Someone shook me awake.

「Allen: … Five more minutes…」

I muttered, feeling groggy.

「Taldinann: Wake up!」

I opened my eyes. Right, I was still in the sad little cell in the temple.

「Allen: I’m awake.」

I croaked. Vague memories of my dreams tried to surface. I think I succeeded in astral projection. Yes, I definitely did!

What happened after was cloudy, though.

The Goddess, Alher… something about honorifics and Exferas, no… ExFeras. God of nightmares? And…

Memories I had buried.

I felt my heart sink.

I slowly stood up, my head swimming with unpleasant sensations. My spirit felt… tender. An attempt to control my mana sent a shock of pain all over my body. I almost fell back down. What did Alher do to me?

「Allen: Ugh.」

The elf caught my arm and propped me upright.

Was my spirit fine? The thought of losing magic was somehow more terrifying than anything.

「Allen: My mana... it hurts...」

I muttered, holding my now aching head with my hands.

「Taldinann: It is expected. The Blessed One scoured away the taint from the dark god and inspected your soul for signs of mindweaving.」

「Allen: Mindweaving?」

The question was met with silence. I could tell from the word it involved fucking up minds, but I had never heard or read about it.

「Allen: Has my soul... been damaged?」

I asked, holding my breath for  the answer.

「Taldinann: No. Your soul will recover in a couple of days if you don't strain yourself.」

I sighed in relief. A heavy weight had been lifted from my chest.

「Taldinann: The Goddess spoke to me about what happened last night.」

He said, walking away from me. So he probably knows I’ve stumbled around while Astral Projecting. Is he going to punish me as if I had tried to escape my confinement? I didn’t know if my opinion of elves and their gods could drop any lower.

「Allen: Am I going… to be punished?」

I said tiredly, lifting my head to look right to the high priest eyes.

Taldinann shook his head.

「Taldinann: No.」

Oh?

「Taldinann: The Blessed One has ascertained that you were truthful and not actively working for a dark god…」

My eyebrows shot up in surprise.

「Allen: I’m free?」

I asked, unsure if to trust hope.

「Taldinann: Let me finish. No.」

I closed my eyes, imagining myself slapping hope in the face for her misleading adverts.

「Taldinann: You’re still to atone for disrespecting the holy AnAlher on her consecrated ground.」

As if I didn’t feel miserable enough, Taldinann didn’t lose the chance to throw more salt on the wounds.

「Taldinann: Also let me give you a warning… while it may be true that the Goddess has seen the truth in your words, you had been touched by a dark god. This must not be taken lightly, you must drive him away.」

He said with complete seriousness. Wasn't having my soul scoured enough?

「Allen: How?」

I asked him, briefly turning my palms up. I had never wanted to be haunted by gods, especially the bad ones.

「Taldinann: Drive away dark thoughts…」

That didn’t sound realistic.

「Taldinann: … Or seek worship of a light God. The faith should banish the dark god from touching your soul.」

From the frying pan to the fire.

「Allen: Is there no way to keep all gods away?」

I really wanted to avoid dealing with gods. Chances are they would not approve of my unlimited swearing. No way I can function as a human being without swearing.

The high priest scratched his chin in thought.

「Taldinann: Only advanced practitioners of magic arts can close off their minds to outside interferences. You’d better follow one of my suggestions. The alternative would be living imprisoned in an obsidian chamber.」

Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.

Close off their minds. I wonder if it’s related to aura control. I’ll need to investigate it.

That was actually a helpful tip.

「Taldinann: Now… let’s talk about your sentence. We already have dwarf paying off his due by watering plants and trees in the city. What should I have you do? Hmmm…」

He turned pensive. Afraid he would come up with something terrible I made my suggestion.

「Allen: Huh… well. I can… cook?」

----------------------------------------

And that is how I ended up cooking for the people in the elven temple.

Focusing on work helped me choke down my uneasiness and ignore the tingling from my spirit, a constant reminder of the abuse I had received.

At first, the elves were all scowling at me, forcing me to sample the food as if they were afraid I had poisoned it.

Yeah sure. Who wouldn’t attempt such a thing with a Goddess breathing down his neck? Instead, I tried to do my best and kept the swearing to a minimum.

Well, thinking about it again maybe they were more concerned that I had cooked uneatable stuff on purpose. I can't say I wasn't tempted.

After they tasted my cuisine they lost the scowls, but they kept the impassive faces. I guess they didn’t want to give a blasphemer like me any satisfaction.

Whatever, at least they had given permission to my friends to meet me here at the temple.

As if on cue the trio, peeked into the kitchen.

I forced a smile.

「Allen!」

「Allen: Heya guys.」

They gave me a hug with relieved faces.

「Ellin: Allen… you insulted the Goddess of Nature…」

Ellin’s face turned into a mix of reproach and bewilderment.

「Allen: It was completely unintentional!」

I said in my defense.

Namrick shook his head.

「Namrick: Seriously… didn’t they teach you to respect gods in their temples?」

「Allen: Sure, but I never took it seriously. In my world gods are distant existences that never directly interfere. They might as well not even exist. Although… the Creator seemed quite real when he tossed me here.」

I mused. What was his endgame? Does he even have an endgame? What pronoun should I use? Too many questions.

「Ellin: And so?」

「Allen: And so I must atone by cooking for these ungrateful elves. With a Goddess breathing down my neck. It’s uncomfortable.」

I said looking left and right. It really was uncomfortable. All those stealthy glances and scowls.

