It was the first time I saw what was in this room I thought a bedroom. It was very open, and I assumed the same size as the living room it was on top of. In the furthest corner, a wet station was standing, with a few decanters and a burner. I had seen these in the kitchen back at the Orphanage, I understood some Sisters used them to make dyes and different concoctions but I was never allowed to use any of it. To its left was a tall shelf with paper bags and jars of various sizes. For a moment I sat there wondering where Merille was sleeping all this time, before my eyes panned down to the gigantic pile of books she planted in front of me.
With both my hands, I slid the first book off the tower and dragged it in front of me. An old flashback of Mother pinching our ears during our reading lessons sent a shiver down my spine.
I turned the book to face me, to reveal the etched letters on the front board.
“A… At- Atlas.” I read poorly out loud. As the sound of my voice echoed in the room, I let out a heavy sigh. I was terrible at this and it was going to be a long day.
I opened the book and rested the front cover on the desk gently. Already it was written so small, and there were so many letters, I couldn’t bring myself to painfully go through each word like a small child, so I decided to look at the images it would present me, and deduce from there.
The maps in almost all pages were a lot different from what I remembered while studying with Mother. I had played many times with the globe we had in the Sejournerie, flicking it to make it spin as fast as I could. I was familiar enough with the shapes painted on it and these really didn’t look anything like it. I thought at first that the countries were simply new to me, but soon I understood that what I had mistaken for small islands were vast continents. This part of the world was surrounded by large seas and oceans and the land was laid out on the double page as two big beans looking at each other. In the header at the top of the first page, a word I had never seen before was written in gold lettering.
“G, Ga” I started, hesitantly.
The word had many vowels, more than I care to try to read, so I decided to move on. I traced with my index a few words while trying in my head to read them and to get an idea when I finally stopped on a group of letters I had seen many times while studying.
“God,” I whispered to myself.
In the old, dusty Bibles Mother had us read over and over again, her murderous gaze had watched us memorize this word until we recognized it perfectly and instantly. It was common that some even knew it better than their own name.
This place was far from the Orphanage, further than I thought. The classrooms were gone, shared lavatories replaced by simple, homely baths and scratchy bedsheets bloomed into cozy throws. More and more the memories of the life I left were faint and distant, and as much as I missed my little brothers and sisters, there was something sweet in the life here. The smell of a warm apple pie embalmed and I remembered that in a way I had fought for a chance to live and be here- or at least my soul did.
I sighed longly and closed the heavy atlas, unsure if I even learned anything new. I brought the plate closer to me and dug into the generous slice of pie for a bite. With the other hand, I brought the second book close to me, that one much thinner and lighter.
The cover was more engaging than the atlas I had just given up on, and the wine purple it was shining looked enchanting. As I stuffed a piece of pie in my mouth, the doors of the office cracked open once more.
“How’s it going?” Merille’s voice erupted to my left with excitement.
I nodded quickly, trying to finish the humongous bite without choking on it.
“I almost got the bed frame down but I remembered that we had a better, foldable one. It’s more recent too.” She continued proudly. “Wh-What’s going on?”
She finally stopped and looked at me, vented by the workout.
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“Nothing,” I smiled. I couldn’t really bring myself to admit that while she was tiring herself out for my sake, all I had done was looking at pictures without understanding them.
Merille stood there for a moment and furrowed her eyebrows slightly before following up.
“It might be a complicated read so…” She interrupted herself with a bit of awkwardness, “just let me know if you need help…”
“I need help please” I simply let out. After the words left my mouth with a mind of their own, she disappeared swiftly and emerged again with the master bedroom’s chair and sat it next to me.
“Alright, I think you’re a very intelligent young woman, so stop me whenever you need,” She started. As she opened the book now in front of us, she began her narration. “This world, right beneath the one you’ve known before, is a land very kind to its people. It has given us abilities and ways to help others, protect the weak and reward the brave.” She looked at me with a radiant smile and she turned a few pages in front of us.
“In yourself, in your soul, you, and everyone else here has incredible possibilities, wondrous paths leading us to love, peace and rest.” With a long finger, she pointed on figures drawn on the old paper dancing in a circle under a sun with golden rays. Every now and then, I would look at her, making sure that her eyes were still kind as her melodic voice weaved the tale of this place she had brought me in.
“It can be in something as humble as in a slice of pie for the weary mind, or dressing the wounds of a foe: Henotia” She traced a line under an ornate word at the very top of the page, right above the peaceful sun.
“Henotia” I repeated gently. “Is it the name of this place?”
“No, it’s what we all strive towards.”
After a small pause, she enveloped me with her arms, bringing my head to rest on her shoulder. We stayed here for a moment, as the gentle rays of the sun illuminated the room. I held my breath, not wanting to disturb anything. She was so warm, and felt so gentle.
“I know it’s so much to understand. You just woke up” she smiled as she broke the embrace.
“I’m fine” I answered, my cheeks still flushed. “I didn’t know books could have words so beautiful in them”
Merille laughed, and took a deep breath in. She brushed the apples of her cheeks quickly with both hands, and continued on. “I know, right! Don’t worry about reading all of it by yourself, we can do this together”
I nodded and craved another bite of pie out of what was left.
“Well, let’s see” She flipped through a few pages and landed on a big spread occupying the book left to right. It was a scene where figures were fighting another group with no faces and barely shaped like humans.
“Here’s something pretty important” she started while pointing at the first group, swords and spears in hand. “To strive towards Henotia, to keep everyone safe, some of us have to fight and others, heal. We all have this strength inside us. This strength is where magic comes from…”
“Like what you did with your finger?” I interjected.
“Yes, if you try hard enough, I think it you might be able to do great things too”
There was something mischievous in her smile sometimes, an aura that pulled me in. She wasn’t crazy, she was different, and kind. Even if we didn’t know each other really, she had hopes in me, she believed in some sort of power inside me, and I wanted to believe too. Henotia.
Merille and I spent part of the day hunched over this book, and when the sun calmed its golden rays we decided to go outside and enjoy the late afternoon tending to the planters in front of the house.
Before we passed the front door, she passed me a hat almost identical to hers, made of straw and linen. It was incredibly lightweight, and protected me perfectly. She grabbed a spade and handed me a small fork to work to earth with. Finally, she hung the same basket she was using yesterday on her arm.
Now outside, I let my eyes bounce on all the different bushes lining the path leading out. The garden wasn’t crowded or messy, but there was a sense of freedom in the way everything was laid out. Fruit trees in the back were in flowers already, and timid marigolds bloomed here and there. As she walked me around the property, she explained to me in great details that when she was young, she decided to help people and heal them with the plants and knowledge she had. She had left her home and traveled all the way here, at the very bottom of this world and built this life out here for herself.
Knowing about what herbs and flowers were useful had helped her meet many wonderful people all over the world. Now, she received orders and requests from old friends and clients asking for cures, teas and remedies.
We finally kneeled next to snowdrops in a large patch bathed by the sun. Gently, Merille started to loosen the dirt and pull weeds out, after observing her method I followed her lead. It only had been a few days, but really it had been half a year. I remembered being scared, unsure of what to think or do. There was a tranquility that I didn’t know I wanted or needed, but now that I’d had a taste of it, I couldn’t think of a day I wouldn’t flourish in it. Next to me, the old woman was working quietly, sometimes looking up and making sure I was still here. Under my hat, I smiled.
“Thank you”