After the fight, I felt refreshed. Despite all the burns and the perduring smell of burnt.

I really needed to release that pent-up stress, I thought to myself.

As expected we had ended up overwhelmed, but thanks to my bootleg potions and careful application of fear magic we had kept everything under control.

Well, I could have tried to just use Fear to make all the hellhounds run away, but my magical aim and range left much to be desired. I might have disrupted my friends’ concentration putting them in danger or depleted my mana when I needed to counter their fire breath.

I had decided to play it safe. I’m a responsible adult after all.

We finally got back to our horses, who were still safe and sound, and headed toward the elven city.

I tried to contain my excitement as I imagined the scantily dressed elven beauties and ancestral wooden houses awaiting me.

----------------------------------------

I felt cheated.

The elven city was nowhere as impressive as I thought, it was merely a small settlement.

No refined ancestral house design.

No sexy underdressed female elves.

Only the sour taste of disappointment.

「Allen: That’s it?」

I said looking around with disappointment plastered all over my face.

Ellin looked at me.

「Ellin: What were you expecting?」

She asked me with a bemused expression.

「Allen: I don’t know… more?」

「Grastel: Someone is coming to greet us!」

An elf scout approached and asked something.

「Elf: Ihlyn nerr thylm’n?」

Great, another unknown language.

I looked at the others, but it seems no one understood a word of it.

「Ellin: Taldinann?」

Ellink spoke the high priest’s name with an inquiring tone.

The elf nodded and gestured us to wait where we were.

Soon after an older elf with adorned garments showed up, along with the elf scout from earlier.

「Taldinann: Hello humans, what brings you in our small settlement?」

He spoke with a courteous smile.

「Ellin: We… were hired to deliver you a casket of potions.」

She mentioned the quest and the elf who had issued it back in Valarest.

Taldinann’s eyes light up.

「Taldinann: You brought the potions? We were afraid we would have to wait until after the hellhounds migration.」

Namrick unloaded the casket from Ellin’s horse and offered it to the elf.

「Taldinann: The Goddess name be praised! Only she knows how we’d been waiting for them.」

The high priest gave an honest smile to us, accepting the casket.

「Taldinann: Come, friends, before we discuss you must be tired from facing the hounds. We have an inn where you can clean yourself and rest.」

He said and told something in his language to the elf scout, who nodded and made us sign to follow.

「Taldinann: Come to the temple later, when you are ready.」

He gave us a half nod and walked away toward the temple.

The scout lead us to an inn whose owner knew our language enough to hold a conversation.

We cleaned ourselves up and returned downstairs to eat the food the innkeeper had prepared us.

「Ellin: Ahhh… I feel reinvigorated!」

Ellin stretched herself in the chair, wearing a pleased smile. Namrick just grunted as he was busy stuffing his mouth with food.

「Grastel: Anyway, to which God is the temple dedicated?」

Grastel wondered out loud.

The innkeeper replied.

「Innkeeper: Goddess of nature… exalted Analher, forever may she shin-」

I coughed, choking a laugh and hiding a grin under my left hand.

Anal… her…

Everyone was staring at me.

「Allen: * cough * sorry, a bit of food got stuck in my throat.」

I said with a straight face.

Hahaha, with a name like that she would’ve been bullied to no end back in my world.

Stop Allen, be serious. I took another bite of the meal.

The food was poor, steamed legumes. Tasteless, bland, disappointing. Just like this elven town.

I don’t know… I’m almost certain there’s something preternatural behind the incapacity of the people of this world to cook decent food. It’s not like they lack quality ingredients, either.

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「Innkeeper: Is food… no good?」

The innkeeper asked us with his rusty Arstei.

「Ellin: It’s fine, thank you.」

Ellin replied with a smile.

Fine, if you just mean edible. I guess. I wasn’t big on praising bad cooking. How could they improve if they didn’t know how bad they were?

But I let it slide, we’ll be gone soon anyway.

「Grastel: There were more hellhounds than we thought, does this happen each year?」

The innkeeper nodded.

