Tex hadn't started jerking off just yet when his phone buzzed with a series of new messages, but he had been looking through his Plus-sized Busty Cougar Lingerie Cowgirl Edition girly calendar long enough to get an erection.
From Gamer Gril
I have two announcements
From Supreme Jackass
give us the second one first
From Gamer Gril
i'm getting interviewed!
Bored, Tex grabbed a quarter from his pocket and balanced it on top of his now useless erection.
From Supreme Jackass
wat
From Gamer Gril
i'm getting interviewed by Harvard staff in an hour. theyre running the interview in their paper
To Garbage Band
why are you getting interviewed?
From Gamer Gril
i don't know
From Gamer Gril
probably the javascript I helped them add to their student portal so it would stop not working at all
To Garbage Band
congrats
From Gamer Gril
thanks! we're doing it over at Starbucks if any of you want to stop by
From Spoodge King
My apologies, I'm busy driving myself insane trying to find a new energy source for my
From Spoodge King
"Fridge"
From Spoodge King
The clock is ticking.
To Garbage Band
i can stop by
From Supreme Jackass
sorry I got banned from that Starbucks last time I went in
From Spoodge King
Should I even ask why?
From Supreme Jackass
they thought I was in blackface
Tex grabbed two more quarters from his pocket and stacked them on top of the first.
To Garbage Band
which Starbucks is the interview at?
From Gamer Gril
the one next to that giant POC in the junction
To Garbage Band
that ain't a nice thing to say about gary
From Spoodge King
Who's Gary?
From Gamer Gril
he's the fat homeless black guy who lives in the QFC parking lot
To Garbage Band
no he lives in the safeway parking lot now. he got priced out
Tex stacked another quarter.
From Supreme Jackass
hells a POC?
From Gamer Gril
penis of come
To Garbage Band
its what you're supposed to call black people now
From Gamer Gril
ok first of all it was a typo I meant PCC as in the grocery store
From Gamer Gril
second POC is a really old term you shouldn't use it
To Garbage Band
what's the new term, then?
From Gamer Gril
darkies
The quarters fell to the ground with a clatter as their foundation caved out from under them.
To Garbage Band
jesus!
From Gamer Gril
what
To Garbage Band
darkies is from the 1930s
From Gamer Gril
really?
To Garbage Band
yeah. It was darkies first. And then it was negros, and then coloreds, then colored people, blacks, black people, African Americans, then black people again, and then People of Color
From Gamer Gril
but then it was Persons of Hue. and then it was Kick-ass Hueful Individuals, and then it was Dearly Adored Kick-ass Ebony Individuals, then it was Dearly Adored Kick-ass Individuals of Ebony. Or D.A.R.K.I.E.s
Ninety percent sure that Tala was messing with him, Tex googled the term D.A.R.K.I.E.s and was greeted by an image of fifteen white Oxfords students handing a plaque with the new dictionary definition of the phrase to a black man who was smiling in the sort of way a person did when they were being rapidly advanced on by a grown man in a soiled Sonic the Hedgehog costume.
From Supreme Jackass
personally i prefer [RACIAL SLUR]
Tex coughed.
From Gamer Gril
lol
To Garbage Band
how the hell do you find that funny
From Gamer Gril
i find most slurs funny
To Garbage Band
what the hell
From Gamer Gril
okay, look. slurs aren't funny by themselves
From Gamer Gril
racial slurs are funny because I don't associate them at all with whatever group they're meant to insult anymore
From Gamer Gril
I just associate them with white people getting upset about them
From Gamer Gril
and that's just funny to me
To Garbage Band
i mean i guess that makes sense
From Spoodge King
This conversation bores me.
From Spoodge King
What was the first announcement? The one we skipped over.
From Gamer Gril
oh lol
From Gamer Gril
i wanted to call a meeting
After just a minute or so, the four of them were able to agree on six thirty. Tex turned his phone on silent and was ready to finally finish his herculean quest of jerking off when a knock sounded out somewhere in his vicinity.
It didn't seem like it had come from the door. After a moment of recollection and another knock, Tex realized someone was tapping against the inside of his fridge.
Tex put his phone back in his pocket and made his way over to the kitchenette. Although it was most likely someone he knew, he kept his free hand close to his gun as he grabbed the handle and swung the fridge door open.
He looked down to see the top half of Ying's body. Ying waved.
"...Howdy." Tex greeted.
"Hello." Ying replied. "Do you have a moment?"
Tex chewed on his lower lip in confusion as he did his best to answer the question.
"I gotta head to the junction." he stated.
"My apologies. Should I leave?"
"You’re free to come with me, if you don't mind trekking a little distance."
Ying was silent for long enough to blink three times.
"Very well." she answered.
Tex sunk down to his knees so he could help Ying into his apartment. Once she'd gotten out of his fridge, Tex helped her to her feet with a hand.
"This was not required of you." said Ying.
"Don't mind none."
After checking to make sure his phone was still in his pocket, Tex slipped on the new running shoes he’d had custom made to look exactly like loafers at the door and began to lead them in the direction of Tala's interview. He didn't get very far, however, before he realized something was bothering him.
