Chapter 4

“WOOOHOOOO!” cried Jason.

They were hurtling down the mountain at incredible speed. All around them trees and boulders raced past, massive chasms and ravines opening up before the two daredevils. And an ordinary mortal would have crashed a long time ago if the poor soul descended with the same velocity as these two, but Jason and Death attacked these slaloms with as much gusto as a child eating chocolate. The rocks were never in the way exactly, more like close enough to be threatening but never posing any actual danger, the sudden openings of caves which would swallow any climber always had convenient ramps just large enough to clear the gap and big enough to do a few tricks while being airborne. Fallen trees, while to others would turn into dangerous obstacles that were difficult and time consuming to traverse, Jason and Death just used them as cool ramps to do grinds on. And all the while making sure to look totally badass while doing it.

The dangers soon passed however as the snow turned to grass and the trees thinned out to plains. Eventually the snowboards stopped, refusing to move even after the convincing of Jason, because he wanted to make snowboards, not hover boards.

“Well that was fun!” Jason said.

“Tell me about it, we just needed cool sunglasses and some explosions in the background and we would have been set.” Death commented.

“So? Uh…  What now?” Jason asked.

They were trudging along a dirt path with open plains everywhere around them, the mountain range was behind them and quickly fading to the distance, it looked like the snowboards carried them off quite far.

“By the way, a snowboard? Really?”

Jason shrugged. “I’ve always wanted to do that. Besides who’s gonna complain? You?”

Death laughed. “Of course not! But it doesn’t really fit the theme.”

Suddenly a space gun appeared in Jason’s hand. It looked like it came straight out of a corny space cartoon. It was purple and green with random cylinders and gizmos on it that seemed to have no purpose whatsoever.

“See, this is my world. So why should I be limited to the laws I have placed on it?” Jason said drily.

Suddenly a dinosaur came out of hiding behind a tree. It was one of those herbivores, with the long necks and massive size. It seemed to be calmly minding its own business as if it was there the whole time. Without a second thought Jason fired the gun at the tame beast, straight at the head. The poor creature didn’t even have time to cry out as his head exploded from a fluorescent green beam, blood splattered everywhere as the entire head exploded and the creature fell down. Its severed neck fell about 3 meters away from the duo and blood audibly gushed in a quickly growing pool around the fallen creature.

“I can reverse time.” Jason said.

The dinosaur’s blood quickly receded as it was sucked back into to the neck. The dinosaur stood up and bits of flesh spattered on the leaves around him flew up as the exploded head began remake itself. Sinews were remade and the ash of the incinerated bones turned back to their original states.

“I can resurrect the dead.” Jason continued.

The dinosaurs head exploded again and fell to the exact same position as before. This time though, the earth pushed the corpse up and the dinosaurs head was remade from earth and its eyes glowed with a greenish tinge. It looked around a bit confused but otherwise seemed perfectly fine.

“Hell, I can make people at a thought.” Jason finished.

And suddenly an army appeared in front of the two. Row upon row of soldiers with gleaming armor, each more fabulous and ornate then the last, banners proclaiming proud beasts could be seen throughout the ranks. And the faces of the soldiers weren’t uniform either. Each expression told of experienced campaigns and grizzled veteranship. Not a hint of green anywhere.

Jason and Death approached a random soldier at the front ranks and Jason asked.

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“What’s your name man?”

“Roland milord.” The soldier answered.

“How did you get here Roland?” Jason asked.

“Through a hard track along the Porter Road.” Roland answered again.

“And for what reason?” Jason asked again, totally emotionless.

“To answer the call of milord.” Roland replied, as stony as the voice that talked to him.

Jason nodded. “You are dismissed.”

And just like that the soldiers disappeared. No theatrics, no fizzles, no portal opened, no voice said cryptic words. They were there, then they weren’t.

“Mmm, I am impressed. And you have satisfied my curiosity, let me offer a ride for milord as an apology for speaking out of line.” Death made a mocking bow.

“Oh Pish,” Jason waved “I just did that because I wanted to stroke my ego a bit, being omnipotent is very good for self-confidence you know.”

