Houston jumps off the rock and onto the street.
Houston: Ah, it’s been a while since I could stretch my legs and get a good old fashion fight in.
The students look tense.
Jace: Isn’t he class 1-B’s teacher?
Karma: Yeah, he is.
Silver: We have almost no experience against him. This could be a problem.
Zach: Why are we facing off against you? I thought you and Mr. Walker liked to stick to your own classes?
Houston cracks his knuckles.
Houston: Walker and I decided to swap classes for the day. I beat his kids; he beats mine.
Silver: You want to rephrase that or?
Houston: I know what I said! If you want to pass this exercise, you’re going to have to survive my onslaught!
Gus falls from the building and smacks into the ground.
Gus: *groans*
Karma: Gus?
Zach: He’s still conscious?
Houston: Huh? I thought that kick would have taken him out of commission.
Lilith runs over to Gus.
Lilith: Gus, are you alright!
Gus: *groans* All I wanted to do was nap…
Justus: How is he doing, Lilith?
Lilith: He’s... Gus.
Houston leaps down from the rock and approaches the group.
Houston: Unless you all forfeit, he’s not going to stay that way. In fact, none of you are.
Silver, Karma, Justus, Zach, and Jace take a few steps back.
Silver: (This isn’t good if Mr. Walker is a baseline for how strong Mr. Houston is... then we’re wholly outmatched here.)
Justus: (Even the 6 of us together probably wouldn’t be enough to overpower him, we’re going to have to make a run for it.)
Houston: I thought Walker’s class was supposed to be brave. You all seem like a bunch of cowards to me!
Justus: We’re brave, but we’re not dumb.
Jace: Yeah, we let your class handle that!
Houston gets mad.
Houston: What did you say? Are you questioning my teaching?
Jace: *gulps* N- no!
Silver: Now you’ve done it…
The rocket thrusters on Houston’s elbows and heels start to heat up.
Houston: I’m gonna teach you kids a lesson in respect, and I’m gonna start with you, Slinky boy!
Zach: Isn’t that your hero name?
Jace: No!
Gus: *whispering* Guys…
They all turn their attention to Gus.
Gus: Run as fast as you can when I give the signal. I’ll be a distraction. It’s the least I can do for getting knocked out so early on!
Houston starts running at them with immense speed.
Houston: I’m taking you down!
Gus: G2: Toxic Rush!
Gus spits out a cloud of purple gas that starts coating the streets. Zach, Justus, and Silver run in one direction while Karma, Lilith, and Jace run in another.
Houston: The hell?
Houston’s momentum nearly drives him right into the cloud, but he shifts his elbows forward and blasts himself out of harm’s way and onto the roof of a nearby building.
Gus: Dammit… I didn’t get him…
Gus passes out in the smoke.
Houston: (Phew... that was close, If I got caught in that, I would have been done for. Smart move by those kids to get me riled up, it let them break away from me.)
Houston examines the gas-filled street.
Houston: (Fuck! I just handed them a second chance! I guess I’ll have to roam around until I find them again.)
Jace, Karma, and Lilith have ducked down an alleyway and caught their breaths.
Jace: I wish Gus could have given us more warning. We barely got away from that gas cloud.
Karma: He didn’t have enough time to tell us what he was planning. He got us away from Mr. Houston, and that’s all we could ask for.
Lilith: I hope Gus is alright.
Karma: He’s probably out of the exercise now. Recovery Girl will help him.
Jace: Yeah, we should probably start worrying about ourselves.
Karma: I agree.
Jace springs up and grabs onto the edge of the building. He peeks his head over the ledge slightly and looks for Houston; he jumps back down.
Jace: Looks like we lost him.
Karma: For now anyway, if he finds us, I don’t know what we’ll do.
Lilith: Runaway, right?
Karma: That probably isn’t a possibility; he’s much faster than us. We only got away, thanks to Gus’ distraction. Next time we won’t be that lucky.
Jace: Our best bet is to stay out of the open and avoid him at all costs. Besides, the others have a better shot at taking him out. Justus and Silver working together is a scary thought.
Karma: I don’t know…
Jace: Hm? Don’t know what?
Karma: I don’t know if those two being a good team is a foregone conclusion. Sure Silver and Justus are powerful, but their personalities and fighting styles might need time to adjust to one another.
