“Give me one reason, I should go with you on this supposed ‘adventure’.” Goldie grumbled as she floated before Ditto.

“Uhh, you’re shiny so you must be part of the epic tale I’m about to start?” Ditto mused with a slimy shrug.

“Wa…” At those words Goldie’s eyes went blood red.

“Oh you shouldn’t have said that.” Said one nearby Magikarp.

“He said it! He said it!” Exclaimed another, “The taboo word!”

“Take cover! She about to blow!” The Magikarps scattered.

That’s when Goldie, began to flail like there was no tomorrow. Slapping the living shit out of Ditto with her tail as she trashed about. “YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHIT, YOU WANT ME TO COME WITH YOU JUST CAUSE I’M SHINY!? SO MUCH FOR THE GRAND ACT YOU DID KILLING THOSE SELFISH TRAINERS! YOU’RE NO BETTER THAN THEY ARE, ARE YOU, YOU FUCKWAD!? YEAH IT’S ALWAYS THAT! JUST CAUSE I’M SHINY, FUCKING SHINY, THEY ALL AFTER THIS GOLD ASS! WELL FUCK YOU WHORE, I AIN’T GOING NO-”

“I was joking! I was joking!” Ditto begged as he held the Magikarp by the tail and away from his beat-up face.

“JOKING!? HAH! JOKING WERE YOU! YOUR LIFE IS A JOKE YOU SLIMY DICKBUTT, I MEAN REALLY, DYING TO CHOKING ON A STICK? DOES IT GET ANY MORE-” Goldie didn’t take it any better…

“I want a shiny Gyarados on my team!” Ditto then exclaimed, holding Goldie with as many tentacles as his slimy body could muster.

“YEAH NO SHI-Gyarados?” Goldie then paused, “I’m a Magikarp.”

“Holy shit you calmed down finally, yeah bitch I can help you evolve!” Ditto then added with a sigh of relief.

“Oh, why didn’t you just say that in the first place?” Goldie asked with narrowed eyes.

“You…but I…Haha…Good point.” Ditto grumbled to himself, tentatively letting Goldie go.

“Alright shithead, how we going about this? You got some special power to help me with that? I’ve gone through a lot of shit, more than any Magikarp here yet I still never evolved. Pretty much thinking it’s impossible for some shallows-threading cowards.” Goldie explained dejectedly.

“Hey! We hunt seaweed! It’s scary at night and makes weird shadows in day!” One Magikarp argued.

“Shut the fuck up Tucker.” Goldie snapped back, “Well? What we doing. Find some strange shiny rock? Kiss you? Eat some weird concoction? Swim up a waterfall?”

“Nah nah, none of that.” Ditto answered by shaking his tentacles.

“Ah.” Goldie said with a mildly disappointed tone.

“We will need something though, and if I’m right, that town back there is Pallet Town?” Ditto asked.

“Yeah, sure.” Goldie answered, “It is.”

“Awesome, that means Professor Oak works there.” Ditto mused.

“That crazy ass scientist dude? Yeah, mother fucker does.” Goldie said with a chuckle, “Loves the town actually, doubt he’ll ever leave.”

“We’ll need something from his lab…Wait why’s that?” Ditto then asked as he mumbled to himself, “Ah doesn’t matter, anyway we’ll need to sneak our way inside and come back out unseen.”

“Ahem….” Goldie pointed with her fin to her tail. “Fish, remember?”

“Ah, right. Guess this will be a solo mission.” Ditto mused before beginning to look around, “So I’ll need a mixture of the two sneakiest pokemon around.”

Glancing about the water, sky and trees, Ditto counted a few pokemon he could give a try. Between the several Pidgeys hanging about the tree branches, alongside some Hoothoots, Spinaraks and Wurmples. He finally caught a glance at a very small and sneaky pokemon trudging its way through the grass, out of sight of all of the above.

A Rattata was sneaking through the forest’s foliage, and Ditto came up with a plan.

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Date; Unknown – Time; Probably a few hours past noon, Ditto smells wine bottles opening.

Place; Pallet Town in the Kanto region.

Target; Professor Oak’s laboratory.

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“Okay so, the Oak man leaves his little lab a few hours after noon, plus no new trainers go to his place after that cause they know he isn’t around.” Goldie began to explain as she and Ditto lay hidden in the river right by the town.

Well, not exactly Ditto anymore.

Next to Goldie stood a purple winged rat thing, the outcome of fusing a Pidgey and a Rattata together. Smaller than the average Pidgey, this creature had the bonus of being small, having wings and a really good nose.

“But?” Rattadgey asked, “I sense a but coming.”

“But, some people still hang about the lab at times. His aides, usually about one or two.” Goldie answered.

“Okay, look out for two people, roger.” Rattadgey mused, “So is he out yet?”

“Mother fucker is walking out the door right now actually.” Goldie pointed out.

Just as she said so, a man looking in his fifties walked out the laboratory’s door. Stretching his arms up before fixing up his labcoat, Oak took in a deep breath. “Ah, no more little shits running about town making me have to sneak about! A man is free to do what a man does!” He mused to himself, glancing about the little town.