While Jason was speaking, a giant glass sphere materialized before them, intricate carvings were etched into it. From certain viewpoints one could see, through it might have been a trick of the light, several spheres within the sphere of glass. What was apparent however were two seats, right in the middle of the sphere, splendidly covered in luxurious brown leather, they looked like they were ripped straight out from the upholstery of a Rolls Royce. A pair of steps cut out of the same glass as the walls of the sphere led up to the two chairs which were on a platform of the same substance. A small section of the sphere between the stairs and the chairs disappeared and Death said.

“You’re carriage awaits sire.”

Jason stepped into the carriage with mocking graciousness. The carriage from the inside looked trippy to say the least, the wall disappeared and it looked like the two chairs were floating in midair, but the stiff breeze that could be felt outside disappeared. Jason whistled.

“Nice.”

Death walked up the steps behind him and the two took their seats. The steps disappeared and the wall was replaced. The glass orb began to move and soon they were eating up the road at a leisurely pace. The plains were left behind and soon they were traversing through a picturesque forest, complete with little woodland creatures and groveling bandits that gaped as the orb rolled on by.  Once they went through a village, the peasantry stared as the strange machination ground a clear path through the mud of the main road. With a thought, Jason replaced the road with cobblestone and the duo continued on their merry way.

“Do you know what we need?” Jason asked.

“What?” Death responded.

“A third person, someone from this world that we could constantly amaze so we could feel even better about ourselves!” Jason grinned.

“That’s a bit petty don’t you think?” Death cautioned.

“Yes, and I have no problem with being petty whatsoever.” Jason replied smugly.

“And where will we find someone like that?” Death asked.

“Dunno.” Jason shrugged.

“Where are we anyway?” Death added.

They looked around only to find themselves outside of a city. The walls were high and there were a stream of people coming and going through a gate. Chimney smoke rose over the parapet and the shouts of joy and anger could be heard even through the orb they were sitting in.

“Well lets go.” Jason said and jumped out the orb, straight through its wall.

“Halt! No admittance without letters of safe conduct.” The guard said sternly.

Death and Jason have been standing in line for an hour to gain entrance to the city. To amuse themselves they conjured two feral cats to fight each other, shortly other travelers came over to watch and pretty soon everyone was betting which one would kill each other first. They were both pretty bloody, with one missing its tail and eye, while the other’s back and belly was crisscrossed with bleeding gashes.  Unfortunately neither seemed to be able to do any serious damage that would end the fight. And they never strayed too far from their owners either, conveniently advancing along the line without being too much of a hindrance. It was almost a shame when it was Jason’s and Death’s turn to speak with the guards.

Jason waved a hand and said in an authoritative voice “These are not the drones you are looking for.”

The guard said, in the same stern voice. “These are not the drones we’re looking for.”

“We do not need letters of safe conduct.” Jason continued.

“You do not need letters of safe conduct.” The guard echoed.

“We can go.” Jason said.

“You can go.” The guard said, quickly he turned to the rest of his men and said “They can go.”

And like that, they were through.

“Right, where to next?”  Death asked.

“All good adventures start at the local watering hole.” Jason responded.

They made their way through the street, there clothes quite dirty from the previous sprint they did to get out of the last one they were in. The part of the city they were in was densely packed, clothes lines were hanging just above the head, people, with both good and evil intentions, jostled past through the damp streets, merchants sold their wares and shops were full of curiosities, most of them scientific while others perverse. As Jason and Death ambled their way along the alleys, they came to a rough and dirty looking Tavern. The stench of booze and bile wafted through the air in a heavy and noxious cloud.

“The Olde Oyster.” Death said “Charming little thing.”

They pushed open the door to find the nose to be assaulted even further. Round tables surrounded by rough men with blades at their sides were dotted around, a lazy bartender cleaned the glasses behind the bar while a trio of muscled women were playing darts in the corner, with knives.  All heads turned to look at the newcomers, some sneered, others fingered their weapons while some looked for hidden bulges that could be hiding treasure but none made a move. Jason, without a care in the world waltzed straight up to the bar and shouted at the rooms occupants.

“WHO’S THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKER AROUND HERE!”