"Wait a minute." said Tex.
"Hmm?"
"Y'all said my fridge was permanently entangled with the island, right? With the portal?"
"Yes."
"What happens if I move the fridge?"
Ying frowned.
"The portal would likely move with it." answered Ying.
"What about when the fridge starts to disintegrate?"
Ying closed her mouth and fell silent. She stayed quiet for the rest of the walk. Tex might have asked her another question, but he felt it would be interrupting her.
"I don't know." she finally replied.
The coffee shop was on the crowded side, although the line at the front was nonexistent. Tex didn't spot Tala at any of the tables as he walked up to the counter, but he didn't look very hard either.
"What can I get you?" the barista asked him.
"You want anything?" Tex whispered to Ying.
"I wanted to talk to you." she replied.
Tex pursed his lips as he remembered why he'd met up with Ying in the first place.
"Gimme a...caramel cappuccino and one of them iced teas with all the--sugar." he told the barista.
The barista was an older woman with short grey hair and a disinterested expression. She nodded while she typed their orders into the machine.
"Sixteen dollars and fifty two cents." she said, causing Tex to die a little inside. "Do you have Apple Pay?"
"Nah, I don't got an iPhone." he replied.
The barista's lips pursed into a haughty pout.
"Don't have." she stated.
"Huh?" Tex wondered.
"Don't have an iPhone."
Tex couldn't remember the last time he'd been so uncomfortable. He opened his mouth, mostly in surprise, but closed it when he realized he didn't have anything to say.
"Either is correct." Ying said, her tone as polite as it always was.
"...Pardon?" asked the barista.
"'Got' is a colloquial substitute of 'have'. The only time its use should be discouraged is if the person you're speaking to is not aware of the meaning, but you must have been to correct him."
The barista scoffed and whipped Tex's credit card out of his hand. After she'd scanned it, she nearly tossed it back at him.
"Thank you." Tex muttered to Ying.
"For what?" she replied.
They got their drinks without further incident. Tex absentmindedly grabbed a handful of wooden coffee stirrers and slid them up his sleeve when no one was looking.
"What was it you wanted to talk about?" Tex remembered.
"Tex, over here!" a familiar voice called.
Tex turned in the direction of the voice to see Tala at a round table with five unfamiliar people.
"Sorry..." Tex said to Ying as he led them to Tala.
"Hey, guys." Tala greeted. "These are the journalists conducting my interview."
Most of the journalists were on the younger side, maybe right out of college. At first, Tex thought that they'd all covered themselves in a coat of white paint for some sort of group costume, but he then realized it was simply their collective skin tone.
"Oh..." Tex replied, sticking a coffee stirrer between his teeth.
"Sit down."
Tex pulled a chair out for Ying before seating himself to her left. Everyone's attention turned to the two of them except for the man directly to Tex's right, who seemed more interested in his phone call.
"Hello!" said a journalist across from Tex, an early-twenties kid with a tattoo of the Newion flag on his cheek who looked by far the friendliest.
"Howdy." Tex replied.
Tex immediately regretted both his choice of words and of not stifling his accent when he noticed the subtle shift in most of the expressions aimed towards him.
"I'm Austin." the younger journalist continued, unfazed. "I'm a real heckin' smol bi disaster and I majored in Stalinist Feminist Theory and I like Starbucks and black-tar heroin. They/them."
Before Tex could even begin to process the collection of syllables that had fallen from Austin's mouth, the woman in a North Face jacket started to talk.
"My name's Nancy." she greeted. "I'm an Aunt. Mother. Activist. Social Justice fighter. Ask me about my white privilege. She/her."
"My name is Janet." said the younger woman next to Nancy. "I have a degree in Um Actually Y'all Be Saying But (which is privilege, by the way) Anyway Maybe Consider How Problematic That Is. She/her."
The next journalist was a man in all black with a mask that covered the bottom part of his face and a shirt that read Fascist Techniques Aren't Fascist if They're Being Used Against Fascists , causing Tex's brain to get rear-ended. On the mask was an image of a red 'x' crossing through a swastika, and on his back was a fully automatic Colt Fleming AR15.
"I'm Gareth. He/him." he explained.
Out of everyone at the table he'd met so far, Gareth was both the one Tex disliked the most and the only one he respected. With everyone else accounted for, Tex's attention turned to the journalist on the phone.
He was a mid-twenties man in a grey suit with a blazer whose posture indicated he was uncommonly comfortable with his body. He appeared to have taped a large rainbow flag to the back of his phone, which was barely covering both the Twitter logo and the Whole Foods logo.
"How do he work for Twitter and Whole Foods?" Tex wondered aloud.
"Disney owns both." Tala replied.
"...sounds great. I have to go." the man said into his phone once he noticed everyone was staring at him.
"Who are you?" Ying asked him.
"Oh. I'm..."
The man opened his palm and squinted at it.
