Why...

Why did I deserve this life?

I only want to live a quiet life in a village. To have a family and be a good parent like Mom and Dad. To have friends I could count on for the rest of my life.

But my parents didn't like me. The children in my village bullied me, calling me mean names and throwing rocks at me.

I thought if I bear with it, I would please everyone and stop them from picking at me.

But in the end, I ended up in a dark forest. With nowhere to go home and nowhere to eat and drink. No Mom and Dad. No kids. No adults. Nothing...

They said this was for the sake of the village. But what good was it if I was trapped here with nobody to help me?! How could they do this to me?!

I only want to live with everyone. I only want to be loved. But was this the thanks I get?! And why do I have to be trapped here while everyone enjoys the toys and food in return?!

I won't forgive them. I will never forgive them!!!

They told me to die in the hands of a demon for the sake of protecting the village.

Maybe they might be happy being killed at my hands.

So no kid like me will suffer from their dumb traditions and rituals!

I feel stronger every day as I keep thinking about my parents who treated me like a useless tool. The kids who treated me like a monster. And the adults who treated me like trash.

They will pay. They will all pay. I will show them they made the wrong choice. I will kill them all.

They will pay. They will pay. Theywillpaytheywillpaytheywillpaytheywillpaytheywillpaytheywillpaytheywillpaytheywillpaytheywillpay

THEY WILL ALL PAY!!!

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I gasped as I opened my eyes and got up from my hammock. What was that dream? It felt so real and it felt...terrible. I don't know the context behind it, but whoever it was, they didn't deserve that fate.

Still, what did all these dreams mean? First, I recall memories I rather forget. Then a dream of someone being abandoned by everyone he loved. I understand his sentiments and I know they did him wrong. But something about these dreams made me wonder if there were more to them than simple dreams.

"Oh? Is something the matter, Aster?"

Right... I forgot she was working while I was ordered to rest for a while.

"It's nothing. I had a bad dream, that's all," I sighed.

"From your expression alone, I doubt it's a simple nightmare," the mistress hummed in thought. "Do you need some consultation? There are no customers at the moment."

I shook my head. I don't want to bother her with my problems and I doubt she could help me with my past. The past was in the past and I want to stay that way.

"And if you think you want to stay silent, I won't force you. But if you keep it mum for too long, I assure you there will be issues that you cannot solve by bottling more of your frustrations and burdens of life."

I don't know what to say. I'm relieved she won't give me a command, yet she let me decide if I ask for her help or not. She forced me to work in this strange little shop and all she did to me was help me out of my self-doubt. I thought she was nothing more than a slave driver. But in reality, she treated me more than a friend than a slave.

Maybe... Just maybe... She might help me with my past.

"I had a dream about my past the other day. A nightmare, if you call it," I answered. "I feel that I can't go back. But I want to meet someone again. That person who gave me a brief respite from my woes and the one who made me smile from my childhood. Is it possible for you to find her again?"

She hummed for a while. "I don't know... Finding a person from your past is out of my jurisdiction... But I can try... Although I won't promise I can find her soon."

I thought so... I guess that's wishful thinking on my part. It's been years since I last saw her and with no one willing to help me find her (or believe me that she existed at all), I doubt I even met her at all.

"Tell me. What does this young lady look like? I know you were kids when you last saw her, but some interesting details would be helpful if it's only a minor one."

I hummed as I recalled her features from my memory. "She has black long hair like you and wears a black dress."

"Uh-huh... And did you catch her name, perhaps?"

"Umbaria. Weird name, I know. But it's one of the reasons she's interesting. I mean, in a platonic way!"

Suddenly, the mistress chuckled, which was out of character for her to react like that when I answered her question.

"I have an inkling why you were so attached to that girl. Looks like an apple didn't fall far from its tree."

Huh? What was she babbling on about this time?

"Okay. That's all I need to know. But when I said "consultation", I mean to give advice and help you move forward in life," she said. "However, it's no coincidence why we were fated to meet each other. Tell me, what is humanity to you?"

Humanity? Talk about an odd question. Might as well humor her a bit if she could help me with my problem. "It's what human beings are. Is that what you meant?"

"Fufu... Close, but you're half-right. It's more than being part of being human. It meant you possessed a quality that makes us human. Compassion, kindness, mercy, and empathy. If you're not willing to show those qualities to everyone, you're no different than a heartless monster."

Makes sense. I didn't understand why she started lecturing me on that topic, though. I thought she wanted to help me with my problem of finding Umbaria.

"However, having those qualities aren't enough to understand humanity. One must also understand their opposites. Sometimes, negatives can benefit your growth as a human. Good and evil... Order and chaos... Light and darkness... One cannot exist without the other. If you want to get out of your comfort store, then indulge in your sins."

She then took out some kind of purple pill from the counter and showed it to me. I didn't believe what she offered me. Is she telling me to take drugs?!

"Oh, don't take this the wrong way. This is a special medicine that will give you not only the confidence you need. But it will help you calm your nerves," my mistress explained. "If you want, I'll let you take a break for today. You did a lot for the shop and you deserved a rest."

