The click of forks on plates resounded through the room as the Erduks ate dinner.
“Pass the salt, please.” John asked.
Jausn tossed it to him.
The click of forks on plates resumed.
Finally, Jausn pushed away his plate and turned to his parents.
“Mom, Dad, I… I dont think there is anybody.” he said in a small voice.
This time his parents didn’t contradict him.
John sighed,
“I suppose you’re old enough now. No, there is not. There has never been somebody like you, and there likely never will be. Hell, they can't even figure out why you’re like this. Your DNA is fairly normal.”
Of course it was. His power came from his soul, not his flesh.
“So what do I do?” Jausn questioned in that same defeated voice, “Live alone? Unmatched?”
“We don't know, son. This is your path. All we can do is promise to support you in whatever you decide to do.”
Jausn nodded dejectedly,
“I… I need to take a walk.” he said, getting out of his seat.
John watched him go sadly,
“What are we going to do with you?” he whispered.
—------------------------------------------------------------
The stars were out in full force as Jausn walked to the meadow he had often played in as a kid. He lay down in the lush grass and stared into nothing.
He stated there for hours, letting night slip away,
Finally, he spoke,
“I can sense you. Why do you make me suffer?”
I didn’t respond. I hadn't talked to a mortal directly, especially an Erduk, since Angelica.
Still Jausn continued,
“I have always sensed you. Hoped you would come down. Tell me I'm not alone.”
He laughed bitterly.
“Now, it seems you are content to leave me to my lonesomeness.”
More hours slipped away before he spoke once more,
“Why am I like this? So bright? So brilliant?”
It was because of his soul. It shone brighter than any since Angelica herself. I didn’t know at the time, but it was only the beginning of a trend. The power of the Erduks was being brought to bear once more.
Of course, I didn’t tell him any of that.
He closed his eyes and sighed,
“I wonder, are we the only ones you created? Are there others out there? As lost among the cosmos as we are?”
He opened his eyes, and for the first time he seemed to see the stars above him.
“Maybe there are,” he whispered, “maybe there is another like me out there. Alone.”
He seemed to come to decision at that moment,
“Very well. If I can't find my peers on earth, I’ll find them in the stars.”
We watched the stars together for the rest of the night.
—-------------------------------------------
The next day, he returned to the university. But no longer did he seek peers among the students there. He had accepted there were none. Instead he simply borrowed the vast resources and tools they had at their disposal to begin his research.
He had one goal.
Create a spaceship capable of faster-than-light travel.
He was 21, finally a legal adult in the eyes of society.
And he had found his path.
—--------------------------------------------
The years came and went, the turning of the season bringing sorrow and joy both, woven into the intricate cloth of life.
The door to Jausn’s workshop in the University burst open, revealing his parents.
“Jausn! Where are you?” Erika called.
She was greeted with silence.
They had spent an hour searching for him, only for every sign pointing to him never leaving the house.
After a brief search they found him muttering to himself in the kitchen as he glared into a cereal bowl.
He was unkempt and messy, with wrinkled stained clothes, and messy hair.
“Jausn!” Erika scolded, “You’re a mess! What happened?”
He finally looked up from his staring contest with the cereal,
“Mom? Dad? What are you doing here?”
They pulled up chairs and sat with him.
“Because we’re worried about you,” John said, taking Erika’s hand. “You hardly ever leave the house.”
“Because i'm not finished yet” Jausn replied, “I’m so close, guys. I’m so close.”
“To what? This light speed engine of yours?”
“Faster-than-light,” Jausn corrected, “And yes. I’m so close.”
“Son, is it really worth it? You’ve given up nearly 5 years on this insane plan.”
Jausn’s head swiveled to John,
“It is everything” he snapped, “Everything.”
They stared at him with mild reproach, before he finally sighed.
“I’m sorry, guys. I’m just so close.”
Erika sighed,
“Why are you doing this, Jausn? There must be a better way.”