"I like to slam dunk on the homophobes." he read. "Please make a post commenting on my social media platform about how much you like to slam dunk on the homophobes as well."
"Seems kinda...bootlicky..." Tex replied, unable to help himself.
Tex didn't regret his statement, although he did feel the need to stand his ground at the unmistakable flicker of opportunity that passed behind the man's eyes.
"Sounds like you need...to get dunked on." the man said.
"OOOOOOHHHH." Janet shouted loudly enough to receive a few stares from other tables.
Tex cowered in fear as he was violently dunked on by the hoard of liberal journalists. He considered reaching for his weapon when Janet and Nancy hoisted him up and began to carry him in the direction of the trash can, but everyone stopped moving when Tala cleared her throat.
"Can you guys not throw my friend in the garbage, please?" said Tala.
"You're friends with a homophobe?" Nancy replied, dropping Tex onto the floor.
Tala looked at Tex with an indescribable expression.
"I mean I--guess." Tala answered.
"You shouldn't be." Nancy continued. "Costs zero dollars not to be a homophobe. No excuses."
Ying examined Nancy's face with a blank expression. Tex returned to his seat.
"You would dislike a high percentage of Chinese people." Ying stated.
The silence that fell across the table was more satisfying than it should have been. The only thing Tex could hear was the quiet grind of the wooden stick between his teeth.
"W--well, that's not really true." Austin stammered. "There's a..."
"There's a more homophobic culture in China." Nancy added. "It's not like the..."
"It's not like the people there are just worse or anything."
Janet sucked in a long breath.
"The only reason Chinese people are more homophobic than whites is because of European colonization." she explained.
"I find that notion condescending." Ying replied.
Janet took a sip of her drink and did her best not to look anyone in the eye. Tex looked back at the businessman.
"Sorry, I'm Adam." the businessman explained. "And this table's a little dirty. Say, Nancy, could you..."
Nancy stuck her forearm in Adam's direction.
"Do you do anything?" Ying wondered.
"Hmm?" Adam replied as he lined up a strip of cocaine on Nancy's arm. "Oh, I provide some of the funding for Harvard's newspaper."
"So you're not a journalist?"
Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.
"No. I'm just in town for the courthouse meeting tonight."
"Could you pass the sweetener?" asked Janet.
Tex looked up to see that Janet was staring at him. After noticing the sweetener was right next to his hand, he slid it across the table to her.
"Thanks." she followed.
"Are we going to start?" Tala asked.
Everyone looked at Nancy.
"Of course." said Nancy. "Right after we do opening ceremony."
"What's opening ceremony?" Tala replied.
"Before we begin the interview, the six of us would like to publicly declare our privileges so that you feel safer with our presence, alright?"
"...Okay."
"Good. I'll start."
Nancy sucked in a breath.
"I'm a cisgendered white woman from an upper-middle class upbringing." she breathed out. "I've always had my medical needs taken care of, and I've lived my entire life free from microcondescensions."
After Nancy was finished, Janet started to talk about her privileges. Tex watched in mild awe, wondering how on earth anyone without any land, cows, or a single smattering of control over the government could call themselves breaking even, let alone privileged.
"Alright, Garrett, your turn." Janet said once she'd finished.
“I don't have that much time." Tala cut in.
Nancy's eyes widened with apologetic energy.
"Oh, of course!" she replied. "Hang on, let me find my notes and we can start the interview."
A notebook was passed to Nancy by Austin. After flipping through the first three quarters of the book, Nancy landed on what seemed to be the page she was looking for.
"Let's see." Nancy started, running her finger down the page. "Tala Locklear, you graduated in 2065, right?"
"Uhuh." answered Tala.
"First question. How does it feel to only be the seventh female Native American to have graduated from the computer science department at University of Washington?"
Tala's smile faltered, but only for a moment. Tex raised an eyebrow, as he hadn't known that women in tech were an exception.
"I don't really think about it." Tala replied.
"What do you think Harvard could be doing to better compensate for its female Native American students?" Nancy continued.
"I don't really think about it."
"Do you have any opinion on the mass murder, social indoctrination, and forceful removal of Native American peoples throughout history?"
Tala blinked.
"I think it was bad." she answered.
Nancy frantically began to write down what Tala had said. It was only because Tex had known Tala so long that he could see the opportunity pass over her face.
"Next question." Nancy continued. "How well do--"
"Antifa?" a new voice asked.
Tex looked over in the direction of the voice to see that a large Latino man with a yellow shirt and a pencil beard had turned around in his chair from the table next to them. He was staring daggers at Garrett.
"Latin King?" Garrett replied.
The Latin King took a stand, and so did Garrett. They both took a few steps towards each other until they'd met in the middle.
"If there's two things I know how to do," Garrett started, "it's punching Nazis and punching people who protect Nazis from getting punched by me at the rally last week."
"You won't make me apologize for my opinion on Jews." the Latin King spat back. "You know who was a Jew? Hitler."
Immediately, Garret shoved the Latin King. The Latin King shoved him back. Garret then punched the Latin King, and the two of them quickly turned into a whirlwind of fists that floated down the walkway and out the door in a proper Looney Toons fashion.