“Let’s see…where to start from…Remy and Jackal’s maybe? That one’s got moves…Or maybe Chris’s over in Route 1, she’s always up for anything…” He mumbled to himself as he walked down to the right.

Goldie and Rattadgey dove lower into the water as he did.

Taking two more rights before coming up to the one house right behind his lab. “Ah, of course, Ashley’s.” Oak grinned widely.

“What’s he doing?” Rattadgey mused.

“I don’t really know, he usually goes into the forest and sneaks around town avoiding the road before sneaking through the windows of one of the houses.” Goldie mused.

“Wait…What?!” Rattadgey exclaimed in a surprised whisper, as both turned to see Oak knock on the door.

“You have about ten minutes.” Goldie said.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN1TAogHk4s

Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

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“Oh Oak…you mother fucker…” Rattadgey sighed before rushing out of the river, he flapped his wings once clearing the water off his feathers before soaring into the air.

Gliding about the Laboratory, he watched as the door opened for Oak, before two feminine hands grabbed his coat and quickly pulled him in. Shutting the door behind him.

Shaking his head, Rattadgey glided down to the back of the lab where one window lay half open.

Here goes!

He thought to himself, landing underneath the window, he then slammed his back to the wall and looked carefully to either side.

Clear!

Quickly he rushed up to the windowsill, grabbing hold with his left foot before hanging off it upside down.

He took a sniff of the air, sensing the scent of what lay inside.

Recognising the entire laboratory’s shape, Rattadgey sensed a single person within.

And they weren’t looking in the direction of the window.

He raised himself up, leaping through the window and into the lab, quickly he then rushed forth to hide under the table he knew was there.

Rattadgey then looked about, seeing the short, thin and nerdy Lab Aide going about cleaning.

And whining.

“Gah, that bastard, always leaves the dirty work to me. Sure, the rest are free to go about their fucking research, just gotta observe those kids he obviously wanted out of the way.” The Aide grumbled under his breath as he dusted the library.

Seeing that the man was busy, Rattadgey began to concoct his strategy.

Preparing the bunch of sand he had been keeping in his right foot, he planned to blind the man with sand attack and confuse him, leading him then to the window before using whirlwind to push him out of it.

Then, it was a matter of simply locking everything up, and he’d have the entire lab for himself to search.

What he didn’t plan for, was a knock at the door.

“Who the fuck is it now?” The Aide grumbled, putting down the duster before moving to the door. Opening it, he was faced with a wide grinning girl. “You’re late, he’s gone out to…the forest.” The Aide lied.

“Aw come on Connor! I just gotta grab my first pokemon and I’ll be heading out! Please oh please!” The girl begged. “I’ll even clean up what you got left to clean! You know you want to go out fishing with your buds from Viridian, I know they’re in the neighborhood today…”

Connor sighed, “Fine you, dust up the library, clean the table and then…THEN…you can take a pick at what pokemon is left.”

“Awesome! Where is it!?” She asked with great excitement.

“In the incubator machine, still in its pokeball. Don’t touch anything else, got it?” Connor grumbled, grabbing his coat off the hanger, he put it on before walking past her. Handing her the keys, “Lock up before you leave and give the keys to your mom. Oak will pro-I’ll tell him about it.”

“Sick! Thanks again M’Connor!” She exclaimed after him as he left.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Turning about and rushing inside, the girl shut the door behind herself before scanning the large room. “Incubator machine…” She mused to herself, ignoring the duster and dropping the key off on the table as she walked by it.

Rattadgey mentally swore, but the plan hadn’t changed yet.

Waiting for the right moment, he watched as the girl walked up to a strange machine with a single pokeball inside.

“Well so much for choosing…Guess I HAVE to choose you huh?” She mused to herself, opening the glass case and reaching inside, she grasped the pokeball. “Now let’s see, what you are!” She said, stepping around the machine, she threw the ball.

Almost hitting the computer screen, it landed on the desk next to it and it opened, flashing out a burst of light.

As the light faded, the pokemon that lay within was revealed.

“No…You’ve got to be fucking with me!” The girl said with wide surprised eyes.

“Pichu? Chu!” The Pichu said as their eyes met.

“You’re bloody adorable!” The girl exclaimed, rushing the Pichu to grab hold of it.

A fatal mistake, Rattadgey thought, as the sight of her charging him made the Pichu panic.

A thunder shock left the Pichu’s cheeks, electrocuting the girl on site.

And as the light show went on, Rattadgey simply watched in disbelief.

On finishing the girl off, Pichu ran up to her paralyzed body.

“Pichu?” Slapping her face a few times, it then shrugged before running back over to its pokeball, opening it and allowing itself to be pulled back inside in another flash of light.

“Well, that works, I guess.” Rattadgey mused, shrugging to himself before flying up to the table. “I’ll be taking this, thank you very much.” Dropping the sand and grabbing hold of the key, he figured it’d be much easier to search the entire lab later that night for any other stuff he might want to take.

But right now he was searching for a single object of interest.