By taking this weird pill? I don't know if she's trying to help me or kill me. Either way, I doubt I can take it recklessly. I was forced to work here in the first place and I already had enough mind tricks for one day.

"Hmph..." Suddenly, she smiled at me despite my hesitation with her offer. "I know what you're thinking. You still don't trust me, right?"

Huh? Am I that obvious?

"It looks like it might take a little while longer for me to do so. But I don't mind. If it means learning more about your recent circumstances, then I'm willing to play the waiting game. I'm a patient woman and I know in your heart that you're desperate to find the answers to the questions of your own humanity." She placed the pull on the counter. "But if you continue to hide in the wall of your own insecurities and trauma, those answers will remain lost in the void of solitude. If you truly wish to set your heart free from it, then take the leap of faith and dive into the dark recesses of your desires. Release every frustration and anger the world has thrown at you."

This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

She then felt through my face without my consent.

"You have nothing to gain if you stay in your bubble from your enemies for too long."

I have nothing to say after her speech.

I... I want to release everything I bottled up for my whole life. I want to shout at my parents for the misery I endured because of their unrealistic expectations of me. I want to hit my brother for treating me like a punching bag. I want to tell my sister that I wasn't a useless brother like my family expected. My bullies, my work colleagues, and my boss... I don't want to escape from them. I want to show them that I'm not as useless as they thought I was.

I want to have a normal childhood, but I never had a chance because of my shitty family. I wanted to have friends, but my bullies denied me that chance. I wanted to have a bright future, but that company stole everything I wanted.

Maybe... She's right about me. I spent all of my life being a shrinking wallpaper trying to please the people who only see me as trash. I could have run away from them rather than acting as a clown to entertain themselves. This is my life and I decide what I want to do for my future.

I picked up the purple pill and noticed a lavender scent seeping out of it. Yet my heart started to pound at the sight of it in my hand. I don't know what will happen to me if I take it. But I need to shake off my worries. It's only one pill. It won't hurt me if I drink it, right? I don't need water to drink it, right?

"Go on. Don't be afraid. Take the plunge."

Yes. I have to take it. I can't delay it any longer with excuses. I closed my eyes and with a deep breath, I swallowed the pill whole. There was a strawberry-like aftertaste after swallowing it. Just tasting it made me smile for some reason. Is this...what taking the plunge feels like? But I don't feel...

BA-DUMP!

Wha...

What is this...burning sensation in my chest? I can't seem to breathe and my head starts pounding in sharp pain. I collapsed on the floor as I desperately called out my mistress to help me. But no matter how loud I tried to shout, my voice wouldn't come out. I can feel my bones grinding and I grow dizzy to the point I want to throw up. My vision was starting to blur as I tried to reach her one more time.

Please help me... Please...! It hurts! I want it to stop!

"Don't forget what I said. Embrace the unknown and..."

Take...the plunge...

The world around me is getting dark. I don't want to let her go... But I can't deal with this pain any longer...

Am I dying? No... It's much different than I imagined.

I feel like...my thoughts and everything I saw around me disappeared. After that, minutes and hours faded from my mind, as I was trapped in the cage of agony and misery.

I don't know how long was I out. My mind and body were overwhelmed by the sheer pain that could have killed me. I couldn't sleep, yet I was unconscious at the same time. I don't know if I was treading between life and death, sane and sanity.

But when I opened my eyes, the agonies I endured subsided and it replaced strange sensations around my body. It felt familiar... Just like the novella I read a lot in my younger years. Just like the dream with the demons. I felt younger, lighter, and happier. The doubts disappeared from my mind and all I could was smile at this odd ecstasy. But at the same time, something was lost within me. Yet I couldn't recall what it was. Instead, I have the urge to satisfy my newfound freedom. There were no burdens for me to carry anymore, only the desires of debauchery and sin.

"How do you feel now, my dear apprentice?"

I flashed a smirk once I heard her question. "Like I want to take over the world."

My mistress smiled back before she grabbed me by my collar. "Then why don't you rule mine first?"

I would have denied her request right there. But I can't stop this strange burst of energy within me. I pushed her gently at the counter. I gasped at every breath as I leaned closer to her face. I would have stopped myself at that point. I would have snapped out of my delirium.

Instead, I removed her clothes along with my glasses and indulged myself in what she offered to me.

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I don't know what happened afterward. When I opened my eyes again, I found myself in front of the counter without the mistress around to man it. Not only that, instead of my white dress shirt alone, I'm wearing a full dark blue suit and a fresh pair of polished black shoes.

Since when did I change clothes? I recalled that I got busy with her...

"Hello? Is anyone here?"

A customer? But the mistress isn't here yet...

Entertain the guest.

Huh? Is that voice...

You're my apprentice, right? Why don't you try becoming a shopkeeper for once?

Me? A shopkeeper? This is all too sudden... I don't even know what we're selling here.

You're been with me for a while now. You should be able to recall the stock by now.

I do remember them, but still...

