Awareness came swimming back, Lilau’s subconscious deciding that the pain of her injuries had receded enough to allow reality back in. She wasn’t sure she agreed. While she no longer felt the acute shocks of fresh wounds, the heavy throbbing of deep damage and large-scale swelling assailed her with the force of a gale.
Voices cut into her suffering, low and heated. Her eyes too heavy to open, she focused in on the words.
“... I will deal with Zan.” Raval said in a husky tone.
“Good, and make sure he’s actually punished this time. Zan has a way of getting out of things.” Mara’s tone held less emotion, but the ice in it chilled Lilau.
“And when it comes to faults against Lilau, everyone goes blind. I know. He won’t get out of this. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Fine. I’m going out to gather herbs. Between what I used up treating her and what I’ll need as she heals, I’m dreadfully low on stock.” Footsteps moved further away, then stopped. “What he did went well beyond a show of dominance. That boy always had trouble with his anger, but this? If you hadn’t got to her when you did, not even I could have helped her.”
The steps moved out of the door, followed by a thud.
More footfalls moved towards Lilau, coming to a stop over the bed of furs where she lay. She turned her head towards the sound, attempting to open her eyes again. Panic rushed in when she realized she couldn’t. Her breath quickened. Had they blinded her? Her hands moved up to her face, pain and resistance making the motion more difficult than it should have been.
Raval shuffled, the sounds of his breathing growing closer as she felt his hand come to rest on her forehead. “Don’t be afraid, little one. Until Mara gives the okay, you have to keep your eyes wrapped. Most of the rest of you, too. I know it’s confusing and scary, but she’s an amazing healer, remember? Best healer anyone’s ever known. She’ll get you fixed up, no doubt about it. You just have to give it time.”
She smiled at him; the movement causing a sharp pain across her bottom lip. Raval sighed, moving away for a moment before coming back to wipe something astringent across her mouth that burned like fire. She pulled away with a yelp, regretting it immediately when it set off bursts of complaints across her head and neck.
“Be still now. It will help you heal faster, at least according to Mara, and I’ll trust her expertise on this one.” He paused his ministrations, taking a deep breath. “However, as is my area of expertise, I feel it is my responsibility to tell you how reckless you were.”
She grunted at him in what she hoped was incredulousness, not wanting to risk hurting her lip again. Was he really doing this right now?
“Yes, we have to do this right now, Lilau. I don’t want you getting hurt like this again. Zan is an impulsive, rash, angry boy who overstepped his boundaries. Make no mistake. But, he is the alpha of you whelps and you challenged his position by going against his orders.”
But he wasn’t her alpha. She wasn’t a part of the pack. She wasn’t a part of the village and she never would be. This made that very, very clear.
“Though,” Raval continued as he stroked her hair, “you showed a lot of strength standing up to him like that and from what the other whelps told me, an impressive level of skill in Hunt.”
Lot of good it did. All the skill in the world wouldn’t change the fact that she was just a worthless, Unmarked runt. Without the mother who bore her, she would never gain the skin Marks carved into the other whelps, the ones that showed their blood bonds to their family. Raval and Mara had taken her in, but everyone knew they only did it because of their oaths to the Fokla. No one had truly wanted her, and who was to say anyone did now? Misery welled up, black as her vision. Tears flowed, the bandage around her eyes soaking them up before they could fall.
Raval hummed an old lullaby as he continued to stroke her hair. It was a song he had sung to Lilau for as long as she could remember, about peace, comfort and all the things she didn’t feel.
*****
After Lilau could get up and move around, Mara and Raval kept her very close. The other villagers seemed quite content with this. They had no qualms with ignoring her existence as she shuffled behind the Elders. Except for Zan, anyway. Every time she stepped out of the long hut, he would appear nearby, glaring at her with death in his eyes. Lilau shuddered. No one told her details of his punishment, but it must not have been pleasant. Not that she cared about his pain, not after what he did to her. What she worried about was how long that pain would feed into his hatred for her. How long would he stalk her, waiting for an opportunity to finish what he started?
