Now that we are in the midst of an exciting encounter between our heroine and a mysterious new villain, it is the perfect time to cut away to something far less interesting.
Though I suppose that’s all subjective, really. While a tense battle scene may be exciting to some, others may find their eyes fluttering to sleep as they slowly drag across the various descriptions of sword slashes and fireballs, wanting nothing more than for the fight to end and the story to return to a lively conversation between friends about food or the history of the kingdom or sexy elf girls or what have you.
Yes, now that I’m thinking about it, scenes that are, in essence, nothing more than a conversation have their own charm to them, and can be some of the most memorable and enjoyable in a story, can’t they? After all, characters tend to be the things that draw us in and connect us to the story, and seeing said characters interact with each other, revealing more about themselves, and living their lives can be even more exciting than a war between armies of nameless soldiers for nations nonexistent.
But, that certainly depends on who those characters are, of course. Some characters are far too boring, too lacking in charisma and spice to carry conversational scenes, even for readers who treasure such scenes above all else.
Take Lance for example, as he sits alone in his bedroom, which may as well be a blank white void of nothingness given how unremarkable it is. For the past few hours, the nineteen-year-old G13 rookie had been doing essentially nothing. Snacking on the same candy he always did, scrolling through social media while half-watching a livestream of an obnoxiously-loud man exploring a pyramid-esque ultrapulse that had awakened on the other side of the world. He hadn’t even bothered getting dressed, still wearing a plain t-shirt and pajama pants.
Yes, Lance was, sadly, one of the least interesting individuals to be found on Planet ULTRA, a world famous to alien species for its “crazy-ass inhabitants”. Even after becoming a member of the Ecclesian Knights and, more impressively, joining the ranks of the secretive G13 branch, he had still yet to find his identity. His flavor. His reason for having any spotlight in the story at all.
Now, some of you might be thinking to yourselves, “Perhaps his lack of interestingness is what makes him so interesting! A normal, boring, bland person found amongst weirdos can be just as fun! This applies to many of my personal favorite characters!”
I would implore you to cease this coping method, and just accept that you simply enjoy boring, bland characters, and no amount of justification can convince any of us that those boring, bland characters are in actuality just as interesting as the non-boring, non-bland characters, because you are wrong.
And don’t even try to pull any of that, “Boring, bland characters are needed because they are the most down-to-earth and relatable!” stuff with me, no sir! Non-boring, non-bland characters can have plenty of down-to-earth moments that make them relatable; boringness and blandness are not required in the slightest! If you find these boring, bland characters to be the most relatable, the only thing that says is that you are boring and bland, and should probably not be a focal point in a story. I apologize if that seems rude, but I think it does need to be said.
Some of you are no doubt thinking to yourselves, “Where did this all come from….?” And I’ll tell you where it came from: Lance is so boring and bland that he isn’t currently doing anything interesting and noteworthy enough to be observed within this story, and I am trying to fill time until he does.
“Well why not just skip ahead to that part in the story instead of all of this?” you are no doubt asking. My apologies, but I am not an author; I do not control the narrative in any way, I’m merely here to observe and show you what happens, but I simply could not sit there and make you watch a boring, bland, nineteen-year-old boy aimlessly scroll around on the internet. I wouldn’t wish that fate upon even the most wretched of souls.
Thankfully, something more interesting is about to happen, so let’s go back to that, shall we?
With a groan and a stretch of the arms, Lance leaned back in his chair, finding it difficult to believe it was already approaching evening. He’d done absolutely nothing with his day, and the guilt was starting to bubble within him. Sure, spending days doing nothing had been fairly excusable back when he was still a teenager in school, but at nineteen years of age with a fancy adult job, it felt like such an unbelievable waste of time and potential; an insult to life itself, almost.
But even with the knowledge of that guilt within him, he didn’t exactly know what to do about it. There wasn’t anything he really felt like filling that time with, no goal to make progress towards, no plans in general.
Well….maybe there was one thing, but it was a pipe dream, and not exactly the most noble of goals….
Lady Raschell had invited him to her husband’s birthday celebration in the next few days; it was set to be some kind of monumental party on an airship. Lance had never been on board one of those fancy cruiser airships before, let alone whilst attending a noble party. It was strange to think that he of all people had been invited to one, though he rationalized that it was ultimately due to being in G13. After all, all of the other members (sans Bianca) had been invited as well, though King Garn never left his home, and Sariah seemed the type to not care about parties, prioritizing work over everything else in life, so Lance would probably be the only one to actually show up.
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
Was he really about to go to a party just to spend a few moments with Lady Raschell, knowing full well there wasn’t a chance in hell of actually getting with her? What was the point, exactly?
He sighed. He knew his infatuation with her had to end sooner or later. Maybe it would be best to get started on that now by not showing up to the party. Maybe he should be going out trying to meet girls his own age. Maybe he could-
WHAM!
