An unfamiliar girl walked past our table, giving a quick wave. However, she immediately blushed faintly, as if embarrassed by her own gesture, turned away, and hurriedly left for another section of the university cafeteria. Though her blush was barely visible, Christian, who was sitting across from me, turned as red as if he had just swallowed an entire handful of extra spicy peppers.
This spectacle didn't escape Claire's attention. My classmate put aside the just-started yogurt package, paused, clasped her hands together, and tilted her head inquisitively. This only caused Christian's ears to turn an even deeper shade of red. Judging by the gleam in the girl's eyes, she didn't miss that either.
"So-o-o-o-o..." Claire began, drawling as she unclasped her hands, "our little crow has a girlfriend, I see!"
"She's not my girlfriend..." Christian tried to protest, but his voice betrayed him, slipping into an awkward falsetto. He quickly fell silent.
"Oh, sure, and I'm blind!" scoffed our sarcastic classmate, leaning back in her chair with a tongue click.
"We simply had a pleasant conversation yesterday," Christian managed to say, recovering quickly, "and we agreed to meet up for a walk after her classes today."
"A walk... today..." Claire hissed as if she were a snake that had been stepped on, abruptly leaning forward.
Her reaction was so unexpected that I jerked back, nearly falling off my chair, which had been balanced precariously on two of its hind legs while I sipped my juice through a straw.
"What's gotten into you?" Christian exclaimed, practically jumping out of his seat and instinctively shielding himself from her with an empty plate, as if this absurd barrier could somehow provide protection.
"You're being unfaithful, aren't you?" Claire retorted, her tone shifting as she began to examine the nails on her left hand.
"Unfaithful to whom?" Christian asked, clearly confused. "Who am I playing games with?"
"To me!" Claire responded icily, her voice cutting through the air like a chilly breeze.
"What do you mean 'to you'?" Christian was clearly perplexed, unable to comprehend the direction the conversation was taking.
"Who was it that told me I was beautiful?" Claire asked, defiantly bending one finger. "Charming." She bent another finger. "Intelligent. Lovely. Unique." She clenched her fist and held out her other hand. "Enchanting. Dazzling..."
"Wait, wait, wait!" Christian interrupted, waving his hands. "I did say those things!" he admitted. "But they were just compliments, and you made it abundantly clear..."
"You gave a girl hope!" Claire cut him off with a dramatic roll of her eyes. "And then..." She turned toward the section of the cafeteria where the stranger had disappeared. "You started seeing someone else! How could you?!"
It was clear to me that Claire was merely teasing, but for a brief moment, Christian seemed to take her words to heart. A flicker of hope flashed in his eyes, but it quickly shattered under the weight of the girl's sly smile.
"Again, you..." He frowned in response. "Can't you go even a day without jokes?"
"As if you're any better, pf-f-f-f," Claire dismissed his words.
Their banter, for the first time in a long while, brought a faint smile to my face, which had been previously frozen like a wax mask. The shift in my expression, the first in many days, didn't escape the notice of those sitting at the same table with me.
"Wow! Look!" Exclaiming lightly while poking Christian's hand with a fork, Claire announced, "It's alive!"
"A-a-a-ah!" My classmate responded in theatrical horror, albeit quietly, so as not to draw too much attention to our table, playing along with her.
To be honest, their reaction was largely justified. Two weeks had passed since the disastrous Breakthrough where I lost my Padawan. Or rather, if I'm honest with myself - that Breakthrough where a young guy who placed his trust in me, who had his entire life ahead of him, was killed following my command.
Something within me died in that moment, and my soul froze, turning into a block of ice. The End of the World, the extension of the Treaty between regular people and the shapeshifters... All of this receded into the background, becoming distant. Everything else was eclipsed by an overwhelming guilt. For the first three days, I couldn't sleep at all, and even when I closed my eyes, I immediately saw the face of the boy who called himself Baenre. The one his parents named Benedict. On the fourth day after the closure of the Breakthrough, I pulled myself together and visited his family, personally telling them about their son's heroism. The emotional toll it took on me is best left unspoken - since that visit, I have a streak of gray hair above my left temple. Gray hair that even the Break can't heal.
For two weeks, I was functioning like an automaton: I carried out my duties, attended university, conducted training, and responded to any questions with monosyllabic answers. In fact, I even missed the election of the new head of BKDW, abstaining from voting and not taking any sides.
Zanh Kiem tried three times to pull me out from the depths of my self-inflicted torment, but eventually gave up, muttering something along the lines of, "Time will heal." It seemed to me then that these were just empty words, but now, unexpectedly feeling a smile on my face, I have to admit - the Maker, as always, was right.
No, I didn't suddenly forget about the tragedy. My soul didn't thaw instantly, but the iceberg it had transformed into started showing some cracks. And for this, I owe my gratitude to the noisy, perpetually bickering duo, Claire and Christian. Their seemingly habitual squabbling, for some reason, managed to shatter the shell of my detachment.
For all the recent days at university, I wasn't bothered by anyone; quite the opposite, everyone was polite. And it wasn't due to them discovering my raig identity. No, the cause was different. Shiko, the second raig who perished in the last Breakthrough, had actually attended the same high school as me and graduated a year earlier. For three years, he and I participated in the same school club. A rumor quickly spread through the university, possibly even instigated by the faculty, claiming that we were close friends in our everyday lives, which is why I was so profoundly affected by the death of the Break Knight.
I indeed miss Shiko. He wasn't particularly extraordinary but was dependable, always turning up exactly where he was required. He died a valiant knight.
You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.
The memories erased the smile from my face, but I could still detect a trace of it, which I interpreted as a positive sign.
"No!" Christian asserted, waving his hand and showing slight irritation upon noticing the change in my emotions. "It wasn't. You just imagined it."
"Well..." Claire leaned forward deliberately and started examining me closely. "There was definitely something. I saw it."
She carefully lifted her hand and moved it towards my face. Seeing no objection from me, she grew more audacious and used two fingers to stretch the corners of my lips into a smile.
"Exactly!" she exclaimed, turning to Christian. "There was something like this!"
"You're seeing things; it was a mirage," the classmate responded, shaking his head.
Claire quickly pulled away her hand as she felt me start to recoil. Despite her typically unreserved demeanor, she demonstrated tact and understanding when needed.
"A mirage? Perhaps," the redhead agreed before shifting the conversation. "But I definitely didn't mishear about your date today."
"I wouldn't rush to label a simple walk as a date," Christian responded, a hint of doubt visible in him.
"Ah!" Claire threw up her hands. "Spill it! How did you two meet? What did you talk about yesterday? And what's her name?"
"Enough!" the guy shielded himself behind an empty plate again. "Nothing is settled yet."
"Well... do you like her? Actually, don't answer; I saw you blushing, so you clearly do."
"Mary, her name is Mary," the dark-haired lad exhaled heavily, realizing she wouldn't let him off the hook easily. "A freshman from the Humanities Department."
"And how did such an idiot muster the courage to strike up a conversation with an unfamiliar girl?" Claire asked incredulously.
"We accidentally bumped into each other in the hallway; she was carrying a folder and her notes scattered," Christian shrugged.
"I can't believe it!" I felt like the redhead interrogator was genuinely taken aback. "A boy and a girl accidentally collide in a hallway, and papers fly everywhere. The boy starts to help, and their hands momentarily touch... Doesn't that sound familiar?"
"Do I need to be reminded of something?" The guy seemed confused.
"Sure, any manga or anime about school or student life!" Claire rolled her eyes.
"But that's really how it happened!" The dark-haired guy protested.
"I believe you, I believe you." The girl extended both palms forward in a conciliatory gesture.
Seizing the moment of silence, Christian defiantly checked his watch and began to clear the table.
"I have a lecture in an hour, and I also planned to visit the library." The guy seemed to make this up on the spot, intending to dodge the interrogation his classmate was subjecting him to.
"What a coincidence," Claire chuckled, "I also need to find a certain monograph."
"O-o-oh..." Christian deflated, his shoulders drooping in defeat.
Throughout their exchange, Claire never took her eyes off me, as if searching for confirmation of the smile that briefly crossed my face. In general, for the past two weeks, this pair treaded lightly around me. They kept strangers away, took over almost all of my formal student duties, and so on. And all this time, I appeared not to notice their help, taking everything around me for granted. This wasn't fair; I would need to find the right words to thank them later.
Following the routine we'd established recently, I gathered up the dishes like my classmates and left the dining hall. As I descended from the porch, the pair turned towards me and waved their hands listlessly. I returned their gesture with a lazy wave of my own. This simple movement brought a slight smile to Claire's face, as just yesterday, I hadn't reacted to such actions at all.
The gently bickering couple disappeared around the corner, and I continued to stand on the porch like a statue. Everything around seemed different: the foliage and grass were too green, the birdsong too melodious, and the nearby human voices didn't irritate me. Descending the stairs, I relished the rustle of sand under my feet, which sounded soothing.
Pausing, I lifted my face to the sky, allowing the sun's rays to hit it, and after a couple of seconds, instinctively extended my arms in a satisfying stretch. My vertebrae instantly responded to this simple yet almost forgotten movement, clicking back into their proper places.
Life was buzzing around me, enveloping me, flowing beside me. These past two weeks, my pain and sorrow had effectively isolated me from this vibrant world like an impenetrable barrier. What worsened my depressed state was my Spark, which usually drew energy from the surrounding World, but being cut off, it began to draw energy from me. So far, nothing terrible or even harmful had happened to me, but if I continued to live like this for a month, it could have irreversible effects on my health.
Stepping away from the bustling students, I stretched again and, using the technique Zanh Kiem taught me, dispersed the energy shell I'd involuntarily created from overwhelming guilt. Instant relief didn't come, nor did I instantly forget everything that had transpired, and it certainly didn't become easier to handle. No, the harsh reality was that this weight... it would never disappear or lighten, but I had to learn to live with it. Live with its constant, oppressive presence. This simple realization made my teeth clench so tightly that my jaw almost cramped.
Rubbing my face with my hands, I opened my eyes wide and scanned my surroundings again. Everything appeared more vibrant, as if I had transitioned from watching a black-and-white TV to suddenly looking out of a window. Even the air seemed fresher, invigorating, and alive. It was hard to find an apt comparison for my current state. It was as though I was a mortally wounded warrior whose injuries had miraculously begun to heal, and I knew that as long as I didn't surrender, I would survive and return to duty.
Moving off the beaten path, I spread my arms, lifted my head, and spun around, replenishing my depleted Spark. However, I stopped quickly. No amount of spinning could restore my energy state in a mere few minutes or even hours. That could wait until later, perhaps tonight. For now, my actions could draw unwanted and unnecessary attention.
Less than an hour remained until the next lecture, and frankly, I could skip it. Our special group was treated with more leniency when it came to attendance. This leniency, however, was balanced by the fact that we were questioned about the material almost twice as much as the other students. So far, this hadn't posed any problems. But that was only because I was essentially recalling previously learned material. I wasn't sure how I'd fare with new subjects in the future or if I'd fall behind the rest of the group.
But that didn't concern me much. One had to survive the looming End of Everything to face it. This simple thought, rather than plunging me back into depression, filled me with energy. I firmly understood, with every fibre of my being, that I had to prevent the Cataclysm. I had to, or else all the sacrifices, including Baenre's death, would be in vain. And that was something I simply couldn't allow to happen, definitely not!
In response to an obscure instinct, I sprang up and executed a textbook mawashi geri, knocking an unsuspecting dragonfly out of its flight path with my heel. At the last second, I eased my foot and knee, allowing the dragonfly to recover mid-air and continue flying as though nothing happened. I had no intention of hurting it; the poor insect was blameless in my current predicament.
Tracking the dragonfly's flight, I was preparing to head back to the dorm when a distinctive hazy shadow caught my eye. The shadow moved at high speed, leaping from one tree top to another, heading towards the coast.
A mental mechanism, fueled by my paranoia and seemingly dormant for a while, sprang to life. I evaluated my position on the island and estimated the proximity of "blind spots" - places where I could shift into the Break undetected. The nearest one was merely a few hundred meters away. Quickly but not running, so as not to draw unnecessary attention, I left the path and ventured deeper into a small grove.
I fervently hoped that this shadow was Ungor, who had vanished and hadn't even been present at the last Breakthrough repulsion. I wanted to see him and check if he was okay. After all, he was one of the strongest Break Knights, a third-level raig. Of course, the shadow could have been Maya, but from my observations, she usually traversed the university island at a slower pace. And there was always the chance that there were other Knights at the university. Identifying such a "newcomer" would also be valuable.
Upon reaching the right spot, I leaned against a massive boulder and surveyed my surroundings. Then, activating the Spark, I immersed myself in a brief ten-second meditation. Only after ensuring the coast was clear, did I cross over to the Break.
"Ra-a-a-a-a-i-i-i-ig!!!"
Even this familiar roar of the universe now sounded somewhat different, deeper, sharper, more defiant.