Zann didn’t know I’d crawled out of my bed until a week later. Enri took it slow with working our way back into the groove of training. After a month of nothing, everything was sore and stiff. I couldn’t even do a pushup. Two weeks would not be enough to get me back to where I was, but it would have to be.

“He wants you to do the ritual as soon as possible,” Enri said. She was holding my feet as I completed another set of sit-ups. “He said he’s trying to be patient with you, but I can tell he’s ready to come down here and grab you himself.”

I scoffed. “Even when I was in the height of my grief, I wouldn’t let him touch me.” I would rather commit regicide and be beheaded than let that happen.

“I know.” Enri was looking at me like she was trying to figure out what medicines to give me to help speed up my healing. She’d been plying me with soups and drafts and potions to help get my appetite and muscles working again. She also couldn’t stop staring at me as if I was going to disappear again. This time for good. “I’ve told him I’m preparing you for the ritual. He’s given us a week.”

“A week will be fine.” I started back again, up and down and up and down. “It gives me time to think more on what we can do. What’s he been doing?”

“He’s been getting all his advisors together. The last two weeks he’s had dinner with several nobles to tell them about how it’s all going. He’s lying about it going to plan, but…I suppose in some ways it is.”

I stopped, catching my breath before shifting into a plank.

“Idle chatter among the servants points to him trading missives with Queen Fera, but the contents are unknown. He’s also told me that he wants you to follow me and learn what I do. I think he wants you to take my place after the ritual.”

I nodded. It made sense. As a sorcerer, Enri had to wait to do a lot of her magic, and while she was a master of wind magic, I would be the most versatile for protection. He expected me to obey, the silent threat of knowing he would kill my friends hanging over my head. I loved my friends and wanted them to live peaceful lives, but not as much as I loved Sayla. I would play the role, be his puppet, for now. Just until I was able to burn his life down from the inside out.

“Clecia, Corek, and Eumen have been made official members of the personal guard. They’ve been sworn in and everything. They held a small party among the staff to congratulate them.”

“I’m sure Corek was having a great time.” I was out of breath, and my arms were shaking when I lowered myself to the floor. Enri handed me more water, and I pulled it from the cup, floating it in a circle around our heads before gently putting it back. At least that was still the same. “Am I in any condition to have the ritual performed?”

She paused, watching the water settle in the cup. “I can’t be sure. I spent the month looking after you. Making sure you were eating and drinking—keeping it down, as well. I even moved you around to make sure you weren’t going to be too stiff. It’s—” She sighed, reaching for my hand, twining our fingers together. My hands were still bigger, but my bones were more prominent than before. She must have done a lot more than that to make sure I wasn’t as emaciated as I could have been. “With everything that you’ve done so far, you’ll survive. Whether or not you’ll be able to function after… it’s a fifty-fifty shot.”

“You can heal me.” I had no doubt about her abilities. She would come through no matter what. She had to.

Enri tugged me closer, wrapping her arms around me so tightly I could feel my bones start to creak. At every opportunity she had, Enri was hugging me, stroking my hair, leaning against me. Anything to be touching me.

We sat in silence for a while as the information rolled its way around my head. Zann was still under the impression that his plans were all going well and I, if I got better, was going to be his pawn. If we were right about his releasing Enri back to Fera, she would be busy getting everything together again. We wouldn’t have a healer anymore, but I was never one to recklessly throw myself against a sword. Steps one and two of the original plan were done. I didn’t know if Enri had broken her vow, but she’d had an entire month of low supervision. She must have done something.

With my transformation a week away, we needed to figure out what we were going to do quickly.

“What are you thinking?” she asked.

“I’m thinking that you smell like flowers. And dirt.” My nose was buried in her neck from how tightly she was hugging me.

She laughed. “I was in the garden before I came in. It’s a nice place to center myself.”

“I’m glad you get some use out of it.” I shut my window this morning without thinking twice. The wind was cold, and the smell of flowers was starting to get overwhelming. Enri always smelled a bit like flowers, though, so that didn’t bother me. “Let’s start again.”

The first week before Zann knew I was moving again was rough, but now that he knew and my training was increased, it was hellish. I had regressed so far I almost wanted to give up. My stamina was trash, and my strength was comparable to a middle schooler. An active middle schooler, but it was still terrible all the same. If not for the ingrained training, I would have crawled back into bed and withered until there was nothing left. It would have made Zann angrier, and the man was angry enough as it was.

Enri relayed what she was hearing to me as I jogged around the training grounds. A new set of troops were there for training, but Vanli commanded them to ignore me. There were still stares and whispers, but I was left to my own devices. At least I could keep a steady pace still.

Zann grumbled about me to Enri and my teachers. “This is pitiful. It’s been over a month, and she still has nothing to show for it.”

“I warned you,” Enri said. Her voice was calm, but I knew she was pissed off. “I warned you when you did it that it would ruin her. I know that I’m not your advisor and I’m here for your protection, but if you’d asked me before you acted, I could have told you how this would go.”

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“I needed her broken, so that’s what I did. If you weren’t so damn close to her, I might have considered it.”

“Exactly, Enri.” Iljana’s voice was slick with arrogance. “It’s best if you keep a distance from your students and don’t eat where you defecate.”