And his search began, as he looked through drawer after drawer.

Closet after closet.

Finding all sorts of stuff, from different pokeballs, support items, drugs even, and a few spare Pokedexes he swore to come back for.

Finally, his search bore fruit, as he opened up one set of drawers to find the thing he had been looking for.

Grabbing hold of the EXP. All, Rattadgey grinned widely.

This will do the job.

He thought, when the sound of movement came from behind him.

“Little shit…what was that for!” The girl grumbled as she rose up from the ground, relieved of her paralysis.

Rattadgey panicked then, he had the item and the key, now he just needed to get the hell out without being seen.

So he did what any other pokemon stealing from a lab but is about to get caught would do.

He rushed back under the table and hid.

Window…Window…right, right the window!

He thought to himself, waiting for the opportune moment to make a run for it.

He watched as the girl returned to the pokeball, throwing it once more, “Come out you!” She exclaimed as it landed inbetween the window and the table.

Pichu once more appearing out of the ball, the pokemon glanced about in confusion.

Coming to stare directly into Rattadgey’s ever-widening eyes.

Oh fuck.

Rattadgey waited to be electrocuted just like how the girl had, but instead the Pichu just looked him over with curiosity.

“Chu?” It seemingly tried to communicate with him, but Rattadgey had no clue what it was saying.

“Oi, come here, what do you see something under the table?” The girl asked, but the Pichu ignored her.

Instead, its curiosity took hold.

The Pichu approached Rattadgey, going under the table itself and out of the girl’s sight.

“Oh so we playing hide and seek now, fine, guess I’ll count to ten and come find you!” The girl exclaimed with a sigh, actually closing her eyes and beginning to slowly count up.

Rattadgey did his best to hide the key under his foot and the EXP. All under his wing. “Hey little guy…how’s it going?” He whispered in as low a voice as he could manage, causing the Pichu to take a surprised step back.

“Hey hey hey, I ain’t gonna hurt you. You curious of what I am right, come on up, take a good look. Weird aren’t I?” Rattadgey said in as friendly a tone he could manage.

The Pichu, did just that.

Rushing over to the strange Pokemon, it began looking him over with great curiosity.

Fuck it, curiosity killed the ca-rat!

Rattadgey then thought as he set his mind on transforming, hoping he could copy a singular Pokemon.

What came out though, was something else entirely.

The Pichu watched with sparkling eyes full of fantasy, as the bird-rat thing transformed into a Pichu.

A Pichu on four legs, with a much longer tail but shorter ears.

It was confused, but very much entertained, playfully tapping the Pittata’s cheeks then.

Pittata did the same.

“Chu! Pichu chu!” The Pichu looked very happy to have a similar friend.

Well.

Until that is.

Until the Pittata was no longer playfully tapping its cheeks, but instead choking the crap out of it.

Wrapping his tail around the Pichu’s neck, Pittata then tripped it back and rose ontop of it, holding it down. He kept its mouth closed shut with both front paws whilst holding its legs down with his hind-legs.

“Shhshushushush! Now go to sleep bitch!” He whispered, “Die, motherfucker die!”

Out of breath, the Pichu quickly passed out as Pittata frantically looked around.

“Seven, Eight, Nine…” The girl was still counting.

Letting go of the unconscious pokemon, he then looked himself over.

Here goes nothing…

He thought as he took both items and hid them in his back paws, before stepping out into the open.

“Ten! Oh, you’re not hiding.” The girl mused as she saw him standing by the pokeball, “Oh god, you’ve been staring at me like I’m an idiot haven’t you?” She figured, turning mildly red.

“Y-Pichu…?” Pittata almost fucked up.

“Whatever, you ready to go on an adventure Pichu?” She then asked.

“Chu!” Pittata exclaimed, nodding aggressively.

Bitch just take me outta here!

“Alright let’s get you back in your pokeball then!” She said, walking up to him.

Nope, fuck no, nope.

Pittata thought, as he suddenly smacked the pokeball away with his tail. Turning back to her, he shook his head.

“Oh you don’t like it in there! It’s fine, you can hang on my shoulder and make me look sick!” The girl exclaimed, bending over and forwarding her hand. “My name’s Ashley, nice to meet you!” She said as Pittata quickly rushed up her arm, not wanting her to get too close a look.

“Pichu chu!” He continued to try to copy the Pichu’s sounds.

“Off we go then!” Ashely exclaimed, walking right past the now empty table, she headed straight for the door.

Not to mention she didn’t notice the key is missing, but come on, cut that guy some slack chika…

Pittata grumbled to himself as they exited the lab, Ashley stretched out her arms wide.

“Ah! Do you smell it! Adventure shouts our names!” She said with great excitement.

Actually I smell people but okay babe whatever you say…Wait, people.

Realizing he had sensed others nearby, Pittata turned about just in time to see a flash of light and grey smoke.

Flying past them just by the nick of a few centimeters, the rocket blasted into the next house over, exploding and utterly destroying the front of it.

“Prepare for trouble!” Said a voice from where the attack had come from.

“And make it double!” Added another voice.

Oh hell no.