She forced her mind away from such dismal thoughts and back to the work at hand. It had been two full moons since Zan attacked her. Shortly after, the Elders had made her their apprentice instead of simply a ward.
“If the only connection you’ve got is to us and the spirits, we might as well treat you as such.” Mara had informed her with an air of finality.
Since then, Lilau had spent nearly every waking minute learning the intricacies of their duties. First, before she could move much, she began learning of herbal healing from Mara. She already knew the basics of edibles, non-edibles and medicinal. Mara had shown her how limited that knowledge was. While going through her own treatments, she learned preparations, dosing, carriers, synergies, and applications. Once she could leave the hut, she moved on to learning how to locate and harvest every part of every plant and fungus in the forest.
“Just like when we harvest animals, every piece has its use.” Mara had assured her. “It’s up to you to remember what that is, so no part goes to waste, even if you don’t need it right away. Wastefulness is a great insult to the Fokla, child, and we do not want to anger them.”
For his part, Raval took her out for all-day hunting trips. Normally, such things wouldn’t happen for a few more cycles. According to him, she had already mastered what she could learn within the village, and he wasn’t getting any younger. Raval saw no good reason to wait. With him, she learned how to track, how to kill, how to clean. She also learned how to build shelters, traps, and several other survival techniques. She absorbed all of it with an almost non-human speed, reproducing something shown to her once with near-perfect accuracy. Raval told her it only confirmed the obvious, that she was born to learn and survive.
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He had also been taking Lilau on his excursions around the village. As the Elder Man, it was his duty to listen to any issues or arguments among the people and to help ensure they filled all quotas. The enthusiasm she brought to all of her other tasks fizzled out during these outings. Becoming withdrawn and sullen, she stuck to Raval like glue, her eyes trained on the ground. Of all the skills the Elders taught her, she knew full well these would be the ones she would never use. She was defective, after all. The villagers didn’t want her or understand her. Honestly, she didn’t understand them either, nor did she feel it was worth the effort to try. Not to mention the ever-present anxiety of having Zan’s eyes boring into her skull like a predator about to rip her throat out.
She much preferred learning about all the things that didn’t involve anyone else but her and the Elders. Right now was one such activity. She and Mara were a short way outside of the village, but were far enough that the rustling of trees, the singing of birds and the whuffling of the Great Wolves around them replaced the sound of human voices and working tools. The smells were much better, too. The must of lichen covered trees and rocks melded with the fragrance of many plants, a combination that was almost powerful enough to cover up the musk of many furred bodies. Not that she minded the Wolves’ smell. To her, they smelled like freedom and something else she couldn’t quite name yet desperately wanted. The Wolves themselves tolerated her far better than the humans of the tribe, but showed only marginally more interest.
They milled about the trees, a dozen in all. Occasionally, a jostle would gain a nip or growl from another who was passing the time drowsing in the midday humidity. None of them wore the telltale signs of harnesses or harvest bags on their unblemished, fluffy coats which shone in the mottled patches of sunlight.
The one standing with its side to Lilau, a lanky, reddish-tinged female of roughly fourteen and a half hands, whined in agitation. She was not accustomed to a lot of human handling, having yet to choose her rider, and her patience with Lilau’s assessment was growing thin.
Lilau sped up her inspection, running her hands down each long leg to the paw pads, feeling for conformation flaws, breaks, tears or punctures. Feeling nothing out of place, she ran her hands back up from the front legs to the neck, face, then back to the tense haunches. A low growl emanated from the female, making Lilau glad that she had already examined the wolf’s mouth.
“Healthy and of good form.” She proclaimed, stepping back.
Her patient darted off to a more comfortable distance, earning a few annoyed snarls on the way.
“Quick and accurate. Excellent work.” Mara’s voice came from behind Lilau, where she had been standing the whole examination, assessing Lilau as she assessed the wolf.
She beamed at Mara’s compliment. There had been no pride or excitement in Mara’s voice, but to Lilau, that made her praise all the better. She always told it like it was — no better and no worse.
She moved past Lilau, looping through the wolves as she made her last remarks. “A few thorns, the start of mange in one and a bite mark on an overzealous challenger, all treated. Otherwise the pack is healthy. Just one thing left to do. Dismiss them, Lilau.”