「Innkeeper: Hellhounds migrating, same all years… too dangerous to hunt them in mountains. Also bad for trees.」

He said with a defeated expression.

「Namrick: I see. So you just wait it out.」

The innkeeper nodded again.

「Innkeeper: Yes… we wait. They not come near city.」

I suspect these tree huggers are more scared about damaging the forest than fighting the hellhounds.

Well, I hope they won’t complain about the burnt trees we left in our wake. Better not to mention it, just in case.

As we finished eating, Ellin announced.

「Ellin: Time to talk to the high priest. Shall we go now? We shouldn’t keep him waiting. I think.」

「Namrick: Yeah, let’s do it.」

The innkeeper directed us toward a tall tower of wood and stone.

At least this temple looked more refined than the rest of the buildings. Wood and stone were weaved in a complex mix of organic and artificial patterns with inlaid details. Foliage sprouted from different branches protruding from the upper levels. It was like they had grown the structure itself from one or multiple trees, adding stones and shaping their growth.

It looked proper elven architecture. See this is what I was expecting, not those shitty normal houses that surrounded this tower. Why the stark difference?

We walked in front of the entrance.

So this is the temple. I caught a glimpse of the inside, it looked like they made some creative effort even there.

Two elven guards were standing in front and gazed at us inquiringly.

「Ellin: We’re here for Taldinann?」

Upon hearing the high priest’s name they nodded and let us pass.

Before entering I saw on my right an elf that was casting some magic, he was chanting along with the spell.

We never chanted anything back at the Academy. Chanting also sounds pretty embarrassing, to be honest.

Imagine being in a serious fight, and suddenly a mage starts singing. Just like one of those D*sney’s movies. It weirded me out.

Anyway, here we go. I’m penetrating the temple of Anal… her…

Damn it Allen, you're in a temple! I complained to myself, butt I couldn't help myself.

I hid a smirk under my poker face. How can I take this seriously?!

A peculiar sensation disrupted me from my perverse thoughts.

Hmmm, what a strange sensation, I thought. It kinda reminded me of the lessons in spiritual interference, but I couldn't quite nail it down.

BLASPHEMER! My mind suddenly screamed.

I stopped, frowning. Why am I insulting myself. Have I finally gone insane? I questioned my sanity.

I felt a heavy pressure.

BEGONE! It screamed again. I was sure of it there was something off about it.

Hmm, I’m pretty sure these thoughts aren’t my own. Is someone playing a magic prank on me? I thought, looking around me.

Ellin noticed I had stopped.

「Ellin: What’s wrong Allen?」

She asked, still smiling and oblivious to my predicament.

「Allen: Hmmm, are you guys playing a prank on me with the ring?」

She blinked in confusion. Grastel, and Namrick stopped to look at me.

I eyed them with suspicion, but they looked genuinely puzzled by the question. Just in case I took off the ring.

「Allen: I think someone is casting spiritual interference magic on me. I hear voices.」

I said wondering who could be the culprit.

Then I heard rushing footsteps coming from ahead. A priestly looking elf and two guards came in the line of sight.

The priest shouted something and pointed at me. Why are you pointing at me? The guards sprung in action and closed in on me. I made a half step back.

What the heck is going on? My brow twitched nervously.

「Grastel: Huh?」

Grastel stared perplexed at the three elves who ignored the trio focusing on me. WHY ME?

Ellin made a face.

「Ellin: Allen? What have you done?!」

What have I done? Fucking nothing.

「Allen: Nothing?」

I said with faint irritation as I surrendered without opposing resistance. It had to be a misunderstanding.

「Allen: Why are you arresting me?」

I asked not getting any answer. The guards took me by the arms and pushed me away while I cast confused stares in all directions.

Ellin tried asking them what was going on, but they didn’t understand a word and just carried me away, ignoring my friends.

Another guard came out from one of the corridors and prevented the trio from following me.

「Namrick: What’s going on?」

I heard Namrick’s voice echoing behind me.

And that’s how I got imprisoned in an elven city.