“Just say shit,” I muttered. “Cocky prick.”

“Kaiya hasn’t been a student of mine for months, but I still know her well.” Her voice was deadly quiet. “And Kaiya is as stubborn as the element she’s surpassed you in. Mind your manners, Iljana.”

I trotted to a stop, sizing up the obstacle course. I’d always hated it, but if I could manage to get through by the end of the week, I could go into the ritual knowing I would be okay after. For the last two days, I couldn’t get past the jumping beams. I was sure I could manage that today, but the running wall would likely be my downfall today.

“I’m only saying that you should have accounted for it,” Enri said. “She gained and lost everything in less than two months.”

“I know that,” Zann snapped. “I know that. I hedged my bets on her falling into grief and, despite the timing, I bet right. I just need you to get her into shape for the ritual. If she dies, it’s on your head.”

“I’m well aware of that. I’ve made sure she stayed alive for this long. I’m not going to stop now.”

“Kaiya is strong.” The sound of Ikae’s voice jarred me, and I almost lost balance while I stretched. “She’ll see this through to the end.”

“You say that like you have faith in her,” Iljana said.

“One of her teachers had to.” His voice still had a sleepy tone to it, but it was sharper than usual. “You and Shippa hate her, and she was merely a toy to Evada. Someone had to believe she would succeed.”

“I don’t hate her,” Shippa said. “I appreciate her power and her…dedication to her family. But she’s disrespectful and I don’t tolerate that.”

Disrespectful. It wasn’t surprising she still saw me that way. While our relationship was getting less hostile by the day, I never had the chance to be anything better in her eyes.

I lined up with the obstacle course as I finished stretching. At my peak, it took me seven minutes to clear the course. I would be happy if I got it in fifteen. The first was a climbing wall. I flexed my fingers, counted down from ten, and took off.

Iljana scoffed. “She’s just a child who could never hold her own in a fight. There’s nothing to believe in.”

“Watch yourself, Iljana.” Zann turned his temper to my old teacher. “We need her, so fake your belief or be quiet.”

“O-Of course, Your Majesty.”

I could have laughed. Coward.

One of my nails almost broke as I scaled the wall. The handholds were slick from the recent rain, but I kept my grip, making it up to the platform. This was where I had the highest chance of eating shit. Fifteen beams set three feet apart for me to scale toward the slanted rope. I took a breath and took the plunge.

“Enri,” he sighed. He sounded tired now. I couldn’t imagine why. “Just make sure she’s in good shape. Where is she?”

“Right now, she’s on the training field running the obstacle course. If she can complete it by the end of the week, it’s certain she’ll be okay.”

I slipped on the fifth beam, almost twisting my ankle as I fell. I grabbed onto it as I dropped, using my momentum to swing forward. As I got to the end, I swung back and forth until I was confident enough to flip back onto the last beam. My lungs felt like they were ready to give up, but I still had enough in me. I needed to try.

“Go out there with her. Make sure she doesn’t break anything.”

There was silence, and I could feel our connection fading back. It was odd. My head had been so full, and now it was empty again. Just me and the obstacle course I was likely going to sprain something on.

The rope I needed to get to was a solid jump away. I would need to bring my legs up to help me distribute my weight, but I still needed to make the jump. I rocked on my feet until I felt confident enough to do it—which is to say, I just took the leap. My hands closed around the rope, sliding enough to burn, but I tightened my grip and stopped sliding. With a few kicks, I locked my ankles around the rope and began to shimmy and shuffled my way down until I was on the ground again.

And there it was. The curved running wall to the second half of the course. Even if it hadn’t rained this morning, I would have still been at a disadvantage. My neck ached as I leaned back to look at it. Yesterday I had lost my momentum and fell ass first into the ground and fractured my tailbone.

I was probably going to do the same today.

I didn’t care.

I took two steps back and started to run. The important part was how much force was behind my steps, each propelling me a little higher. If I could get high enough, the ledge would be within reach, and I could pull myself over the top. Four steps could do it. The first one, my boots gripped the wood, providing enough friction to boost me. The second and third were easy, catching the dry spots. On the fourth, I slipped. I started to fall, but I clenched my teeth, pushed hard, and reached.

My left hand grazed the top. My right hand palmed the platform. For a moment, I was hanging by one hand before I reached up again. With grunts and groans and curses, I pulled myself up and over the edge.

My heart felt like it was going to explode, but I didn’t stop. I could do this. I needed to do this.

I stood, sizing up the balance beam. Its twists and turns had scared me so much in the beginning. Very little could scare me now.

I plunged on, running along the beam, gaining speed until I jumped. I caught the ropes, not paying attention to the burn as I pushed forward, swinging from one rope to another. I tucked into a roll as I let go, the last of the course head of it. Hurdles. Ten of them that came up to my waist.

I didn’t stop moving as I stood from my landing, hands out, ready to catch them and hurl myself up and over. It was methodical, almost numbing, to put one hand in front of the other and push myself off the ground.

It was over before I even realized. Completing that put us one step closer to our goal. I just needed to stick it out a while longer.

I fell to the ground and took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly.

One step at a time.