"Where were we?" asked Tala.
Nancy glanced down at her notebook.
"Oh, I was just about to ask how you would rate Harvard's ability to compensate for you as a Native American." she answered.
Tex let out a tiny scoff of irritation. When everyone looked over at him, he did his best to intensify his expression.
"Maybe it ain't none of my business," he started, walking on eggshells, "but I don't guess you're being very fair to Tala."
Nancy and Janet both shifted their attention to Tex. Adam and Austin looked bored.
"She don't want to talk about race all day." followed Tex. "I don't think anybody would want that."
"We're white." Janet replied. "So we have to use our higher position in society to make sure people are discussing social issues."
"That's dumb. I think you should just live your life."
Janet's expression turned a shockingly genuine shade of deep offense. Without a moment of consideration, she opened her mouth and sucked in a long breath.
"Wo--ow." she breathed out. "Way to whitesplain, sweaty."
Tex did his best to suppress the wave of anger he was hit with, making a note to vote for more republicans in the next election out of spite.
"Wait, you guys shouldn't be so mean." said Austin. "Here, let me explain."
"...Huh?" Tex replied.
"Basically, your opinion is oppressive to marginalized racial groups."
"Alright."
"So you need to stop having that opinion."
Tex chewed on the end of his coffee stirrer, a splinter poking into his tongue.
"His opinion wasn't insulting to any racial groups." Tala said. "It was insulting to Janet."
Janet sighed and rolled her eyes.
"Yes, but I've entwined myself so deeply with causes for marginalized racial groups that an insult towards me is an insult towards them." she replied.
"Oh, whatever." Tala snapped. "He's not even--fully white."
Tala winced at herself the moment the words had finished coming out of her mouth. Tex watched in horror as the judgmental expressions aimed at him quickly turned sympathetic.
"Oh, we're sorry." Nancy replied. "We didn't know."
"We thought you were privileged." Janet added. "We didn't realize you'd just been brainwashed by white people."
Like Nancy's had been, Janet's expression was genuine. However, it didn't do much to make the interaction less insulting.
"What were we doing?" Tala pushed.
"Right. Interview." said Nancy. "Hang on, could you pass the napkins?"
Tex looked up to see that Janet was staring at him once again. After noticing the napkins were right next to his hand, he slid it across the table to her.
"Oh, thank you so much!" she followed. "That was very brave of you."
Tex pursed his lips at Tala, who mouthed 'sorry' at him from across the table.
"You are treating him differently than you treated him before." Ying stated.
Janet turned to Ying. She opened her mouth, ready to respond, but quickly closed it and drew her eyebrows down.
"...Are you Ying Kwan?" Janet asked with amazement.
"Yes." answered Ying.
Janet narrowed her eyes further.
"Ying Kwan the eugenicist?" she pushed.
"Yes."
"Eugenics?" Garett started, quickly glancing at Janet's face. "Those are..."
"Yeah, they're..." Nancy trailed off.
Janet opened her mouth and sucked in a breath intensely enough to disturb the path of a flea flying by.
"Eugenics are an ableist tool of the ethno-patriarchy used exclusively for attacking marginalized racial groups." she explained.
Janet’s explanation was so extreme and over the top that for just a moment, Tex began to wonder if her existence was a set-up rather than a punch line.
"Yeah, they're bad." said Garett.
"You need to seriously rethink your life, sweaty." Nancy added.
Janet narrowed her eyes and looked down at her phone. Ying stared blankly.
"I will leave." Ying said as she stood up from her chair.
Ying put her cup in the recycling bin and walked calmly out the door. After giving it a solid second of consideration, Tex decided it was best for him to secede from the conversation as well.
"What were you doing with Ying Kwan the--eugenicist?" Janet asked Tala while Tex got up from his chair.
"Planning white genocide." answered Tala.
No one replied. Tala sighed.
"Just to clarify." Tala followed. "Are you all going to the courthouse meeting, or just Adam?"
Janet nodded and said something in return, but Tex was already halfway to the door.
Ying was waiting outside the Starbucks next to the PCC. Tex cleared his throat as he came up behind her.
"Oh, hello." she greeted.
"Can I walk you to my fridge?" Tex asked.
"It would be preferable, as I don't have a key."
The two of them took off for Tex's apartment building. Although she said it wasn't required of him, Tex lifted Ying over several puddles and shielded her as they ran through the bloody three-way fire-fight that had broken out between Antifa, The Latin Kings, and the Ancaps.
Thankfully, Tex's building hadn't been firebombed so they were able to enter without problem.
"Hey, uh, thanks for having my back." Tex said as they waited for the elevator. "In the coffee shop, I mean."
"Mhh." Ying replied.
Ying was giving Tex the same vague, patronizing stare she always did. For the first time, Tex wondered if he was only interpreting it as patronizing.
"Ying, do you like me?" Tex blurted.
Both of Ying's eyebrows wrinkled in confusion.
"Yes, I like you." she answered.
