Chapter 10: Mission complete and a new mission?
With his mission accomplished Harry Porker took the long way back to his Master.
All and all, the mission was a huge success. Not only was his cover not blown till the end, he had also succeeded in learning valuable information about the heroes’ party, which he was going to enclose in his report to his Master.
The primary goal of procuring the booze with a discount was also completed successfully. Not paying for it at all still counted as a discount right? In fact it could be considered as an extra big discount! God bless daddy Eric! He’s such a provider for his family!
As a good subordinate he also made sure to bring back to his Master a present. He had to thank him properly after all for dressing him as a girl…
As such, what he got him as a gift, was the underwear of a certain lady in the heroes’ party. It was a red thong!
“Oh, Master is truly going to love this!” he thought evilly.
Five days of travel and he was back to the dungeon.
“Master, I am back! Veni, vidi, vici!!!” said Harry dressed in his Heidi disguise.
(TN: "I came; I saw; I conquered", it is a Latin phrase. Its popular usage reportedly originates from a letter that Julius Caesar wrote to the Roman Senate around 46 BC, in the city of Zela, after achieving victory in his short war against Pharnaces II of Pontus at the Battle of Zela)
“Welcome back, agent Heidi” said Hitoshi mockingly.
“I see you didn’t take off your disguise as instructed. Very good. Now come and give me your report. How did it go??”
“Master, I sacrificed my sleep and well being to gather information for you.”
“Yeah, yeah I’m sure you did. Now tell me. What did you find out?” said Hitoshi unaffected.
“Okay, first of all, you have to know their names. That ikemen swordsman, his name is Eric, he’s the son of Duke Philip ruler of the province of Allemagnia. He’s an asshole who can’t treat women right. He’s arrogant, snobby and lousy in bed. You don’t have to worry about him at all as he has zero endurance”
“Oy, Porker what do you mean he’s lousy in bed? Don’t tell me….you slept with him? I didn’t know you swing that way….” said Hitoshi looking his subordinate under a new light.
“What? Hell no! Master what do you take me for? I have standards! Besides I am straight as an arrow you know! Just let me finish what I was saying now, will you!” said Harry puffing his chubby cheeks angrily.
“Okay go on then. Tell me”
“As I was saying, he’s lousy in bed and I know that NOT because I slept with him, but because I saw him in bed with a certain lady of the heroes’ party.”
Upon hearing this, Hitoshi thought his heart stopped
“No please god, not my priestess! I am going to kill that incompetent bastard if he did anything to her!”
“Before you reach any curious conclusions Master, let me inform you that he was bedding, or at least trying to, a wonderful lady. A woman the likes of her I had not seen in my many years of life. She is cunningly smart, elegant, flexible and insatiable in bed and she is the seductive red-head sorceress in the heroes’ party. Her name is Moira and believe me when I say Master that she is simply unbelievable!”
“Phew, thank god it was not my priestess. But never mind that. The little rascal seems quite smitten with this chick. I guess I should cross her out of my list to kill although I don’t really like her. If I killed her then Harry Porker would probably eat me alive!” thought Hitoshi
“Lady Moira, oh lady Moira! You know, she has noble blood like me, although her family is probably facing some economical crisis. But that doesn’t matter to me at all. Although I am prince and she’s a viscount’s daughter, I think we could make a fine couple. Ne, ne master don’t you think we would make a nice couple?”
“Porker, I have no words for you. You and her? It seems to me like a match made in hell.” replied Hitoshi.
“So you think so as well Master! I knew it! We are fated to be together!” said the chubby vampire dreamily.
“Enough with the sorceress though. Tell me about the rest of them, what did you find out?”
“Oh, the swordwoman Marion, you know the trap. Apparently not many people know that she’s actually a male. Don’t be fooled by her though she might be looking all fragile and sensitive but she can tank quite well and take down skilled ranged fighters.”
