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A Cleric's Life for me.
5: No confusion here, not even after being knocked out.

5: No confusion here, not even after being knocked out.

  Rich came too with Sally standing over him with a hand on the massive wolf and lightly patting his face to wake him up. She looked appalled and apologetic looking at me saying "sorry" and yelling at Wolf. Not the wolf, but Wolf who Rich guessed was the bartender. "You ass. You absolute donkey. Is this how we're going to keep this inn running? We finally get a new adventurer and you lay him out on his first day conscious. Ohhh and don't feed me the line about wolf scarring him. I know you told this good boy to do it! It's not the first time you played that trick Wolf grow up! I am so sorry, so so sorry for my husband". Sally seemed fired up and pissed. She was caught up yelling at her husband and apologizing to Rich. His head was throbbing and his HP was 1/10 causing the annoying shield sound to pop up. Concentrating for a second rich cast Minor heal on himself and restored his measly 10 hp easily. This did not make things better even though he tried to say it was ok. Rich is not sure why he was trying to say it was ok after being attacked but his head was still swimming and he just wanted the yelling to stop. Sally continued shouting at wolf "He's a Cleric. You attacked and knocked out a Cleric! What the hell is wrong with you Wolf. He's lvl 1. He hasn't even taken a step out of the door". Sally then turned to the wolf and started yelling slowly "And I know that you know better. Don't follow his stupid plans!"

  Wolf looked completely cowed. He even looked slightly pale with his much smaller wife yelling at him and his familiar. Eventually he did apologize and the wolf came over and laid down next to me putting his massive head on my chest. He looked at me and it was like I could see the thoughts in his head saying "nothing personal man. The boss told me to do it. I'm friendly please scratch my head". I capitulated and began scratching behind his ears.

  Eventually Wolf, the bartender, came over and helped rich up with a hand and getting his massive familiar off his chest. Rich sat back down at the bar with the task of cleaning clothes apparently forgotten. Sally stood on the other side of the bar with a broken mug glaring at her Husband. She was daring him to say who was going to fix the mug and no answer her husband could give was going to be the right answer. Wolf stammered and apologized to her again. I asked to see the mug and cast mend fixing it. This did not get Wolf out of the dog house and the look Sally gave wolf grew even colder.

  Wolf started speaking "Look I am sorry. To the both of you. I meant it as a joke initially but I was fired up after smelling the rotting clothes in the back. I was going to have Wolf just scare you. It's a childish prank. My anger got the best of me and I was worried you were going to catch something on fire casting a spell at my familiar. I over reacted please don't tell the church about this encounter. We'll pay anything you think is fair in satisfaction. If I knew you were a holy class I would have shown you the reverence you disserve"'.

  Rich replied saying "You guys are giving me free food and a room. That seems like enough. I am just a new cleric don't feel the need to be devout in front of me. Just answer some questions for me". This was more passive than Rich wanted too be but Wolf was a big ass man and presumably a lot stronger than Rich was.

  That was apparently good enough to get Wolf, the bartender out of the dog house and he sat down next to Rich. Sally headed back to the kitchen and the wolf headed over to the fire and laid down on the bear rug. He splayed out and took over the entire rug.

  The bartender sighed and said "ask away". Rich began by asking who Wolf was. Apparently the bartender was named wolf and his familiar, the wolf, was also named wolf. If that is not confusing enough the Inn was named the "Wolf's Den" and the road going into the town was colloquially called "Wolf's Run". Wolf said the locals called Wolf, the wolf, by Bear because he was about the size of a small bear. Not confusing at all but Bear was about the size of the bear rug so it did seem smart. Bear started snoring and rolled on his back with his feet in the air and after a moment started kicking his legs like he was chasing a rabbit. Apparently tamed wolfs do that here like dogs back on earth. It was cute and I couldn't be mad at Bear.

  Rich asked wolf why he got teleported to his front door and he essentially said the spell that brings in new adventurers always tries to put them in relatively safe areas and by inns or churches that will take care of them during the transition. He said he was really surprised I wasn't teleported to a church being a Cleric. I told him I had no clue why I was teleported to them other than that I chose to go to Sneles.

  He asked me about the tutorial and why I came here drunk. Rich told him "I was drunk in my old world, earth, and apparently that didn't didn't let the spell work right". Rich started to tell him about the "God of Change" and Wolf stopped Rich with a hand on his shoulder and in a hushed tone said "Rich, the pantheon of gods is well known. There is no God of Change. You need to be somewhat careful saying that even if you are a Cleric" and that ended the conversation pretty quickly. Then Wolf quietly said "and besides a cleric named Rich? That has to be a joke. All Clerics are rich here. You're a druid right?". Rich was confused and said "no I am a cleric" and pulled up his character sheet to check. Sure enough Cleric. Although the sheet didn't really help much. Wolf laughed and said "I must have been drunk and I'm just unaligned". Rich didn't want to think about it and just dropped it. He recommended I go for a walk around town and get to know the place and some air. He did ask that I go by and cast Mend on the pile of disgusting clothes on my way out. Rich did just that and the transformation was incredible. The putrid smell of aged vomit and interesting colored chunks of half digested TacoHell that Rich ate days ago just vanished. "The clothes and shoes were not just clean they were better than when I got here" Rich thought. The pit stains on his old work polo were gone. The hole in the hat that happened when I got pissed off and chucked it across the room was no longer there. The Jeans were blue again and the steel toed boots that had scuffs all over looked brand new. Who needs a lifetime warranty through redwing with this spell. It was so cool. Rich took a moment to change out his new leather boots for his new-again steel toed boots. They were heavier but Rich was use too the weight and they were far softer with his orthopedic insoles. Definitely worth the extra cost to get good work boots.

