<~> CHAPTER 14

I woke with a start, eyes wide and heart pounding. I sat up and looked around. Where was the monster?

("Helena! Helena, it's okay! You're safe, you're okay!") Luna was next to me tightly gripping my arm and stopping me from jumping up. I stopped to catch my breath and look around. We were at the lake again, I was lying on a blanket a little ways off from the fire. I was a human again.

My breath evened out as I thought about what happened. The goblins... the goblin king... I was fighting it then everything became a haze. Wait! I was nearly cut in half!

I felt around my shoulder where the blade had dug into me but there was nothing. I was still wearing the armor I found in the lake but it was still pristine, completely undamaged. Nothing even hurt, I felt fine.

Rubbing my face I turned to Luna. ("What happened? The last thing I can remember was when the goblin king nearly cut me in half. Did Piper save me?")

She frowned in concern. ("No, she told me that after that attack she tried to stabilize you to try and keep you alive but once she pushed your body back together your natural healing took over. After that, you went berserk and ripped the goblin king into pieces while we watched. We were worried you were going to turn on us before you vomited and fell over.")

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the fragmented memories of what happened. I remember... that taste. I couldn't stop a grimace from coming across it as the memory of that taste on my tongue grossed me out. I remember... tearing it apart... I was so angry. I remember... the heart. My eyes went wide. Wait! This has happened before. I remember eating the heart of the frost salamanders too... but why? I shook my head. I remember looking at my... packmates. I wouldn't have hurt them, I wanted to protect them.

I turned back to Luna. ("I remember bits and pieces. But when I was wrapped up deep in my instincts I recognized all of you as my packmates... friends. I wouldn't have hurt you. If anything I was confused why you were frightened.")

Luna cupped my cheek and turned me to face her. She had a concerned smile on her face as her soft thumb traveled across my cheek. ("I'm glad to hear that and I'm happy you're okay... I was watching when the goblin hit you with its sword... I thought you died...")

The tone of her voice through the rings was so sad. We just met and she would have mourned me if I died. The emotions made my chest tight and tears threatened to form in my eyes. I had to look away.

("I'm sorry.") I managed to whisper out.

She scooted closer to me and pulled my head to her chest. I couldn't help myself and I started to cry. I'm not sure why I was crying, what triggered it, or why I couldn't stop. I just kept sobbing into her bosom. She just held me there for a long time until I eventually got control of myself again.

("I feel so sleepy,") I whispered out to her.

Luna brushed a lock of hair out of my eyes and smiled down at me. ("Then sleep. I'll be nearby when you wake up.")

I laid back down on the rough blanket and passed out the moment I got comfortable.

***

I woke up in a haze once again. I felt groggy like I had barely slept but I had been laying there long enough that my back was feeling sore from the hard ground. I rubbed my face and looked around again. The cool air and pleasant smell of the lake greeted me, the only place in this hell hole that brought me any kind of comfort. Maxwell, Piper, and Luna were sitting by the fire, presumably talking about me. I could hear their low chatter from where I was lying.

That goblin had caught me off guard and pushed my instincts to take over. Now that I had gotten a bit more sleep, I was able to remember more of what happened. My emotions had taken complete control of me, the only reason I didn't attack my new friends was the... animal inside of me recognized them as allies too. I was lucky... I couldn't imagine what I would have done if I woke up after murdering the three of them.

I swallowed back the bile that threatened to come up. I felt like crap. I wasn't in pain exactly but I was sore all over. It reminded me of the first few times I started training for the triathlon. Any amount of exercise was too much for me at the time and I paid for it the next day, this felt similar. I groaned as I pulled myself to my feet and headed over to the group sitting by the fire.

A concerned look spread across Maxwell's face as he saw me approach but I wasn't sure if he was concerned for me or concerned of me. Truthfully, it would be fair either way. With a grunt I sat down next to Luna who reached over and gently grabbed my knee, giving me some much-needed reassurance.

("How are you feeling?") she asked me.

("Better but sore...") I replied.

She nodded at me before scribbling my words in the sand to the other two. The two of them exchanged a look before asking Luna a question.

("They want to know what happened... from your perspective.")

I sighed heavily and stared at the fire. ("I remember more of what happened now. My instincts took over when I nearly died. Or at least, when I got cut in half.)

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("Why... did you eat part of the goblin king? We never saw you do that to the other goblins.")

I grimaced. ("I honestly don't know. I had no control over my actions, I couldn't stop myself and I just ended up throwing it up afterwards.")

When Luna finished scribbling out my response there was a lull in the conversation. Eventually, Maxwell asked something else and Luna turned to translate for me again. ("You told me earlier that you saw us as your 'packmates,' what does that mean?")

I looked back up at them, looking each of them in the eye for a moment. ("Even when I was fully consumed by my instincts I felt protective of all of you. In that state, I was confused why you were still frightened after I killed the monster. Whatever happened to me completely exhausted me though and I passed out before I realized that I was the one you were scared of.")

