A/N: last rough chapter, sorry
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The dungeons were nothing like the ones in which she was held; they seemed like any other wing of the palace, only lower down with no windows. But they were still clean, and little jars and potted plants ran down the lengths of the hall, up to the holding cells.
As Ruyi neared, she heard the sound of sobbing. She tensed. The guard nodded to her. "One moment," he said, unlocking the thick steel door and striding in. He did not close it behind him.
"Your friend is here to see you," he said.
The sobbing ceased, then she heard Sabina's voice. A shaky croak. "Tell her—“ said Sabina. “tell her, ten breaths. Give me ten breaths."
It felt like a fist was closing around Ruyi's heart.
The guard returned and did as Sabina asked.
We waited ten breaths, a little longer even. She heard a lot of shuffling going on, a lot of thumping. She waited until it all stopped, then timidly, she crept in.
It was a cell that must have looked like a ward once. It had a nice little fluff mattress and pillows strewn about, no tables, no chairs, no potted plants. Nothing hard or sharp. The mattress was stained and rumpled, the covers hastily thrown over it, the pillows stacked together in some semblance of order, though two had clearly been torn open. We could see feathers strewn about the room, swept hastily into the corners or stuffed back into the pillow, though some still sagged out. It felt like she'd stumbled upon a crime scene, like there was an attempt to cover up a murder, and the culprit was still here, standing in the center of the room.
That was Sabina. If Ruyi saw her walking down the streets, she would not have recognized her. Her hair, which used to be lustrous and dark, was now a shaggy mop. Her eyes were bloodshot. She smiled; there were still bloodstains on her teeth.
"Ruyi," she said, "it is lovely to see you." She beamed.
Ruyi didn't even know what to say. Sabina looked like a corpse, so haggard, and her skin was a pale drape. She'd been so strong, muscular, and beautiful; now, she just seemed tired. She looked like she had aged years in just a few weeks. There were deep, dark circles under her eyes, like bruises. She would never have thought of Sabina as someone weak or frail, but that was all she could think right now.
Sabina came up to the bars, clutching at them. There were manacles on her wrists, glowing softly—anti-magic manacles.
"Can you believe what they have done to me?" She said. She rolled her eyes. "Marcus, that ridiculous, ridiculous man. He means well."
She glared down at her manacles and snorted. "You will have to help me out of this. You'll have to speak to him."
Ruyi said softly, "I just wanted to come to see you. To see if you were, um… to see how you were.”
She wanted to do for Sabina what Jin had done for her. She knew that when people were suffering, sometimes they just needed someone to love them.
Sabina blinked at her. “What? I am fine. Perfectly fine. Of course I am fine—better than fine! I am ready. I must be out there.”
Ruyi hook her head. “If you're…" She didn't even know how to phrase it.
"If you're having a hard time, um, I won't, um, think less of you. I just—I just want you to know I love you."
Sabina stared at her for a long moment. "You think I am having a hard time?"
She twitched, then laughed, a forced bark of a laugh. "What a joke. You've spent too much time around Darius! Enough of this silliness, truly. You must tell Marcus to let me out. This is nonsense. The praetorianus needs its leader. We must start to rebuild. There is so much to do, I cannot be down here in this—this farce of a—"
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"I'm serious," said Ruyi. "I know sometimes, um, sometimes you just need someone to listen to you, to hear you out. Sometimes we all need a little help."
Sabina's face flickered. "Is that how you see me?" she said softly. "You think I need help? Is this what Marcus has taught you, his guards? They have filled your head with lies, Ru-yi. You know me. Do you know who I am? Do you think I need help? No, no, they fear me! That is why they keep me here, but I have had enough!"
Ruyi wasn't sure what was happening. She wasn't sure where she'd gone wrong, but things were going quickly out of control, and she was starting to panic a little. This wasn't at all how she'd imagined them speaking. "That's—that's not what I mean—"
"You think I am like you, don't you? That's it, isn't it? You need help, you always need help, you come to me for help. You are some scared little girl, crying to mummy. And now our roles are reversed! You think that of me, is that it?"
