Smoke drifted in thick plumes, bringing with it the undeniable smell of cooking meat. The powerful punch of musk declared its origins from a predator. It was a scent that spoke of the animal’s strength, and it was repulsive to many creatures. The repelling effect would help her as she spent the next few days cooking, drying, and preserving her sudden dearth of materials and food. What hadn’t benefited her was the disgust the wolf pup had shown the hunk of cat meat she had offered it upon her return, sled laden down with her first pile of broken down remains. His intense interest and subsequent gorging on the innards assuaged her somewhat. Still, Lilau had hoped it would eat some muscle or heart as well. Within those pieces lay the most concentrated areas of the creature’s strength, something the pup could do with more of.
When Lilau had first returned to retrieve her sled, she found the wolf back to his splayed position on the ground. He had given her a shaky wag of his tail and a perk of his ears, but he was still far too weak to do much else. He now lay on his side, bulging black belly out of place next to the fragile, thin legs stretched across the ground. She knew as long as he remained weak he was vulnerable to both predation and infection. There was a lot of fight in him, though. That fire was what she would stoke as much as she could. If he died, she wanted it to be because he wanted to, not because someone else thought he should.
More smoke puffed up as she fed another green branch to the smoldering core of her firepit, dark as a storm cloud. Her mind went dark as well, memories of every strike and foul name shot in her direction pummeling her thoughts. She and the wolf may be worthless, damaged goods, but she refused to let the pup shoulder the burden alone, as she did.
The encroaching twilight only intensified the dark path in her mind, its deep purples, blues and reds reminding her of the insides of the forest cat that had sought to end her earlier that day. Melancholy descended like a fog, and she growled at the cheery conversations of the birds as they settled in for the night. Foolish things. What was there to be happy about? Life was nothing more than misery, a constant fight for survival because the unknown of death was too frightening to contemplate. She knew such darkness would only hamper her. Still, she found that despite her heavy meal of cat meat, she lacked the strength to fight it. She crawled into her tiny, triangular abode, and gave in, tears watering the soil beneath her as they streamed down her face. She couldn’t reconcile or even identify all the emotions flowing through her. When sleep came, it brought little rest.
*****
A snuffling snort dragged her away from the glowing-eyed monsters that stalked her dreams, the pain of the wounds they inflicted fading into the cool morning air. However, despite the chill on her back, her front was warm. Really warm. Her eyes shot open in confusion, confusion made worse by the dark form that filled her view. She let out a yelp, trying to skitter back out of her sleeping space, only to find that the same object pinned her legs. The object jumped, startled by her exclamation, shifting to regard her with round amber eyes.
“Pup!” she cried out, the words rolling oddly off her tongue as if actual speech had grown foreign.
He gave off a low huff that spoke of annoyance, and wormed his way out of the shelter, turning to stand facing the leaf-wrapped bundles that lay above the now cold smoke pit. Thoughts swam in her mind as she regarded his backside, equal parts excitement and denial. How long had he slept against her like that? She hadn’t expected such interest from him, instead expecting him to run off at the first sign his strength had returned. Perhaps he had simply grown cold? The memory of his soft fur against her made her hands itch to pet him, although she dared not do something so bold. Such closeness was strange to her, having slept alone her entire life. She couldn’t say she disliked it.
The pup noticed she had yet to move and turned back toward her, cocking his head. His bright eyes spoke silent words which said, “I’m hungry. Where’s breakfast?”
She smiled, yet another bizarre experience to add to the new day’s growing string of oddities. She worked herself free of the shelter so she could check on the meat that had captured the wolf’s attention.
The thick, green leaves that protected the food from the ashen bed it rested on remained unblemished, their freshness proving too wet for the hot coals and smoking twigs to burn. Lilau plucked a choice package from the pile and unpeeled each layer of leaf until it exposed a bit of the food inside. Freed from the chlorophyll shell, a tantalizing cloud of savory musk floated out to greet them. A glance to her side showed that while the pup may have refused the meat just yesterday, the piercing, anticipatory gaze he fixed on it now suggested he had overcome his objections. She sighed in relief. This was good. Even if there were no other upsets in the next few days, it would take her at least that long to make proper nets and weapons and expect to get any return on them. Not to mention the sheer amount of muscle she had carved from the beast. Cat meat would remain a staple in their diet for some time to come.
Unfortunately for her, a quick glance at the surface of the wad showed it to be too raw for her to eat and she had already finished what she had cooked last night. The wolf had no such limitations, however, and gulped down every half-smoked chunk she threw at him. Once he seemed sated, she placed the bundle back with its comrades and turned towards the stream. Before she could cook her meal, she needed to fill her water bladder before the watering hole became too crowded. The bits of fur and torn up plant matter around its edges made fine tinder, anyway.
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She had only taken a few steps when a shaggy black body slipped up beside her, so close a shoulder was nearly touching her hip. Her breath caught in her throat. Lilau willed her gait to remain steady, for fear of frightening him off. She didn’t understand why he had found her worth being around when all others didn’t, but she wasn’t about to tell it to go away either. With her eyes glued forward, they strode side-by-side between the trees.
