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Wear Your Soul Round Your Neck
Chapter 6: Not One Secret Thing

Chapter 6: Not One Secret Thing

Dr. Goodfellow arrived. He was not alone. He had half a dozen soldiers with him. They were clad head-to-toe in gleaming white armour. Their faces were entirely covered by gleaming white masks. The armour would have looked ceremonial, if not for their gleaming white spears.

Thyssa recognized the uniform just as well as she recognized their cruel, electrified weapons. They were the Stormwatch, the perfect bodies who killed imperfect bodies. It was their job to keep malforms out of the Walled Garden. If she and Lili succeeded at showing monsters could live with humans, their despicable ranks would be disbanded. If they failed…no. They couldn’t fail. They wouldn’t fail.

Thyssa was surprised to see Lili almost as disturbed by them as she was. Was she afraid for Thyssa, herself, or both? It made her uneasy to see. Dr. Goodfellow must have noticed this discomfort, as he directed them to stay outside the room.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “They’re just here as a precaution. You know how jumpy the Walled Garden can be with malforms.”

He sat down, put down his doctor’s bag, and Lili served him a cup of tea.

“Thank you so much for joining us, Doctor,” said Lili.

“Not at all,” said Dr. Goodfellow. “I’m very excited to learn about your, ah, patient.” He tested his tea and looked to Thyssa. “What did she name you?”

“I named myself Thyssa.”

He nodded, taking a long sip of his tea. “Fascinating. I look forward to exploring how you chose that name.”

“I can tell you right now if you like.”

“That won’t be necessary. I really prefer to do my research in private.”

Lili nodded. “That will be fine. I’ve made her quite tame.” She fluffed Thyssa’s hair. “Just my doting little girl. Completely harmless.”

“Well, I’ll be the judge of that.”

Lili laughed. It didn’t sound like her real laugh. “But of course. You’re very brave to do this for science.”

“Oh, it’s not so noble as that. There are perks.”

“Perks?” asked Thyssa.

Dr. Goodfellow laughed. “Ah, you’ll see.”

“Is this room good?” asked Lili.

“Oh, yes. Just what I was looking for.”

“Anything else I can do to help prepare?” asked Lili.

“No, no, I’ve wasted enough of your precious time. I know how busy you make yourself, you’re probably itching to get this done.”

“I’ve waited over a decade for this,” said Lili. “Any delay will be a drop in an ocean of waiting.”

Dr. Goodfellow raised his cup and drained the last of it. “Very poetic, very poetic. Still. Right to business.”

Lili nodded and took his tea.

“Ah, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” said Lili. “Good luck. If you need anything, just call for me.”

“Thank you, but that really won’t be necessary.”

Lili bowed and left the room.

Dr. Goodfellow watched her leave. His gaze lingered as the door closed. “Marvellous woman.”

“I am very grateful to her,” said Thyssa.

He looked back to Thyssa. “I can see why! I can see hardly a trace of malform in you.”

“Thank you,” said Thyssa. She didn’t really take it as a compliment, but it was clearly meant as one. And everything depended on her making a good impression. This was her chance to prove her humanity, and all she had to do was be polite.

“Yes, she’s very kind, very sweet,” nodded Dr. Goodfellow. Nothing but goodness left in her.”

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Thyssa nodded.

“But…I bet you feel a little more than gratitude towards her, don’t you?”

“I care about her.”

“Oh, I’m sure you do. Such a lovely face, such smooth hair. Such generous curves.”

Thyssa looked up at Dr. Goodfellow. “You love her.”

“She’s my colleague. But your mind went there nonetheless. Curious.”

This was bad. Lili taught Thyssa next to nothing about sex. Already she’d made a serious error. She’d make many more if the conversation stayed here. She needed to stem this tide.

“I don’t understand,” she said.

“Of course not. You’re just an adorable little thing dressed up in a skirt and a monster hood.” He laughed. “Playing at innocence may fool Lili, but I’m a little more impartial. I observe the facts as they are. And the fact is, despite how Lili seems to treat you, you’re very much an adult, aren’t you?”

“That’s right,” said Thyssa. Concede what cannot be denied. “You’re very perceptive.” Flatter him.

“Then let’s talk like adults. You want her, don’t you?”

“She’s my mother.” She mimicked Dr. Goodfellow’s tone as closely as she could. She hoped it didn’t sound like she was mocking him. She wouldn’t dare.

Dr. Goodfellow laughed. “Because she took you in, right? Because she was so kind as to adopt you?”

“Yes.”

“Ah, but she was your mother even before that.”

“I don’t understand,” she said.