Sabina spat it so angrily, Ruyi flinched. Sabina had never spoken to her like this, ever.
"I am not you!" shouted Sabina. "You are putting your weakness onto me. I despise that."
Ruyi couldn't even understand what she was saying. She was reeling. Had Sabina just called her—but she remembered when Sabina had held her that first day she’d come, and what she’d said to Ruyi. Words that held her up to this day.
“I thought," she whispered, "I thought you said I was strong."
"You are strong in a fight, but you're weak of mind," said Sabina mercilessly. "You always have been. You must be coddled. You are a sensitive, fragile little mouse of a thing. Not all of us need coddling. Some of us stand fine on our own!”
She was well and truly screaming now. "So you come here and, instead of offering to help, call me weak, call me fragile. You've come to insult me!”
Ruyi stood there for a moment, eyes squeezed shut, just breathing hard. She would hold still until all the tears went away. She said she would stand here, and she wouldn't cry. Once it went away, she would find her words, and she would talk steadily, evenly, like she wasn't bothered at all.
A few breaths passed in silence. There was only the sound of ruined, ragged breathing and Sabina's harsh panting. Then Ruyi opened her mouth. "I think—“
She trailed off when she saw the way Sabina was looking at her. The disgust in her expression.
Then she couldn't hold it in anymore.
Sabina still looked angry. She looked like she wanted to say more, but she just ended up turning away.
For a while, Ruyi sat there, sobbing to herself.
When at last she quieted down, Sabina spoke. "Listen," she said softly, once she turned back around. She looked stricken for a moment, where you thought she might apologize, but she just shook her head and took a deep breath and smiled. “Listen,” she said again, "all I mean is—this is all far, far too much. I am fine. I must be out there. Lions are not meant for cages. You know this. Tell me you know this.”
"I'm going to go now," said Ruyi softly.
Sabina's face contorted in anger. "You said you would help me."
Ruyi made for the door. "Don't you walk away from me!" Sabina screamed. They heard the rattling of steel on steel. "Look at me!"
Ruyi didn't turn around again.
There was a time she'd trusted Sabina enough to fall asleep on her lap. She thought she loved this woman. She didn't even recognize her anymore.
The days crawled by. The Frigus tribe fed off of Marcus's rations; there were just about a third of them left now. Most of the most senior of them had been slaughtered. The rest were kind of like Sabina. They might not have been broken on the battlefield, but they were broken just as badly in other ways. They would never lead the Frigus tribe again.
The duty fell on Livia, and Livia did try. She gathered a meeting and she tried to speak some hope into them, but less than half the tribe bothered to show up, bothered to heed her call. Ruyi could see how badly it shook her. She couldn't even finish her speech; she broke down halfway through, and that was that.
In a way, Octavius was right. There was no Frigus tribe anymore. There were just a bunch of survivors who didn't belong anywhere, who couldn't go anywhere.
Marcus offered them all sanctuary. He said they could stay as long as they wished. He had ample stores and ample space. Here they could be his wards, he said. He owed it to Drusilla.
In the meantime, Claudia had gone to work for him. She became one of his assistants, organizing his stacks on alchemy and helping him with his research.
But most of them found themselves with nothing to do. They wandered about like lost spirits, haunting the house, and they had just about as much life in them.
Marcus was busy nearly all day, sending letters all over the Demonlands. Lucius and Octavius were going around the South and the East, trying to string up an alliance, trying to corral the dozens of warring tribes down there into one behemoth of war. They were trying to sweep the Demonlands, Marcus said.
He meant to gather up an alliance of the northern and the eastern tribes against them.
But the Frigus tribe was the great northern tribe. And they existed no longer.
Spring was coming, Marcus said. The long winter was ending, but whenever Ruyi looked out at the Olympus range, all she saw was heaps upon heaps of snow.