Jace: Eh, I’m sure they’ll be fine. What could go wrong when you put that much talent together?
Silver, Zach, and Justus are standing on a different street, catching their breath.
Justus: I think we’re in the clear for now.
Silver: Yeah, we should have a minute or two before he can catch up to us.
Zach: So what’s the plan, guys? It could take forever to find the safe house, should we go after him or?
Justus and Silver: I think we should-
Silver and Justus look at each other.
Silver: You’ve got a plan?
Justus: I might.
Silver: Well, I do too.
Justus: That’s interesting.
Zach: Uh, guys?
Silver: Hm, so whose plan should we go with?
Justus: Maybe the guy that made it out of the first round.
Silver: Hey!
Zach: Guys…
Silver: Well, if we’re judging based on previous success, let me remind you that I didn’t get knocked out in the first minute when we last did these training exercises.
Justus: That’s because I fought the number one hero!
Silver: Fought?
Zach: Guys!
Justus and Silver: What!
Zach: I’d like to hear both plans…
Justus and Silver: Well, my plan is-
Justus and Silver stare at each other.
Zach: (Oh god, we’re doomed.)
Everyone else in the class watches from the viewing lounge.
Alexis: They seem to be at odds. Not often do you see Silver and Justus being immature.
Hayze: That’s what happens when you put two natural leaders together. They don’t know how to follow each other’s lead, so they clash.
Ash: Do you think they’ll get it together?
Angel: They have to; otherwise, they’re gonna get destroyed by Mr. Houston.
Aaron: They’ll be fine. Those two are almost as strong as me. Together, they’ll be unstoppable, realize that, and start working with each other.
Wes: Almost as strong as you? Did I miss a rerank or something?
Wes gets bean bagged in the chest. Wes squirms on the floor, writhing in pain, holding his chest.
Adrian: What the hell is going on back there!
Aaron: I think he tripped.
Alden: Wait, what? That’s not-
Alden gets bean bagged in the chest.
Aaron: The floor must be uneven. Everyone, watch your step.
Alexis rolls her eyes. Silver and Justus are still staring at each other.
Justus: I guess we need to decide on a leader before continuing.
Silver: I guess so.
Zach: Guys, it’s really not that important as long as we’re working together.
Silver: How do you suppose we decide?
Justus: Hm… thumb war?
Silver: Oh yeah, the super-soldier wants to thumb war, no thanks.
Zach: Are you guys ignoring me?
Justus: Shall we hold a vote then.
Silver: Hm, I guess that’s the only fair way to do it.
Zach: Guys, please… Mr. Houston is gonna be here any second now.
Justus and Silver: (Wait, he’ll just vote for himself!) I propose a rule! You can’t vote for yourself!
Zach: Come on, guys...
Justus picks up some napkins off the ground and hands them out to Silver and Zach. He then picks up a random pen off the ground.
Justus: Write your vote down, then we’ll reveal. The losers cannot contest the decision, agreed?
Silver: Agreed.
Zach: I think I hear something...
They all write their vote down.
Justus and Silver: (I’ve got this vote in the bag.)
Zach: Uh, guys… I don’t know if you’re thinking this through or not.
Justus: Reveal!
Silver: Zach.
Justus: Zach.
Zach: Justus.
Silver and Justus fall to their knees in defeat.
Justus and Silver: (Dammit...)
They both stand up.
Silver: Well, I guess Zach is our leader.
Justus: Yup, fair and square, what’s the plan, Zach?
Houston: I’m gonna kick all of your asses…
Houston is holding Zach by his head.
Zach: You guys wasted way too much time…
Houston chucks Zach as hard as possible into a fire hydrant, water starts spewing out of the ground, launching Zach into the air. Zach then smacks into the ground.
Zach: *groans* Ow…
Justus tries to punch Houston, but Houston blocks and rocket suplexes Justus into the ground. Silver pops open two silver dust canisters.
Silver: (There’s no way we’re getting away this time… I can’t believe I let childishness get in the way of the mission.)
Silver sends a wave of silver dust at Houston. Houston notices the attack and blasts himself into the air using his thrusters, avoiding it.
Houston: You’re gonna have to be faster than that!
Houston lands on the ground and brushes off his shoulder. Silver runs over and helps Justus up.
Silver: Screw being leader, let’s just take this guy out!
