Blood, or what must have been blood, it filled his surroundings purple as the ferocious beast assaulted him.

Talons and Beak trashing his slimy body, he tried to run, he tried to escape.

But the Pidgey was just too damn fast, much faster than his snail-like movements.

Ditto collapsed into a sludge-like form, exhausted from the pain and struggling, he couldn't move anymore.

Whilst the Pidgey as it loomed over him, launched its final strike.

"Machoke I choose you!" A voice then suddenly called out, as a shining light engulfed Ditto's sight briefly.

A much larger, much fiercer creature stood over them both now. Stone-like blue skin with thick crimson veins bulging out with its muscles, a golden belt also gleamed from over its crotch. The Machoke growled down at the now terrified solid Pidgey, staring up in frozen fear at the mighty opponent.

"Machoke, Brick Break." The voice called out once again, and the pokemon did as told with a movement so sudden Ditto barely saw it end.

As the Machoke slammed down its palm, karate-style into the Pidgey while the feisty birdy tried to evade.

No luck though, as the palm descended upon the bird, visibly chopping its bones aside as it was crushed into roadkill.

Once again blood splattered all around Ditto, red blood this time, droplets of it covering his vision as he gazed at the horrid sight.

"What the actual fuuu-" He tried to say but was cut off as both the Machoke and a form behind it jumped back at the sound.

"Wa-wa-wa-wa-It speaks! Did the bloody Ditto just speak!?" A human said as she hid behind her Machoke, short bright green hair with brownish eyes, wearing a martial arts uniform which did everything for her plentiful chest.

She gazed at the Ditto as he gazed back at her...accessories.

"What Ditto...Oh right..." Ditto mused to himself, "Wait, WHAT?!"

"Wa-wa-wa-WHAT THE FUCK!?" The girl screamed, as her Machoke suddenly turned into a flash of bright light, surging down into a red and white sphere she had been holding at her side.

"M-M-Machoke! The fuck man!?" The girl squeaked in surprise, glancing at the ball.

Ditto recognized the sphere, it was a pokeball.

But he had worse things to think about right now, as he looked himself over once again.

The purple bleeding gashes aside, he was a slime, a green slime with tentacly hand-like protrusions, beady white eyes and a creepy thin white mouth.

He knew this because his left eye had just expanded forwards onto a new tentacle and looked back at himself.

"THE FUCK WHAT!? NO! NO NONONONONO!" Ditto shouted at the top of his...lungs? "Anything but this! Charizard! Garchomp! Dragonite! Maybe even Lucario! Come on cruel world! Why such a bitch!?"

"Excuse me!?" The girl he had just called bitch exclaimed, pale as a ghost as she stared right back at his settled left eye and protruding right one.

"Oh, not you, no you're..." Ditto took in a deep breath as his eyes wandered to her chest, "Finnee..." he breathed out.

"Yeah no." The girl then said, covering her chest with one arm as she reached into her pouch with the other, seemingly snapping out of her daze. "Don't...Move...Talking green Ditto, hah, way till sensei sees-" She threw a pokeball at Ditto. "This!"

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

"Nope." Ditto then said, suddenly slapping the ball out of the way.

...

They stared at one another for a moment.

"I said...this!" She repeated herself, and her previous action.

...

"And I said...Nope." Ditto also repeated both, slapping the second pokeball aside with his left tentacle. "You know, I always wondered, why do pokemon who haven't passed out unconscious, not react to pokeballs being thrown at them? You never miss in the game neither do they ever...you know..." He muses as he deflects a third.

...

Once again they stare at one another for a few moments.

"Fuck it," The girl then stated, taking out two great balls per hand.

"Fuck that!" Ditto exclaimed as the first one comes flying his way. He rolls to the side, evading it entirely before having to deflect a second with both tentacles, sending it rolling over his...head? "Oh so THAT'S how they move!" He realized, having rolled over himself so quickly.

