Saturday unfolded just as we had planned. We were already a family. Hanna and Mattie had already captured my heart. Every day I was with them, the bond grew stronger.
And Laura? We both ached for the other. If we were near each other, we had to be touching. If we were out of reach, we still touched with loving gazes. I felt like a whole person again. The emptiness Megan left me with was now filled to overflowing. Happiness doesn’t begin to describe how I felt. I had a joy so deep that I could feel it in my bones. And I could see the same in Laura too.
Then came Saturday afternoon. It was special in a different way.
Laura had to do some chores upstairs… laundry and such. It was raining a bit so the girls were inside. I got to spend quality time with each one.
Mattie was concentrating on her tablet, so Hanna and I worked on a puzzle together. The finished picture would be a large grouping of dolls. So, lots of colors and a very busy picture made for a stiff challenge. She was quite good at it.
We chatted about the puzzle for a while, then moved to other topics.
“Hanna, as smart as you are, I assume you like school?”
“Yeah. I like summer break, but I miss school and my friends. I get to see them once in a while.”
“Do some of your friends come over?”
“Just a few that live near here. Amy and her sister Terri, you saw them out front one day.”
“I remember!”
“They live the next street over.”
“How about the boys across the street?”
“Yuck!”
“Sorry.”
We talked about her dance school, and the friends she had there that were also in her class at school. She had friends at their old church but they lived too far away. She talked seriously with tears in her eyes about a friend at school, Cynthia, whose dad was mean to her. Cynthia and her mom moved to a secret place to hide.
“I pray for Cynthia every night! God will help her. I hope she moves back so I can see her again!”
“That’s a good thing to do.”
I wanted to lighten the mood a bit.
“So, what do you want to do when you grow up?”
“Not sure. I want to help people. Maybe a doctor or something. Mom says there’s plenty of time to figure it out.”
“You don’t want to be a dancer?”
“I am a dancer!” she said trying to look indignant but stifling a smile.
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“Yes! You are!”
“Dancing is nice, and you can make people feel good, but I want to really help!”
Hanna captured my heart so easily. I imagined Laura was just like her when she was little.
Mattie walked over with a box in hand.
“Hanna! Let’s do makeup!”
The box was filled with play makeup.
Hanna shouted, “Mr. Ben! Can you help?”
“Are you allowed to do this without your mom?”
“Yep!”
She opened the box and carefully laid out the contents. Mascara, face powder, lipstick, the works.
“Me first!” Mattie shouted.
“Okay!” Hanna said. “Mr. Ben can do your cheeks. I’ll put the lipstick on!”
I was out of my element, but it was fun. I tried to apply just a little to be subtle. The toy makeup wasn’t forgiving enough to permit that. When we were done, Mattie looked more like she ran into a paint gunfight and lost.
“Mattie! You look so beautiful!” I said. She did, the makeup didn’t. She looked suddenly shy, but happy with herself.
Hanna came up with a fun and devious idea.
“Mr. Ben, let us do you!”
I was afraid! Very afraid! But I was game.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Lay down on the floor on your back and close your eyes.”
“Yeah… close your eyes!” Mattie added.
“Okay! Here I go!” I laid back. Hanna knelt to the side of my face. Mattie climbed up and sat on my chest. I was trapped and at the mercy of two lovely, kind, awesome, and devious little sweeties.
My face was being gently mauled. There was lots of giggling and snickering. Something told me I was getting the deluxe treatment. I felt makeup being applied all over. I didn’t know makeup went on your forehead and ears.
Suddenly I heard roaring laughter above me. Laura came back down and was standing over me. The girls moved as I opened my eyes hoping nothing was going to fall in them and sting. The girls were rolling on the floor. Laura couldn’t contain herself.
“Girls! You did a beautiful job!” She was spitting laughter as she said it.
“Okay! So… how do I look?”
“Real pretty!” Mattie shouted while laughing at me.
Hanna was more honest in her couched response. “Unbelievable.”
“Laura… what do you think?”
“Wait here!” she ordered. She retrieved her phone and started snapping pictures.
“These will come in handy someday!”
“Can I see?” I asked.
“If you can take it!”
“Oh-oh.” I had to laugh at the image. I was struggling to describe it. I went the safe route.
“Great job, girls! I’ve never looked better!”
They totally lost it. They were howling uncontrollably. Laura hugged the two girls and I was the target of their amusement.
Laura finally found a suitable description.
“You look like… like a deranged clown mixed with cheap streetwalker!”
The image on the phone verified her description. Every inch of my face, neck, ears, and forehead was covered with bright blue, green, red, and yellow. My red lips looked five times wider than they really were. I was hideous! Beautifully hideous! I was having a blast!
Calming down a little but still on the edge of busting out again, Laura suggested we move to the table for a snack and something to drink. She tried to quietly tell me that it was okay to go wash up, but I wouldn’t dare. I sat quietly at the table as if everything was normal. Our ‘lemonade and carrot time’ was delightful as they tried to contain themselves. I loved it. Laura calmed her laughter enough that she could absorb our interaction. She saw it clearly. I loved these little angels, and they loved me. Being with them was as natural as breathing.
I finally got to wash off their artwork. Some remained and would only come off in the shower later. I’d wear it every day if I could always feel that way.
Later, dinner was pizza… always a good choice. After dinner was movie time. The girls changed into their PJ’s and we all sat on the couch with Mattie and Hanna seated on either side of me, and Laura on the end. The girls were both snuggled into me, and I was in heaven. It didn’t take long before they were both asleep in my arms.
Laura carried Mattie upstairs and I carried Hanna. That night, Laura and I took care of the prayers as we embraced while gazing at each sweet face. The girls were out cold. The prayers were not short. They were filled with thankfulness, loving requests for their future, and that they would grow with soft, teachable hearts. I was standing with the one I loved and talking to the Creator of the universe about the little ones He had put in her care... and I hoped they would be in my care too someday.
I considered what it meant to keep feeling closer and closer to Laura. How could I conclude that it couldn’t get any better one night, and the next night it was better? Closer has so many dimensions. Closeness can be in care, in physical love, emotional love, one-mindedness, all our emotions, all our fears, and so many other dimensions. It’s not singular. This was another dimension. Feeling close to her as we spoke with God felt like all the dimensions were pulled together. Yes, I felt… we felt closer than ever!
Laura and I returned to the couch. We were tired, overflowing, overwhelmed, overcome, and emotionally spent for the night. It was glorious. “You’ve Got Mail” was just starting so we put it on. I sat at the end of the couch and Laura snuggled into me. Tonight we didn’t need to talk. We stared at the screen only half watching the movie we had both seen multiple times.
Laura laid her head on my lap and I stroked her hair, rubbed her shoulders and back. She was asleep in minutes and I just took in the lovely sight of her peaceful face. Even in sleep, she smiles. I pondered and reflected on how blessed I was at the moment and drifted off to sleep myself.
Laura woke up before I did around 3:00 AM. She gently brought me from my slumber with tender kisses all over my face.
“Ben, I’m heading up to bed. Do you want to head home or just sleep here on the couch?”
“Couch sounds good right now.” I kissed her goodnight as she headed up the stairs.
I set my phone alarm to be up and gone before they all got up a few hours later. I wanted to be upstairs with her. Sex wasn’t my intent. I wanted to hold her in my arms all night, and wake to her angelic smile. I put the image in my mind, and quickly drifted back into my dreams. I was at peace.