Blasted elven city, I’ll give you a zero star rating on Tr*pAdvisor. I thought, cursing under my breath.

----------------------------------------

They seized my equipment and shoved me in a cell. I grabbed the bars and complained.

「Allen: Gah, so this is how you reward me for doing your blasted quests?」

I felt disappointed and betrayed. And confused too.

The guard gave me a hard look and walked away, leaving me alone.

「Allen: Can’t I at least know why I’m being detained!?」

I asked loudly to the empty air.

I slumped down with a sigh.

「That voice…」

Someon spoke on my left. I just realized I wasn’t alone. I turned to look to the other inmate.

A dwarf had been imprisoned in the same cell. A dwarf that looked terribly familiar.

「Allen: Yusdrolir?!」

I couldn’t hide the bewilderment from my voice.

「Yusdrolir: You, ah… Allen?!」

The dwarf rose up and stared at me.

「Allen: …」

We kept staring at each other in silence for a few moments.

「Allen: What the fuck are you doing here?」

I said loudly, breaking the silence.

「Yusdrolir: I ahh… uhmm…」

Yusdrolir faltered, trying to avoid telling about his mishaps.

「Allen: Don’t tell me you pissed on a holy tree or something, while drunk.」

「Yusdrolir: Oh… you already know.」

He lowered his chin, looking dejected.

「Allen: WHAT? You seriously…」

I wasn’t expecting to strike true.

「Yusdrolir: …」

「Yusdrolir: … Did you come here to bust me out? You got a plan?!」

The dwarf looked at me, an eager grin appearing on his face.

「Allen: What? No! I didn’t even know you were here!」

His smile died stillborn.

「Yusdrolir: Too bad.」

The dwarf sat back down to the floor with a frowning expression. Then he turned his gaze back to me.

「Yusdrolir: Uh, why are you here then?」

「Allen: I don’t know! I was entering the temple to speak with the high priest. And then they arrested me. Nothing makes sense!」

I said in exasperation. Was I asking too much in expecting them to FUCKING TALK to me and explain their reasons?

「Yusdrolir: Just like that? You did nothing to offend them prissy priest?」

Mused the dwarf, brushing his dwarven beard.

「Allen: No… there was something strange though…」

I said while sitting down like the dwarf.

「Yusdrolir: Hmmm?」

「Allen: It was like someone was talking in my head, I thought someone was playing a prank on me, but I couldn’t see anyone around, except my friends.」

「Yusdrolir: Talking to yer head, say…」

He leaned forward and grinned.

「Yusdrolir: What did the voice say?」

「Allen: That I was a ‘blasphemer’ and to ‘begone’.」

「Yusdrolir: And I suppose you weren’t thinking bad things, were ya?」

He grinned annoyingly.

「Allen: I… uh…」

I stammered. Wait. I did think of something improper. Don’t tell me…

Yusdrolir burst out laughing.

「Yusdrolir: Gahahah! You entered a consecrated temple, who do ye think the voice was?! Gahahah!」

No.

No no no.

I didn’t offend a goddess.

Wait, why are gods even intruding, don’t they have godly business to do?

What about my motherfucking privacy?! I was thinking my own damn business!

I DID NOT GIVE CONSENT, THIS IS AGAINST GDPR LAWS!

My heartbeat raced in the realization of the critical levels of manure I had fallen into.

What the fuck?!

Not even one second that I come in contact with a goddess and I had already offended her?

This can’t be happening. No, it must be a coincidence.

Yes, just a coincidence.

I heard footsteps, I turned around to see who was passing by.

The high priest! I took a sigh of relief. He’ll surely clear things up.

As I was about to speak he gave me a stern face and said disdainfully.

「Taldinann: You… have offended the Goddess!」

He said reproachfully, staring at me as if he was looking at walking garbage.

「Allen: Huh?」

I exclaimed, stunned. Behind me, Yusdrolir burst out in another round of laughs. Blasted dwarf.

「Allen: Huh?!」

I repeated, unable to form coherent words. I was royally fucked. No… divinely fucked.

RIP.