After an odd conversation with Maya, I attempted to reach Zanh Kiem, but he didn't answer his phone. I sent him numerous messages, all to no avail. I even paid a visit to the Abode of Knowledge personally, but the instigating sensum seemed to have vanished. Evidently, with his knack for foresight, he sensed the future that awaited him this night if I found him. And considering the Maker is quite rational, he didn't wait for retribution and fled. He'd probably say later, "I didn't run away; I had urgent business!" What a scoundrel. That sly rogue. And the sensum probably believes he's doing everything correctly, and even for my benefit.
I had a strong desire to break his bones. Even when "Purity" seemed to vibrate in condemnation of my desire, there were undertones of doubt and potential approval in its vibration.
On the other hand, the small part of my mind that is still reasonable understands that he's not entirely to blame. The sensum might have pushed things, but he didn't instigate them. Although, it was his suggestion to confess to Maya as a distraction, and this idea likely lodged itself in my subcortex. I can't explain my spontaneous air kiss to the girl any other way. Surely the Maker couldn't have hypnotized me or something similar, could he? Who knows what high-ranking sensums can do? But, no, I'm overthinking it; he wouldn't do something like that, and the First Angel wouldn't allow it either. This kiss was purely my improvisation, a terrible one, as I now understand. Not finding the sensum, I left Metatron in a hiding place and returned to the university dormitory.
Lately, it's become a bad habit of mine: instead of falling asleep once I've hit the sack, I spend hours staring at the ceiling, mulling over my day. That's precisely what happened tonight. The nervous tension was so high that neither the Spark nor meditative techniques could help me forget it all.
The thought that our iron lady, the symbol of all the Break Knights, seemed to have fallen for someone hit me particularly hard. And I get that Maya is a young girl of only eighteen, and it's pretty normal that she met someone who stirred feelings in her. It's even natural. And it's understandable that this someone couldn't be Izao, who looks like a frail, short fifteen-year-old boy. However, there are situations when you understand everything logically, but something inside you refuses to accept the present circumstances.
Additionally, the girl's demeanor during our conversation was uncharacteristically off. She was undoubtedly quite restless. But, most assuredly, the Maker's darn plan worked! Maya clearly had no thoughts of Knighthood, BKDW, or Breakthroughs today. However, I will not express gratitude to Zanh Kiem for this. Because, as the saying goes, it was at my expense.
Going over our dialogue repeatedly, I noticed more and more oddities. Sure, Maya always behaved slightly differently around me than she did with others, but that was easily attributable to the appearance of my Projection. All these variations could be chalked up to the girl's respect for her elders and the respect I had earned in her eyes. And for a while after the death of Hyungang Tu Chong, she probably saw me as a substitute for her slain mentor. But today, she frequently avoided eye contact and appeared unusually jittery. That doesn't align with her usual behavior.
Naturally, falling in love could easily account for all this nervousness and confusion. At eighteen, emotions are heightened to their peak, and hormones are practically pouring out of one's ears. And there's no need to look far for an example: even I, with a forty-four-year-old mentality, now in the body of Izao, am subject to these emotional outbursts. I'm sure, if not for the calming effect of the Projection, I would have turned into an overly emotional teenager during these months, who, although understands everything intellectually, thinks primarily with his base instincts. Maya also spends a lot of time in the Break. But she doesn't have decades of past life to fall back on. The girl simply has nothing to rely on and nothing to compare her emotions and behavior with.
Despite that, she was peculiar today. If Izao were in my shoes, he'd probably interpret her behavior as her being in love with him, or rather, with the image of the Maestro. In general, young men tend to interpret any change in the behavior of their crush as a personal sign of them falling in love. If a girl avoids you and turns away - she must be scared to show her feelings! If she looked at you a fraction of a second longer than usual - oh, she's definitely smitten with you!! And so on; any behavior from the object of their affection is perceived through such a lens. When I was fourteen to seventeen, I made a fool out of myself three times due to such interpretations, taking any actions of girls as an unequivocal hint at a relationship. Now I am much older, and I won't make the same mistake again.
