Marcus shut the door behind him, facing Dmitri’s door. He took a deep breath and knocked twice, crossing his arms.
I made demands of a god. What in the unholy fuck is wrong with me?
The door opened, revealing Dmitri’s smiling face. “Marcus! Come in! How - What’s wrong, dude?”
Marcus shook his head, dispelling the cobwebs. He plastered a smile on his face. “Nothing, man. Just absorbed in thought.”
Dmitri cocked an eyebrow. “If you’re sure. I won’t pry. You ready for today?”
Markus shrugged. “Won’t matter if I am or not. It’s gotta get done, right?”
Dmitri nodded as he shut the door. “True that.”
Markus walked in and took a seat beside the desk. Dmitri placed a cup of tea beside Markus, who took it gratefully, sipping with shaky hands.
“Damn. If’n I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were real spooked. What’s got you so worked up, man? Talk to me.”
Markus shook his head. “Not something I can really talk about right now, I don’t think. Besides, talking about it won’t really help.”
Dmitri shrugged. “Okay. Anyway, do you think you’re ready to take over a soul or two?”
Markus glanced sharply at his trainer. “Do what? Already?”
Dmitri nodded. “Yeah. I think so. From what Jenny told me, you seem to be able to handle animals really well. I think something like a rabbit or a cat might be easy enough.”
Markus sat in thought for a moment. It might help get his mind off what had just happened. “Will I need to mess with the interface at all, or will you handle that?”
Dmitri nodded. “It’s my interface, so I’ll handle it. Make sure you can see their name and all.” The lights dimmed momentarily and Dmitri cast a glance to the screen. “Looks like a fox is up first. You want him? His name is…Karl.”
Markus fidgeted for a moment, then nodded. “Sure. Let’s see what happens.” He directed his gaze to the door, and a moment later, it clicked open, emitting a small fox.
After the door closed with a soft click, causing Karl to eye it suspiciously. Markus cleared his throat. “Karl?”
The small animal darted behind a table, panting heavily. “A two-leg. And it knows my name. What fresh Hell is this?” His voice was sonorous and surprisingly deep.
“This is merely the space between, Karl. Would you please come closer?”
“It understands me? Most curious.” Karl sneezed, then directed his attention fully to Markus. “Hello, two-leg. I am Karl, though you seem to have me at a disadvantage. May I have your name?”
Markus lifted an eyebrow and glanced over at Dmitri, who was keeping his face neutral. “No, but you may call me Markus.”
“Very well, Markus.” Karl sauntered over and sat before the desk. “What is your purpose in my dream?”
Markus sighed softly, a flash of his mother laying in what would become her deathbed darting across his mind. He steeled himself mentally before replying. “I’m afraid this is no dream, friend. You have passed on. What remains now is for you to decide on your afterlife.”
Karl rose, a quiet grumble emanating from his midsection. “Surely you jest! I may be old, but I am far from the end of my life!”
“I speak true, Karl. You have died.” Dmitri had pulled up the final entry in Karl’s file. “In your sleep, it seems.” His eyebrows climbed his forehead. “And a ripe age of nine, as well! Congratulations on your long life.”
“I… Well, thank you. It’s true, then? I have escaped the shackles of life?” Markus nodded, and Karl gazed sadly toward the floor. “I never expected to pass. I suppose none of us truly expect Death to take us, though.” He laughed ruefully. “Still, nine years is no small feat. Very well! What are my options, my friend?”
Markus nodded. “You may, at your discretion, pass on to a Paradise, be reborn into the world of the living, or dive into the Abyss and never live again.”
“Those are my choices? Hm. May I retire to a Paradise before I return to the world?” Karl cocked his head to the side.
“Absolutely. Would you like that option?”
“I rather think I shall. As you seem to know this space better than I, would you please be so kind as to direct me?”
Dmitri began typing, and nodded. “As Markus is still in training, he does not know yet where the various halls lie. If I may, Karl?” The fox nodded gracefully. “Thank you, sir. You will leave my office, take a left, the second right and continue down that hall for fifteen minutes. You will meet a rabbit who will direct you to your rest.”
“Thank you, friend. Farewell, Markus and Trainer. I hope to meet you both again some day.” Karl strode gracefully out the door, and the light dimmed momentarily.
