I don’t know when I ran out of the village; my hut had been behind for quite some time. Should I even call it ‘my hut’ anymore? My mother probably declared me dead and this made me wonder if Yaci would even notice. We weren’t particularly close but even though she seemed to have spoken up for me, she’ll fall in line eventually. They always seem to do that anyway eventually. Mother had that secret about Father and myself for years… What made me think Yaci was anything different?

Eventually, I was tired out from running. Dawn had long since broken so I assumed it was early morning. I knew I eventually reached the Heaven-Reaching Mountains when I could easily see them in the distance so I decided to take a little break. I was far enough away and building a temporary campsite wasn’t all that unusual to me.

However, now that I’m not part of a raid party or a hunting party or any party, I probably shouldn’t get too comfortable being on my own. Not only I have to be on the lookout for troll hunters and the witches leading them, but my village might also send someone to get me - to kill me.

All those years ago, the village chief declared his son dead. I remember my mother was muttering about how they should’ve sent someone anyway. I remember when another troll tried to escape but they caught her… and brought back her head as a trophy.

I don’t remember why she left in the first place if I’ve ever known, but I still shuddered at the idea of being hunted by my own people. I don’t want to be but because of what I revealed to Mother, it’s not out of the realm of possibility.

A wave of familiar bitterness came over me and it made me angry but it soon left me as I felt hungry. I doused out my small campfire with some dirt around it and decided to walk around the area to see what food was available to me. Before I left, I looked back at the site and decided to stomp it out. Maybe it might be obvious to whoever was nearby that someone was there, but if someone were to hunt me… maybe they might think I’ve long since gone.

Other trolls from my village are decent hunters and with the Day of Picking getting closer, I would hope the festivities would distract them long enough to get away. I don’t want to meet the other end of Zoti’s hunting skills.

I wandered around and noticed that some of the grass and dirt wore a bright mixture of green and brown and blue - teal. And I stopped myself from stepping in that direction. From my memory, my troll memory, teal fauna meant that I’m close to the Teal Channel - a river that went through this forest that my mother once warned me about in my years as a youngling.

“Ayagi, you see how this flower is half teal?”

I don’t remember what I said.

“Boy, you shouldn’t say those words. Your father was already strange; you don’t want those rumors to target you.” I listened. “No, she wouldn’t because this teal color means that it’s dangerous. If you pick this flower, the side of the teal means that the river is near. You can’t drink from this river and you can’t touch it without hurting yourself.”

“You know we trolls are mostly impervious to magic, except fire, but we’re not immune to poisons. This river is dangerous. The Teal Death is awful. When you see the fauna like this, you need to tread very carefully.

“However, if you’re ever being hunted by humans, and you have no other choice, drink this water. It’ll be a miserable death but no part of your body could be used for their sick trophies. If they touch you, they’ll die a quicker death than you. If you never come back, and the shaman detects teal, your mother will understand.”

I started at the ground before me and I thought about everything that transpired only hours ago. I could treat this as any other camping trip and get some meat to eat. Did that just happen? Did it really happen? Am I just on a trip and I can casually go back?

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But I couldn’t. And the person I once was … am I going through the same fate as they did? They had a weak heart and that’s why they died. It seemed ‘I’ had a heart condition and it couldn’t take it anymore. And it made me mad. I was a nobody. I’m still a nobody. I thought my hunting abilities would save me from my mother’s harsh criticisms but then I let it slip about Daisy Umbra.

And yet, I felt… free. When I attacked the animal for its meat, I felt my anger go into its body deeper than what was probably necessary but I had to use its hide for warmth and I could find other uses for it. Summer was ending and soon autumn was coming which meant I needed something to keep me warm. The meat was different from the meat back at the village’s animals but it wasn’t bad.

I chose a different spot to sleep for the night, along with that spot I saw earlier. The Teal Channel was nearby and it sure did tempt me.

I stared into the fire before me as the animal hide covered me. That may have been a bad idea but it was oddly comforting me. This hide may be my new home. I couldn’t go back to my village, to my hut, and the thought of my mother infuriated me. And then… Zoti.

I don’t remember when I fell asleep. Maybe it’s comforting to know that no one would willingly come by the Teal Channel or even the borders of it. But regardless, I had a dreamless sleep and I still felt tired. Usually, it didn’t bother me whenever I camped out but the conditions were different now.

According to Mother, I’m no longer a troll to her, much less ‘alive’ to her. What did it mean to be alive anymore? I thought that as I did my best to destroy my tracks behind me. I decided to walk across the Teal Channel. When I stepped over to some clearer patches - I at least knew my mother didn’t lie about it hurting me if I touched it - I started to think about what it meant to be a troll.

To be a troll is to hunt. To be a troll is to be the one who brings pride and glory to your family and your village.

I stared at the teal grass and dirt again as I tried to decide the direction I should go.

To be a troll is to hunt. To be human is to be hunted. And I’m being hunted.

I was a human in my past life. Maybe… I’m meant to be human instead after all. It didn’t take very long for me to make this assumption. After all, that’s why I have this star mark, isn’t it? That’s why my father died. That’s why I met Daisy Umbra. That’s why… That’s why I could never be with Zoti.

That’s why I was told to let her go.

I realize that I had been walking along the teal grass, still avoiding the harmful touch. I don’t know where I’m at anymore. Am I still close to the mountains or had I gone off the path? Am I close to the edge of these wild forests?

I don’t know why I’m walking along the Teal Channel. I never thought about dying. I know I wanted to live - different than my past self. I decided to use the hide into a belt of sorts - I’ve seen my ‘friends’ fashion them into a pocket and I did my best to emulate that. After some trial and error, I managed to do it with what materials I had left. And whatever spare parts I still had, I placed it in it after I made sure the belt was secured around my waist.

Whatever animal I killed next for food, I decided I was going to discard my pants from my village… and throw it in the Teal Channel. I remembered what she said, and I want them to think I threw myself in the Teal Channel. That’s why I’m walking along this channel.

Hopefully, I can meet a human who would be kind enough to make my pants and won’t tell other humans around me.

Everything had a reason. I think… I wished for a family. I wished for friends. And I wished for a girlfriend. That almost came true for me. If I never said anything to my mother, if I didn’t admit what happened, would that come true? Would I have a girlfriend with Zoti? I’d have a family who’d love me in their way, sure, but I had friends and I’d have Zoti.

But that’s not… who I’m supposed to be, am I?

Soon, I fashioned some new pants with a new smell on it. It smelled of death but it’s not unfamiliar to me. And then finally, the preparations were complete. The next step was to get closer to the Teal Channel and, honestly, I felt fear.

However, I’m no longer a troll. I'm a human disguised as a troll.

I took a deep breath in my nose - can a color smell weird - and stepped across the teal grass and flowers and even though it still hurt a little bit, I managed to get in a good position to throw my pants into the actual Channel.

I couldn’t watch it turn teal after a small splash but I could only make an assumption. It’s dangerous for me to be here.

However, once I made it on the other side, I heard a yell that was unfamiliar to me.

“Hoodah! You bush eater! How the hell could you be so scrawny and yet so hard to find?”