But then again, I can't help but smile at this opportunity. I've spent at the backrooms for so long. I shouldn't pass up this chance. If this is what my mistress wanted, then so be it. I look up and see a woman entering the shop. She looked worried and I could tell from her face that she wasn't here to window shop. I had a few ideas about why she's here. I don't know how I knew this, but I don't care. I hop out from the counter and snuck behind the woman while she's staring at our wares. I wanted to play this role for so long.

So I should indulge myself a bit more in this unexpected turn of events.

"Can I help you, my fair lady?"

"AHHHH!!!!"

The woman recoiled and dropped one of the more fragile items. It would have broken if I hadn't caught it on time. But that's odd... I was never that agile before. I would have missed it before I tried to catch it. It's as if time stopped when I saw the falling item and instinctually caught it. Was it because of that pill she gave me? If so, then this is a great gift she has given me.

"I apologize for my sudden appearance. But it seems like you were troubled by your mundane life." I tried not to show my shock in front of the customer, which is odd how I memorized those same words she used when greeting them. "I'm willing to lend an ear if you want."

The woman stared at me and hummed for a while. "I doubt a stranger like you would understand my woes," she answered. "Besides, a male shopkeeper wouldn't know a heartbreak when they see it. Someone whom you thought was the true love of your life, only for them to cut at your heart's strings like trash when they're unwilling to keep up with my...what they called "bullshit"."

Heartbreak, huh? I have an inkling of her burdens. According to my mistress, everyone has a variety of aches and burdens in their lives. It's not easy to determine their issues with just a glance. She said that communication is the key to understanding our customers. I'm not much of a people person. But I have the urge to learn more about her. I won't force her to reveal everything in one go. But I might as well try than ignore it.

"So someone betrayed your heart. Typical of the women who were too immature to understand true love."

The woman stopped looking around and narrowed her eyes towards mine. "What does that supposed to mean?"

I smirked as I sensed a bit of incensed aura flaring around her. "Oh? Did I hit a nerve? Of course, everything I said is true. Women who never rush to find their soulmates are the ones who can find their true love. While others prefer to trap themselves in their idealistic views on romance and naively take someone as their "true loves" without getting to know them better."

"You're not making any sense!" The woman snapped while I gingerly placed the item back on the shelf. "I'm only here to shop for something to make me forget about that asshole and now, you're spouting nonsense and jabs at my love life!"

Did I push her too much? But for some reason, I'm amused with her reaction. There's something about her troubles that piqued my interest. Is this how she felt when meeting with these kinds of people?

"I told you. I never lied with my observations. You can blame your ex-lover for your heartbreak, but you cannot deny the fact that it's partially your fault for not knowing his true colors. Instead, you were blinded by the concept of "true love" and let him manipulate your emotions for their own gain," I declared to her right in the face. "How can you move on if you continue on your blinded quest for your "true love"?"

I'll give her time to process everything that I told her. Once I saw her face twisted in realization, she collapsed on her knees and broke down in tears. I might have gone too far with my brutal honesty and emulation of my mistress.

"It's just not fair! I've been working my ass off to have a better life for myself and yet, every woman I knew already has their own boyfriends!" She exclaimed. "Why do I have to suffer while everyone else gets to be happy?!"

I frowned at the last sentence. I understand where she's coming from and I was in that same position thanks to the people whom I supposed to call my "family and friends". Nobody should suffer and be treated like toys. In that case, I will show her the right path to not true love, but true happiness.

I snapped my fingers and I gently pushed her to a chair I summoned behind her.

"Hey! What are you..."

I quickly placed my finger on her lips before she uttered another word.

"Being in a relationship isn't the only path to happiness, my fair lady," I explained in a calm tone. "Tell me, when did you start taking care of yourself?"

"Excuse me?"

Her reaction is predictable. I snapped my fingers again and a small violet bottle flew right into my hand. I opened it and leaned closer with the bottle between us.

"Take a deep breath."

However, the woman reacted by standing up and saying, "Wait, what is this?! I didn't ask..."

I snap my fingers one more time.

"You can't move forward if all you can do is complain. Just take a few deep breaths," I repeated. "Let your mind wander in the mist of lavender."

I notice her lips curl into a small smile. I've seen many of her customers before and I couldn't help but return a smile at my first success. Her quiet gasps, her widened eyes, and her unconsciousness fading from her mind...

It's truly a wonder to witness my true potential.

"Wh... What did you...to me?"

So she is still conscious. I didn't expect her to be stubborn. But as my mistress says, "It wouldn't be too fun if it was easy."

"I'm only giving you a push in the right direction." I gingerly felt through her chin. "All I ask from you is to give your mind to me for a while. In return, I will become your guide to true happiness. The path where you are not bound by the status quo. To be yourself."

"T-To be...myself..."

That's right. Nothing can be gained by copying another. I don't want to be bound by the mockeries of my past. I don't want to let this ecstasy go. I want to keep dancing in this unending trance.

So let's enjoy this night of delirium and indulge our desires together, my fair lady.