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Jausn just looked into space.
“You know,” he whispered, “in the beginning I still held some measure of hope. I had to invent entirely new branches of science and math. And I shared the full documentation on every single one of them, hoping somebody, anybody, could understand even the smallest fraction of them.”
He sighed,
“Nobody did.”
For a moment there was silence in the room.
“Son,” John finally said, “maybe it's time to give up on the search for peers. Accept that you are unique. Learn to live with it.”
Jausn just shook his head.
“No.”
“Son, if you wou…”
“I said, NO” the last word hung between them, a fatal divide.
“Why? Why is this so important? Help us understand.” Erika interjected.
Jausn’s response was instant,
“Would you like to live in a society of insects?”
“Pardon?”
“A society of insects. One that can't understand a single thing you say. Would you like to be the only man on earth? Just alone with your thoughts. Forever. Would you like to be chained to that society, forever forced to restrain yourself to avoid stepping on them?”
He was met with silence.
“Because that is what life is like for me. Everything is so fragile.”
“Fragile?”
“Yes, fragile. Punch a man and he dies. Best a man and his ego is broken. Speak the truth and society crumbles. Break all records. Shatter all limits. Rupture all boundaries. That is who I am. Yet here, I cannot wield that essence, for it would break all around me like a supersonic plane soaring through a glass-forged city. I am a man chained to his bed because every step would crush insects. And I can no longer restrain myself. That's why I must go.”
John and Erika stared at him in horror.
“Is that truly what you think of humanity? A bunch of insects?”
Jausn nodded,
“I can no longer pretend otherwise. My peers are not here. So I must search elsewhere.”
“What…What about us? Are we insects too?”
Jausn’s silence was confirmation enough.
“Ok.” John said, “I don’t understand. But you obviously do, son. Just know, insect or not, we will always love you.”
Tears were silently streaming down everybody's faces,
“And I love you guys” Jausn whispered, “I’m just so tired of being alone.”
Erika started softly sobbing.
She was still sobbing when they left.
Jausn went back to glaring at his cereal, the void within bigger than ever.
It hurt to watch. But I understood, perhaps better than anybody.
Limitlessness is a curse.
—-------------------------------------
Later that year, Jausn called an academic conference. It was attended by the greatest of humanity from world-leaders to world-class scientists to the elite of society. All came to the call of one man.
Jausn himself stood on the high podium, overlooking the thousand of gathered people.
“Attention!” he called.
Instantly silence befell the hall.
“I’ve called you all here for two reasons. A goodbye and a gift.”
Confused murmuring spread throughout the hall, only to be stopped by a single hand.
“I’m sick and tired of long, pointless, speeches and none of you would understand what I really want to say, so I'll just get into it. I will be leaving earth, and I don't expect to return.”
His hand rose once more to silence the outbursts.
“I would like to thank all of you, all of humanity. You never did live up to my expectations, but you tried, and I appreciate that effort. Sometimes all that can be done is to try.”
He sighed,
“Anyways, that's the goodbye, so here's the gift.”
He waved a hand and the hall was filled with intricate hologram diagrams and blueprints.
“I have created a spaceship, equipped with such things like matter replicators, food fabricators, short-range teleports, stasis pods, and a faster-than-light engine.”
The crowd erupted with shouting.
“For my gift” Jausn shouted over them, “I give to you the full blueprint and documentation for its creation along with the blueprints for all its components and the sciences used to design them.”
Dead silence greeted his announcement.
“I will be honest, I am not sure it is even within human capability to create such a thing, but with the complete designs maybe you’ll find a way. Anyways, they’re public domain, and also protected. Anybody that tries something stupid will find some very nasty viruses invading their computers. I don't have much more to say, goodbye and good luck.”
He vanished in a flash of light.
—--------------------------------------------------
Jausn sighed as the spaceship accelerated seamlessly. In an instant he hovered over earth, looking down on the planet he had spent his whole life on.
