the author is better now. i think i should actually introduce these characters, though, as they're the main focus of this entire narrative.
there are eleven fourteen year olds:
Ben(he/him)
Jax(she/her)
Criss(he/him)
Amy(she/her)
Jen(he/him)
Ellis(he/him)
Vera(they/them)
Malcom(he/him)
Duff(he/him)
Luke(he/him)
Callie(she/her)
and there are two seven year olds:
Bree(she/her)
Leo(he/him)
...
it's really a lot when you list it out like that. now let's transcribe that angsty dialogue you were promised, taking place right after the Old Man vanishes after giving a long, boring speech about the kids' '''quest'''
Duff: nope.
Jen: don't we have to stop him, though?
Criss: we ain't gotta do shit, honestly. some other pricks can save the world.
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
Jax: but... what if we're the only ones?
Vera: we ain't tha only thick's who ah able to kill tha Big Bad Wolf.
Vera: we're tha only fuckas who'ah too selfish ta care about killing him.
Ben: it's not even selfish. it's not our fault everyone's going to die.
Ben: the world can save itself.
Ben: i hate this. everything we're saying is so cringey it physically hurts.
Luke slumps in his seat.
Luke: WHY did i ask him to prove it? i could have passed it off as a joke. nothing makes sense. twenty minutes ago i was debating stories with some people. then some monster appears and some Old Guy starts fighting with it and then he sends us here and vanishes everyone and gives us this BULLSHIT quest and—
he drags his hand down his face, sucking in a breath.
Luke: he speaks exclusively in overused movie lines.
Ellis: dawg, i FEEL that. it's like gettin' chucked into a shitty kid's flick.
Bree: this is so DUMB!
Ellis: i know, right?
Bree: YOU'RE dumb too!
Malcom: hey, don't be a jerk, kid.
Ellis: naw, naw, kid has a fair point.
Jax: you aren't dumb, i don't think.
Ellis: i know. i talk dumb, though, and people think i'm dumb because'a that. i ain't gonna change myself to please them, though.
Luke: that's... and excellent philosophy. i agree.
Criss: maybe we gotta learn from that.
Criss: do we got any storybook heroes here?
Ellis: nope.
Ben: HELL no.
Luke: not in the least.
Vera: HA!
Malcom: NOPE.
Jen: um, no.
Amy: of course not.
Duff: i'd prefer to waste my life in less constructive ways.
Bree: dumb.
Leo: i'm not.
Jax: i'm not either.
Criss: and neither am i. it's settled. we're stayin' useless pieces of shit for the rest of eternity. screw Old Guy.
Duff: very well spoken.
Criss: thanks. it's always gratifying to drop crisp impact lines like that.
What are you doing, [lowercase]?
ignoring YOU, while the author catharsisizes.
That is not a word. Also, it's "whilst".
that's nice. /sticks out tongue immaturely/
Duff: i know exactly what you feel. i keep a book full of quotes i've spoken.
Ellis: DAMN, dawg. that sounds even more helpful thenna gratitude journal.
Duff: yes. i've always found that narcissism is great for self esteem.
Vera: amen. ah'm gettin' back to the drawing room.
Leo: ooh, can i come?
Leo hops up to follow them, and Bree stomps off somewhere, muttering.
the rest of the kids split up. a lot of the boys head to the game room, which is where are next pointless conversation occurs.