“Are all foxes…”
“Pretentious? Yeah, man. I think it has something to do with how close they are to the Fae. Next caller!”
The door opened and a short, middle-aged woman walked in. Dmitri smiled and greeted her.
“Welcome, Bernice. As the SIGN has told you, you have passed. I’m here to answer any questions and concerns you may have.”
Bernice glanced around the office, distaste slowly creeping onto her face. “Well. You can start by telling me why you have such….ungodly…art all over your walls.”
Dmitri looked at his walls, a slight frown marring his face. “I don’t think it’s ungodly at all, ma’am. Over there on your left is Thor, Odin and Loki represented in both posters and handmade carvings, and on your right is Freyr, Njord, and Freyja in the same. Five gods and a goddess. Hardly ungodly.”
She shook an admonishing finger at Dmitri. “Well, it isn’t the right god. The only god. You need to get rid of those, and replace them with the right artwork, young man.”
“With all due respect, ma’am, my answer is a resounding ‘No.’”
“But you must! You’re over here sending people to Hell just because they aren’t like you! If you got right with God, you’d understand. I’ll have to put you in my prayers.”
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Dmitri sighed. “Bernice. I don’t send anyone anywhere. I don’t make those decisions. I read their file, and direct them to what they have earned. It’s a different matter altogether.”
“If I may, Dmitri?” Dmitri nodded at him, and Markus continued. “Ma’am, think of it like this: You cross over, and meet a SIGN. Think of them like a road sign on the interstate. We are your exit onto another highway. We Liaisons direct you down the road you have earned. We cannot change that destination for you. Only you can do that, and from what I see here….” Dmitri brought up Bernice’s Final Destination. “It’s not going to be an easy road for you to travel.”
“W-what does that mean, young man?” Bernice began to wring her hands.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, Dmitri, but the first three Hells are more or less therapy, right?”
Dmitri nodded. “Yes. Purgatory is the only area that is solely designated to therapy. The first three are therapy-ish, the second three are a mix of earned punishment and therapy, the next two are almost solely punishment, but there’s a slim chance a soul can earn their way out of that. The final Hell is reserved for the worst of the worst. Think along the lines of Hitler and Pol Pot. Now, I cannot confirm” -he nodded vigorously- “that they are there, but that’s the type of person that that realm was designed for.”
Bernice dropped her voice to a whisper. “Is that where I’m going?”
Dmitri smiled. “Would you like to?”
“Heavens no!”
“Good. You’re headed for level five. Yes, there is some punishment, but it is highly specific for your transgressions. You’ll be there for as long as it takes for you to get the lesson. Could be days, could be millennia. It’s up to you. You’ll progress as far as your strength will take you.”
Bernice sighed and hung her head. “Very well. You still need to get with the right god, young man.” She turned and began walking out of the office.
“One more thing, Bernice?”
Bernice turned around halfway to the door. “What is it?”
“Well, two things, actually. First, you’ll take a left out of the office, then the next two rights. Look for an orange door on the left and go inside.”
Bernice nodded slowly. “And the second?”
“I’m almost five hundred years old. I just look young.”
The door opened behind the woman, who just stared at Dmitri. “Good luck, ma’am. If you get lost, ask aloud for a SIGN. You’ll be helped swiftly.”
She shook her head, muttering to herself. “Left, two rights, and an orange door on the left.”
Markus watched as she exited and took a left. “She’s gonna get “lost”, isn’t she?”
“Yep.” Dmitri shrugged. “Oh well. She knows where she’s going. The longer she wanders, the longer it’ll take for her to get out of her punishments.” The lights dimmed, and the door clicked. “Here we go!”
In all, they saw several more animals and four more humans. Markus took his leave five minutes before shift end, and waited in front of Greg’s door.
Yawning, he checked his phone, which had been left on Do Not Disturb thus far. A message from Lucifer? Concerned, he clicked on the app.
My boy, I hope you didn’t have anything planned for this afternoon. A change of plans are in order, I think. I’d like for you to report to your office immediately after your shift, please. Nothing is wrong, and you are not in any sort of trouble.
