So few ever bother to truly open their eyes and see. We live in a world that defies description, one that defies imagination. I once read a book, written by a long forgotten historian, that truly stopped to appreciate the absurdity of it all. In its face, we are nothing. It's a truth most ignore, narrowing their vision until it's gone. But for those that keep their eyes open, they must learn to live with it. When one truly takes in the scope of existence, everything else fades, becoming meaningless. And yet, nothing and infinity are two sides of the same coin. Within the nothingness is everything. So it stands, when nothing matters, all that truly counts is what you say does. In the end, all that matters is choice.
And I have chosen.
“...And Jausn left, leaving behind a treasure trove of technology that would eventually lead to our rise to the stars.”
The lecture hall was quiet, filled with bored looking students fidgeting in their seats. Some even had the glazed-out look in their eyes associated with using the neural net.
Alice sighed, taking in their obvious disinterest. Green eyes sweeping over them with exasperation.
Sending out a neural message, the student slowly drifted back into the real world.
“Guys, it's not that hard to pay attention. This is a really interesting subject if you would just give it a chance.”
They still looked uninterested.
“I know focusing on the future and all the technologies to come seem more interesting,” she continued, “But all that we are, all that we will be is because of what we were.”
She threw her arms out, blond hair flying out, looking up as if she could see through the mighty dome above her, “Look around! At where we are! At what we can do! Isn't it absurd? History is the story of that absurdity! The trail of miracles that leads to the present!”
A few stirred at her impassioned speech, having the grace to look guilty, but the vast majority just maintained their vacant stares.
Alice seemed to deflate, “Ok, fine, you don't need to love it. But this is a graded class and I expect you to at least pay attention. Are we clear?”
That got a few placating nods.
“Alright, now, are there any questions?”
Nobody moved.
“Come on, guys. These are the moments that shaped our species. Without Jausn, none of us would even be here!”
Nobody.
She sighed, “Participation is part of your grade.”
A half hearted hand poked out from the back.
“Yes, Rosy! What is it?”
Rosy fidgeted with her pink hair as everyone in the hall turned to her.
“Ummm…Professor Drapenet, if Jausn was so important, where did he go? ”
“An excellent question. The answer, unfortunately, is that we do not know. After he left Earth, he was never seen again. In fact, one of the biggest bounties in the explorer guilds is for Jausn’s body or ship. Excellent question, Rosy. Anyone else?”
Another hand popped up.
“Yes, Rusty?”
“Was Jasun really as good as they say? The records seem to paint him as some sort of god.”
“Also an excellent question, Rusty. While Jausn's exploits seem absurd to most, we have ample evidence verifying their truth. We don’t quite know how, but Jausn truly was an anomaly. Anyone else?”
No hands came up.
Alice sighed again, “Very well. Class dismissed.”
The rush to the door made her sigh once more.
—-------------------------------------------
History became a map, visible only to Alice. She traced its mountains and valleys, ups and downs, marveling at their mere existence. She observed the many paths, crossing oceans and plains both. She stepped back and simply soaked in its grandeur, letting it caress her, whispering meaning and truth into her. This place stripped her of the lies she told herself, of the lies others told themselves. Here she was nothing, and that was the truth.
She was a miracle, a speck of nothing on the road of eternity.
It was absurd.
A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
—-------------------------------------------
Alice stared at the blank screen, struggling for words.
She wanted, no needed, to put this feeling in words. To reach out, show people what she saw.
She sighed.
Maybe it was futile.
—------------------------------------------
Alice exhaled sadly, taking a sip of her coffee. She sat on her balcony, hundreds of floors off the ground, overlooking Gresmek, her home city.
“Are you ok?” her boyfriend, Jacob asked, voiced tinged with concern.
He was as handsome as always, with pitch black hair, lightly tanned skin and piercing violet eyes. His arms were lined with slim muscles and he wore a plain white cotton shirt with black slacks. Sometimes she wished she had his tan on her fair skin.
“Yeah…It just…sometimes it seems to consume me.”
“What consumes you?” Jacob questioned, concern rising.
“Did you know that in the grand scheme of things, we are nothing?”
Jacob, surprised at the sudden change in topic, failed to respond.
“It's strange,” Alice continued, “We are miracles, our mere existence is the result of odds so far they could reasonably be called 0. And yet we are nothing.”