Looking at the situation objectively, Maya's infatuation, regardless of how you view it, is a positive development. She was too focused on carrying out what she deemed her Duty. After Max Kraas's death, she seemed to decide that she was responsible for everything, a burden too heavy for anyone to bear. I understand all that, but I still can't help feeling uneasy. I can't shake off my thoughts concerning "who is our lady's chosen one." No, not to hunt down the lucky guy and castrate him... definitely not for that reason.
But who could it be? Halley? He tries to mimic Kraas but fails miserably, so he can be ruled out right away. Crixus? Maybe? He's attractive, educated, intelligent, charismatic, daring, and self-assured - the quintessential "Zorro"-like noble outlaw. Girls tend to fall for types like him, easily shattering their innocent young hearts. But he doesn't seem to be Maya's type at all. Then again, who knows? You can't dictate the heart. This could explain why she's keeping her love interest a secret, and why she sees no way to make the first move and confess. In public, she acts indifferent towards Crixus. If you think about it, this could be a clue that she's anything but indifferent to the Corsican.
I tried to clear my mind and consider other potential candidates, but my brain seemed stuck on the same thought, continuously supplying reasons "for" this theory. I didn't get any sleep that night and showed up to class like a sleepwalker. It seemed my mental and emotional exhaustion had reached its peak, and no amount of crossing over to the Break and back could restore my equilibrium.
Today's first class was management. If I'd stayed in the Robotics Department, I wouldn't have had to take this subject. However, given that the "count" has his own plans for our small group, I'm forced to study disciplines that have little connection to technology.
Navigating through the pathways packed with students hurrying to lectures, I somehow managed not to bump into anyone, despite feeling as if my eyes were filled with sand from lack of sleep. About three hundred meters from the academic building I was headed to, Christian caught up with me. Instead of saying hi, he walked beside me and asked:
"Didn't get any sleep, huh?"
"I suppose it's pretty obvious," I answered lethargically.
"I was only joking yesterday. Sorry." He gave me a light pat on the shoulder. "Rejection sucks. So, if you need to talk, I'm here."
"What could one possibly talk about with you?" Claire, who had missed the beginning of the conversation, caught up with us and casually linked arms with us, as she was prone to do. "You should be talking to me!"
"Why's that?" Christian snapped in response to her words.
"Because!" The girl drawled. "I'm sma-a-a-rt!"
"And I'm also..." He regretted allowing himself to be drawn into such a simple provocation.
"And you're not!" Claire retorted.
"If you play her games, especially on her turf, you'll always end up losing," I tried to convey to Christian that he stood no chance in these bickerings as Claire seemingly lacked any sense of tact.
"So-o-o!" Claire exclaimed. "See, Izao is smart."
With this languid banter, we finally reached our classroom. They, too, seemed to have not gotten enough sleep, which made Christian somewhat sluggish and Claire even ruder than usual.
The medium-sized hall was almost full and since there were no free seats available next to each other, we had to sit in separate corners. The majority of the students waiting for the lecture to begin were nobles. No, it was not my Spark that hinted that, but the clan signs on their clothes. Some foreign students from the military department were present as well. Maya, perched at a corner table, was preoccupied with her belongings. She seemed distracted and didn't spare a glance around, which was perhaps for the best.
My state could be best described as "lousy," leading me to make the mistake of taking the first available seat. I quickly realized my blunder when I pulled out my notebook and surveyed the room. To my right, at the next table, sat none other than Ketsu Sugawara. My already dismal mood plummeted even further. Fortunately, the Japanese guy didn't seem to notice me; he was busy with his own affairs. Otherwise, I might have reacted inadequately if he decided to provoke me again. I had no intention of getting into a conflict with the noble.
The lecture began as usual but soon transitioned into an interactive form. It seemed that the lecturer believed in engaging his students actively and preferred game-based teaching methods. Most of the students weren't surprised as they had experienced his teaching style before. However, this proved problematic for me as I had planned to sleep with my eyes open during the lecture, a feat impossible to achieve in this format.
The lecture's topic was profits, not in the financial sense but in terms of interactions with other people and organizations.
