink and they had already gotten most of the information they could want. If it was up to him, it would be time to leave these drunken workers to their hangovers. But Ren and Vlad didn’t seem willing to leave just yet.

“So Mr. Chao came over from San Francisco and started this worker’s movements. There had been unions before, but Chao wanted to unite them into one, you see…”

Ralph was well into his third or fourth retelling of Joseph Chao’s rise to power in Texas. Shaggy shot a pleading look at Ren and Vlad, but he was ignored, as they both seemed entirely wrapped in what the drunk man was saying. Shaggy sighed and stood abruptly.

“I’m going to check on the kid.”

Ren nodded amicably as Vlad waved for another round. The bartender nodded in went about filling more mugs. Shaggy got a glimpse of Dave speaking with a few men and woman. They all seemed to be enamored with the guy. Shaggy couldn’t make out what his friend was saying, but judging by the way Dave was gesticulating with his arms, he would bet it was something exciting. Shaggy had to push past a few of Dave’s admirers, but soon he made it near the far wall and into Slink’s little booth. The kid’s sallow face was cast in an eerie light in the corner's darkness. Slink looked like a tired college kid going over his coursework for the semester and realizing he may have bitten off more than he could chew.

“Please tell me you have something? I’m going nuts over there.” Shaggy pleaded.

Slink snapped his head up in surprise and then grinned. “What? Not used to wining and dining friends and possible contacts?”

Shaggy grunted as he fell into a chair. “Ugh! Not my thing. I really want to punch something. Please tell me we have a target.”

“Hate to say it, but I don’t. Most of this is just shipments and tracking information. Two hundred palettes of wood to this address. Four hundred palettes of bricks to another. Nothing major, really. Besides, I don’t think this little job is going to work out like we thought it would.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, most of Spiegal Brothers Construction is done through the net. They bid on contracts, file orders, pay their workers, and monitor their operating cost throughout the office’s cloud network. We could wreck a few worksites, but all that would cost them is money.”

Shaggy laughed. “That’s usually enough to wreck a company. If they keep losing money, they’ll eventually go under.”

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

Slink waved the tablet around. “You want to be up here for months? Under-Town is still getting settled after Cog’s invasion. But things will eventually settle. Once they do, our foundations need to be solid. We need to get this finished as soon as possible.”

“So what’s the play?” Shaggy smiled at how Slink was coming into his own. The kid really had a knack for organization.

“All of this,” Slink pointed at the tablet, “is great. But we don’t need it. We don’t need to go at the company. We need to hit the man and no, I don’t mean literally.”

“You take the fun out of everything.”

“But my point is valid. Frank just wants us to ruin his competitor, so let’s investigate the owner of Spiegal Brothers’ construction.”

“Not owners?” Shaggy asked.

Slink shook his head. “Not that I can find. The company was started by a pair of brothers, but now it’s run by a guy whose like their great-great-great-great-whatever grandson. So we find that guy, invent or find some kind of scandal, and we’re back underground within a week.”

Shaggy grinned and sat back in his chair. “You really have fun with this stuff, don’t ya?”

“Well, I mean, yeah. This is all very interesting and kind of cool. Creative problem-solving at its finest, you know?”

“I guess.” Shaggy shrugged.

Slink rubbed his eyes and put the tablet back down on the table. The sun was well and truly down now. They were going to have to find a place to shack up at some point, and that three of the five of them couldn’t drink or get drunk made coming here a moot point. At least for Shaggy. He was about to ask if they should grab the others and go when a boisterous laugh rang from the bar.

“HAHAHAHAHA! You are so funny, my dude!” Dave shouted.

“It’s not a joke. You grabbed my girlfriend’s ass. We ALL saw it,” an angry voice responded.

Shaggy’s blood spiked as he stood and looked toward the bar. Dave was leaned up against it, his mug of alcohol sloshing messily. A large ursine alien was leaned into Dave’s personal space and pointing a black claw at the shorter man. A woman was at the bear-like alien’s shoulder, whispering something in his ear as she tried to pull him away from Dave. Shaggy made his way over as Dave argued with the large bear-man.

“Look, guy, we were having a fun time. I didn’t mean to touch her ass, if I did at all. So let’s all calm down and go back to drinking and having fun.”

Shaggy could see Ren and Vlad standing at their table as well, to get a better view of what was going on. Ralph, however, seemed slumped in his chair. That made Shaggy raise an eyebrow, but he continued toward the bar and started pushing various patrons out of his way. The bear-man’s angry voice spoke up again and Shaggy was sure he could hear some slurring in the alien’s speech.

“Bullshit! You did it on purpose. All know all about you mutants and human fuckers! You all got a problem with us aliens ‘taking’ your human woman. Well, guess what bitch?! She’s with me, she’s my woman! Ain’t nothing going to change that!”