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  Rich put the cleaned clothes and new leather boots in his inventory and the clean hat on his head, after a cautious sniff to make sure it was clean of course, and walked out the back door. Then Rich had to turn around and walk back through the place to go out the front door. The back yard was enclosed and Rich didn't have the key for the gate. Some light hearted snickers did tell me people noticed on the second pass through.

  Walking down the street Rich was taken aback for a second noticing how much easier it was to walk without that extra 50lb around his waist. he had a extra pep in his step and a smile on his significantly more attractive face. Rich couldn't even see his own face but just losing the weight made him feel amazing. He ran quickly to the end of the town, which really was only 4 or 5 blocks long, stopped to look out on the fields that were opposite of the shore and more or less surrounded the town. Rich was panting and still "out" of shape due to the lack of recent cardio but it still was better than even slowly jogging in his old body.

  There looked to be a long road going away up a gradual hill with a fenced animal farm on the right and a field of what could have been wheat and corn on the left. It was a nice beautiful scene and it reminded rich about the Find Familiar spell. He figured it would be a good time to cast it as there normally wasn't any danger in the starter town. Rich concentrated on the spell and without ever casting it before he put his hands in his mouth and whistled extremely loud for everyone to hear. That was it. I stood around for a bit and nothing happened. No bird or cat appeared. No wolf. Nothing. Rich didn't know spells could be duds but apparently that one was. He was heart crushed after just thinking about getting a cool bird or loyal dog and his hopes were a crushed. Maybe Jack wasn't a god. That seemed possible after what Wolf said. Rich checked his HUD and pulled up his character sheet and sure enough 4/6 basic spells left for the day and find familiar was grayed out. Apparently he could only cast that spell once a day. That seemed odd but around that time Bear, the large wolf, came up next to Rich and tried to get his attention. Rich looked down and he pointed back to the Wolf's Den and Rich assumed lunch was ready. Rich meet no one on the walk but I was still overwhelmed with the sudden change in life. He realized he was still in a bit of shock after the whole ordeal.

  Rich sat down at the bar with a lovable dog like wolf nicknamed Bear staring at him and Rich felt a little more bummed that my familiar spell didn't work. Wolf was sitting there politely begging for food like Rich's Ol' golden retriever. That retriever named Buck was long dead being a childhood dog but he was the nicest dog Rich ever had. He always wanted another dog but with his life he couldn't take one on the road so he never got a dog after college. Bear was a very big boy. Probably twice the size and weight of the golden retriever I had as a kid and somehow he had more hair too. How the entire Inn wasn't covered in wolf hair had to be magic or a true testament to Sally's constant cleaning.

  Sally came out the back and plopped plated down in front of numerous people, including Rich, and emptied two other plates in a fairly large bowl that said Wolf. The bowl was across the room from the bar but everyone knew Bear was going to be back in a second and once he got any food form any guest he could happily move to another table for more snackies. Rich looked at the bowl that said wolf and It dawned on Rich how terrible that naming convention really was but no one asked Rich. He sat there silently not being a back seat "namer". The food was a hearty stew inside a bread bowl and the taste was better than anything rich had back on earth. It seemed like a really simple recipe with only potatoes, meat, carrots, onions, and peas. He waited until she wasn't as busy but Rich really had to know how that could be the case. The deep rich flavor of the stew got his downed spirits up and let him forget about the failed find familiar spell. Rich engulfed the whole meal, bowl and all, plus a somewhat cold glass of beer. Honestly a perfect meal in his mind.

  Sally eventually served everyone and the crowd started to leave. She propped up against the bar across from him and apologized for the shenanigans' earlier. Rich asked her about the stew and she laughed. She politely informed him "That if you hadn't been passed out during the tutorial you would have known about the skill system. I am a fairly high level inn keeper in the skill system but I left the capital for a quitter life when I married Wolf. Wolf was an adventurer and pretty high leveled but I was too worried when he was out on hunting expeditions and I made him promise to settle down when we tied the knot. He actually isn't as big of a dick that he makes himself out to be, if you excuse my language".

  Just as She said that though wolf came in from the outhouse in the back of the yard and yelled "Rich why didn't you clean the damn floor!" and Rich knew Wolf probably wouldn't warm up to him any time soon. Rich got up and corrected his mistake with another cantrip and walked out to the back of the Inn to use the outhouse since he was there. Rich was peeing in small not so smelly shack and he heard as clear as the guy was standing next to him: "Sir. Excuse me sir. Please come out..." to which Rich exclaimed "Dude wait. Don't talk to a guy when he's draining the snake" and the person responded "Very well sir". There's no appropriate response to someone saying "be quiet in the bathroom". You just shut up. Apparently that was not the case here in Sneles. Apparently there are true devils and evil beings that want to have a conversation when a man has a hand on his wang.

  Rich stepped back out the outhouse and no one was there. Just good enough he thought as "I didn't want to have a conversation before washing my hands" so he walked over to the wash basin and grabbed some soap. Both were suspiciously clean given the communal use but "when in Rome" as they say. After washing his hands and looking around Rich still didn't see anyone. He did hear "Sir, over here" however from the other side of the fence. The fence was about 8' tall so he said "I don't have the key wait there while I go around". "As you wish Sir" the distinctly British butler voice said.