"I just...really thought maybe I would matter for once, you know? I had a law degree, and I was working a cash register at a bookstore! I felt like I'd wasted my whole life." Jen tries not to sob, not the least because it would be a real mess if her nose started running right now. After all, the woman is currently hanging upside down by her ankles, with her hands just barely scraping the floor. She was worried at first about the effects of having all of her blood rushing to her head like this, but it seems as if her improved Champion physiology can handle such reverses of gravity even after a good twenty minutes. Her emotional state on the other hand is...a little shakier.

"Wow, a register jockey? I thought things were all scifi by your time, I'm surprised they still have clerks. Or books, for that matter." Sitting on his simple wooden chair a few feet away, Prince Xenon Darkstar nods along to his prisoner's tale.

"It was a specialty shop. Old-fashioned. I mean, at least I didn't have to worry about student debt, like I guess they did back in your time? But it was just...embarrassing, you know? I thought I had my life all planned out since I was twelve, then it turned out I sucked at it. Then suddenly I was here, and all of these people were telling me I mattered. I could save the world! Guess I fucked that up too, huh?"

"Maybe at that specific task, but it doesn't mean you don't still have potential in you. But that's how they get you, you see? You pop out of a ritual, confused, with no idea what's going on, and completely alone - surrounded by people maybe, but friends? Family? Even allies. You've got no support structure at all. Even if you wanted to tell them to go fuck themselves, what else are you going to do? Wander off into a world you know nothing about, no money, no training? They've got you by the metaphorical balls, Jen."

Jen considers that she had processed a few of those thoughts early on, but at the time it didn't seem so bad. After all, the greater good was calling, wasn't it? But now... "...Do you think they'd send me back? Could you send me back?"

A sad expression crosses the prince's face. "There is no way back, I'm afraid. Trust me, I spent a long time looking for one, and found bupkis. They didn't tell you that? Or did they just say - "

" - That they'd do what they could to help me after your kingdom was defeated. God, I really am an idiot, aren't I?"

Xenon leans closer, and downward a bit so that his eyes are level with the dangling woman's. "Jen, Jen, you've gotta stop beating yourself up about this. Again, none of this was an accident. They do this all the time. They're experts at summoning in strangers, arming them up with weapons and a mission, and sending them on their way. Right into my jaws. And then six months later they do it again."

Jen is silent for a moment, before eventually asking a new question. "But what is the alternative then? Just...be evil? I don't...I don't want to be evil."

That statement draws a chuckle from her captor. "Evil? Jen, ask any one of the people working in this tower if they're evil and half of them will laugh at you, and half of them will get angry. The dark elves have political issues with the high elves going back thousands of years. The orcs want to roam and hunt the steppes and forests, but they can't do that in the 'free kingdoms' because the free kingdoms practice fuckin' serfdom. And the imps - god, do you know how racist the high elves get when it comes to imps? Ask one about it and they'll rant your damn ears off. I'm not going to go and say it's the free kingdoms that are evil, but that's because the labels are made up. There is no good and evil. It's just two sides, fighting forever."

The Champion's forehead creases in thought. "But...I've heard you do horrible things. Not you personally - I mean, yes, you personally - but also your side in general. Slaughtering, enslaving, all of that kind of thing?"

"And you don't want to do that?"

"Of course not! I'm not some monster!"

Xenon smiles and spreads his hands wide. "Well, then I have good news for you. I can make it so you don't have to do anything you don't want to - and so that you can do anything you do want to. That's my offer. Actual freedom. I ain't some Star Wars dark lord offering 'freedom' when all I really mean is 'get angry and kill a bunch of people'. I mean freedom. You want to fight? You fight. You want to kill? You kill. You want to, I don't know...start a garden in some tiny little hamlet somewhere? I'll pay for the cart full of seeds and a horse to get you there. Hell, I'll even get you legal training if you want to take a crack at the lawyer thing here. We are the 'evil empire' after all, so of course we have lawyers."

Jen feels unconvinced. "You must want something from me, right? I mean, why go through all of this effort talking to me if you don't want something?"

The prince shakes his head. "All I want is for you to not get in the way. This game of the gods ends when one side clears the board, so all I need is for you to not be on their side of the board. You want on my side, or you want off, either's fine with me."

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"...You've done this before, right? Other Champions have taken the deal?"

"Got six right now serving as lieutenants, I don't know if you've been told much about them. But for anyone willing to sign on I've got a hell of a signing bonus - a personal castle, troops, staff, money. It's a good deal. I've got one right now serving as a baker in the Tower kitchens. Their request, by the way, not a punishment. Great with cookies. One went back to the capital to study magic. Not for war, just because she thought it was really neat."

"What...exactly is in this signing bonus package?"

The prince leans back in. "Well for starters, let's talk about what you need."