After the first half hour, the lecturer organized a large-scale game among the students. The rules were simple: forty students were divided into ten groups, and each group could exchange messages with the others during their turn. The messages could only contain either a plus or a minus. If both groups sent pluses, each received three points. If they exchanged minuses, both groups received a penalty of two points. If a group sent a plus and received a minus, they were penalized five points, and the group that sent the minus was rewarded with these five points. The objective of this game was to generate a profit in points. Conversations or other information exchanges between groups were strictly prohibited, with only the "plus" or "minus" notes allowed.
According to Murphy's law, I ended up on the same team as Ketsu. But with my luck, how could it have turned out any differently? Besides Ketsu, the group included two more shapeshifters, both from prominent clans.
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The lecturer gave us only five minutes to prepare for the game. Almost all of that time was spent bickering among my team over who should take the lead, each boasting about their clan's seniority and merit. I kept my peace and listened, although there were moments when I was itching to interject. The selection of a group leader was part of the task. Frankly, I thought we would be disqualified since the three of them couldn't agree on anything. As time ran out, their argument escalated, and no semblance of compromise was in sight. They had a valid reason to squabble though, as the group's decision on what to send, a plus or minus, was solely the leader's call, while the opinions of the others were merely consultative.
"Enough!" A broad-shouldered guy with coarse features from the Wire-haired Boars clan slammed his hand on the table twenty seconds before the deadline. "We'll never reach an agreement this way!" Finally, they seemed to get it. "Let's choose a compromise candidate." He glanced at me, read my name on the badge, and pointed. "Him..."
"What?" A student from the Alpine Cat clan began to protest. "You want me to obey a common-blooded?!"
"Five seconds remaining to select a leader," called the lecturer's loud voice, reverberating throughout the classroom.
To my surprise, Ketsu raised his hand, backing the broad-shouldered guy. The "cat" grumbled a bit more, but when the deadline approached, he relented, and our four joined tables were christened "Vaillant Corporation".
As it turned out, some teams didn't even pass this simple stage. Four of them were disqualified for failing to agree on a leader. It reminded me of the history from my world when nobles would fight among themselves for the right to command in battle, often losing the said battle before even facing the enemy.
Our lecturer's assistant indicated which groups we'd be exchanging notes with in the first round, then promptly stepped aside.
Each round was allocated five minutes. During this time, we had to send notes to all groups we were assigned to for the current round. While it wasn't a lot of time, it was sufficient for a game convention.
If I were on my own, I would send pluses to everyone, round after round. It seemed to me that I grasped the point of this task. Additionally, the game's rules didn't state that the one who scored the most points would ultimately win. But this last nuance was irrelevant to the shapeshifters; they wanted to outshine everyone else and that was it. They seemed intelligent, but their ambition clouded their judgment. Even the usually composed Sugawara was getting worked up.
How am I supposed to act as the 'leader'? Clearly, I can't just play by my own rules. The last thing I want is to offend the pride of three shapeshifters simultaneously - and for no substantial reason at that. It would be easier for me to lose than to deal later with the fallout from defending my stance.
However, once the three nobles on my team started their deliberations, all traces of sleepiness vanished. Where else could I gain such insights? These nobles would surely send us a minus because they have a leader whose clan is at odds with the 'boar's' clan. The next one, on the other hand, are allies with the 'cat' and will send us a plus. With the other participants, the situation was not so straightforward, but it was more than interesting to listen to their discussions. Surprisingly, even Ketsu managed to acquire both allies and adversaries during his short time in Wilflaes, which we now had to take into account.
What I initially perceived as a simple financial game turned out to be a simulation of clan diplomacy. For instance, if I were to just sent a plus to everyone, my respect would be lost. The concept of working for the 'common good' is nebulous to the clans, but being seen as a 'pushover' is unacceptable and a stain on both your personal and your clan's reputation. The game's complexity was amplified by the fact that negotiation or any form of signal exchange was prohibited. One team tried to bypass this rule by including something other than the allowed symbol in their note, leading to their immediate disqualification.