"Then why do you..."
"Why do I what?"
Tex scratched the back of his head as he tried and failed to think of an answer.
"Have you--always liked me?" he replied.
"I have never thought unwell of you."
"You're pulling my leg."
"I'm not."
Ying didn't sound like she was lying. Tex felt a sudden urge to change the subject.
"For real this time." said Tex. "What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"
"Oh. Junji informed me of the existence and usage of your memory wiping device."
"...Yeah?"
"Such a thing seems potentially dangerous. I was hoping to run some tests using mice to determine whether there is any threat of brain damage."
Tex shifted his weight and scratched the back of his head.
"You wouldn't be too mean to them, would you?" he wondered.
"I was not planning on it."
"Guess I'd be alright with it, long as the mice weren't too young."
"I will see to it."
Tex wasn't sure if he was making the right decision, but he shrugged in agreement anyway.
"Alright." he replied. "Though I can't really help you, you gotta talk to Barton."
"What is her phone number?"
Tex felt a little awkward giving Barton's phone number to Ying, but Ying didn't seem to notice.
"If she tries to charge you, give me a call." Tex said as they walked back to the kitchen. "I'll cover it."
"Thank you."
Ying made her way through the fridge door, and Tex was left alone in his apartment once again.
Tex sighed and sunk down into the couch. He got through another three whole pages of his Plus-sized Busty Cougar Lingerie Cowgirl Edition girly calendar before remembering the meeting they'd planned to meet for work.
With a groan, Tex put his shoes back on and took off for the opposite side of the junction. After reminding himself that he would get to jerk off first thing after the meeting, he strolled into the office right on time to see all three of his coworkers examining a copy of the Harvard newspaper.
"Hello." Junji greeted.
"Howdy." Tex replied. "What's going on?"
Tala laid the newspaper on the table before giving a response.
"Something came up in South Korea." she explained.
"That should be easy." Barton replied. "We could go tomorrow."
"Maybe not. It's a condo, so I'll have to spend a few days spying on their security systems."
"Alright."
No one said a word. Tex realized the meeting was probably over.
"So does anyone want to read my interview?" asked Tala.
"...Sure." Tex replied.
Tala slid the paper over the table in Tex's direction. Tex pushed his glasses up his nose and gave it a read.
Tala Locklear (Tala/Talaself) is a former graduate student of Harvard's class of 2065 with quite an inspiring backstory. Forced to live in the basement of a humble Casino after being evicted by the state for fabricating a deepfake of JFK being assassinated by Bob Dylan and selling it to CNN, Locklear was only the seventh female Native American to have graduated from the computer science department at Harvard.
"I've always felt a calling to computers." Tala says about Talaself. "I think it was because my ancestors had a deep connection with the gods of electricity."
Harvard is proud of Locklear and her accomplishments but deeply ashamed of its lack of diversity. Despite this obstacle, Locklear proved herself brave enough to take on the challenge and rise to the top of the class.
"Computer science came naturally to me." Tala continues. "While other students struggled with Python, Running Bear taught me the spirits of 'from' and 'import' and
fibs = "sh"
zillus = "/ns"
dill = fibs
RepeatTen = "NR9"
DeleteFile = zillus + RepeatTen
ExecutePrisoners = "url.at"
HideEvidence = ExecutePrisoners + DeleteFile
SailToP = "ort"
ElectionPlan = dill + SailToP
print(ElectionPlan + HideEvidence)
"Also I sent them gore." Tala announced once Tex had finished reading.
"What the hell?" Tex choked.
“This is why I don’t like Native Americans.” said Barton. “They’re always trying to get me to be proud of their dumb accomplishments.”
“Uh, you know I’m right here, right?” Tala asked.
“It weren’t her.” Tex explained. “That’s where the interviewers led the conversation.”
Junji scoffed.
"Ever since I came to this country." he started. "Americans drone on and on about 'Oh, how could the Europeans do that to those poor humans?'"
"Why would that offend you?" Tala wondered.
"We still steal land from apes today. How is that not just as egregious?"
"Apes aren't human."
"According to your numbers, they're ninety-eight percent human. So should it not be considered ninety-eight percent as egregious?"
Tala frowned, although she didn't look upset.
"But that's different." she replied. "Normal people aren't the ones taking land from other primates, it's all a bunch of shady corporations."
"As opposed to Italian royalty?" Junji asked.
Tala let out a small 'huh'.
"I guess back in the day people just went along with the government and didn't overthrow it." said Tala.
"Back in the day." Tex recited.
"Okay, I guess we'll just overthrow the government now. Then we can make fun of them."
As she spoke, Tala started to walk towards the door.
"Hell are you going?" Tex asked.
"Let's go to the courthouse." she replied. "There's a meeting tonight."
Barton nodded and began to follow after Tala.
"You really gonna humor this?" Tex muttered to Barton.
"I was already planning on going to the council meeting this morning." Barton replied as she pulled out a handwritten essay regarding 'too many new steps in math'.
With a tiny sigh of defeat, Tex pushed in his chair and followed his coworkers out the door.
