“I’ve done it again….” I said to myself. I was looking at the screen as I thought about this strange conversation I had with this person. I thought she was a normal, puny and primitive human like the ones I was used to handling but it turned out that she was an alien like me. I already knew there were some on Earth, but it was a backyard and primitive planet, so there were not a lot of them here.
From time to time, I met with aliens like me who loves observing prestellar civilizations or criminals who escaped from their prisons. However, someone from a big organization? Never.
“And by the way, where does this name come from? 'All the Universes and Beyond'? It looks like it comes from a chuunibyou kid.” As usual, I was interested in the weirdest things.
I left my desk and went toward the kitchen. The apartment was dark but clean thanks to the army of little robots which did all the chores for the residents which were me and the cat. As usual, she was on the sofa sleeping and snoring. I continued without looking at her and finally I was in the kitchen. I asked the cooking robot some pizza and went off after having eaten. The sun was already high in the sky and a lot of people were walking down the street. As usual, I was in my human form in order to observe them. The first thing I did every morning was buying newspapers, a lot of them.
Indeed, each human writes differently, and it can give me information about the thinking process of the one who wrote. My computer was in my hands nevertheless it was not a normal computer. It was a computer that I made so that it looked like a human computer. Its performance was in another league though. I was not really into delicate hacking, so I needed performance! With enough performance, even the governmental agencies are nothing.
I was quite conspicuous with all my newspapers and my attire because all my clothes were blue.
What? I love blue since it's my natural color and if I’m not blue enough I don’t feel right. I thought I'd try to respond to those looks.
Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.
I was thinking about this conversation on the Internet with the alien. I hoped she would not steal my life research…. If an alien used the primitive Internet, it was to observe them no? I did not even know who I was talking with but 15% of my mental capacity was still studying the news and the thinking process of the journalists, 5% was observing the characteristics of the people in the street and compared it with my memories of humans since I arrived on this planet, 10,000 years ago, 5% calculated the proportions of the females (some of my sponsors were interested in that and I needed money) and the rest was thinking about the conversation.
It has been a long time since I have studied the reactions of another species.
And so, I made the worst mistake of my life. The mistake would give me the thing I abhorred the most: a job. I decided to continue to my little lie in order to observe her and her organization. I was not some kind of villain who wanted to destroy primitive people, my project was different, and her organization could help me find what I need.
I went home after having observed humans for eight hours. I knew I was creepy, an all-blue clothed man, reading newspaper quickly and looking fixedly people without visible emotions on my face. However, it was with this type of creepy appearance that people gave me the most space.
In my RRL message box, I could see what she sent to me.
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I knew it! People have lived for so long without killing themselves and some other alien race just had to be involved in this future disaster! Our seers have seen signs of it for a long time now and we WILL stop it! Even without tracking your spaceship! My crew is already looking into the parts of it you sold on the market. What will you do to Earth?!
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I just had to stay hidden and extort some information to complete my objective. My species was everywhere but not a lot of aliens knew about us because we were undetectable. She will never find me, I thought
“What could I send her? What would destroy Earth horribly?” I said looking at the cat. Next to her, there was some chocolate.
“That’s it! Her story seems to be about chocolate, but does she really know its effect? Let’s try this!” I exclaimed.
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*tone of a villain who explains his plan*
I am currently buying all the chocolate factories in the world under different names! And when I have bought them all, I will stop the chocolate production and the chocolate-craving humans will wage war to have the little chocolate available!!!
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They already wage war for nothing, they would for it too!