The sound of the water flowing over rocks reached their ears sooner than usual, the reason becoming apparent when they broke through the leafy cover lining the water’s path. The stream ran higher, faster and stronger than the day before, its borders pushing three full hands further out on both banks. Odd. Lilau scanned the stretch of sky that threaded down the stream. The few puffy clouds she could see in the otherwise clear sky didn’t speak of any storms, although that didn’t mean there wasn’t a storm brewing just out of sight. She would have to prepare, just in case.
She peered into the water and confirmed her suspicions. The sudden influx of water had not only made the banks far muddier than usual, proven by how her shoes sucked in and stuck, but also made the usually crystal-clear water a dingy shade of dirty tan. Murky meant it was likely to make you sick unless you boiled it first. Great. More work. She felt no sadness at having left the village, but she now missed the extra hands to handle all the tasks that seemed to pile up. Oh well, she would have to make do.
She picked a deep enough spot and leaned over. Before she could register what happened, her feet slipped over the slick soil, shifting her balance into a freefall. She hit the surface face first. Her head sunk down, pain radiating from her scalp as she scraped her skin against the pebbles along the bottom. The sound of rushing water faded as it flooded her ears, the sudden shock of pain and cold causing her to suck in on reflex.
Icy liquid filled her lungs. She flailed, face stinging and lungs screaming in distress, unyil she found purchase along the slippery bottom and shoved herself up on her hands and knees to get her head clear of the stream. Her entire core seized in its efforts to save her life, forcing up water and all that remained in her stomach from the day before. Time slowed to a crawl, the world fading to a pinpoint of burning, heaving and the struggle to draw breath. By the time her breath came regularly again, her submerged arms and legs were going numb and shaking so hard it amazed her she hadn’t fallen back in.
A whimper in her ear diverted her attention from her plight right before something warm and wet began working itself over her left cheek. Lilau tilted her head to look and caught a frantic tongue across her nose.
“Ugh!” was all she managed as she pushed herself away, flopping backward into an awkward sitting position where she sunk back into the soggy dirt. The wolf followed her like a shadow, its tongue barely leaving her face.
“E... Enough!” She forced out between coughs.
“I...al...ready...can’t... breathe....”
The pup sat back on his haunches beside her, regarding her with concerned eyes as it whined out its deep worry over her well-being.
“It’s fine... I’m fine....”
She put her hands up to further prove the truth in her words, but he remained unconvinced and moved in to lick her some more.
Lilau shoved her feet under her, forcing herself up into a standing position before he could start anew. She felt her face flush. The wolf’s affection seemed out-of-place and wrong. Besides, it was her own clumsiness that had caused her to get hurt. Why would he show concern over her own failure?
He sensed her new distress and backed off, but whined again when she shivered. She was soaked in gritty water, every bit of fur and leather on her serving only to hold moisture and dirt against her skin as a cool morning breeze blew by. She needed to get dry.
Lilau gathered water and tinder with an overabundance of care. Then, with a whimpering wolf behind her, they made their way back to camp, where she tried to coax another fire to life. Too hastily. The young flame, crackling over a couple of dry twigs, went out as she tossed a branch on top. Idiot. Lilau grit her teeth. At this rate, you will never get a fire going. No fire, no drinking water, and no dry clothes.
She glanced over at her discarded belt full of water-soaked supply bags. Despair reared its head. She had strewn the contents of the bags around to dry them out, but she knew even with a fire to help, the water would ruin most of the medicines and food she had brought from the village. Without a fire, she would be lucky to save any of it. Way to prove how worthless you are. She growled in frustration and kicked at the cooling pile of ash and half-burned twigs. Ashen dust puffed up as it scattered. Stupid fire made by a stupid girl!
A shove interrupted her internal self-deprecation. Ducking down and whirling to face her assaulter, she came nose-to-nose with the black wolf. Amber eyes locked onto hers for the second time that day, their intensity forcing her still. Feelings and memories not her own swirled around at the edges of her senses.
Siblings nipping at your hide, pain.
Your brother’s teeth at your throat, defeat.
The scent of disgust on humans who refuse to touch you, misery.
Being dragged away and left alone, terror.
The memories shifted. Lilau relived the short time she had spent with the pup through his eyes. The negative emotions that battered against the surface of her mind faded, replaced by comfort, hope, and happiness. The feelings continued to push against an invisible barrier around her thoughts that she never knew existed. Now that she could feel the wall, it was easy to discern that she could drop it just enough to let the wolf’s feelings in. But did she want to? Did she dare?
Uncertainty clouded her thoughts. How could she trust this wolf not to turn on her later? Distress, strong enough to make her wince, added itself to the mix. No! It yelled wordlessly, never! A new image formed as if to reinforce the declaration. She and the wolf stood tall, together against a darkness filled with snarling faces and ember-red eyes. United against the world.
Still, she hesitated, unsure. That hesitation caused a tidal wave of anguish that brought her wall crashing down. Such pain was too much, too familiar. She refused to cause it. With the way open, the pain vanished, joy replacing it in equal measure, joy that merged with her own thoughts until she could barely distinguish between the two. Never alone, it cried, never again.