He nearly fell out of his chair as a loud noise crackled nearby, shattering the silence of his room. His head swiveled around in all directions in search of the source, though his eyes found nothing.
WHAM!
There it was again, though this time he sensed the direction; the window.
He scurried over to it, careful not to approach too closely, lest it explode and some foreign object like a crossbow bolt or something come flying in to skewer him.
WHAM!
The sound exploded out again, definitely coming from outside his window, though he couldn’t see anything through the glass, so he rationalized that it must have been a strong wind or something outside.
Giving in to his curiosity, he pulled the window open without putting himself directly in front of it. For a few moments, no other noise followed, prompting him to poke his head around the edge.
Nothing out of the ordinary jumped out at him at first; all he could see was the yard outside. His strong wind theory didn’t exactly hold up either, as the air felt quite still, and nothing that logically would have been rustled by strong winds appeared to be; the empty trash hadn’t been blown over, leaves and fruits hadn’t been dislodged from the trees and bushes, nothing.
Just as he was about to shut the window closed once more, however, a burst of green winds came flooding in, grasping hold of his hand, keeping it locked in place.
“What the-?!”
He grabbed hold of his wrist with his opposite hand, trying to pry it free from the stasis it had been placed in. All the while, a voice came from the other side of the window. “Whoa, whoa, relax, kid, take it easy!”
Lance looked to the source, though he didn’t take the order to relax to heart right away. A man was in his yard, casually approaching the window. He was a pretty tall and well-built guy wearing a pretty ordinary hoodie and jeans. He was quite good-looking as well, but in that sort of rugged, semi-ungroomed way. If he shaved and tidied up his hair, he’d probably be an absolute hunk, but he kept some stubble on his face and let his blond hair hang loose. “Who are you?!”
As the man stepped up to the window, he paused, and an exaggerated frown appeared on his lips. “Ouch, you don’t remember me? That hurts, kid.”
Raising a brow, Lance leaned his head forward to get a better look, and that’s when it clicked. “Oh, Garo?! What the heck are you doing here?!”
The handsome man smiled, and Lance felt control return to his hand. “There we go, that’s much better!”
Garo had been Lance’s babysitter back when he was a child. The pair hadn’t seen each other in quite some time, what with Garo moving away to Leotera and Lance growing old enough to no longer require a babysitter.
Both men extended a hand out, shaking the other’s in the open window. “You move back in town?”
Garo shook his head. “This suburban hellscape, dude? Nah, it ain’t for me. I’m a city man, through and through.”
“So what brings you back here then?”
“Meeting up with some old friends from school,” he replied with a shrug of the shoulders, gazing around the neighborhood. “I know reunions probably sound super lame to you when you’re young, but trust me, when you start to get older, those kinds of things get more and more appealing every year.”
Garo turned back to facing Lance. “Just thought I’d drop by and see if you were still around. Got some time to kill before I head out to dinner with my old crew. So how you been, Checkers?”
A twisting knot of cringe and shame dug into Lance’s gut upon hearing his old childhood nickname. Memories he’d seemingly forgotten, an identity he’d left behind, all came flooding back to slap him in the face. He’d gotten the nickname because of how terrible he was at chess to the point that Garo would suggest they play something simpler like Checkers instead. “Oh man….don’t bring that back, please….”
Garo bursted out laughing. “Aw, I’m just yanking your chain, kid. It’s all good. I bet you’re great at chess now.”
Nope. “Yeah, maybe….”
Garo leaned forward, resting his arms on the windowsill to get a better look inside Lance’s room. “Damn, this place hasn’t changed at all….your parents just leave it as is when you moved out?”
“Moved out?”
“Huh? You still living with your folks?” Garo asked, cocking an eyebrow. “Aren’t you a grown-ass man now? Or have I gotten my timeline screwed up?”
With a shrug, Lance replied, “I’m nineteen.”
“Yeah, you should be outta your folks’ place by now, dude. What’re you waiting for?”
Lance paused, not having an answer ready. What had he been waiting for, exactly? He had a steady job and it certainly paid well enough to afford his own place. He didn’t have any particular attachment to his hometown or anything, either, so it wasn’t like anything was really keeping him in place.
“I….don’t know, honestly….”
The two stood there in silence for a few moments, with Lance caught up in his own head about how directionless his life was, and Garo recognizing that and giving him some time to think it over.
But after a bit of that, Garo reached his hand inside the room and patted Lance on the head, ruffling his hair. “Hey, don’t get all down in the dumps with me, kid. Let’s do something fun while I’m here.”
“Like what?”
Grinning, Garo nodded his head towards the other side of Lance’s room, where his Ecclesian Knight sword was propped up against the wall. “Let’s spar a little. Show me what you got, kid.”
Lance turned back to Garo, eyebrows raised. “You wanna have a swordfight?”
His question was answered when an absolutely massive greatsword with a blade nearly the size of a person appeared in Garo’s hand, slamming into the grass below with a heavy THUNK!
“Hell yeah I do! Get out here and let’s throw down a little.”