Justus: Yeah… if we don’t work together, then we’re not gonna last long against him!
Silver: The others are probably looking for the safe room, and as long as he’s here, we know they can look for it uncontested.
Zach stands up.
Zach: We don’t even have to beat him. We just have to hold him here long enough so that the others can complete the mission!
Silver, Justus, and Zach face off against Houston.
Justus: I know we don’t have to win, but I still want to.
Zach: Oh, hell yeah!
Silver: Let’s kick this guy’s ass!
Houston lights up his thrusters.
Houston: You kids got some spirit. So it looks like I’ll have to crush it.
Jace springs from rooftop to rooftop. Lilith flies around carrying Karma.
Jace: (There’s no subway station anywhere…)
This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.
The three reconvene on a rooftop. Lilith sits down and looks exhausted.
Lilith: Karma…
Karma: I’m just tall, and you should work on your upper body strength!
Lilith: Okay…
Jace: Did you guys spot anything?
Karma: No, not a single subway entrance anywhere.
Jace: Yeah, me neither, I didn’t think it would be easy, but with Lilith’s flight and my springs, we covered a lot of ground quickly. I’m not sure what to do now.
Lilith: And who knows where Mr. Houston is right now…
Jace: Yeah, I guess we’ve gotta just keep looking and hope we find it…
Karma: Yeah… or maybe we’re missing something.
Lilith: What do you mean, Karma?
Jace: Yeah, the clue seems pretty straightforward to me.
Karma: Hm… maybe you’re right. Come on, Lilith, let’s take to the air.
Lilith: Uh… do you mind giving me a few more minutes…
Karma: *sighs*
Jace: I’ll go ahead. Let’s meet again in 5 or so minutes at that tall building over there.
Karma: Alright, good luck, Jace.
Jace springs off.
Karma: (If we can’t find the safe house, I hope the others can knock Houston around. That’s the only way we’ll pass otherwise.)
Zach extends his bone claws and charges at Houston.
Zach: Let’s go!
Justus: Zach, wait!
Houston thrusts a punch at Zach. The two lock eyes just as Houston nails Zach in the face. Zach goes flying into a building through a window.
Houston: You kids are gonna have to try something new here!
Justus throws his shield at Houston. Houston repels it using a thruster punch.
Houston: I guess I meant new and intelligent…
Justus clenches his fists.
Justus: This isn’t good; his reaction time and speed are far faster than any of our attacks!
Silver: Yeah, and if that’s the case, we’re going to have to change our strategy.
Justus: You have an idea?
Silver: If brute force isn’t going to work, we’re going to have to resort to some trickery.
Zach climbs out of the window holding his head.
Zach: *groans* I guess charging at him isn’t gonna work…
Houston: Why did you think it would work in the first place?
Zach: I had faith, okay!
Houston: Maybe a little too much…
Justus: Take this!
Justus has snuck up on Houston while he was focused on Zach.
Houston: (A sneak attack, eh? No problem!)
Justus lunges at Houston. Houston locks eyes with Justus and thrusts his leg upward to kick Justus in the chest.
Houston: No chance, kid!
Suddenly a bunch of silver dust streams out from behind Justus’ shield.
Houston: Huh!
The dust covers Justus’ chest in time to block Houston’s kick and ensnare his leg. Houston thrusts his arm forward and punches Justus away from him.
Houston: (They clogged one of my thrusters with a cheap trick, clever.)
Zach helps Justus up.
Justus: That worked better than expected, Silver.
Silver: My dust wasn’t fast enough to keep up with his movements, but by using Justus’ shield to transfer it undetected. I was able to protect Justus just in time, and now that we have one of his thrusters clogged, his speed will be drastically reduced.
Houston starts laughing.
Silver: What?
Justus: Huh?
Zach: Oh boy…
Houston: I’m glad you kids are showing signs of growth. That’s the point of this exercise, after all. Not one of you could stand a chance against me 1 on 1, so I commend you on making progress and working together. However, you’re still missing one crucial detail.
Silver: (What’s he talking about? From what I can tell, he’s only able to fight utilizing those four rocket thrusters, aiming to block them is our best bet.)
Houston: Let this serve as a lesson to not only you three but to the other two teams watching in the viewing room.
Everyone in the viewing room is watching intently.
