“Sorry, I don’t know” I finally let out with a light sigh. I lowered my gaze, still aware of what was happening in front of me from the corner of my eyes.

Sitting stiff, I couldn’t help but notice Mother’s lips tensing and pursing. Her interrogating eyebrows raised quickly. Taking the cue, I straightened my back against the cold wooden chair.

“You’re gonna have to make up your mind-” in the middle of her sentence, she grabbed the sheet of paper she was previously reading from, to point it now towards me. She tapped her finger at the very top of the list, where my date of birth was written.

“… sooner rather than later” she finally finished.

I still had three weeks to decide what I wanted to do after I would turn twelve. I didn’t have a lot of choices, but Mother had made it really clear that I had to make a decision before she would.

I could count on my fingers how many times I had sat in this very chair, looking up to Mother. The winkles at the corner of her eyes hadn’t changed much. Many of us had hypothesized that she was some sort of vampire or ghost. She never aged and only appeared in our darkest dreams. She was a tall figure that sometimes roamed the corridors of the dorms, and she usually saw us before we did. Some nights, we didn’t hear her footsteps on the old squeaky floors.

“I think I’d like to stay,” I said after a pause. After looking at the bare card where all my feats were detailed, I let my eyes reach my hands, gathered on my laps. I clasped hard my right hand on my left, now unsure if what I had just said was what I really wanted.

The silence of the room was embracing me as the overhead fan faded into the universe. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Mother extend her emaciated arm in front of me and take away my resume. She picked a sharp pencil from a little tin box and wrote what I assumed was what I just said.

“In that case, you’re gonna have to pay for your bed, you understand?” The pace had changed. She wasn’t really asking, I could feel it, it was more of a firm invitation to follow the new rules.

“The kitchen needs more hands-” She continued, before I jumped in.

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“I want- I’d like to go with the gardeners please!” I shouted with all the air in my lungs.

For a split second the corners of her mouth turned down, she raised her chin in my direction.

“I’ll put that on your sheet. Don’t raise your voice in this office.” The last words she uttered resonated in the small room.

I curled my dangling legs closer to the chair to make myself even smaller than I felt. All the furniture was looming in the room around me. The desk Mother was using looked heavy and ancient, much older than me, and probably older than Mother herself. Part of the same set I assumed, a tall cabinet was standing behind me, like a shadow on the bright walls of the office. On the right wall, a thin window was letting in the sun’s dying light, and on my left, a hefty door guarded the exit. The trashcan waiting on the stone floor was probably the only thing smaller than I.

“That is all. Now, go prepare yourself for bed.”

Without looking up and risking disrespecting Mother again, I climbed down the chair and thanked her quietly. I raised my hand to the door knob and after a couple of steps outside the room, I was in the clear.

~

“Florian!” My name rang in the evening room as I entered. Everyone was in pajamas already and the Big Sisters were helping some of us to get up on their beds.

“Hey!” I happily answered with a wave. I jogged to my bed where a tall blond woman was waiting at the back of the room.

“So, how did it go?” Merie asked through her mask, she was one of the Big Sisters of the Orphanage that took care of all of us. She sat with me on the clean sheets while other kids my age were getting ready to end the day.

“I told Mother that I wanted to work in the gardens with you” I replied, while kicking my shoes off with my heels. “I hope that’s okay.”

“With me? That’s great!” She turned her head towards me, and even if I wasn’t looking directly at her, I could feel her warm and comforting gaze on me. I was afraid she didn’t really feel this way and was trying to reassure me, but it was working. With her eyes closing slightly, I imagined that she was smiling in my direction, behind her mask.

“I know that most of the things you remember are tied to this place, but it’s okay to make new memories and be a part of another family” She continued, only faced with my silence. “The bells are about to ring; do you need help getting ready?”

She reached for the end of the bed where a fresh set of pj’s was waiting for me.

“Can you stay a little longer?” I grabbed the soft cotton set with both of my hands and placed it on my pillow.

“Sure,” She quickly replied, “I’ll help the others and come back before you know it, alright?”