Sugimoto Sora was unhappy.

This was not a particularly unusual state of affairs; Sora was almost always unhappy. He was frequently frustrated, often assailed by ennui, and subject to increasingly persistent worries that he might have Antisocial Personality Disorder (he did not; he was merely a spoiled, selfish prick who had never yet been forced by circumstances to grow the neurology required for more than superficial empathy). But today, his unhappiness had a specific and highly urgent cause, and was growing more profound by the moment.

With only the slightest of hesitations, he knocked respectfully on the wooden door in front of him. It was a very plain door, with no adornments beyond a small piece of paper with KEEP OUT written in brightly-colored pen of various colors and adorned with cutesy drawings of kittens and skulls. But to Sora's warrior senses it was more dangerous than a fifty-meter dragon; when a sleepy voice called out for him to enter, he felt his pulse quicken for multiple reasons. Gently and gracefully, he opened the door and stepped inside.

Saiki Suzume was snuggled up inside a large bean-bag chair, her head poking out with a disgruntled expression from within her cat-eared hoodie. He bowed respectfully, trying to control his hammering pulse; the mere sight of her set off large disruptions in his endocrine and limbic systems, which was going to make his objective here even more challenging. She noticed his discomfiture and smiled; her body twisted around sinuously, displaying impressive core strength, as she sat up and smoothed her skirt over her knees. "Sora-kun. To what do I owe this visit?"

The conversation which followed had two layers: a spoken one (for the benefit of any listeners and the communication of non-privileged objectives and negotiations) and a deeper, more intricate exchange which was primarily facilitated through pauses and body language suitable for conveying more sensitive topics of concern. Sora ran a hand through his hair and looked away while blushing slightly; I am sorry for bothering you, but it is urgent and I am putting my duty above my personal disconcert. Please notice my efforts and, by extension, the regard I am showing for you. "Our preparations for the initial deployment of troops into the eastern valley are almost complete. But there has been an unexpected development." This news is obviously bad and I am worried about it.

Suzume shifted slightly, leaning back roughly four degrees on the chair and moving her elbows up to support her weight, and crossed her legs at the knee while taking care to raise the hem of her skirt just below, but not above, Sora's eyeline. I recognize your concern as well as your regard, though I do not share your apprehension. If this is a request regarding sexual intercourse, I might be available, but the exchange will be costly and success is not assured. "What sort of a development?" It is likely that I am already aware of this information but I am willing to entertain the possibility that it is both novel and relevant.

Sora faced her squarely. I am certain you are not aware of this information, and feel it is sufficiently important that I am ignoring your offer of sexual intercourse despite my overwhelming desire to copulate with you. "One of the advance scouts -- Hata Fujio-san, a D-Rank Archer -- has failed to report after investigating a cavern which appeared during his in-person survey but was not on any of our maps or magical surveillance sweeps. A follow-up attempt by another scout reported that the cave itself was no longer present." I have personally investigated and validated this information and it is accurate, and the potential ramifications of this possibility are disastrous for our plans. He bowed again. "I am sure that it is a miscommunication or failure on Hata-san's part, but I felt it important to notify you on the off chance that it interested you." I am totally certain that this is not a miscommunication, and Hata-san is almost definitely super dead, but I am not willing to assert such concern on your behalf and also want plausible deniability to any listeners who might overhear this conversation.

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

"Hmph!" Suzume turned up her nose and looked away, mouth turning down in a prim expression of disdain. I am very concerned about your information but for reasons I cannot communicate it is required that I not only pretend otherwise but also change the subject. "Doubtless the foolish D-Ranker mistook the maw of some beast for a cave and became an afternoon snack for such a creature. I see no reason why we should be concerned." I will take your assertion extremely seriously and pursue an investigation using my own means. Her eyes opened and her face turned back towards him with a small, taunting smirk. "Or were you merely looking for an excuse to go into a girl's room while she's there alone? My, my!" I am no longer available for sexual intercourse due to the imperative need to act upon this information.

Sora dropped his gaze, sweating very slightly as an embarrassed grin broke out over his own face. "N-no! I... merely wished to be completely certain you were informed. Purely out of duty, you understand!" I understand and will accommodate your desire for subterfuge. "A-anyway, I have to go! I have many duties to perform!" I will depart so that you may work uninhibited, and I am hopeful we may negotiate sexual intercourse at a subsequent occasion. Blushing, he turned and left quickly, closing the door slightly more forcefully than might perhaps have otherwise been necessary -- the degree to which this was caused by purported embarrassment versus legitimate sexual frustration was too ambiguous to interpret for any observers.

Behind him, Saiki Suzume rolled her eyes, let out a breath, and snuggled back down into her beanbag chair; to all indications, she was asleep again within moments. But her consciousness, attached by the most tenuous of tethers to a vast web of heretical dominion, was shifting and maneuvering her minions and enacting plans long-prepared but never since executed. A particular minion, who had been placed on the southern continent with significant difficulty some weeks before, began the arduous process of possessing, murdering, and reanimating a series of powerful guardians who surrounded a long-forgotten divinatory artifact. It would take some time -- possibly even days! -- and potentially alert some observers she might otherwise wished to have kept ignorant about the true reach of her power, but the risk was clearly warranted. Even a D-Ranker was too precious to be blithely lost in such a fashion, and the enemy would have never made such a foolish move unless one of two things was true; either the D-Ranker had stumbled across something so sensitive that they had required silencing, or there was a deeper-level stratagem in play which had been engineered to force Suzume's own response. If that were the case, she would now be playing directly into the Demon Lord's hands, but she wasn't worried; if her third-layer plans were exposed, the value of the intelligence gained from knowing that the enemy was playing at such a level would be more valuable than the plan's objectives themselves. Her small, pink lips curved upwards in a smile. Finally. An end to boredom.