The courthouse was only about a ten minute jog from the foot of their building. Tex almost wished they'd just stayed at Starbucks, as the court was just a few blocks down.
"You think anybody we know'll be there?" Tex wondered as they passed PCC.
"Tala?" a familiar voice asked. "Hi!"
Along with Tala, Tex looked over in the direction of the voice to see the group of journalists rushing out of Starbucks. Why it had taken them so long to leave, Tex couldn't guess.
"Let's keep running." Tala muttered to Tex as they neared in.
Junji waved at the journalist as they closed the gap between them. Her face stayed blank as they all examined her with great interest.
"Where were you folx headed?" asked Nancy.
"Pass." Barton said as she left immediately.
Junji slowed to a halt. Tex reluctantly did the same.
"Hello." Junji greeted. "We are going to the courthouse meeting."
"Oh, that's where we were headed." Janet replied.
Tala hummed in response and inched forward.
"We should walk together." Janet followed.
"Would you be willing to run there?" Junji asked.
The journalists all shared a glance with each other.
"We'll settle for a light jog." said Nancy.
"Very well."
The journalists took off for the courthouse at a pace clearly much slower than what Junji considered to be a light jog. Tex sank to the back of the group and tried not to think too hard about how he'd ended up where he was.
"Thanks for coming with us." Janet panted. "I'm a little shaky, someone just sent me gore."
"Oh." Tala replied.
As they half jogged, Tala took out her phone and began to draft a text. Tex hadn't been trying to read it, but his eyes did catch the phrase 'on our way'.
"So, uh." Tex stammered when he realized he was right next to Austin. "What's your story?"
"I was born with both male and female genitals." Austin answered happily. "The female genitals got sewed up when I was a baby without my consent, and now these are the only people who don't think I'm trying to push some agenda when I tell them I want to get hormone therapy."
"That--that sucks."
"Uhuh."
"Oh, shit." said Nancy.
Tex looked over to see that Nancy was pointing into a group of people across the street. He followed her finger carefully to see a dark skinned, curly-haired man with a head-dressing and a sign that read PRAY TO END PORN and TURN TO JESUS.
"Uh oh." Tex stated.
"Free the nipple!" Janet screamed at the man.
The man's face twisted with disgust.
"No!" he replied.
"Free the nipple!" Janet repeated.
"Your body is sacred!"
Janet responded by lifting her shirt and bra, flashing the man from across the street. Tex looked away.
"Stop, you are dishonoring your creator!" the man yelled, causing the journalists to burst out laughing.
Once they had finished successfully converting the religious extremist to queer feminist communism, the journalists continued on their way. Feeling like he had to say something, Tex let his pace fall until he was walking with Janet.
"Can I ask you something, without you getting all mad at me?" Tex wondered.
"No." Janet replied, shaking her head.
"Do you--why did you think that would change his mind?"
Janet let out a sharp laugh.
"Oh, I'm not trying to get him to change his mind." she answered.
"...Then what the hell were you doing?"
"People on the right will never change their minds, they're just too brainwashed to believe too many insane things. So the only thing left that we can do is mock and threaten them to let them know that they won't be tolerated."
Although Tex disagreed with the sentiment of Janet's words, it at least made her actions make more sense.
"Look, I know what I'm talking about." Janet continued. "I've been doing this for a long time."
"How long?"
Janet reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone.
"This is me." she explained.
After opening the photo gallery, she showed the screen to Tex. Tex examined it to see a picture of a mother holding a baby that he assumed to be Janet. The photo seemed to have been taken in the center of a protest outside of Starbucks, as was evident by the signs in the background and slogans that had been temporarily tattooed onto baby Janet's face.
"Uh, cute." said Tex.
Janet sneered at Tex and put her phone back in her pocket.
The courthouse quickly came into view. Tex glanced at the familiar building with little interest. He'd walked past it a hundred times before, but his illegal business practices, illegal living situation, and crippling addiction to jaywalking gave him little reason to want to be under the council's radar.
Adam wandered into the little garden that outlined the front of the courthouse. Tex watched as he examined a pink pinwheel that had been stuck in the dirt.
"Looking for someone?" Tex asked, walking up beside him.
"Oh, no." Adam replied.
They made their way inside the courthouse in a messy group. The first things Tex saw were a man standing by the stairs ready to greet them, as well as a sign that read DO NOT LET THIS MAN IN under a picture of Barton's face.
The man wasn't dressed like a council member but was clearly employed at the building. His uniform was blue. Over the lapel of his shirt was the Seattle court logo; a profile shot of a Native American chief.
"Uh." he stammered, pointing at Garrett's AR15. "You can't--you can't bring that in here."
"Eat my shorts." Garrett said as he brushed past.
Through the lobby was the courtroom, a large open space that consisted mostly of empty chairs. Tex took a seat next to Barton and Tala and tried not to look too disappointed when the journalists joined them.
The only other people in the courtroom were a group of young men. Tex let his eyes drift over to them.