Adrian: (Here goes Houston… he loves to grandstand while he teaches. But hey, he’s trying to teach everyone right now, not just the team assigned to him.)
Houston cracks his knuckles.
Houston: You see, you’re used to fighting inexperienced opponents, but I’ve been through more than enough battles in my life. Do you think I’ve never had someone clog one of my thrusters before? I’ve known my most apparent weakness for long enough to properly mitigate it!
Houston’s other three thrusters all flare up.
Houston: So it’s time for the Houston Rocket to end this fight!
The three boys look worried.
Silver: He’s going to try and finish us off here, so I have to do everything I can to stop this next attack.
Silver opens up another canister of silver dust.
Justus: Zach, run. Go find the others and help them find the safe house. We need-
Zach: No.
Justus: Huh? Zach, you have to-
Zach: No, Justus!
Justus and Silver are surprised by Zach’s tone.
Zach: I’m not going to run away from this fight! I won’t abandon you guys!
Silver: If that’s how you feel, then so be it.
Justus: I understand, Zach. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you to do something I’m unwilling to do myself.
Zach: Don’t worry, guys, we aren’t done yet.
Justus: No… but we might be soon.
Houston’s heel thruster starts igniting blue flames. Then, he uses the heat to melt the silver dust blocking his other heel thruster.
Silver: Dammit! He’s using his ultimate attack to nullify our previous efforts!
Justus: (I’ve gotta do something to throw Houston off… but what?)
Justus glances at his shield.
Houston: Alright, kids, this has been fun, but It’s time for me to give you your failing grade!
Houston’s heel rocket flames get more intense.
Houston: Look out! Houston Assault Rocke-
Houston gets hit upside the head by Justus’ shield, knocking him down. Everyone is dumbfounded.
Blair: Did that just…
Isaiah: Work?
Houston, Justus, Silver, and Zach are standing in stunned silence.
Justus: (That worked...?)
Zach: Nice, Justus, you got him!
Houston: *frustrated yell*
Zach: Oh no, Justus, you didn’t get him!
Houston leaps up and starts rocketing toward Justus, Silver, and Zach. His eyes are completely white.
Houston: DON’T INTERRUPT MY LESSON!
Justus: (Oh crap!)
Zach leaps away from Justus and Silver.
Zach: (Now’s my chance!)
Houston cocks back a punch and locks eyes with Justus.
Houston: You’re first, just for that!
Suddenly, Houston comes to a stop.
Justus: Huh?
Houston: What the!
Zach extended his bone tail and wrapped it around Houston’s knees.
Zach: Gotcha!
The students in the viewing lounge are impressed.
Angel: Nice, Zach!
Ash: He caught Houston! What a great move!
Wes: How did he even pull that off, though? Houston was moving so fast.
Adrian: It doesn’t matter how quick a target moves if they’re going in a straight line. Zach did a great job noticing that.
Kevin: What do you mean by that, sir?
Adrian: Houston has two major weaknesses, the first being his thrusters getting clogged; that one is obvious. The second is a little bit harder to spot, however. His thrusters tremendously increase his speed, but he’s moving so fast that he can’t make adjustments on the fly. Notice how he rarely dodges a counterattack launched on him; he blocks it with an available thruster.
Demetri: Okay, but if he’s moving at that speed, then how the hell could Zach grab him?
Adrian: Zach didn’t grab Houston, so to speak.
Isaiah: What? Are we watching a different fight?
Adrian: Zach led his attack like a sniper on a moving target. He grabbed at the air the moment Houston passed through it.
Aaron: Damn, nice work, Zach.
Eve: That doesn’t explain how Zach could time his strike that perfectly.
Adrian: I think I’ll let Zach explain that one.
Houston smiles.
Houston: Nice one, kid.
Zach: Thanks, Mr. Houston!
Justus: Zach… how did you do that… If you even a millisecond slower and you would have-
Zach: I didn’t time anything. You see, one thing I learned from working at the hospital all last week was observation skills. Patients sometimes don’t tell you what they feel, so you have to observe and figure it out for yourself. For example, whenever Mr. Houston was attacking, he would always lock eyes with his opponent just before punching or kicking them. He did this against Justus and me, and twice is a trend. So I waited for that exact moment, and I grabbed him.
Justus: Wow… that’s… great work, Zach!