I wanted to tell them all about the unfair treatment I had received, but I didn't want to drag them into trouble. Not here. It could wait until later.

「Grastel: Hmm, the high priest had told us you had been touched by a dark god or something?」

Grastel asked, lifting an eyebrow in askance. I shrugged.

「Allen: So it seems. Remember all the bad dreams I always complain about? It’s all due to this ExFeras god or something. I need to find a way to get rid of him.」

「Ellin: ExFeras? The God of nightmares?」

Ellin asked with wide open eyes.

I sliced some unknown vegetables, they tasted similar to zucchini. I was putting my average culinary skills to work.

I had to thank my Italian grandmother, that taught me the basics, and all those how-to videos on the internet.

I should also thank the fact that people in this world suck at cooking. It really makes my average results shine like diamonds.

「Allen: So it seems.」

I confirmed with half a nod.

「Ellin: But how? You’re a good guy.」

I shrugged again while slicing the vegetables.

Am I really? Sometimes I wonder.

「Grastel: How did you even attract a god’s attention?!」

「Allen: How am I supposed to know? My charming smile? My winning sarcasm?」

I shot him a glance telling ‘I-have-no-fucking-idea’.

「Namrick: I doubt so. It should be something that makes you attuned to his element.」

Namrick surprised me again with his out-of-character insights.

「Allen: Well… I like nightmares because they remind me I’m alive.」

I added some oil and onions to the pan.

「Allen: And I’m pretty good at projecting Fear, I guess..」

I added the not-zucchini, a little soup from earlier and closed the lid.

「Allen: Also my illusions have a way to slippery-slope into nightmarish abominations…」

Grastel looked from Ellin to Namrick.

「Grastel: Well… I suppose that would do it?」

Ellin was looking at me with a difficult expression. Namrick and Grastel too. Uncomfortable staring.

「Allen: Don’t look at me like that, guys.」

I pleaded with my friends.

「Namrick: You should be careful. The dark god might try to recruit you and make you become one of his apostles.」

「Allen: That sounds biblical, what does that entail?」

I inquired for the sake of conversation. I didn’t really want to know.

「Grastel: If the old stories are true, probably making blood sacrifices, sowing fear, bringing nightmares to life and murdering innocents.」

Whew.

「Ellin: You’re not going to…」

「Allen: Of course not!」

I’ve got more interesting things to do rather than turning into a fanatical edgy loser.

「Allen: Darn, I need to find a way to keep gods away from me.」

A magical pesticide. Gods-be-gone.

What is a god anyway? I saw big masses of mana. Are they just like spirit bodies on steroids? Another topic to investigate.

How can a god not know the Creator? Everything would be much easier if he just turned up and said "Ah well, this is my boy Allen. I brought him here for shit and giggles. Don't kill him, thanks".

「Ellin: You mean the dark god? You could join the worship of AnHelm, or stop doing things that attract his attention.」

Had I heard it right? I tilted my head and asked her.

「Allen: The worship of Ahnelm? How is that angry looking teacher related to any worships?!」

She stared at me, confused for a second.

「Ellin: No, not Medritch from the Academy! AnHelm, the god of Virtue!」

Ahnelm… AnHelm… ah.

I thought it was a little weird that people were preaching blessings in Medritch’s name. Perhaps his permanently angry expression was because he got bullied as a kid for that name. Poor Ahnelm.

「Ellin: Will you consider my offer? I could introduce you to the temple…」

I thought about my compatibility with a God of Virtue. There was none. It was a terrible idea!

Best case scenario I would get pestered nonstop for my poor choice of words. Worst case scenario, instant smiting on the spot.

「Allen: No, I don’t want any god messing with me.」

I just want to swear in peace. Am I asking too much?

「Namrick: Why not? Unlike dark gods, the light gods actually help us.」

「Allen: Yeah, just look how well that went.」

I gestured to my surroundings.

Grastel chuckled.

「Grastel: So, how long is your sentence?」

「Allen: A whole damn week.」

I said, shaking my head.

I was losing important lessons back at the Academy, this was a huge setback. I can’t even ask these elves about their chanting-style spellcasting. Only the high priest can fluently speak Arstei, and he’s not a fan of me.

Furthermore, my spirit was in shambles, I hurt all over everytime I tried to access my mana. I had to stop my daily exercises.

An elf came to pick up the food to be served at the tables. He gave me one of his impassive stares and walked away.

You’re welcome. No need to thank me. I’m not feeling offended at all.

I hid my irritation and kept doing the job. Damn, I hate cooking like this.

「Allen: I can come back to the inn later to sleep. They’ve taken hostage all my equipment so I won’t run away.」

I hope they don’t break or steal anything.

My precious silver cube! All my hard work stored inside! I despaired inside.

「Ellin: Nice! We’ll wait for you then.」

She smiled and turned to leave. Namrick squeezed my shoulder and said.

「Namrick: Take care… and don’t offend the Goddess!」

I grumbled in reply and waved goodbye to my friends.

My smile disappeared as the feeling of dread returned. It had been a brief respite but seeing my friends again had somewhat improved my mood.

I turned back to the stoves and sighed. On my far right was a stoic elf keeping watch on me. Unmoving, unsmiling and silent. Creepy.

I tried to forget again he was there.