“What do you mean by that? Speak clearly Porker! Is she dangerous? Should I worry? You know I am also especially skilled in ranged attacks!”
“Let’s just say Master that I wouldn’t want to turn my back to her while fighting” said Harry with innuendo.
“Hmm, ok noted. Continue.” said Hitoshi while thinking that indeed one should never turn his back to the enemy, completely missing the true point in Porker’s saying.
“Now about the elf archer of the party. His name is Helion. That guy Master I think we have to kill. He is a double crosser, a player. He plays for both teams! We have to kill him I am telling you! He is quite the beast and we have to take him down. He’s a menace for all of us (single guys)!”
“Ok calm yourself a little bit. If I deem that indeed he poses a threat to us I will take him down!” Hitoshi promised surprised that the little vampire was so adamant on killing the elf.
“And that’s the end of my report Master” said Harry triumphantly turning away to go back to his room.
“Oy Porker! Don’t you think you are forgetting someone?” Hitoshi awkwardly asked, trying to hide his anxiousness for learning about the beautiful priestess. After all she was the sole reason he sent Porker in this stupid mission.
“Hmm, no I don’t think so Master. Who are you talking about?” asked Porker scratching his head puzzled. In reality though the cunningly smart chubby prince knew exactly who his Master was interested in. It was that shitty priestess! He has seen right through Hitoshi and he knew that his Master was quite taken by her.
“Ehem, you know weren’t there also a priestess in the heroes’ party? You know the one with the long dark brown hair, tall around 1.80, cute nose and beautiful blue eyes, if I remember correctly?” said Hitoshi terribly faking indifference
“Was there someone like that in the heroes’ party?” Harry asked in faux ignorance but upon seeing Hitoshi’s angry gaze, he hurried up to reply seriously:
“Oh, now that you mention it there was! Her name is Sachiko, the daughter of the Count ruling the province of Rosenburg in the Human Kingdom called Aeterna. She’s not so wonderful, as lady Moira though. By the way, she also started to learn our language Master, I think that she intends to curse us the next time she meets us. Beware of her Master, she can be quite dangerous and nasty and she is also a fat ass!”
“Stop badmouthing her Porker! Shut your mouth and go to your room! No food for you tonight!” Hitoshi yelled angry with his subordinate for insulting the future Mrs Kurosawa.
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“That’s okay, I have plenty of food of my own!” muttered Harry, thinking about the 500 pounds of meat currently waiting for him in his little white handbag made him already salivating.
“What did you say? Bring your bag over here, let me check what’s in it! I have still to receive the booze from you.” ordered Hitoshi.
Not waiting for a reply from Harry, he grabbed the handbag from his chubby little hands and looked at its contents.
Sure enough inside was all the booze he told him to buy, but there was also many other things, that he didn’t remember saying him to purchase. He furrowed his brows:
“Porker what are all those things inside here? Why do you still have the 300 gold? Did you steal them? How many times do I have to tell you that stealing is wrong? I told you to buy the booze with a discount not steal it! And why the fuck are there 500 pounds of meat? I want some answers and I want them now!” Hitoshi was shouting his lungs off.
“Master, please calm down! I didn’t steal any of the things there. They were bought fair and square! Eric paid for them! Because the background story you gave me had so many flaws I had to improvise a bit! So, I told the guys in the village that I was his and Moira’s daughter and that my daddy was going to pay for all the stuff. So you see, I got all the stuff for free. Now tell me didn’t I get a huge discount or what?”
“Ha, ha, ha, ha (sfx maniacal laughter) indeed you did Porker. Bravo! You performed your task splendidly! You deserve all the extra things you brought back . Except the booze of course which we are all going to enjoy together by having a toast to Eric’s honour! I don’t care about the new clothes you got not even about the 500 pounds of meat, but I am quite curious what do you have wrapped up in this gift bag? It seems as a gift of some sort? Did you bring something for Niki, you know to thank her for “lending” you her clothes?”