Zach: Thanks, man!
Justus: (How did I not notice that? I’m impressed with Zach but embarrassed with myself. I need to do better.)
Silver is shocked.
Silver: (Dammit… Zach was able to apply something he learned while working in a hospital before I could use any of my training with Black Hollow… I feel like an idiot.)
Houston starts laughing.
Zach: Aw, man… I hate when he does that.
Houston: It was a good move, kid, and an excellent showing of what you learned during your internship, but I’m afraid you’ll need to do better than that!
Houston starts spinning using his thrusters, causing Zach to lose his balance and start getting dragged against the ground.
Zach: AHHHH! OW! AHH! OW! AH! AH!
Houston then uses his elbow thrusters’ flames on Zach’s bone tail.
Zach: AHHHHHH!
Houston: I remember your match at the Sports Festival, your tail is strong, but the pain is amplified when it’s hit. I’ll be taking full advantage of that!
Justus: (I have to help Zach!)
Houston continues heating up the thrusters until Zach’s grip lessens. Houston immediately breaks free and lunges at Justus.
Justus: (His speed!)
The two lock eyes as Houston nails Justus with an uppercut launching him in the air.
Houston: Welcome back to school, Hotshot!
Houston grabs Justus’ shield and bats him over the head with it. Justus smashes into the ground, knocking him unconscious.
Zach: Justus!
Houston lands feet first on the base of Zach’s tail. Breaking the bone.
Zach: AHHH!
Zach passes out from the pain.
Houston: Two down. One to go.
Silver: (Shit.)
Houston’s heel thrusters stop exuding blue flames and begin expelling smoke.
Houston: (Looks like assault mode is over, I’ll be forced to stick to my two elbow thrusters… which could be problematic… but I’m sure I’ll be fine.)
Silver streams the silver dust in his third canister into two gauntlets on his arms.
Silver: I’m ready to take you on!
Houston: Really? You’re gonna be proud at this moment? You don’t think you’re going to be able to beat me all by yourself, do you?
Silver: No, but I know I won’t get away from you, and our goal was to prolong you so that our teammates could complete the mission. This is a tactical decision.
Houston smiles.
Houston: Fair enough.
Houston lights up his elbow thrusters.
Houston: Then let’s go, kid!
Houston runs at Silver.
Silver: I’ve got to stay vigilant; the goal is to survive, not win.
Houston attempts to punch Silver in the chest, but Silver grabs Houston’s arm and blocks with his dust gauntlets.
Houston: Hm… this is new.
Silver: Yup! Zach wasn’t the only one who learned some new tricks during his internship.
Houston: Too bad yours isn’t as impressive as you think.
Silver: Huh?
Houston uses his immense strength to lift Silver off the ground, which causes the silver dust to lose its hold over Houston.
Silver: Oh no!
Houston: Unlike me, you’re not battle-tested enough to know how to counteract your weaknesses against any opponent!
Houston chucks Silver against the ground hard.
Silver: *pained grunt*
Houston chuckles.
Houston: You kids put up a great fight, but now it’s over!
Silver: (I just hope we bought the others enough time…)
Jace lands in the middle of a street.
Jace: AH! I’ve been searching for so long, and I haven’t even seen the slightest clue of a damn subway!
Karma and Lilith land next to Jace.
Karma: I assume you haven’t found anything either?
Jace: Nope.
Lilith: Well, maybe we should-
Karma holds up her hand.
Jace: Huh?
Lilith: What is it, Karma?
Karma: Do you guys hear that?
Lilith: Hear what?
The three listen; they hear the faint noise of destruction in the distance.
Jace: What is that?
Karma: It’s getting closer, hide!
They run to the alleyway and look around the corner. Silver comes flying into the street and slams into a light post.
Silver: *groans* (I’m faster, but I can’t keep up with him…)
Houston walks into the street.
Jace: It’s Houston and Silver!
Lilith: But where are Justus and Zach?
Karma: He must have defeated them already.
Silver stands up and rushes a cloud of silver dust at Houston. Houston blasts himself into the air to avoid it. He then crashes down toward Silver.
Houston: Houston Smackdown!
Silver jumps backward to avoid the attack, but Houston winds back another punch. Silver dust comes up Silver’s shirt to block the hit and cushion the blow, but Silver still gets sent flying and tumbling down the street.
