Enri had few personal items. Her clothes were always neatly put away and the only thing she had from childhood was the outfit she arrived in. Everything else had been given away sporadically over the years. No knickknacks or paintings or tchotchkes. We spent half the time sorting out books that were hers and which belonged to the palace library. The other part was tracking down her sorcerer’s materials.
I stood a few feet below Enri as she floated up to the tall shelves in one of the utility closets. “I left them all over the palace just in case I needed them in a hurry. It was generally in a few closets on each floor.”
“The servants must have really liked you to let you take over their closets.”
She shrugged, dropping down with another handful of herbs and flowers. “I think they were too scared to say no. I was an unruly child.”
“I think you mispronounced traumatized.”
She smiled, shifted them into her fifth bag of plants. “Perhaps. That should be the last one, but I’ll do another sweep before I leave.”
“You don’t have to,” I said. “You got everything.”
“Can you really feel that? They’re not even connected to the ground.”
We started back to her room, and she threw the bag over her shoulder. “Even if it’s been separated from the ground, that’s where it came from. If you lost your arm, you would still recognize it as yours. Same principle.”
“What about chairs? They’re made of wood from trees. Can you feel those?”
“Yes, but it’s fainter. They’ve been changed from their original form enough that they’re harder for me to notice. I can feel them, but it’s not the same.”
“Interesting.” We started the climb up the spiral steps to her tower and dumped the bag on her bed. We were meant to leave tomorrow morning, and her room was barren. Stripped of Enri’s stringent personality, there was only a bed, an empty dresser, and her worktables. She already had her bags piled neatly by the door.
She walked over to the balcony and sat, staring at the castle in the distance. Most of her life had been spent here in this room. Whether either of us wanted to admit it or not, this was as much her home as Fera was.
I sat next to her, pressing our shoulders together. “Are you ready?”
“No.” She leaned her head on my shoulder, but kept her hands folded in her lap. Her walls had gone back up. “When I was a kid, I prayed to Kenthma that I could go home.” I was glad I picked up that book of myths. It had familiarized me with the prominent religion, and I knew that Kenthma was the god/goddess of love and family. “Every day I would stare and pray and hope. At some point, I stopped. At some point, I gave up hope. I figured this would be my life until I died and now that it’s happening, I don’t know how to feel about it. I’m happy, but I’m scared.”
“I meant what I said. You’re going to be an amazing princess.”
“I think you’re biased.”
“Maybe, but that’s because I know you. I know that you’re going to give it your all the way you do everything else. It helps that Forana is such a compassionate person who will give you everything you need at your disposal. Also helps that you’re her kid.”
She chuckled and sat up. “Thank you, Kaiya. For everything you’ve done for me. For loving me when I didn’t think someone could love me. And for staying by my side every day you could.”
“You make it sound like it’s hard.” The urge to kiss her hand rose up and fell in a split second. I couldn’t do that to her. Not when I was still so unsure of what I could give. “I will stay by your side for as long as I’m able.”
“I know.” She squeezed my hand and stood. The sun was starting to set, and the moons were beginning to show their faces. “One last night together?”
“Enri—”
“Not like that. Just you and me for the first time in a while. No titles or magic. Just us.”
I smiled. “I can do that.”
We lay next to each other, our hands just centimeters apart, and I wished I had it in me to bridge the gap between us. I was still in love with her and wanted nothing more than for her to succeed and be happy. But I knew I only had so much space in my heart and right now, I didn’t have the space she deserved.
She fell asleep before I did.
I stared at the ceiling until the sun rose.
Eumen, Clecia, Corek, and I moved all of her stuff into the carriage before she had time to fully wake up. She was no longer our superior, but a foreign royal to be treated with the utmost respect.
We lined up at the carriages as she and Zann approached. He looked delighted at the turn of events and even deferred first entry to her. She looked startled and confused, but climbed in first. The personal guard, minus myself, got into the back carriage with her luggage, while the rest of us got into the front. With a soft crack of the whip, we were off to Fera again.
The ride was awkward. Zann was clearly in a great mood, but it clashed with Enri’s clear anxiety, and my clear disdain for him. He didn’t let it stop him from chatting happily, though.
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For a week straight, we had to listen to him talk about how happy he was to finally be able to put Enri back in her rightful place and how he didn’t know how he was going to repay her for her years of service. He wasn’t sure that he could have ever succeeded without her, but he’d try for as long as he was king to repay her and now that I was in her place, it should be easy.
I wanted to break his jaw just to keep him from talking, but I focused on my friends in the carriage behind us.
“How are you doing?”
“We’re okay,” Eumen said. “The jostling is the same as when we were being deployed.”
“That’s good. When we get there, make sure to eavesdrop on as many conversations as possible.”
“We’re not suspicious of staff, are we?”
“Not particularly, but it doesn’t hurt to be knowledgeable. People from all over the continent will be there.”
“Understood. And Kaiya?”
“Yes.”