In essence, instead of the leader, I found myself playing the role of a secretary, simply sending out notes as instructed. I lacked the necessary knowledge to effectively contribute to the discussions, and voicing opinions without solid reasoning would be unseemly. Moreover, with three nobles on my team and only the option of sending a plus or a minus to others, even in contentious situations, there was always a majority opinion, which I followed.
"It's unclear with these," the 'boar' muttered, scratching his head when it was our turn to interact with a group that included Christian and Claire in the fifth round. "They seem to have a common-blooded girl as their leader."
"Yes!" the 'cat' confirmed, "She subdued everyone, even the clansmen. She's quite attractive, by the way... I wouldn't mind 'submitting' to someone like her myself," he added with a suggestive wink.
"Check the symbol on her badge before you propose making her your concubine," the 'boar' retorted with a grin. It was a joke; the institution's rules strictly forbade students from becoming concubines.
"Izao," Ketsu gestured to me, momentarily grimacing at the mention of concubines. "Has the same symbol."
"We're in the same group," I spoke up for the first time during the game.
All three nobles turned their gaze on me.
"The girl's name is Claire. I'm fairly certain she'll send us a minus. Not because she dislikes me personally, but due to her nature," I explained, answering their silent inquiry.
"So we'll send them a minus too!" the 'boar' declared, rubbing his hands together.
"However, I would still send them a plus," I argued, defending my stance. "I'll continue to study alongside them, and showing goodwill towards them seems like the right choice."
"Nobody asked your opinion," the 'cat' retorted snidely.
"Exactly," the 'boar' agreed.
"I vote sending a plus," Sugawara unexpectedly sided with me.
His statement stirred confusion at our table and incited an argument among the three. They were torn between gaining extra points or accommodating me. The argument didn't last long since neither the 'cat' nor the 'boar' considered the desires and opinions of someone they deemed a 'commoner' like me. Resultantly, the votes split evenly for the first time during the game.
It dawned on me then, the trap I had cornered myself into. I couldn't change my stance to avoid disappointing two clan members simultaneously, as it would ultimately lead to a complete loss of respect in the eyes of everyone.
As the lecturer's assistant approached us, I sent a plus to Claire and Christian's group, inciting an intense reaction at my table. Only Ketsu remained undisturbed, though for a fleeting moment, I thought I detected a flicker of respect in the Japanese guy's eyes.
"If they send us a minus, you'll answer to us," the 'boar' warned me, with the 'cat' nodding in agreement.
Unfortunately, my prediction came true. Claire gained five points from us and we lost the same amount.
In the end, Maya's team had the highest score. No one was foolish enough to send a minus towards an open Break Knight, known for her formidable character. Claire's team secured the second place. Our team was just above average, with a total gain of two points.
After the announcement of the results, the lecturer proceeded to analyze the entire game. It was quite a rigorous critique. Given that the teacher himself was of noble birth, a marquis no less, he didn't hold back in his comments. He had words for everyone, well, everyone except for Maya. He pointed out that if we viewed all the participants as a single financial entity, say a state, then based on the game's outcome, "our state" was essentially bankrupt! The collective score of all the teams had turned out to be in the red. He noted that this disastrous result stemmed from everyone's focus on racking up as many points for themselves as possible, rather than adopting a strategic approach. It was so simple, he emphasized, that even an elementary schooler could figure out that if each team only sent pluses to others, everyone would ultimately come out on top.
As the lecturer spoke, I struggled to suppress my grin - much to the chagrin of the clan members on my team, their faces etched with bitter discontent. They were raised on the principle that their clan and people were paramount, above all else. The lecturer argued that if they had sought admission to the country's premier university, they likely harbored aspirations of a career, even at the state level. To achieve that, they would need to shed this "provincial mindset" or risk remaining confined within the boundaries of their clans. I found myself engrossed in the lecture, making mental notes of all the subtle, veiled, and indirect insults that one couldn't retaliate against without appearing foolish. The lecturer was indeed skilled in this regard - it was a delightful spectacle.