Silver: *groans*
Houston: You’re pretty resilient, I’ll give you that, but you should just accept you’re not going to win and pass out like your friends.
Silver: Sorry, not happening.
Houston: Why not?
Silver: Because if there’s one lesson I learned from my defeat in the Sports Festival, it’s that you only lose when you give up.
Houston: I’m afraid that isn’t true!
Houston readies another thruster punch.
Houston: You lost the moment you challenged me!
Suddenly, Jace kicks Houston with his springs, smacking him into a nearby wall. Jace helps Silver up.
Jace: Run before he can beat me up!
Silver: Uh… aren’t you guys supposed to be searching for-
Jace: Just run! We couldn’t find it and could use your help!
Houston brushes himself off.
Houston: I’M GONNA STRAIGHTEN THOSE SPRINGS.
Jace: AHHHHH!
Jace and Silver start running, Houston chases after them.
Silver: (Why isn’t he using his leg thrusters? He’d catch up to us in seconds unless...) Jace I-
Jace: I’m not stopping! NOPE!
Karma runs out onto the street and uses her quirk to accelerate herself right up next to Houston.
Karma: Run, guys!
Karma tackles Houston to knock him down, Lilith signals Jace and Silver down an alleyway.
Lilith: Over here!
Silver and Jace run with Lilith. Karma watches.
Karma: (Good they got-)
Houston socks Karma in the chest with a thruster punch, knocking her out instantly.
Houston: (Dammit! These kids aren’t making this easy, the good news is that if these three were here, that means they didn’t find the safe house.)
Jace, Silver, and Lilith hide behind a dumpster and catch their breath.
Jace: I can’t believe we got away…
Silver: Why did you guys do that! Now he knows you’re in the area and won’t stop searching until he finds us!
Lilith: It was Karma’s idea. She said we needed you to develop a plan to defeat Houston.
Silver: What? But what about-
Jace: We couldn’t find even a single trace of where the safe house is… We searched nearly the whole city. Which means we have to beat Houston if we want any chance of passing this exercise.
Lilith: So Karma decided to take one for the team so you could plan our final attack.
Silver: You guys really couldn’t find it?
Jace: No, we have no idea where it could be.
Silver: *sighs* Alright, then I guess we’ll have to start planning.
Jace: Got any ideas off the top of your head?
Silver: Just one, but if it doesn’t work…
Jace: Hey, we’re probably gonna fail anyway, so what do we have to lose?
Silver: Good point… okay, then listen up. First, Jace, you go get his attention.
Houston is walking down the street.
Houston: (Time is almost up. If they couldn’t find the safe house by now, then they’ll never-)
Jace: Hey, Dallas!
Jace comes leaping at Houston. Houston grabs him by the face and slams him into the ground, knocking him out.
Houston: W- was that really your best idea?
Suddenly, silver dust streams off Jace’s springs and ensnares Houston’s legs.
Houston: (Shit!)
Silver walks out of the nearby alleyway and starts walking toward Houston.
Silver: You know it all started coming together, Mr. Houston. I realized why you fought so hard to knock Justus and Zach out after using your blue flames: using that attack knocks your thrusters out of commission for a short time.
Houston: Very observant, so you sent this idiot out to attack me, knowing that I’d lower my guard after quickly dispatching him. That gave you the opening to trap me to the ground, smart.
Silver picks up Jace’s unconscious body and hoists him over his shoulder.
Silver: Yeah, and now we can win this exercise.
Houston starts laughing.
Houston: You’re almost out of time, and nearly all of you are out cold. There’s no way you’re going to find the safe house.
Silver: Who said anything about the safe house?
Houston: Huh?
Silver starts walking away with Jace over his shoulder.
Silver: Oh, you know how you said you remembered Zach’s tail’s weakness from the Sports Festival?
Houston: Y- yeah… why?
Silver: We’re gonna show you something you didn’t get to see at the Sports Festival.
Houston: W- what?
Silver turns down the alleyway.
Houston: What does that mean?
A shadow appears over Houston.
Houston: Huh? I didn’t know it was supposed to rain today?
Lilith: *loud voice* It wasn’t!
Houston: Huh?
Houston looks over his shoulder and sees Lilith towering above him with her foot winded back.
Houston: Well… shit.