“So, let me get this straight.” Goldie sighed as it lay floating upside down before Ditto who stood on the sandy beach. “You have the ability to transform into the fusion of two pokemon you see.”

“Seems like it.” Ditto agreed.

“And if one is an evolution closer to final, the other’s appearance and abilities will be too.” Goldie continued.

“Yeap, that last one told me as much.” Ditto added.

“That’s…insane.” Goldie mused.

“It is insane.” Ditto agreed.

“But you have to be able to see two pokemon?” Goldie asked.

“Apparently, and the times I see them can’t be too far apart.” Ditto added.

“How do you know that?” Goldie asked as it spun back around.

“I just tried to transform into a Shiny Magikarp Charizard.” Ditto admitted with a dejected sigh.

Goldie face-finned, “Where the muk did you even come from? Oh no, let me guess. Crazy scientist experimentation? Some insane clash of two super powered pokemon? How-”

“I choked to death on a stick, in a different world, then woke up here.” Ditto casually explained.

Goldie’s mouth hung open.

“Although I guess, Dittos did come from crazy scientists experimenting on super powered pokemon…” Ditto then mused.

“Hah,” Goldie broke out laughing, “You had me, aight seriously, where the fuck you from homie?”

“I…wasn’t joking.” Ditto replied.

Goldie’s eyes narrowed, “What pokemon experimentation did the Dittos come from?” it asked.

“Mew Two, funded by Team Rocket.” Ditto answered.

“Wooooohhh, fuck me, seriously?” Goldie exclaimed.

“Seriously.” Ditto reiterated.

“Wait, how the fuck do you know tha-” Goldie asked.

And Ditto entered a rant that spanned over an hour.

Explaining that, the world they were in now, was perceived as a multi-billion-industry of games, tv shows, toys and many many other things.

Half the hour was spent trying to make Goldie accept it as truth, and the last five minutes slapping the shit out of it to pull it out of its existential-crisis of a daze.

“Alright! Alrigh-Fuck sto-NIGG-” Goldie struggled against a mixture of Oddish and Tentacool, finally slipping out of the viney tentacles, it splashed water into the Oddcool’s face. “HIT, ME, ONE, MORE-" The golden Magikarp exclaimed in a very threatening voice.

Ditto was too busy continuing the lyrics, “Hit me baby one more time~”

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

“Goddamn tim-Wait what?” Goldie asked in confusion.

“Oh shit sorry, I have a tendency to quote or continue song lyrics, my bad. What were you saying?” Ditto asked back.

“You…Forget it. Enjoy life, death, after life? Whatever homie, just don’t get yourself shot and peep out my name aight?” Goldie then said, turning about to leave.

“Woah woah, where you going?” Ditto then asked.

“Fuck away from you that’s where.” Goldie said, beginning to swim away faster then.

“Oh come on, you’re the only fucker that hasn’t tried to kill me or fuck me yet!” Ditto transformed again, a mixture of a Magikarp and a Caterpie, the Caterkarp gave the Shiny Magikarp chase. “Come on brother, do you wanna stay in this shit hole forever? I just got revived in a fucking pokemon world! Let’s go on an adventure!”

“You just fucking murdered five bitches! Brother? Hell nah!” Goldie exclaimed, rushing away from the singing Caterkarp which was surprisingly catching up.

“Baby come back! You can blame it all on me!”

“Fuck yeah I am!” Goldie responded as Caterkarp finally caught up, wrapping its vine-staches around its tail.

“Give me the chance to make you see!” Caterkarp continued to badly speak the lyrics.

“I see your bitch ass hold my tail in the deep wa-Oh fuck’a’ditto.” Goldie then realized, they had wandered into deep waters.

“Trying to keep up the smile that hi-” Caterkarp continued, but was shut up by Goldie as its tail slapped hard into his face.

“Shut your trap!” Goldie grumbled under its breath, “We need to get the fuck out of here…”

“Huh? What? Why?” The now returned to a green Ditto, Ditto asked.

“Oh no, it’s too late…” Goldie mused, its tone falling dark as it gazed off into the deeper depths.

Ditto followed its gaze, “Huh?”

…

“Oh.”

The deep dark depths were growing blue, mixed in were hundreds of dim red lights.

“Oh no.”

More and more of the darkness below was filling with this sight.

“Oh bloody hell no.”

“Swim!”

The depths rose up towards them…in the shape…

In the shape of a swarm of Tentacools.

So many Tentacools…

So many god damn Tentacools that they blotted out the darkness of the deep.

Quickly transforming into a Magicool, both he and Goldie swam for their dear lives.

“Fuck this shit I’m out!” Goldie exclaimed in panic.

“Mhm! No thanks!” Magicool added, “Excuse me please!” He said as they both hit the surface, taking a deep breath before glancing at one another. “So, deep water.”

“Deep water man.” Goldie agreed.

When suddenly the water surface all around them exploded, as the mass of tentacools rose up from beneath them.

Firing out of the water like rockets, they surfaced from each and every direction, causing Magicool and Goldie to swim about in terror.

Screaming at the top of their lungs each time a tentacool surfaced in their path, they bumped into one another’s back two to three times before meeting each other’s eyes.

And screamed even louder.

Briefly the apocalypse ended.

“Everything that goes up…” Magicool mused then.

“Comes back dow-Fuuck that!” Goldie added.

Glancing up, they both saw the rain of tentacools above them.

Falling.

Back.

Down.

“Run.” Magicool said.

“Do I look like a fucking Rattata to you!?” Goldie snapped back as both turned tail and swam as fast as their bodies could take them. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

“Nope!” Magicool said as he avoided the first tentacool crashing into the water surface before him, “Alright then!”

Putting his two tentacles together, Magicool began spinning them. “Don’t mind me!”, pushing into the back of Goldie, the both of them shot forth at top speed.

Crashing into the beach, Ditto turned back to his slimy green form, pulling their heads out from under the sand they looked at one another.

“I don’t know what the fuck just happened, but I don’t really care.” Goldie said.

“Oh damn you know the lyrics?” Ditto asked.

“No you moron!” Goldie exclaimed, grabbing Ditto’s face with its fins, “I can’t fucking breath to care!” It exclaimed, eyes wide and turning bloody red as it gasped for air.

Goldie was choking from lack of breathable water as Ditto quickly began dragging its fat Magikarp ass back into the water, seven meters away from their landing site.

When it hit the shallows, Goldie took in a deep exasperated breath.

“Oh good lord Aceus I thought I was giving birth.” Goldie gasped.

“Pfft, you gonna need the equipment for that first!” Ditto chuckled.

“Bitch what you think I am?” Goldie then asked with narrowed eyes.

“Huh?” Ditto wasn’t following.

“DO.YOU.FEEL.A.PENIS?” Goldie asked word by word as if talking to someone stupid.

“You…Oh, OH.” Ditto realized what she meant.

Then unwrapped his tentacles from around her, awkwardly backing away right after.