Lilau’s eyes widened. Mara called the wolves through a mental connection she had honed through decades of not only being a Bonded Rider but also being the caretaker of the Unbonded packs that roamed the woods. Lilau didn’t know the first thing about talking to them. Mara noticed her apprehension, a frown forming on her wrinkled face.
“Relax, it’s a lot easier than you might think. The major thing is to put yourself into their mindset, try to feel and think like a wolf. Once you’ve done that, just think of what you want them to do.”
Lilau grimaced. That didn’t seem easy to her.
“Don’t make that face.” Mara admonished. “Close your eyes and think, girl.”
Lilau shrunk away from the threat in her tone. Not wanting to risk Mara’s wrath, she did as she was told. Her mind ran in circles, trying to pin down what made a wolf, well, a wolf. Hunting? She focused in on the idea. Feeling the strength in your legs as they pumped, your lungs expanding to their max with each eager breath, heart drumming against your ribs, your prey edging closer even as they tried to pull away....
Growling erupted around her along with the soft rustling of many fuzzy bodies shifting positions.
“Whoa! Easy, girl! You made an impression, but we want them to leave, not eat us. Think of the pack moving back into the forest, together, calmly.”
Furrowing her brow, Lilau tried again.
A pack... the press of many bodies, many others that rely on you and you on them. The pack in her mind clustered around her, tighter and tighter, until she couldn’t breathe. Their glowing eyes shined as they turned on her, sharp fangs bared. Loud rumbling echoed through her mind. The pack tensed, then lunged.
“Enough!”
She jerked her eyes open, coming face-to-face with a furious, very real pack of wolves bearing down on her with hackles raised and heads low. She scrambled away, pain jolting up her spine as her back struck a tree.
Mara shoved her way past the hunched forms, yelling the whole way. “Enough! I said! Stand down, you mangy beasts!”
Now at the front of the agitated group, Mara placed herself between Lilau and the wolves. With a stern glare and the ease of a lifetime of experience, she drowned out their agitation with calm reassurance and unarguable dismissal. Ears and heads popped up, the sudden shift in mood causing more than a few of those heads to turn almost perpendicular to the ground. Still, they listened. A yip sounded from the leader, garnering his pack’s attention. He turned with a leap, dashing off with the beta hot on his heels. Dancing with anticipation, the others waited their turn, highest in hierarchy to the lowest. Before long, Mara and Lilau were left alone in deafening silence, the other woodland creatures scared into silence by the sudden movement of so many large predators.
With the danger averted, Mara turned on Lilau with a deep frown. “Calm, I said! I don’t know what you showed them, but it was anything but calm!”
Lilau hung her head, hiding the tears that ran down her cheeks. Unfortunately, she couldn’t figure out a way to hide the trembling that shook her tiny body. “I’m sorry! I tried... I just... I couldn’t stop it....”
Her voice wobbled on the edge of a complete breakdown. She clenched her fists and stopped, afraid to continue.
Mara sighed. When she spoke next, the annoyance had vanished, replaced by her usual cold assurance. “No matter. We will revisit the lesson when you are more prepared. Come, we’re done here.”
Lilau moved stiffly behind Mara as they made their way back to the village.
Showing an unusual desire for conversation, Mara spoke up again a few minutes after they had departed the forest clearing, shocking the few cautious tweets and rustles back to silence. “Did you feel any connection to the wolves during that exercise?”
Lilau began counting the number of stitches in her loose leather shoes as she put one in front of the other, unwilling to revisit the terror she had felt during her attempt to commune with the animals. “No.” She replied.
Mara made an odd noise in her throat that Lilau couldn’t decipher. “As I figured. From what I’ve seen, it’s the same with the wolves. It is possible, even likely, that you will remain Unbonded.”
A bitter laugh burst from Lilau’s chest. “So I’ll be an outcast outside of the village instead of inside. Might be better out on my own.”
Mara glanced back at her without slowing. “Perhaps so.” She muttered.
Lilau dismissed the hint of sadness she thought she heard in Mara’s words. Such a thing wasn’t likely, given the source.