Luna frowned at that but wrote it out in the sand for them. Maxwell sighed and Piper slumped down a little in response. Before they could respond though I decided to add something. ("It's okay that you're scared of me. I don't blame you. I'm scared of myself... to be honest. Before I came here I wouldn't have been capable of any of this... killing creatures with my own hands...") I wrapped my knees up in my arms and looked back down into the fire. ("I don't know what I've become.")

Rather than translate my words Luna wrapped herself around me and held me in a hug. I turned to her and gave her a pained smile. She let go of me and translated what I said to the other two. As time went on this language barrier became more and more irritating. There was a divide between us that can't really be bridged by Luna's translations. I had done my best to learn some of their words but I couldn't even begin to explain myself in their tongue when I barely knew many words at all.

Once Luna finished the two others had a short conversation between them before turning back to Luna to tell me something more.

("Maxwell says that he might not have been completely fair to you so far. You seem like an intelligent person but it's a little hard to get over your... eyes and other abilities... One moment you speak with understanding the next you're ripping a monster apart. He says it makes it hard to trust you...") Luna sounded a little sad to repeat his words.

I sighed and nodded. ("I understand.")

Maxwell spoke more and Luna translated, ("However, you've been a great help to us so far. If you are able to show restraint toward us even when you aren't in complete control of yourself, we should give you some benefit of the doubt. You'll have to be more careful when fighting dangerous enemies but so far I trust you.")

My eyes widened.

Piper added something and Luna translated that too. ("When I was trying to stop you from getting up you didn't attack me, or snap at me like a common dog might. You just got up and attacked our actual enemy. I trust you too.")

There was a lump in my throat and tears ran down my face. I let out a shaky breath. I had been afraid... afraid they would turn on me, abandon me, but they didn't. They gave me another chance.

I sniffled at wiped the tears away. I had to change the subject. ("W-what happened after I passed out?")

They nodded to Luna and she spoke for herself this time. ("When you passed out you changed back into your human form. We waited a little to see if you were going to get back up and when you didn't Piper checked if you were still alive. You didn't seem to need any healing and you were still breathing so Maxwell picked you up and carried you back here. We killed nearly all of the goblins so we didn't come across any on the way back and other than the frost salamanders, there shouldn't be any other enemies on this floor. We just decided to rest and see how long it would take before you woke back up.")

I nodded numbly. I didn't know how to feel, I looked up at Luna. ("What should we do next?")

Luna furrowed her brows and turned to Maxwell before writing out my words.

He sighed and leaned back before saying something in his language.

("Maxwell says that we should probably start heading up. Nearly dying to the goblin king means that that you need better training.")

("The goblin king is the first thing I've come across that's been even remotely dangerous to me. If we go up, won't that continue to be true?") I asked.

Maxwell tilted his head in thought before replying. After a moment Luna translated. ("So what you're saying is that if you want to get better at fighting you need stronger enemies to fight, not weaker ones? He says that's not unreasonable. He wants to ask me and Piper what we think. Give us a moment.")

I nodded as they began a conversation without me. It didn't seem like this would be a quick chat so I stepped away and looked over the lake. The cool air was relaxing. What was wrong with me? I nearly died and my suggestion is to go deeper into this hell hole? I was conflicted. I wanted to be stronger, or at least, a part of me did. The other side of me was scared of what I was becoming, scared of continuing to fight for survival. What did I actually want?

...The first thing that came to mind was Luna. I covered my mouth as I blushed.

Let's be serious here. I want to survive. My unfocused community college associate degree probably wasn't going to amount to much in this world. The way these guys talked, hunting things in dungeons was lucrative. There was also the other problem... if I ever wanted to get back home I would need the money or influence to afford it. That wasn't something I could get if I went up to the top of this dungeon city and became a day laborer. What else could I do if I can't even speak the language?

I sighed. Is there even any choice here? From a logical path, getting stronger and making money from hunting made the most sense... From the emotional side... I was hungry for it. My new and ever-present instincts were dying for the thrill of the hunt and the money was merely a side benefit. I cracked my knuckles and the bones in my wrists. As horrible as that last fight ended it had been a thrill when it started. Killing the smaller goblins and coming at the goblin king from behind.

There was also one more factor. I looked at the reflection of my eerie white eyes in the lake. I might need some more strength to protect myself. People weren't always kind to one another and my creepy white eyes and shapeshifting abilities might make people scared enough to attack me. I needed to at least be strong enough to make people pause before considering it and decide the risk wasn't worth it if I wasn't attacking them first. I was lucky these three had been as accepting as they had been. Things could be much worse right now.

I took a deep breath of the cool lakeside air. Everything was pointing me in one direction. I don't know if it was logic or emotion that pushed me to continue, but I wanted to.