“Alice,” Jacob started, reaching across the table to take her hand, “Are you alright.”
Alice smiled at their intertwined hands, “You’re sweet. I’m fine, just musing. Want to join me.”
Jacob eyed her for another second, as if making sure she was actually ok.
“Alright,” he started, “Well, I don’t think we’re nothing. We exist. That must count for something.”
“I suppose it does,” Alice mused, “but not enough to truly be something.”
“Well, I'd like to believe that I am significant.”
“And therein lies the problem. We are taught from a young age that every person is significant. We are taught that we matter. And in order to maintain that delusion, we narrow the scope of our vision, cutting off all that could invalidate our worth.”
Jacob was silent.
“So few are willing to look. So few are willing to understand. I am a historian, I look and I see. I know. I am nothing. Yet here I am, trying to be someone.” She turned back to Jacob, her unease plain to see. “Does that make me a hypocrite? Should I just accept my nonexistence and fade into nothing?”
Jacob observed her a second before getting up and walking over to her.
“Come on. Let's go to the couch. Then you can tell me what’s bothering you.”
Alice nodded silently, taking his hand and letting him guide her to the velvet couch. They sat down and put their feet up, Jacob drawing her to his side. The star light streaming through the window painted a calm scene. They sat in silence for a second.
“Does it ever amaze you?” Alice questioned.
“What?”
“Existence. Sometimes I just become aware of my existence. It's absurd. I don't know why or how I exist. I just do. Does your existence surprise you?”
“Sometimes.” Jacob replied quietly, “I wake up and forget who I am. I forget everything. The world is just me. Everything is me. Sometimes I wish it could be like that all the time.”
“Where you could be something.” Alice whispered.
“Yes.”
“I struggle often with how to live. The universe is so insane. Do I match it, become bigger than life itself? Do I hide, deluding myself with my own self-importance? Accept its superiority and fade into its trail? How does one live knowing they are nothing?”
“What if we weren't nothing?”
“That’s absurd.”
“The world is absurd. What’s one more absurdity?”
Alice was silent for a second, digesting that idea.
“But how could we, normal, unremarkable people, become something? I am a historian. I study those that were something. They tower. Existence itself seems to fall into their shadows, becoming a mere foil to their glory. How could we possibly match that?”
“Do we need to? Could we become something without needing to overshadow something else? Are we not already something?”
“Can we?” Alice questioned, snuggling deeper into Jacob’s chest, “I mean, look around us. We don't even live on the homeworld. We are surrounded by the legacies of dead men, burning within the stars. Aliens existed once, and they have been slaughtered to the last. Technology so advanced, we can casually replicate lost limbs, travel into the hearts of stars, connect to the network of all humanity with a thought and so much more. Can we be something in the face of that?”
“I don’t know, Alice. I don’t know. I believe that it's not a zero sum game. But because somebody towers doesn't mean we can’t stand. And even if we couldn't, must we be something? Can we not just hide in anonymity, enjoying life in that small pocket where we are everything? Is nothingness not freedom?”
“I don’t know. I just know that when I observe the miracle that is history, I am small. I am nothing. What else could I be in the face of all that?”
“Then I will remind you that you are somebody.”
Alice, looked up into Jacob’s blue eyes, and slowly drew him into a gentle kiss.
“I don't deserve you” she said, idly tracing the line of his jaw, “How could I possibly deserve you, small as I am?”
He caught her hand, leaning into it.
“Don’t talk like that.” he commanded, “I’m lucky you give me the time of day. You are my sun. I don't like when people belittle my sun.”
Alice chuckled, “So commanding!” she exclaimed.
“Are you going to keep belittling my sun?” he asked, voice still commanding as he started to tickle her.
“No! I won't!” Alice half laughed, half yelled.
“Good.” he stopped, leaning back, satisfied.
“You know, this is why I love you.” Alice said, still breathless.
He snorted, “because I keep you from going off the deep end?”
“Yep. And you make me laugh.”
He chuckled, “you know what else I can do.”
Seeing the evil grin on his face, Alice immediately tried to squirm out of his hold. Alas, It was too late and Jacob swung her over his shoulder and charged towards the bedroom.
Alice’s laughter echoed throughout the room.
I’ve always found it interesting how people handle the scope of existence. Most hide.
But the few that face it?
They are the most interesting to watch.