Markus sent a positive reply and shoved his hands in his pockets, his mind whirling with possibilities. What could Lucifer have to discuss with him? Was he going to have the terms of his employment discussed? Would Amun or (gods forbid) Chaos be there as well?
He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Greg’s door open, and barely registered the fact that the short man was standing in front of him with a curious expression. It was only when Greg gently poked his ribs that he woke from his reverie and looked down with a yelp, seeing a mischievous smile plastered on the dwarf’s face.
“Greg! You scared the shit out of me!” Markus placed a hand on his heaving chest, willing his heart to calm down. “Sorry, man. I was-”
“Chasing the shadow of a mammoth?”
“Wha- huh?”
Greg smirked and walked back to his office, beckoning Markus to follow. “Chasing the shadow of the mammoth. It means you are on a hunt with no end, as the prey is always just out of sight.”
Markus shut the door behind him, his mind worrying at what the short man just said. “I… well. I dunno. I guess? I was just thinking about-”
Greg’s desk lit up, and a stone tablet slid out of a narrow slot. Greg took it, scanned it, then nodding to himself, he scrawled something on it, and slipped it back into the slot. Refocusing on Markus, he made a motion with his hand. “Continue.”
“What was that, Greg?”
“Message. Continue.”
Markus sighed heavily. “Nothing much, man. Just lost in some rather embarrassing memories. That’s all.” He gave the man a lopsided smile.
Greg tilted his head and grunted once, then arranged his desk in preparation for his shift’s clients. Markus walked over to the extra stool sitting beside the desk and took a seat. It wobbled slightly.
“Stand.” Greg walked over and made a shooing motion at Markus.
Markus got up and took a step away from the stool. The lights dimmed and the door clicked open as Greg began inspecting the stool. “Handle it. Busy.”
“Okay, Greg.” Markus took a step to the desk and peered at the file as a middle-aged man walked in. He made a soft noise and nodded.
“Hello, Waylon. I trust you have absorbed what your SIGN said, yes?
Waylon rubbed his left arm and nodded. “Said I was deader’n a doornail, he did. Directed me here. Is…is this where I’m judged, Sir?”
Markus chuckled. “No, Waylon. We don’t judge you here. I mean, we do, but not in a…you know. Cosmic way.”
Waylon smiled. “Okay. How does that process work, then?”
“I’m not really sure, man. This is only my second day. I read your file, and it tells me where you’re going. I don’t know the mechanisms behind it.” Markus shrugged apologetically as Greg whipped out a simple knife and began whittling at the chair leg.
Waylon waved away his apology. “Bah. It’s alright, son. So…where am I going?”
Markus scrolled through the file, reaching the final entry. “Says here that you’re headed down to the second level. Not a Paradise hall, but also not strictly a punishment zone. You’ve got some biases and mental blocks to work through, and they’ll help you down there. It’s not as bad as you might be worried about. Think of it almost like a Purgatory. You’re there to purge yourself of undesirable ideas and influences.”
Waylon had deflated and was hanging his head. “I knew I’d made some mistakes, but I didn’t think I deserved Hell.”
“You don’t deserve the depths of Hell, Waylon. You’re just going in for some therapy and reeducation. If you were to look at it like a dial with “Holy shit, you’re gonna burn” on one side, and “You get to relax in Heaven” on the other, you’re closer to the good side than the bad. This will just help push you even closer to the “Heaven” side of that dial. That’s all.”
Waylon perked up at that explanation. “Oh. That makes some sense. So where do I go?”
Greg turned the stool back onto its legs and gave it an experimental shake. He nodded and smiled at its stability, and glanced up at the man across the desk.
“Leave the office. Take a right, second left, and the third right. If lost, call for help. Someone will assist.”
Waylon started and looked down at the smaller man. “Oh! Hello. I didn’t know you were here. I’m sorry. Right out of the office, second left, third right?”
Greg nodded. “Yes.”
“Thank you, gentlemen. I’ll be going now. I’m not looking forward to this, but if it gets me to a better place, then I’ll do it.” He turned and strode purposefully to the door, which opened of its own accord.
“Good luck, Waylon!” Markus called out with a wave. Waylon raised his arm in salute, then walked out of the office, heading to his destination.