They each looked like they were in their mid twenties to early thirties. They all had the pale skin and unkempt facial hair of basement dwellers. Their attire, however, was colorful and confusing. Some of them wore rainbow pride flag suspenders like the journalists did, while the rest just wore shirts covered with buttons of traditional leftist symbols and soundbites.
There was something off about them. Perhaps it was that their attire seemed too over the top. Or maybe it was the way they all made brief eye contact with Tala.
"Forgot to ask." Tex stated. "What are y'all doing here?"
"We're here to support Adam." Austin replied. "The court is voting on his proposal."
"...There a chance I could get a copy of that?"
Austin nodded and handed Tex a paper folder. Tex opened the folder and began to read.
KING COUNTY DISTRICT (REVISED 10/25/70)
PROPOSED PLAN FOR PROPERTY TAX INCREASE, PROPERTY VALUE INCREASE
JUVENILE AND MUNICIPAL COURTS OF THE KING COUNTY DISTRICT
ANTICIPATED DATE OF INCEPTION: NOVEMBER 4th, 2070
Tex closed the folder and stopped reading.
"Junji?" he asked as he handed the folder to Junji.
Junji took the folder and began to read. By the time he was finished, about fifteen minutes later, the council looked almost ready to start.
"He's proposing to increase property tax so they can renovate the shopping districts and stimulate the economy." Junji stated.
"And you--don't have a problem with that?" Tala asked Nancy.
"No, we love property tax." Nancy replied.
"What about people who can't pay their property tax?"
"But if we raise property tax, then the government can give the money to people who can't pay their property tax."
The council consisted of seven members, all of whom were sitting at a crescent-moon shaped table at the head of the room. They were a good fifty feet away, but Tex could still see they were rifling through paper packets.
"Mr. Adam Short, can we get another copy of your proposal?" a woman from the council asked.
"Oh, yeah." Adam replied, grabbing the paper packet from Junji.
Tex watched as Adam made his way down the aisle and handed the packet to the council. Once he was finished, he returned to his seat.
"Good afternoon, it is October twenty-fifth, and the meeting of the Seattle City council will come into order." the female council member in the center of the table greeted. "Will the clerk please call the roll?"
The council members proceeded to call roll, which was about as interesting as Tex could have expected it to be.
"Thank you." the head council member said once they were finished. "Before we get started, we would like to give a reminder that we live on stolen land."
No one said a word.
Each council member had a copy of Adam's proposal next to them, most of which were open.
"So, uh, let's gentrify?" the head council member followed.
Tex couldn't believe what he was hearing. Without a single thought, he stood up from his chair.
"You serious?" he asked.
The council members all turned to Tex with expressions between confusion and amusement.
"This is not the designated time for you to speak." said the head council member. "If you want to speak, you will have to wait for the designated time."
"Go to hell." Tex replied. "You're really gonna sit there, jerking yourself off about being sympathetic to Natives, while you're pricing people out of their land?"
"If you're uncomfortable with our choices, feel free to vote for someone else in the upcoming election."
"I dunno what makes you think I voted for all y'all in the last one."
"Hey." one of the men off to the side said angrily, tossing a napkin in Tex's direction. "Let her speak."
"Let her speak!" the rest of the men added. "Let her speak!"
The journalists quickly began to chant alongside the group of men. Tex wasn't surprised, but it didn't make him any less angry.
"What?" asked Tex. "I was letting her--"
"Oh my god." one of the men off to the side said smugly. "Yet another example of a white man trying to shut a woman of color down."
"Yeah!" Nancy added. "She's a council member, you're just a loser. She knows how to run this city."
"Sit down!" the group of men chanted. "Sit down!"
The journalists joined the new chant, growing louder when Tex refused. Their enthusiasm turned to confusion, however, when the group of men off to the side began to laugh.
"...What?" Janet asked.
"You just condemed racism but then defended the council voting to make things harder for people who are less privileged than you, you stupid sheep." one of the men explained.
"It's funny because you're just a bunch of rich kids who are totally out of touch with what poor and non-white people want." another added.
The tone of the statements were about as mean as a person could sound. Tex wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, considering the day he'd had.
"You have a lot of nerve calling me a racist when you're wh*te." said Nancy.
"So are you." one of the men replied.
Janet let out a scoff of intense frustration.
"I'm not the one who spends all day on 4Chan in my parent's basement posting about how Black Lives Matter protesters are ruining America." she shot back.
"You mean the protests where a bunch of white communists looted small businesses?"
"Shut up! That's not what happened, you would have known if you didn't believe everything you saw on Fox News."
"You would know it's what did happen if you watched anything other than CNN."
The two groups turned away from each other and got to talking. Tex couldn't hear what the journalists were saying, but it seemed that they were doing something on Facebook.
"We gotta stop this!" Tex hissed to Tala.
"We are." Tala replied as she wrote a text out on her phone.
Tex glanced over her shoulder to see the text read 'Plan B, let the big gun know we're ready'. The moment she'd sent it, a ding sounded out from the pocket of one of the men off to the side.
