Ruyi got a letter from Sen.

At first she was confused, since it was almost entirely black—just scratched out lines, over and over. She tried reading through the cross-outs.

“It so happens that next Sunday morning is free for me. Would you like to—” crossed out.

“I would be honored if —” crossed out.

“If it so pleases you perhaps we could take lunch at—” crossed out.

Each of Sen’s letters were a rare spot of joy in her day. This was no different. She smiled as she read; she could picture Sen groaning in frustration.

After a half-dozen more tries, at the bottom, written in shaky script—

“Would you like to go on a date with me? - Sen Li”

Ruyi wished she’d gotten the letter weeks earlier. But right now she was nursing a horrid hangover, and she could hardly recognize the face in her bedroom’s full-length mirror. Sunlight slashed across a face that could’ve been a dead person’s. Dark bags framed her eyes. She was disheveled, pale, and stank something awful. She teetered when she walked. The room was a wasteland of dirty clothes and dirty plates.

And that was just her bedroom; her lab was best not mentioned.

She just couldn’t. Not now. What would she say? She tried out a dozen excuses but they all felt wrong; she finally settled on the truth.

She told Sen that a dear friend had recently died. She said she was not doing great. She said she was sorry, but now was just not a good time. But she asked Sen to keep writing her. “You make me happy,” she wrote. She didn’t even feel embarrassed sending it off. She had no patience for coyness right now. Life was too short to hold back how you really felt.

***

It was a week for important letters—Mother got an official letter from the Li clan, stamped with the Li crest, written on a kind of bamboo grown only in the Li clan, marked with the Li’s signature wind qi. It said a Grand Elder died and the clan was holding a meeting of the High Council to appoint the next one. As a sitting member, Mother had to be present for the vote.

Still Mother dithered in the doorway, even with her carriage ready and her luggage loaded on.

“I won’t be gone long!” she said to them. “Just a few days… Master Yun Li will be staying with you while I’m gone.” A squat bald portly man who smiled lots and seemed to love nothing more than reading and eating. He seemed like a friendly uncle, the harmless type full of old tales, but apparently he was a Nascent Soul warrior of some renown.

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” said Mother.

“We’ll be fine,” said Ruyi. “Go! Shoo!”

***

Gao came that afternoon for one of their weekly chats. “Is this real?” Ruyi waved the letter she’d gotten. Gao snatched it out of her hands, squinted at its contents, then sighed. “Walk with me.”

They set off on a long arching path through the garden. The sunflowers had been drooping before; now they were dying off despite the gardeners’ best efforts. A good half of the sunflowers had been cleared out. New saplings were being planted in their place, small blue frost petunias fit for winter, but they didn’t seem to take to the soil.

“We’ve known each other long enough,” Gao began. “It’s about time you learned more about me. So I sent you the letter, yes. But after that Zhilei business…you’re right to be cautious.”

“Oh, I’d love to visit you! I just wasn’t sure it was really you. I had to hear it from your lips.”

Gao just grunted.

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to thank you.”

Gao cocked a brow. “Oh?”

She’d been thinking a lot about Mei recently. She couldn’t help it. It felt like a responsibility, almost. She felt her memories were something precious. Mei wasn’t here anymore—these memories were the only place where she could still live, in a way. Ruyi felt lucky she was one of the few folk who really knew her, all of her, if only briefly and superficially. She felt lucky to carry Mei with her.

“You were the one who told me to open up,” Ruyi said. “To be more… trusting, I guess? I used to think everyone hated me, so I could feel free to hate them too. But some people really are worth it. I just had to give them a chance.”

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Gao was silent, so she went on.

“I mean. Some people suck, too. But meeting one really great person is worth a hundred shitty ones.” She wasn’t sure how to end this strange long speech, a speech which was going sappier than she’d imagined, so she said, “Thanks, I guess. If it weren’t for you… I’d still be lonely.”

Gao was staring off into the distance, down the road, like she hadn’t heard. They took a branching path which circled around the house, heading to the forest.

“I was wrong to tell you that,” Gao said at last. “That is the rot at the core of all relationships, girl. Put your trust in someone else and they can hurt you. You should never hand anyone a knife, not even a friend. A mentor of mine told me that. Only lately have I seen the wisdom in it.”

At first Ruyi thought she’d heard wrong. “What are you saying?” she said, frowning. “That’s why you choose the people you trust carefully! My—the friend I was thinking of—she would never hurt me.”

“How can you know that?”

“What do you mean?” It seemed a ridiculous question to Ruyi. “I knew her.”

“No one truly knows anyone, idiot girl,” sighed Gao. “No. The only person you can trust is yourself. You would do well to remember that.”

They were creeping past the manor now, into the shadows of the looming firs.

“Well, I don’t believe that.” Ruyi crossed her arms. “What brought this on, anyways?” It sounded like someone had hurt Gao, and she was just spewing. It was very unlike the old lady.