“You can talk to us about more than this. I know it’s difficult, but we’re not just here as soldiers. We’re here as friends.”
I stilled, my bouncing leg going still. I knew that. Of course, I knew that. They were my closest friends and the people I trusted the most. With my life, with my secrets, with everything.
But just like with Enri, it felt wrong somehow. To fully put myself in the arms of another person, romantically or platonically, felt like a betrayal. If Sayla couldn’t, then why should I be able to. Why should I be able to find comfort and solace when she would never be able to again. When her death was so quick and violent and violating that she never even got a moment to say goodbye.
I let out a slow breath.
“Thank you, Eumen. I know.”
Our arrival this time had much more fanfare. People were lining the streets, crowding the carriage until the vanguard had to get out to clear the way so we could move. It was only as we entered the palace gates that we could finally move freely. Sighlu slowed down so the guard could keep pace.
The Fera guards in their deep purple uniforms lined the way in salute of their princess finally returning for good.
We hadn’t gotten a good look at her family the first time they were here as they wanted to vacate unseen, but as we approached the steps, I could see a crowd of people in fine dresses and suits waiting. Forana, Xala, Lautin and her kids were easy to pick out. A few I recognized from the painting I’d seen before, but everyone else I couldn’t place. From their bright blonde hair and deep brown skin, it was easy to see they were all Enri’s family.
Enri was still in her Yvantan military uniform, it being the only thing she’d left unpacked out of habit. She was looking down at it and frowning, but I could see her fidgeting and feel her temperature rise as her heart began to beat rapidly. I wished there was something I could do to help, but I just sat next to her and waited for the carriage to stop moving.
When the carriage finally stopped, and Denma began to announce us, Zann was the first to stand.
“Introducing the king of the Yvantan domain, His Royal Majesty, King Zann of Yvanta.” He stepped out and gave a brief bow to the Fera Clan. They looked politely unimpressed.
“Introducing His Royal Majesty’s highest ranking personal guard and Suriqi mage, Kaiya.”
Enri grabbed my hand as I stood and released it just as quick. I knelt down and grasped her hands, looking into her honey brown eyes. “You’re gonna kill it out there.” She swallowed hard and nodded.
I stood and stepped out into the sun, sweeping my eyes over Enri’s family. Almost all of them flinched when I looked at them. The only ones who didn’t were Lautin’s kids and Queen Forana. I gave a deep bow to her, and she smiled a bit. It was enough, given who she was waiting for.
“Introducing, former Head Mage and sorcerer of Yvanta, Princess Enri of Fera.”
I held the door open for her as she stepped out, grabbing my hand for balance. Normally she wouldn’t need to, but I could feel how much her legs were shaking.
Her family stiffened and even if I couldn’t feel all the air around us, it was easy to see how they all sucked in a breath and held it. She bowed to Forana, who nodded in turn. Enri turned to Zann and bowed. “Thank you for your hospitality and kindness throughout the years. It is deeply appreciated, and a treasured time in my life.”
He bowed back, though not as deep. “It has been my pleasure and honor to house you for all these years. May the gods look down on you kindly as you continue forward.”
She stood and I could see how much it hurt as she repeated back, “May the gods look down on you kindly as you continue forward.”
Enri turned on heel and began to walk forward. Her hands were shaking a bit as she moved until she was standing face to face with Forana. Enri took her hands and whispered something I couldn’t hear. Forana smiled and nodded.
“King Zann!” Forana said. “Let us move your party inside. I’m sure you’re exhausted from the journey.”
“It would be greatly appreciated.”
A line of servants came from around the Fera Clan to grab the luggage and guide us inside. Enri’s family swept her away in a cloud of chatter and hugs, while we climbed the steps behind them.
We each carried our own stuff inside and ended up in the same room as before. Zann, of course, still had his own room, but I got to bunk with the rest of the personal guard. This would have been a problem before, since we couldn’t talk to one another candidly, but it would be fine now. It also helped that Sighlu and Demna made an effort to stay far away from me.
We’d barely set our things down when there was a knock on the door. Denma answered to a short, stocky maid holding out cards. “Invitations,” she said, “to Princess Enri’s welcome home ball.” She bowed, then left.
The Royal Fera Clan invites you to attend the
Welcome Home Ball of Princess Enri of Fera
Sunset of the 16th, North Topiary Garden
The writing was ornate and beautiful, the family crest embossed on the back. A quick glance at everyone else’s let me know I was the only one invited as a guest. The five of them would be attending as guard. It felt weird, but I was the only one who had even spoken to Forana and given my relationship with Enri, however tumultuous, it made sense.
The sixteenth was in three days. I suppose that would be enough time to settle and prepare for it. They’d likely already been prepping since they agreed upon it. I set down the card and looked out the window. In a few days, the palace grounds would be flooded with people to celebrate Enri’s return. That old, familiar anxiety reared its head at the thought of a crowd, and I could have laughed. At least that never changed.