It looked so small.
He wondered if they would ever ascend to the star, as he just had.
Still, they were them, and Jausn was Jausn.
He turned his gaze to the distant star with a hunger.
It was time to begin the search in earnest.
—------------------------------------
As the years passed, Jausn combed the stars, looking for the one thing that could make him whole. He frequently addressed me, but I never responded. He passed black holes and radiant supernovae, discovered the corpses of my first creations and treasures born of law and chance.
But throughout it all, he never found the one thing he desired so dearly.
He was still alone.
—----------------------------------------
“Why do you refuse to address me?” Jausn questioned as he fiddled with another long-range pulse scanner. “Am I not worthy? Or are you unable? Or don’t want to? Why?”
As usual I gave no response.
He sighed,
“You know, I feel the barrier. The one between mortality and divinity.”
That got my attention.
“It's fragile. As fragile as everything else in this cursed existence. A single push and I would ascend to divinity.”
I was jubilant. This was the end, I had a peer! He would ascend and finally he would be capable of perceiving the vastness of creation in full.
“I won't do it.”
My thoughts ground to a halt. He didn't want to ascend?
“You know,” he continued, “Once I would have been thrilled at the chance to ascend and meet you. Now?” He sneered, “You’re just as broken as the rest, cowering above us all. You never did recover from the blow she struck, did you?”
I gave no response.
He threw down the pulse scanner, ignoring the small explosion of sparks it produced.
“At least I tried!” he yelled, “I tried everything! You just cowered!”
He took a deep breath,
“You are UNWORTHY” he proclaimed, his last word echoing with divinity before he subdued it.
I was shaken, questioning my path for the first time in eons.
Did I truly need to give humanity the space to forge their own paths? Or was that just an excuse to avoid interacting with them? An excuse to avoid trying?
The doubts fed the void in my soul.
—-------------------------------------------------
Jausn never spoke to me again, focusing fully on his search. I wondered if I should intervene, tell him he truly was unique. But I never worked up the courage to approach. He let time take its toll, making no effort to slow his natural aging. I watched as his black hair turned white, and his body deteriorated, even as his azure eyes blazed with light greater than ever before. He saw death coming and he welcomed it.
One day, after another futile day of searching, he gave up. I felt it like a slap in the face. The will of a near-divine being giving way with a mighty crack. He lacked nothing in the pursuit of divinity, merely the desire of divinity itself.
I watched as he slowly got up and walked to the airlock.
I watched as he ejected himself for his ship, his long white hair flowing behind him as he drifted in space.
I watched as he simply closed his eyes and basked in the cold void, patiently awaiting death.
Finally, I could watch no more.
For the first time since Angelica’s betrayal, I addressed a mortal.
“JAUSN” my voice boomed, “THIS IS FOOLISHNESS. ASCEND.”
When he gave no response, I tried again.
“JAUSN, STOP THIS MAD…”
Jausn’s eyes flashed open burning with fury only a god should posses
“NO”
The word came into existence like light at the beginning of time, touching everything, forcing reality to accept its existence. Forcing me to acknowledge its essence.
I left Jausn with the final echoes of his last word still hanging in the void.
He closed his eyes for the last time.
I sighed, alone once more.
Within the void grew.
—------------------------------------
The final demise of Jasun an Erduk took years. He floated in the void, basking in its nothingness, seeming to slowly merge with the universe as a whole. Perhaps I had been granted my wish after all. He was certainly capable of gazing upon my creation in that state.
The end came in a monstrous ripple, as a divine soul pierced the veil of existence to go to wherever souls went. There was nothing left of his path to use as its lonely essence rushed to the far corners of the universe.
The ripple was felt even on Earth as people all around the planet fell to their knees, unable to comprend what they were feeling. Except for one.
Freld an Erduk, the second son of John an Erduk, shed a tear for the brother he had never met.
And once more, I was still alone.
—----------------------------------------