“You understand she’s perfect?”

“Yes.”

“Of course you do. Just look at her. Flawless, because she removed all her flaws.”

“You…removed…her flaws?”

“Oh yes. A medical technique I pioneered myself. Well. With some colleagues. We called it Scission - a separation, a cut. A treatment that gets rid of everything base and disgusting in a person. But there’s a regrettable side effect.”

“What’s that?”

“All the muck in a person…where do you think it goes?”

Dr. Goodfellow grinned as he pointed to Thyssa.

“I don’t understand.”

“That’s because she didn’t share with you what she shared with her old professor.” He kept pointing. His grin grew wider.

A writhing crept through Thyssa’s body. “She…wouldn’t keep things from me.”

“Well, she kept this from you. And I can see why.” He was still pointing, and his grin widened even more, like it wanted to split his face in half. “It’s her biggest shame. All her biggest shames, stirred together into one ugly body.”

Thyssa grit her teeth.

“Say it.”

“I’m. Her malform.”

“Very good! Full marks. Every human who becomes perfect leaves behind a malform. A filthy shadow to hide away. That’s what you are. You’re not her patient. You’re her refuse, and your treatment is her cleaning up her own mess.”

“I am not refuse.”

He stood up, still pointing, still grinning. “Every perverted thought. Every rotten feeling.” Step by step, he walked towards Thyssa. “All hidden away behind those innocent doe eyes.”

“Is this part of the assessment?” A desperate appeal to professionalism.

“Very much so,” said Dr. Goodfellow. “Lili is passionate about science, and I am scientific about passion. It’s my job to find out what makes you tick. And I love my job.” He stepped closer. “What a curious thing a malform is! So hated. So removed. And yet so integral to our society. For some women to be perfect, some must be hideous beasts. There’s nothing more fascinating than seeing what sort of beasts we make. Seeing what people decided to throw away. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to see Lili’s filthy side.”

“Would you talk to her like this?”

“Of course not! She’s so dull. They all are. Perfect, sparkling clean women. Beautiful, but like a painting is beautiful. I’m not interested in them, I’m interested in you.” He stepped closer.

“She wouldn’t let you treat me like this.”

“She’d let me do anything I wanted if she got to return to the Walled Garden with her pet. Why do you think she left us together in a room?”

Thyssa ground her teeth. He was right. Lili would do anything to see this project succeed.

And so would she.

Thyssa swallowed her hate, gripped her skirt, her knuckles tense and white. “What must I do to complete the assessment?”

He drew closer until Thyssa could smell him, even with her weak human nose. “That’s what I’ve been explaining to you! You’re going to tell me every one of those gross, perverted evil thoughts in your head. You can be honest. In fact, you’d better be honest. And, if you have trouble telling me anything, we can work through that. I can coax it out of you.”

“When does it finish?”

He put his hands on Thyssa’s shoulders and the writhing spread. “It finishes when I’ve scoured every inch of your mind and body. When I’m satisfied that you’re not holding anything back, that you couldn’t if you wanted to because I’ve forced the floodgates open and there is simply no closing them. When there is nothing hidden within you, not one secret thing.”

“There are things in my mind even I’m afraid of. They’re hidden away for a reason. You don’t want to let them out.”

“Oh, but I do. Especially when you tease me with little comments like that.”

“How long will the assessment take?”

“That depends on how much you’re willing to play nice. I was thinking a couple years.”

“Two years? On top of the two I’ve done under Lili?”

His hands slipped down to her back. “Oh yes. That would be a very conservative estimate, of course. I could certainly make it take longer. By the time I’m done with you, you might want me to make it longer. Who knows. All creatures change. You’re a testament to that.”

The writhing flowed throughout Thyssa’s whole body, but it concentrated in her gut and in her head. It was reaching a boil. She was feverish and freezing at once. Reality was like a dream.

“Stop.”

“You want me to conclude the assessment right here? When you’re being so uncooperative?”

“Please stop.”

“Saying please. That’s better. At this rate I’ll have you tamed in no time.” His hands stroked her back. It was something Lili did, something Thyssa even liked Lili to do, but this didn’t feel like Lili. His hands were animated, not by compassion, but by something feverish and cruel.

That let out the writhing.

It burst forth, swallowing up Thyssa’s mind. Everything was as it was before. She was a malform, and she was threatened. She leapt at her attacker. Lunged for its throat as it screamed. Tore it out. She kept on tearing and tearing and tearing and tearing and tearing and tearing and tearing

Sound. Movement. The door opened, and there stood Lili, flanked by the Stormwatch.

“What…

have…

you…

done?”