Shaggy made it to the bar just as Dave set his mug down and glared up at the bear. “Okay, my guy. I have no problem with you or her. But I will bet that you angrily shouting about your girlfriend like she’s property is a sure way to end a relationship.”

“FUCK YOU!” the bear alien shouted.

“He doesn’t mean nothing by it. He’s just drunk.” The bear alien’s girlfriend said. Although she looked a little miffed at what her boyfriend had said. At least to Shaggy.

“I get that. Whatever goes on between you two is between both of you. But if he brings it here, he ain’t going to be happy.” Dave said.

“Naw. No need for that, we’ll just go. Won’t we, baby?”

The girlfriend continued to try to drag her irate boyfriend away as he stared down at Dave. For a moment, Shaggy thought everything was going to deescalate. But suddenly the bear-man’s arm swung backward angrily, and the girlfriend went flying. Shaggy saw a flash of black in his peripheral vision as Vlad caught the poor woman. He was about to rush the alien, but Dave was suddenly armored and moving.

Dave slammed his blue armored fist into the bear-man’s knee. As the bear went down, Dave back up and brought his own knee into the man’s ursine snout. Dave’s opponent feebly tried to swing his enormous arms, but Dave side-stepped and grabbed the guy’s head. Shaggy watched as Dave slammed the ursine alien’s head into the bar and then let go. The bear-man collapsed like a sack of potatoes and everyone held their breath. Shaggy moved over and monitored the guy as Dave turned and addressed the bartender.

“Call the police and an ambulance! Whoa! Where did you get that?!”

Alarmed by Dave’s tone, Shaggy spun and caught sight of the diner’s bartender. The portly human was wielding what looked like a silver alien shotgun. Blue and red lines ran up and down the duel barreled monstrosity and he was holding it, ready to defend himself. Shaggy, Dave, and everyone else raised their hands. Afraid of what would happen next.

“It’s fine...cough...no need to get the cops involved...cough, cough.” Came a voice from behind everyone.

Shaggy turned to see Vlad helping the bear-alien’s girlfriend walk forward. She had a large bruise on her cheek and she looked appropriately punch-drunk.

“He just hit you!” Dave said incredulously.

“He was drunk!” The woman said defensively. “And you riled him up even more.”

Shaggy sighed as he watched the woman slowly approach her unconscious alien boyfriend. Judging from her tone, this was obviously not the first time the woman had been hit. She sounded used to defending her drunken boyfriend. As he glanced around the room, he saw several pitying faces which almost confirmed his thoughts. Dave looked outright pissed.

“That’s no reason to do what he did!” He shouted.

“Please.” The woman pleaded. “Just let it be. I’ll be alright.”

Dave looked ready to argue, but the sound of an unfamiliar voice halted everything.

“Yes sir, officer. That’s Callahan’s bar. I’ll make sure no one leaves.”

Everyone turned back to the bartender to see the portly shotgun-wielding man close out a holo-communication screen. He turned back to everyone and set his alien weapon on the counter.

“Y’all heard me. No one leaves until the cops get here.”

“Myron.” The bear’s girlfriend whined.

“No, Janet!” The bartender, Myron, shouted. “I have had it! That fucker needs to be locked up! We’ve all seen the bruises! It’s gone on long enough. Its… its gone on too long, in fact.”

Myron’s voice became a whisper and Shaggy could hear the self-hatred in his tone. Dave’s face was ecstatic, and Vlad and Ren had moved up. Even Slink was now standing in the crowd, a wide-eyed and surprised look on his face. Shaggy moved over to his friends and waved for Dave and Slink to join them. They all stepped away from the crowd, as a few people were consoling Janet. Shaggy even saw a few people kick the unconscious ursine alien.

“Well, that turned out well.” Shaggy said.

“Did it?” Vlad asked, sounding annoyed.

Dave glared at the vampire. “What? Did you want the guy to get away with it? He was clearly beating his girlfriend!”

Dave’s raised voice drew a couple of stares, and Ren waved a massive hand to calm down their usually happy friend.

“No Dave. None of us want what was going on to continue. In fact, if they hadn’t called the police, I would have suggested we follow the two and take care of the problem ourselves.”

Slink grinned. “Careful. That’s almost hero-like.”

Shaggy snorted. “Pfft. We’re Villains, not monsters. I would have happily gutted the bastard and been done with him.”

“So maybe vigilante-like?” Slink asked.

Vlad growled. “Y’all are missing the damn problem.”

“What?” Dave asked, looking confused.

“We’re villains.” Ren said simply.

“Yeah. So?” Dave asked, not getting it as the problem dawned on Shaggy.

“We’re Villains that have escaped prison,” Vlad hissed quietly, “and the cops are on their way.”

Dave’s eyes went large as Slink looked worried.

“Sonofabitch!” Shaggy said.