It was a strange lesson, spanning across two merged classes, but that didn't make it any less interesting. True, a couple of nobles now sharpening their claws at me. However, my disagreements with them were trivial and posed no real threat. Additionally, I was banking on the "Count of Runar's" patronage shielding me from any petty vengeance from the clansmen. What troubled me was Sugawara unexpectedly siding with me. I found his actions puzzling, which left me feeling somewhat uneasy.
When the bell finally rang, I sought an opportunity to engage Ketsu in conversation, to gauge his stance and ascertain what I could expect from him. However, my attempt was met with cold indifference as the Japanese student strolled past me as if I didn't exist.
"Would you look at that!" My ever-present classmates materialized beside me. "Your 'smart guy' has been rejected again, for the second time in two days!" Christian jeered, flashing a triumphant grin at Claire. "Only this time it's not a girl, but a guy..." He had evidently witnessed the entire scene of Sugawara ignoring me. "Izao... come clean, should I be wary of turning my back on you?"
"That kind of humor doesn't make you any smarter," Claire defended me, causing the dark-haired guy to blush before steering the conversation in a different direction as we exited the building. "By the way, Izao, why did you send us a plus? I'm certain your clan members intended to send us a minus. Was it a miscalculation?"
"It wasn't. It was my decision," I responded as we settled on an available bench.
"He's not smart - he's an idiot!" Christian dramatically feigned tearing at his hair. "To go against the clansmen, not over something consequential, but a mere game..."
"Ah, therein lies the difference between you two!" Claire pointed at him. "That's why, despite his youth and delicacy, Izao is a man, and you are still a boy."
"What do you mean?" The dark-haired guy sprang up at her words.
"Because you only see what's happening right in front of you, while Izao looks beyond."
"How so?" The guy was visibly bewildered.
"He risks little by investing in the future," the girl explained, adjusting her ponytails before continuing. "Yes, he might have provoked the clansmen, but he compelled them to acknowledge him, even if it was over something trivial." Then she turned to me and posed the question again. "So why did you send us a plus? You knew I sent you a minus."
"How could he have known that?" Christian was puzzled.
"Holy heavens!" The girl threw up her hands. "If you managed to get seventh place in the tests, does that mean the majority of students are even dumber than you?!" She shook her head as if to dispel a nightmare. "Oh no! I'm surrounded by idiots!"
"Did you really know we would send you a minus?" Christian ignored the girl's dramatics and turned to me.
"I had a hunch," I replied vaguely.
"But how?" Christian exclaimed with the intonation of a baffled Dr. Watson[1].
"Well, for starters, the way Claire was looking at one of the nobles at my table, it was pretty clear she had crossed paths with him before and didn't think highly of him."
"Right," The girl confirmed my observation. "That Sirt Omaro from the Alpine Cats is a real piece of work; he looks at women as if they're objects. I even suspected he would send Lady Grimm a minus; he's old-fashioned like that, thinks a woman should know her place and never be in charge." She was right - the "cat" had intended to send Maya's team a minus, but Sugawara and the "boar" had disagreed. "And..."
"And then your character comes into play," I interjected.
"And what's wrong with my character?" Claire asked innocently.
"Malicious," I summed up in a single word.
"Malicious?! Just malicious?" Christian gasped at my comment. "That's an understatement!"
"So why did you send us a plus?" The girl wasn't satisfied with my answer.
"Because Christian is a good guy?" I responded with a rhetorical question.
"And that's it?" She wasn't letting it go.
"And you're quite attractive," I added, keeping a straight face.
"Really?!" Claire frowned, then clapped her hands. "That makes sense!" She jumped up from the bench and urged us to do the same. "Let's grab a bite - we don't have much time before the next class."
"Hold on!" Christian wriggled out of her grip. "So, 'you are attractive' explains everything?"
"Of course!" She affirmed, then narrowed her eyes as if sizing him up. "Or are you saying I'm not?"
"I'm not..." Christian covered his mouth, but the damage was done.
No, with them around, I definitely felt more at ease. Even my fatigue seemed to fade, unable to compete with the energy exuded by this duo.
[1] TLN: probably refers to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnDcQJcHqtU