Everyone blamed it on the ale. That’s all I could do. My head hurt like I did drink a lot of ale but I started to remember the flashbacks I just had. I winced as the sharp pain came through. I grew irritated because these weren’t my memories - at least not anymore. Why do I have to be plagued with this stranger’s memory?
I growled as I got up with irritation. I shouldn’t have to get up with this stranger’s burden. It’s not my memory; it’s not me! I could hardly recognize myself as the other person. From the short life I relived, there was hardly anything I recognized as myself. And it made me angry that whatever higher beings were out there thought I was that pitiful creature!
From an early age, it seemed that my ‘parents’ rejected me in favor of a big box that had different variations of humans on it - flashing in and out. And in a place with other, smaller humans, they seemed to accept me at first until I was about 13 years old. That’s when it changed - the people I considered friends seemed to reject me as I started to get an interest in things they found weird. I don’t even remember what ‘I’ was into; I just knew that people found it weird. They moved on without me and even now, I can feel the bitterness that stayed behind after all of that - but then again, ‘I’ had nothing but bitterness in my heart up until the end.
Other scenes included times where I would stuff myself with food that didn’t taste all that great but it was the closest thing to something I could get my hands on. However, I was angry. Why did I live such a pathetic life? Was there nothing I could do? I was angry, though, that I could only now have a mother who seemed to care for me and an older sister who acknowledges me.
And a father who did his best to protect a human witch.
I can’t say that all of my feelings for Daisy had been rosy and sweet. Moments like these, especially these, reminds me that she was the one who caused my father to die. I don’t know the whole story but my father defied our society in his last wish. I refuse to believe that he protected her at this particular moment.
Somehow, it was still nighttime. I forget how much longer these nights tend to be so I decided to take a stroll down my village.
There was still no name for it yet. I remember my father told me once the reason why was because they didn’t want humans to find it and to take our territory away. It made perfect sense to me but now I wonder how the Orcs find us whenever it’s the Day of Picking if it’s so important for us to remain in hiding.
Then again, maybe that’s why they only ever have one Orc come down to pick a small number of trolls to accompany them. It’s weird to say that I’m not that worried about the Day of Picking. I always had a feeling that they would pick me no matter what - I worked hard, sure, and I hunted as much as any other troll.
But the one troll I couldn’t get out of my head was Zoti. Aside from her confession, that was one troll I worried about. I believe in her and I still do. I realized that nothing in myself changed after she confessed to me - I still need to give her an answer, don’t I?
On one hand, I didn’t want to reject her so close to the Day of Picking - she needs her strength and wit about her and I can’t be the reason why she failed. This is what she built her life up for - to no longer be a curse in our village, but to represent it instead. It’s an honor for her to go but I need to get her there.
And the flashes in my mind won’t stop me.
I stopped in front of my mother’s hut and I took in a deep breath. Once I let it out, it was like the last of the bitterness left me. I still don’t understand why I was reincarnated into this life as a troll. I don’t understand why I just had to remember that other life. That’s not me. That will never be me. No, because I have my fam--
“Yaci, is that boy still out? I need to talk to you about him. Because I think Shaman Anje was right all along.”
“Eh, Ayagi’s alright. He hunts fine. What do you mean that Shaman Anje was right all along? He’s a strange shaman anyway. Hey, leave Grandma Valja alone!”
I heard my mother chuckle at Yaci’s youngling. I could see their silhouettes by the candlelight at the far end of the hut but I knew they couldn’t see me. Mother never liked putting the candlelight by the front of the hut - she always said it would bring unwelcome visitors. This worked in my favor so long as I stood in one place and listened in.
“It’s alright, it’s alright. He’s just curious about Grandma Valja. It’s a pity that he’ll never know his Grandfather Juma. Anyway, I had talked with him a bit earlier today after Ayagi went with his party. He told me a secret - no matter what we would’ve done, the boy will always regain his memories.
“That star on his belly was a marker, after all, of tragic things to come. We probably should’ve taken Shaman Jabir more seriously when he was alive but at least Shaman Anje is here to guide me in the right direction.”
“Mother, Shaman Anje is strange. I don’t remember Shaman Jabir that much but why are you listening to the ravings of a Mad Shaman?”
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“Yaci, Yaci, you don’t understand. We trolls are a proud race. And a proud race listens to their wise men. Shaman Anje came from a long line of proud shamen and there’s no way he would steer us wrong. Did you know that Shaman Jabir was his father? Yes, your troubled look tells me that you don’t quite understand and maybe as youngling Jojin grows up, you’ll understand more. Shamen are our leaders in troubled times and ever since your father died, he’s been a great supporter of mine while Ayagi does his hunts and raids.
“Shaman Anje apologized to me after you went to bed after we wailed that night. He wondered why we mourned and I explained to him how Ayagi discovered Grandfather Juma’s body outside the village. He sighed and explained to me that his father explained about a youngling that matched Ayagi’s description who led the creature to his demise.”
“What? There’s no way Ayagi would have Father killed!”
“Hush, my child. Most likely the creature followed Ayagi when he somehow made it out the village and Grandfather Jomu attacked him to protect him. Your father always had a soft heart and I know you never hear me say that he ruined my life as other trolls had… but those were thoughts I kept secret in my heart. Shaman Anje explained to me how weak Juma truly was and how Ayagi had been here all along to curse our family.”
“Mother…You don’t believe that. Do you?”
I heard enough. Even if he protected that human witch or me, he still died from the attack. I opened the hut’s door and tried my best to hide my anger as I entered. But I stomped towards where Mother and Yaci, and her youngling, and I couldn’t relax. It built up so quickly.
“Ayagi, where have you been?” She asked so casually. Yaci turned around and I saw they sat around a lit campfire. The youngling had climbed to the top of her head and babbled at me, curiously. The youngling was only a few years old but seemed so curious. “Did you go out and party again? You could’ve brought home some food.”
Yaci visibly winced. “Come on, Jojin, let’s go home. Your father might be home from the raid as well.” She stood up and I could see how much she’s grown from our life here. She waddled over and picked up Jojin who seemed to not understand the situation in the room. Jojin babbled and tried to reach up and grab my necklace but Yaci grabbed his stubby arms away. He ended up pinching a part of my star birthmark, supposedly the cursed mark that brought ruin to our family.
It didn’t take much longer for Yaci to leave. She had always… been as mindful about the situations than most trolls. Others found it unusual, but not so unusual that it bothered them. However, my anger wasn’t towards Yaci. She seemed to defend me from mother’s words and someone who tried to understand me… However, it didn’t seem that she was fazed by the two leaving.
Once Yaci left, it was once again my mother and myself. She watched me as she waited for an answer.
“Well? Are you going to stand there, slack-jawed?”
“Did you mean what you said about me and...father? Did he ruin your life?”
“Can you answer a simple question first?”
“Mother, please.”
“Don’t ‘mother, please’ me. You’re 22 years old and the Day of Picking is coming. You should be prepared. Oh, unless you too are going to sacrifice your position for Zoti?”
“Mother, I’m more than prepared. I don’t think you realized that they’re choosing more trolls these days to go to the Orc village. Our population certainly has grown and so have the Orc ranks.” I shook my head and I felt my jowls move. “Mother, no. You’re changing the subject. Did you mean what you said about me? About… Father?”
“Hm,” She seemed to search for an answer. She always did this when we argued and it irritated me to no end. “Well, there’s no doubt in my mind that I loved your Father, but the time without him left me wondering… if I wasn’t in love, would I have gone on to become a great Hunter for the Orcs? Yaci didn’t get picked for her era of Picking… and you’re doing more partying than hunting. And you’re spending a lot of time with that Zoti troll.
“Let’s say that I have regrets in my life and I’m too old to do anything about it.”
I still felt hurt by that. I took a step back and I saw my mother in a whole different light. I had always thought she accepted my father’s strangeness.
“Regardless, I have decided to give up on you, Ayagi. That Zoti troll is cursed. With your star, if you get with her, you’ll doom her to death just as you’ve doomed your father.”
“But… I didn’t lead the Zegnati to Father. When I found him, he was already dead!”
“Yes, because the Zegnati was following you. Jomu was trailing behind you and he stupidly attacked first.”
I gritted my teeth. I felt hot with anger and I balled up my fists. Mother just sat there as she lied about that day. And I wouldn’t let her. There’s no way I would just let her!
“That’s not true at all! The Zegnati attacked a human witch! Father took a blow for her and she killed it in its stance! I only found his body after it happened! She told me that herself!”
She grew angry and then got up. Compared to me, she was way older and her body sagged if rocks could sag. Her skin was a lighter grey than what I remembered - a sign of a troll getting older. We both knew she didn’t have the strength to fight me, not that she could. Over the years, she had to use a walking stick I had made for her when her legs couldn’t sustain her weight.
“What did you say? Did you keep a human witch alive? Did he save a human witch’s life? Ow! Ow!” She stood up once and sat back down when she seemed to feel the pains in her legs. She kept groaning in pain as the surprise and shock seemed to wear off. “Ayagi! Why would you tell me such a ghastly thing?”
“I-I don’t know! But I wanted you to know the truth about that day. Father isn’t a hunter, sure, and he may have held you back but he saved that girl! And that girl saved me!”
“She what? Did she save you? Is that the truth about your necklace?” She used her stick to point to the necklace around my neck. “I knew it, I knew it. You better leave, Ayagi. You better leave this village because if you stay here any longer, I will have Shaman Anje dispose of you.”
“I knew it. I knew it all along.” She started to slam her walking stick against the ground. Dirt started to kick up and she started to cough. However, she wouldn’t stop. “I knew it, I knew it all along. Shaman Anje was right all along… All along… All along, Shaman Jabir was too kind to you to let you live… Your father was too kind to let you live… Get out of here. Get out of here!”
I didn’t know what else to do as the tension grew around me and as she grew louder and louder. I knew her voice could carry so much across the village.
So, I listened to her. And so, I ran out of the hut.