“Oh, Master, I almost forgot! But of course this is a gift for you! Come on open it and tell me if you like it!” said Porker excitedly
“A gift for me? You shouldn’t have… you little rascal!” said Hitoshi while unwrapping his gift only to be left surprised by the contents.
“What’s this Porker? You brought me a red thong? Are you mocking me? You know perfectly well I don’t swing that way!!!”
Quick to explain himself and avoid any beating Harry said:
“No master. This thong is not just a thong. It is the thong of the priestess Sachiko. I brought it back to you as a gift to show you how much I appreciated you giving me this splendid mission. Now, take a look at it and tell me was I lying when I said that she’s a fat ass?”
“Indeed the size is a little big , but nevermind that! I am keeping it who knows what you pervert is going to do with that if I give it back to you! Besides you said that this was my gift! So I am keeping and that’s final!”
Meanwhile, Nico and Niki, who had also arrived in the room and were watching the whole scene looked puzzled at the red thong in their Master’s hand.
Unable to contain her curiosity Niki lowered her head and whispered to Harry’s ear:
“You do realize that the thong you just gave to our Master is not actually a woman’s, right? It reeks of manly scent, which can only mean that this female undergarment was actually worn by a man. If Master finds out about it he’s going to kill you! I should tell on you!”
“Ho,ho, ho as expected of our succubus, she can even catch a whiff of a man’s smell even from a tiny piece of cloth that’s ten meters away from her! But don’t think you can threaten me! If you dare tell that to the Master then I will also tell him what you and Nico were doing in his bedroom while he was away dining with the Demon King and what the smell in his room afterwards really was!” Harry whispered in Niki’s ear.
Niki gulped and silently nodded to Harry that they had reached an agreement. After all, if Hitoshi ever found out that she and Nico also “baptized” his bed and his desk while he was away, he would certainly flip.
“Okay guys, we have work to do. The heroes party will be here in about a month.” said Hitoshi, while pocketing his “gift”.
“Actually Master I think it might take them longer than that!” interrupted Porker
“What? Why will it take them more than a month to come here? The distance from that village to here wouldn’t take them more than a month if they used horses?”
“Well, I think they will be coming on foot. I don’t think they have any money left to purchase horses.” said Porker without a hint of remorse on his face.
“….Okay then we have even more time! You guys have to teach me the human language and some ways of wooing a lady, in the time it gets them to come back. I intend to confess to the priestess of the party. So I will be in your care for the remaining time. Take care of me please!” said Hitoshi slightly bowing his head to his subordinates/ future senseis.
Niko and Niki the incubus, succubus couple were surprised, their jaws almost hit the floor when they heard their Master’s, the Demon General’s proclamation of love towards a human priestess.
It was the first time during their time being under his command, aka in 50 years that they’ve seen him show any sort of interest towards a female. They’ve seen him warding off the advances of many famous female demons, making them silently wondering about his sexual preferences and yet here he was, declaring that he fell in love with a human.
And even as if that wasn’t enough of a shock to them, the one he actually was saying he was intending to confess to was a member of the heroes’ party that came to slay the Demon King. But that was not all! Apart from her being a human, an enemy, the most important thing was that she was actually a priestess.
A priest used holy spells that could be deadly for anyone of the demonic attribute. Yet, here was the General, their Master, ignoring all these facts as if they didn’t matter at all saying that he would confess his love to her and expecting them to teach him the ways to win her heart.
Nico and Niko being the type of demons they were they saw the longing, the yearning for the human priestess in their Master’s eyes. How could they decline him when he was looking like that, when he was even ignoring his own status and bowing to them?
So, after only looking at each others eyes to confirm that their decision was indeed the same. Both of them declared with certainty:
“We will try our best. Please take care of us.”
On the other hand Harry Porker who was moved by the human sorceress couldn’t really blame his Master. So, even though he thought that the shitty priestess was… well a shitty choice for a lover he too said cryptically
“Let’s all try our best and make this work.”
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