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"You will suffer for your betrayal! A thousand curses upon - uggh!" The elven general's stream of invectives is replaced by a spew of blood as Jen's armored fist strikes the man's jaw.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I listened to you before, and it was all lies! I'm tired of it! I don't want to hear another word out of your damn mouth! Asshole!" The former Champion strikes the prisoner again and again, while not far away her new lord watches on from atop his steed. He doesn't devote all of his attention to her - there's a hundred things demanding his focus at a moment like this, with yet another enemy stronghold finally fallen into his hands. Orcs and humans in dark armor stream through ruined walls and battered doorways, in some cases seeking out pockets of resistance, in others working to secure potential artifacts and other high-value targets, and one team of mages is already taking up fire brigade duties. After all, you don't want to capture a castle just to have it burn down an hour later.

For the most part though his attention is on Jen. His expression is passive, even as the general finally passes into unconsciousness at Jen's hands, and it's not until the woman approaches him that he raises an eyebrow. "Getting in some stress relief, I see?"

Jen's face looks slightly embarrassed, a marked difference from the rage it displayed a moment before. "Yeah, uh...I don't actually remember his name, but I sure as hell recognize him. He's one of the dudes who was there at my summoning - one of the ones who said that if I beat you, they'd help me go home again. Sorry if I got a little out of control, I know you're not supposed to, uh...beat prisoners up like that."

Xenon chuckles. "I noticed you used your fists and not your enchanted swords, so he should probably consider himself lucky. Besides, he's not my prisoner - he's yours. This was your assault, after all. His life is in your hands."

The woman frowns. "It doesn't really feel like 'my' assault. I mean, it's your troops, your equipment, your mages. I just took the lead on the attack, is all." Saying that, she glances down at her thick breastplate, marked with the scratches and blood of the recent battle. Little of that blood is hers.

"Not taking my word for it, are you? I gave you these troops, it's your force now. I know you don't go from a solo adventurer to a general in a day, so I don't mind coming along. But remember, these troops answer to you now."

"I...suppose so." Jen scans the crowd of soldiers and sighs. "I wish some of my friends had been willing to sign up along with me. I didn't know them long but it was still nice to have company."

The prince nods, but takes a moment to dismount before answering. "The locals are always a little harder to flip, their prejudices and biases are much stronger. I'll keep working on them for a few more months, and if it doesn't work I'll put them in your care, if you wish. You can make sure they're comfortable, if it makes you feel better."

Jen smirks. "Not worried they'll flip me back to the other side once they're alone with me?"

"If anything, it's their welfare I'd be worried about. Some of my lieutenants have tended to grow rather...upset with their former colleagues, after having seen things from the other side." He gestures towards the still-groaning general a few yards away. "As you might imagine. But as I said - your prisoners, your decision. Keep them, kill them, free them, whatever you decide."

"...Hopefully I don't need to kill them. Although I'm not sure what I'm going to do with all the prisoners we took today, my castle doesn't have room for them and I've already got enough maids and butlers."

That statement does manage to provoke a reaction from the man, as his lips split in a grin. "Castle? Jen, Fort Spearbite is little more than a reinforced military camp! I just sent you there to get acquainted with your troops before leading them into battle. Fort Spearbite isn't your castle."

The Champion's brow furrows. "What? But you said I'd get a castle!"

"I did!" Xenon's hand waves through the air at the structure before them - a wide tower eight floors tall, surrounded by stone-constructed mansions, barracks, stables, thick walls, and all the other accessories a medieval stronghold needs. "Ulond's Redoubt! Now this is a castle! Nine hundred years old, and this is one of those places where the older things get, the better, you know. Enchantments all over the place for defenses, lights, running water. Room for fifteen hundred soldiers and twice that in support staff and populace, when you account for the surrounding land and structures. Room for your family, your mistress's family, and your mistress's boyfriend's family. Jen, this is your castle."

Jen's eyes grow wide, as if she's seeing the place for the first time. "What? Wait, all of this? It's mine? All I did was climb a wall and stab like, twenty people!"

"Twenty of the best fighters and mages they had on the walls, that is. Trust me, it's not the quantity of your stabbing, it's the quality of your stabbing. Now, it's not a no-strings attached gift, of course. Obviously, this is a border region, even if now the border is on the other side of the territory. There's going to be fighting here, and you'll need to take part. If you'd rather have a quieter career, you still have the option of taking up a manor back in the heartlands...but, well, it won't be this."

The woman licks her lips. "I...think maybe I could deal with doing a bit more fighting. I mean, if I'm gonna be stuck in this fantasy-ass world, I may as well do it in style, right?"

Xenon smiles, but somehow it seems as if it doesn't quite reach his eyes as he does so. "Trust me, Jen - whatever it is you're looking for in this world, you can find it. All you have to do is to reach out and take it."

She considers that for a moment, and nods her head. "...I think I can see the appeal. Maybe...being 'evil' does pay..."