"Grr, stop that!" The girl shouted back, taking out a pokeball Ditto once more recognised , "Machoke I choose you!" She then said as the muscle-clad pokemon appeared from the same exact flash of light. "Hold the little git down!" She told her pokemon, and the Machoke turned to glare down at Ditto.

They stared at one another for a moment.

"Screw that as well!" Ditto mused before beginning to roll the fuck away.

"Hell no! Fetch it Machoke!" The black-belt girl said, aggressively pointing after the Ditto as it roll-roll-rolled away.

"I'ma giggitty the fuck outta here! Fuck off! Piss off! DON'T TOUCH ME!" Ditto screamed in great distress as a now determined Machoke turned after him.

And the chase began.

As Ditto rolled his slimy green body through the tall grass at maximum throttle, Machoke trashed his way through as well, sending many a poor pokemon flying out of its path or...else.

"Don't let that little green shit get away!" The girl shouted out as she tried to keep up, Ditto was actually rolling away faster than she could run!

"That's very racist-" Ditto shouted back with a wavy voice as he roll-roll-rolled into a pond, floating out of the water he spat the liquid out of his...mouth?

"It can't swim! Get the sucker!" The girl exclaimed seeing Ditto floating at the riverside. "Machoke! Headbutt!" She ordered, and a shine shone within Machoke's eyes.

As it lowered its head while charging forth, it took one long step, slamming its foot down and cracking the ground beneath itself.

Ditto's green body visibly paled at the sight. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" He swore.

Fuck what do I do!? What do I do!?

He thought to himself, panicking further as the monster rushed ahead with a shine to its forehead, a forehead that was heading straight for him.

Ditto held his breath, and flapped as many short tentacles as he could produce, upwards.

Sending him sinking down a few feet, enough to open his eyes and see the maddened Machoke soar through the water surface above and crash into the river beyond.

But he couldn't hold his breath long enough, already needing air, he was forced to flap-flap-swim back up.

Quickly he glanced between the approaching trainer and her recovering pokemon.

He needed a plan, and quickly.

But what could a poor defenseless little green Ditto do? He asked himself.

What CAN a Ditto do? Other than...

Of course, it was so obvious.

But what? What should he...

Ditto looked around, searching for something, but all he saw were Magikarp in the water splish sploshing the fuck outta here.

Then his gaze settled on the Machoke as its own eyes met it.

Duh!

He thought to himself, as the trainer's voice once again rang out in command.

"Machoke! Fucking Brick Break that son of a cunt!" She ordered, and both of the Machoke's hands went flat, as it stared murderously at Ditto.

And Ditto stared back, unmoving, waiting for the opportune moment...

Machoke leaped out of the river water, rising up into the air alongside falling Magikarps, both hands held high as he came down upon Ditto's position.

Then, a flash of light surrounded Ditto, as he thought of just one thing.

One singular word filled his mind, over and over and over.

Transform!

Ditto thought, and transform he did.

As the Machoke's Brick Break was met with two similarly bulky hands, doing a very similar move yet...

What stood before it now, and what they were doing, made absolutely zero sense.

A red-skinned Machoke now stood before it, using his own Brick Break to meet theirs, yet as Machoke looked closer it noticed more...

Its foe's Brick Break, had water surrounding the hands.

And the red Machoke before it...had a Magikarp's head.

Before it could even try to comprehend what the actual fuck it was looking at, the water surrounding the Magichoke's hands splashed forth...

It had more than just no effect at all.

Machoke was sent soaring into the sky by a blast of water crashing into its body, up-up-and away from sight.

A star shined where the Machoke was last seen.

"What...the...actual-" The trainer began to say as she gazed at what was previously a Ditto.

As Ditto glanced over himself as well.

He raised his head to then look straight at her.

She reached for her pokeballs.

"Nupe," The Magichoke said, "Nupenupenupenupenupenupe~" He repeated, as he turned tail and disappeared into the forest.

Dropping her pokeball at the sight of it entering the forest beyond the river, the girl simply sighed as she turned away with wide eyes full of mental exhaustion. "I'm definately gonna need a bottle of wine and a wank..."