Gao ignored her. “Love is even worse,” she spat. “Love is the apotheosis of dumb trust.”

“So you’re saying I should never love anyone.”

“If you can help it.” Gao wouldn’t look at her. “All loving ends one way.”

“That’s stupid. Now you just sound old and bitter.” Ruyi stopped. She was getting mad. “So what—you’re saying I should never love anyone my whole life? I should just… give up, ‘cause they might hurt me? I hate that. It’s such a sad way to live! So what if I might get hurt? I’d much rather love and get hurt than never love at all.”

She was thinking of Mei.

Then she caught sight of Gao’s face. She’d never seen the old woman so sad. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” whispered Gao.

When it struck her, she did not see it coming.

***

Ruyi floated in a warm haze. Her thoughts slipped away as she reached for them. She couldn’t think. Her head throbbed; she could feel her every heartbeat rattling in her ears, echoing in her skull, thumping wet and loud. All she could do was listen. There was a light, bright and painful white, high above; she squinted. Drool leaked out the edges of her lips, but she couldn’t seem to close her mouth.

Voices.

“…preserved well. Demonform… suppressed. And takes well to essence. It is as Marcus said.” A voice, smug and soft—she knew that voice. But where?

“You caught her at a good time,” the voice continued. “She’s far closer to Feral than we’d thought—by then she’d have a demonform, Tartarus or not. And the chance would be lost. Besides, the girl is a battering ram; she is incapable of subtlety. It was a matter of time before the Butcher caught on…is the elixir finished?”

“Yes.” That voice… Gao! “Drug her, perform the ritual and the bind shall be permanent.”

“You’re certain.”

“Marcus altered her formula himself. It is done.”

“Very well, very well! No need to be so testy.”

“Guh?” slobbered Ruyi.

“Ah! Our little friend is awake.”

The light winked out, leaving an absent stain in Ruyi’s vision; it resolved. There was a face there, smiling at her. The footman. Cao.

“Look at her,” said Cao. “Isn’t she adorable? She’s on so much poppy she’s practically comatose. Look—” He patted her on the head, and she blinked at him. He giggled. She giggled back. What was so funny? “After all the lip you’ve given me, I must say—it is incredibly satisfying to see you like this.”

“Are we certain this is a good idea?” said Gao. She stood in shadow, a splotch of black in greater blackness. “Perhaps we should try a different vessel. She takes well to essence, I’ll grant you—but she’s late Larval. She has her own essence already. This will present complications.”

“That Marcus has already accounted for; if we match aspects it’ll go just fine. There is no better vessel—she’s pre-purified herself for us!” A chuckle. “Unless… could it be you’re having second thoughts? Isn’t it a little late? You’ve already kidnapped the girl! We’ve sent her brother the bait! There is no turning back.”

“I am merely voicing relevant concerns.”

“Is that it? Or is it that eight years with the girl have softened your resolve—ah-ah!” Gao’s darkness suddenly swelled.

“I’m joking! Relax. Although…”

Cao’s darkness started to swell too. It grew and grew until it started to loom over Gao’s darkness, so vast it seemed like a night sky with no stars, and Ruyi felt scared for Gao.

“If you’d like to exchange pointers, dearest Gaia, I’m happy to oblige.”

A breath. Then Gao sighed; she bent her head, looking very old. Her darkness ebbed away.

“I tire of your incessant joking. I have done my job. Have you done yours?”

“Rest assured. The circle is already drawn, we’ve replaced the altar, my men are lugging barrels of saltpeter as we speak. Marcus’s forces mass in the mountains; they’ll keep off the army. They’ve massed in the city, too, out of sight—hundreds of the little fuckers, enough to clean out the Guard twice over. It is all proceeding smoothly. At dawn we’ll begin.”

A grunt from Gao.

“For the summoning, Marcus suggests we find an ice-aspect spirit so her essence will take. He thinks her body, cleansed in the Tartarus and the Styx as it is, can handle a Calamity—any will do. I figure we’ll go for Abraxas, the Blizzard Mantis. Can you imagine—this little thing as a Giant Ice-Mantis? Or perhaps Nivalea the Bleeding Wraith. Ah! The Winter Wolf Lykos, whose howls birth avalanches!”

Another grunt.

“No suggestions? Truly? Am I to believe you do not care?”

“Pick whichever you like. I care about getting this damnable job done,” said Gao. She didn’t seem to want to look at Ruyi. Why? Ruyi felt sad. Had she done something wrong?

“Mmm,” muttered Cassius. He strode up to Ruyi. “Alright, little one. Sleep now. You’ve got a big day ahead of you.”

The air in the room was suddenly heavy to breathe, and when it got inside her Ruyi felt like she was drowning. She felt her head filling with blood; her heartbeats came heavier, louder; she felt like her skull might burst open.

Ruyi lolled forward, and she heard no more.