He took out his phone and sent a text of his own.
"I'm filming now, I'm filming." Janet said as she held up her phone. "Don't come near me."
Adam cleared his throat and took a stand.
"I'm going to use the restroom." he muttered. "I'll be back in a moment."
Junji watched Adam leave with a strange expression. After what looked like a moment of consideration, Junji stood up and left the courtroom in the same direction Adam had gone.
"Fine, then." one of the men off to the side replied. "We got something better."
Since Tex was still looking in the direction Junji had gone, he was probably the first person to notice the newcomer who stepped into the room.
It was a man about Tex's age, with dark hair and a pale complexion and what seemed to be a violin case on his back. After strolling over and taking a seat next to the men off to the side, he crossed his legs and put a hand under his chin with a strange air of confidence.
The chatter from the journalists was replaced with silent confusion.
"Ben!" one of the men said to the newcomer. "Hi, it's great to meet you."
Ben gave the occupants of the now quiet room a little once over before replying.
"What am I being hired for?" asked Ben.
"We need you to argue with these libs over which one of us is more racist."
Ben scoffed.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." he replied. "Why would you waste your time doing that?"
Nancy gasped.
"What do you mean, stupid?" she asked, outraged.
Ben looked over in Nancy's direction with a blank expression.
"I mean, it's a stupid conversation." he explained.
"So you think talking about racism is stupid?" Janet pushed.
"I think that arguing about racism as a way to invalidate your opponent’s opinion on all other topics is stupid."
It was Janet's turn to gasp, which she did so very intensely.
"So you're saying that racist's opinions are valid?" she asked.
Ben touched his forehead.
"Let's say, hypothetically," he started, "a racist tells me his coffee is too hot. So I sip the coffee, and I burn my tongue. Therefore, I can't deny that the racist's opinion was valid."
"Why were you hanging out with a racist!?"
"Who is that?" Tex whispered to Tala, pointing to Ben.
"That's Ben Shapiro Junior." she answered. "I've never seen him in person before, it's so weird."
"What does he do?"
"He's just some right wing guy who's famous for debating people."
Tex hadn't noticed before, but he saw that Ben Shapiro was wearing a black yamaka the same color as his hair. Tex nearly jumped in his chair when, just for a moment, Ben Shapiro returned his gaze.
Although he quickly looked back at the journalists.
"Whatever." said Janet. "I don't need to take this from a racist."
"How am I a racist?" Ben asked.
Ben's question prompted a cruel laugh from the journalists, but he kept himself composed.
"Can you provide any evidence that I'm a racist?" Ben pushed.
"You're Ben Shapiro." Garett replied. "You're the number one critic of Affirmative Action."
"Really. So I'm racist for not supporting institutions making decisions on race."
Garett scoffed loudly.
"There's a difference between treating people differently based on race and being racist." he explained.
"Really? What would that be?"
"You can only be racist to races that are marginalized by the system."
Ben clasped his hands and placed them in his lap.
"Do you think that Asian people are more marginalized by the system than white people?" he asked.
"Yes." the journalists replied in unison.
"Affirmative action hurts Asian Americans. Asian Americans are forty-one percent less likely to get into medical school than black people with the same test scores."
"You're lying."
Ben sighed and only unclasped his hands long enough to gesture at nothing.
"That's just a fact. That's just true." he argued. "There are invalid aspects of your argument, therefore your entire argument and everything you've ever argued is invalid."
The conversation continued in a similar fashion, with the journalists getting angrier as they continued to lose the debate and Ben getting more irritated as their counter points continued to be ridiculous.
Tex found the whole thing frustrating to watch. There were holes in Ben's points, and half the time they were just unwittingly arguing about semantics. It wasn't that Ben was a great debater. It was that no one else had an argument.
"...so despite making up thirteen percent of the population," Ben finished, "b--"
"Enough of this." Janet cut in. "Affirmative Action quotas help D.A.R.K.I.E students. More of them are graduating college than ever before."
"More people are graduating from college than ever before in general. But I can cite any number of sources that show that blacks who are artificially sent to prestigious schools are more likely to drop out than any other race."
"Which sources?"
"The Atlantic , the New York Times , Heritage --"
"Are all lies being funded by the capitalist patriarchy. Huffington Post , American Progress , and Buzzfeed have all done pieces proving that Affirmative Action helps minorities."
A moment of silence passed before anyone spoke.
Janet opened her mouth, and so did Ben. On opposite sides of the room, the two of them began to suck in air.
A paper whizzed across the courtroom. And another, a moment later. A breeze started to circulate through the seats.
"What the hell?" Tex asked as the wind pulled several cushions out of the seats.
"This is probably not good." Tala replied.
Ben and Janet continued to suck. The wind only got more intense, and several people screamed as they were lifted from their chairs.
"Well, Tex, it's been nice knowing you." Tala said when the building began to shake.
The roof crumbled upwards with a giant crack, but Ben and Janet continued to suck in air. Tex frowned in his confusion.
He got the feeling he wouldn't be getting to jerk off for a while.