I walked. The snow crunched at every step, clouds of breath matched my gasps every time I pulled my feet. It was dark out but I could see just fine with the dim moon behind the gaps of the tall evergreens, reflected in the white snow.
The cold was numbing. My teeth were chattering and my fingers were frozen stiff. The cold stung, to the point where a slight blow of the wind hurts.
In front of me, a large cold stone stood. The thoughts of dying circled through my head.
I guess this marks the second time I’ll die.
The thought of dying was faintly familiar. It’s familiar because I remember dying before too. I died suffering just like now, but I guess I should be thankful that I feel numb.
The cause of my last death was because of too much pain and blood loss. At least now, I can just sleep and let myself go.
I felt the drowsiness envelop me. In front I saw a large rock, standing in solidarity amongst the cold white snow. It reminded me of my current self, but contrary to our situation, the stone will last for a long time before it withers, while I’ll just die and rot.
We’re both helpless though, I guess we’re kinda similar in that regard, huh?
I leaned against the cold rock. I reminisced the short 6 years of life as a cursed child. I recount the times I laughed and smiled.
Well, I don't remember ever smiling.
Then I recounted the times I cried and how much I resented my current life.
All the time.
For someone who saved the world once: why did I receive such a tragic fate? My previous life was no better, it’s practically the same as now. Yes, I was a hero, a hero that vanished to obscurity.
Why? Because when I saved the world, I was all alone. No one was there to tell the tale. Only that, the hero went to confront evil by himself. But those memories were nothing but a nostalgic reminiscence of an untold story. A 500-year-old exploit that was forgotten in vague history.
My only regret would be, not being able to live my life after that.
But why was I suffering right now? Shouldn’t ‘I’ the ‘hero’ that saved the world be at least compensated with a normal life? This seems like my soul was already fated to be forever condemned in human misfortunes.
But what am I saying? I’m dying, not even these cold hands can change my fate now. Well, I guess when you’re near death’s door, you can’t help but contemplate and remember how you lived your life.
I wish I could’ve lived mine a little longer…
… a little happier...
I don’t know how long I was unconscious or if I was already dead, but I couldn’t move. I feel cold but I also feel something warm wrapping around me. I was conscious but I wasn’t fully awake yet. My eyelids were heavy so I couldn’t open my eyes. But… compared to that biting cold earlier, this feels so much better...
Crackling sounds tickled my consciousness awake. A sweet woody smell enveloped the warm sensation from my face. But the drowsy feeling of not wanting to wake up due to fatigue was lulling me back to sleep. But in front of me was a bright light. A bright fire, crackling with wood and embers burning warmly in a fireplace.
Where am I?
Am I dead?
I tried to stand up but something was restricting my body. When I looked, layers upon layers of cloth were wrapped around me in a bundle like rolled parchment.
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I was saved?
Or is this another misfortune in disguise?
Contrary to my despair, a lady with brown hair nonchalantly entered the room. She wore weird clothes that had patterns far different from normal colored clothes. She wore dark blue pants that looked durable but easy to move into.
I pretended to sleep while she sat near me placing something with a heavy thud. It had a dry sweet woody smell, the same smell from the fireplace. Her warm hand then touched my forehead, my cheeks and finally her fingers reached for my neck. Her hand felt comfortable, something I yearned for.
Is she my savior?
I wanted to ask. But I was scared. If I was saved, will she ask me for compensation? Will she turn me into a slave?
But…
“The poor thing’s still cold. At least his heart is beating faster than before.”
Words filled with worry, she then added more firewood to the burning fire. Her worry was like a glimmer of hope. A sliver of compassion that I rarely received.
“Hm… for such a young boy to be all alone in the forest and during winter too.”
She sighed dejectedly and left the room. From the door, I can smell wisps for something delicious from the other side. Being urged by that delicious smell, my stomach growled under all the sheets.
“H-hungry…”
Maybe it was because of the cold or because My body was weak, my voice sounded hoarse and my throat hurt with sharp prickling pain. I tried to move my hand free from the bundled sheets and that’s when I realized.
“I’m naked?”
My stupid hoarse voice leaked from my dry mouth. Embarrassed, my face flushed by the realization and felt like the cold was slowly washed away by the rushing blood. My nose started to bleed and I felt dizzy.
And as if on cue, the lady entered the room again with a tray full of warm food. My embarrassment went over my head as the sudden dizziness from my nosebleed and my hunger assailed my body.
“Wha! Are you okay?”
Okay? What’s that?
She hurriedly sat beside me and wiped my bleeding nose. Raising my head with pillows scattered in the room, she let the blood soak with a small towel. I can smell a sweet calming smell, her touch feels comfortable and her compassion made my heart itch.
Ah... is this how another person’s touch feel? If my mother was still alive, will she touch me the same way? Will she coddle me when I’m sick like her? She then softly patted my head, it felt like she making sure every lock of hair was there.
“You’re hungry, right? Here, it’ll warm you up.”
She blew on a spoon with a huff and brought it to my lips. The heat of the soup flowed down my throat, the salty taste of the milky soup was delicious. It was salty but at the same time, something was there. A flavor making you want more.
The heat of the soup permeated all over my body and warmed me up better than the blankets and the fire. And just like that, she continued to feed me until all the soup was gone.
“Here, water.”
Soon, I was warm enough to move from the wrapped blankets. She handed me a cup of warm water while she slowly removed the blankets. It was embarrassing. But she proceeded to unwrap all the blankets easily and finally wrapping me with the warmest and softest one.
“Sit over here. I’ll bring a basin.”
I was made to sit on a soft chair. The whole thing was covered with a soft material making it the most comfortable chair I’ve ever sat on. Then she came back with an empty basin and placed it in front of me.
With chant, water filled the basin and with another, it heated the water to a comfortable temperature. I was told to place my feet inside until I was full warm and handed a cup of a weird brown sweet viscous drink.
“There, comfy?”
With a warm smile, she asked sweetly kneeling beside the chair I was on. The lady was beautiful, her brown hair was silky which reflected a red hue from the fire. Her eyes were black, it looked like it held a well of intelligence and wiseness that can rival any scholar, but at the same time, it held deep sadness that sometimes flickers to show itself.
I’m proud of how I can discern people, it may have been a talent given to me by the gods or it may have just been due to my longing, but I know that she cares for me, a stranger. She cared for me more than my father ever will...
She was as beautiful as my late mother, I can’t say for sure because I only saw her from paintings, but even if I haven’t met mother, if she was alive, I know that she would be as beautiful and sweet as this lady.
She sat on the floor near the fireplace, checking my temperature in intervals, drinking the same sweet drink. Soon, she said that it was better to sleep near the fireplace and placed two futons on the floor. She covered the fireplace with a metal-covered thin lining and made me wear clothes a size bigger than mine. It was probably hers.
“Sleep here near the fireplace. I placed a fire screen so embers won’t burn the futon.”
She patted the futon as she lied down in another futon beside mine. That night, I felt weird. I was sleeping on the floor like before but my heart and body felt warm and full. The sweet smell from my savior made me feel calmer than ever. It was a distant memory but it was familiar.
Yes... it was probably the same as my ‘mother’ in my previous life as a hero.